Close Enough (High Rise Novella Four) (5 page)

“I’m a changed woman, Pizza.” Nat nodded at Alex, as if she had to convince herself as well. “I swear.”

“What does that mean, though? No more girls? No more wandering the Hong Kong streets at night looking for prey?”
 

“Jesus,” Nat chuckled. “What image do you have of me?”

“The one you want me to have.”
 

Dried leaves cracked under their feet.

“I know it sounds crazy, but since we’ve broken up I’ve had absolutely no desire to hook up with anyone else.” Nat shrugged. “It’s only when we’re together and… I don’t know… I feel the heat, so to speak, I have this urge to destroy it.”

“Have you told Isabella this?” Alex’s voice was soft, almost a whisper, as if the question begged a solemn tone.

“Of course not.” Nat’s heart sank. “I don’t want her to go off me completely.”

Alex sighed but didn’t say anything.

“What?” Nat asked. “Spit it out, I know you’re dying to say it.”

“Okay.” Alex stopped and faced Nat. “It’s so like you to play games, to flirt, to hide behind sarcastic comments, but have you ever contemplated just telling her the truth? It might make matters less complicated.”

“That’s just not the Orange style, is it?” Nat looked away, but all she saw were green bushes and an endless path stretching out in front of her.

“This is me, Nat. You don’t have to put on a front for me.” Alex grabbed her by the arms. “And, truth be told, it’s not as if none of us know what the real deal is. We’re basically just waiting for
your
penny to drop.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nat tried to shake Alex’s hands off her, but Alex was much stronger than her.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” Alex’s fingers dug into Nat’s biceps. “We’re going to wait for them to catch up. I’ll let you and Isabella get a head start before Maddie and I continue down the hill. You are going to tell Isabella what you just told me and end this ridiculous farce once and for all.”

“You have no idea—”

“Have I ever not wanted what was best for you?”
 

Nat looked down at her dusty shoes.

“Look at me, Nat. Don’t give me all this bullshit about the two of you not being right for each other. It’s not because you make an odd couple that you don’t belong together. You’re crazy about her and she’s totally smitten with you. All that needs to happen is for you to stop being so bloody difficult.”

“Do you think I enjoy being how I am? That I take pleasure in destroying the one really good thing that happened to me in years?” Nat spit out the words. Alex didn’t budge.

“Pleasure? No. Refuge? Oh, yes. Man up, Nat. I’m not asking you to go off to war or do something really horrible. This is love, and yes, sometimes you have to take chances, but when it works, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. This can work. I have no doubt in my mind it can.”

“How long have you been working on this speech, Pizza? Because, honestly…”

“Nu-uh.” Alex brought her face mere inches away from Nat’s, her dark eyes staring Nat down. “I’m not having any of that. I am your best friend and I’m not letting you get away with ruining this.”

“What’s going on here?” They hadn’t heard Maddie and Isabella turn the bend. “Lovers’ tiff?” Isabella asked.

ISABELLA

Isabella scanned Nat’s face. She looked as if, despite the clear blue sky, thunderclouds were gathering over her head.

“She’s all yours on the last stretch down,” Alex said. “I’ve said my piece.” She walked over to Maddie and grabbed her hand. “Come on, babe, I want to show you something over there.”

It wasn’t the smoothest of moves, but once again, Isabella found herself alone with Nat on a mountain path. It wasn’t hard to guess what the quarrel between Alex and Nat had been about.

“Shall we go on?” Isabella kept her voice as neutral as possible.

Nat nodded, a sullen expression on her face. She reminded Isabella of a petulant child sometimes, especially when things weren’t going her way. They started walking in silence, the only sound their footsteps on gravel.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Isabella asked, not sure if she could bear another minute of quiet between them.

Nat balled her fists in the pockets of her jeans. She was not the type to wear sweat pants when venturing outside. “If all of you claim to know me so well, then why should I bother explaining myself?”

This was going to be a long walk down.

“What needs to be explained?” Isabella played it cool.

Nat stopped and faced Isabella. “Don’t take me for a fool.”

“Okay.” Isabella took hold of Nat’s wrist and guided her to a concrete step off the path. “Sit down, please.”

Nat crashed down, a storm raging in her eyes. Isabella sat down next to her. “I’m listening.” She patted Nat’s knee. “I still owe you some therapy time, anyway.”

Nat took a deep breath. “Has it occurred to anyone that I simply don’t know how to say this?”

“Take your time.” Isabella was well acquainted with all the stalling techniques. She hadn’t expected this conversation to take place on the slope of a mountain, but it was as good a place as any. At least Nat couldn’t dash off again as soon as she felt trapped by what was going on in her head.
 

“Nat,” Isabella turned to her so she could get a good look at her face. “I realise this is very hard for you.” She made sure all traces of irony had left her voice. “But this is important. You need to confront it by saying it.”

Nat stared into her eyes. She swallowed, opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Then, out of the blue, she grabbed Isabella’s head, pulled her close and pressed her lips lightly against Isabella’s. When she pulled back and opened her eyes, a tear dangled from a hooded eyelid.

Immediately, heat exploded in Isabella’s bones. She wanted nothing more than another one of those kisses, but she knew she had to keep a clear head. It was now or never.

“There,” Nat whispered, “I said it.”

A smile formed on Isabella’s lips. “Nice try.” She took hold of Nat’s hands, brushing her thumbs over Nat’s fingers. “Try again.”

“You really are the most patient woman I know.” Nat squeezed Isabella’s hands. “Why do you put up with my shit?”

Instead of replying with a non-direct,
You know why
, and falling back into that old trap of not disclosing her feelings, Isabella opted for the direct approach. “Because,” she leaned forward until her lips reached Nat’s ear, “I’m in love with you.”

Her heart raced and her pulse quickened. She hadn’t planned on saying it, but sometimes, certain emotions just find their way out.

“I…” Nat started. Her mouth rested close to Isabella’s ear. The sound of approaching footsteps seemed to startle her before she could finish her sentence. Maddie and Alex had caught up with them. They waved and went on their way. Isabella waited until they had rounded the next bend to speak.

“I believe you were about to say something?” She felt her muscles go soft and her stomach twist. Nat didn’t have the advantage of hiding her eyes anymore. They faced each other, their fingers interlaced and palms sweating.

“I’m in love with you too.” Nat sighed. “I’ve been in love with you for weeks, but my feelings for you are hardly the issue.”

“So what is the issue?” This conversation could have so many outcomes. Nat was so jittery, she could storm off at any moment. It was what she usually did when they approached the heart of the matter.

“It’s me. It’s always me.” Nat’s fingers nearly squeezed all life out of Isabella’s. “I suck at relationships. When someone comes too close, I do my very best to chase them away, even though that’s the last thing I want.“
 

“What
do
you want?” Isabella experienced some trouble keeping her voice steady.

“That’s very simple.” The blue sky reflected in Nat’s eyes. “I want you.”

It was one of the more romantic moments of Isabella’s life. Still, it didn’t solve any problems. “Then what’s keeping you from being with me?”

“This paralysing fear inside of me that, once I let myself go all in, you’ll break my heart.”

At last, Isabella thought, the words have found a way out. It was a start. “I understand your hesitance, but you can’t deny yourself happiness because of fear.”

“Yeah, well, that’s easier said than done.” Nat pulled her fingers from Isabella’s grasp. “I was ludicrously happy once. Ecstatic with my life. A one-woman girl, ready to pop the question… the works. And then it all came crashing down.”
 

“Obviously, time hasn’t done a very good job at healing your wounds.” Isabella shuffled closer, needing to feel Nat’s heat on her skin. “But, believe it or not, what you’ve experienced is pretty universal. We all go through it at some point in our lives. Look at Alex, for instance, and how well she’s doing now.”

“Alex is different. She was born for good things. She’s an optimist. I’m the opposite.”

“Alex is in love, just like you. Instead of letting fear take over, she allows herself to be happy. Love involves risk, otherwise it wouldn’t be worth it.” Isabella brought her hand to her chest. “Will you take a risk for me?”

“I wish I knew how.” Nat chewed the inside of her cheek.

“How about one day at a time?”

NAT

“I can’t make any promises.” Nat hated herself for saying that. “I know what I’m like.”
 

Isabella didn’t flinch. “I’m not asking you to.” If she moved any closer, she’d be on Nat’s lap soon. “But I want you to talk to me instead of running away into the night.”

“I know that talking about feelings is how you make your living, but—”
 

“There you go again.” Isabella cut her off. “We really have to do something about that mouth of yours.”

“What? I’m not allowed to speak my mind?” Nat realised she was going on the defensive again. It was so easy.

“Sure you are, as long as you speak from the heart instead of this place of distress and panic.”

Nat was ready to admit they were sharing a profound moment, but she was well aware change was not accomplished in moments like this. It was made at decision time. Since Claire, Nat had always made the wrong decision.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” She rose from the concrete step and straddled Isabella’s knees. “I’m going to kiss you.” She leaned in and let her lips hover over Isabella’s mouth before slipping in her tongue. The soft peck soon intensified, weeks of longing compressed in that instant and Nat had trouble pulling away. “I forgot what I was going to say next.” She hoisted Isabella up by her arms and hugged her tight.

“We have a pretty steep descent ahead of us,” Isabella mumbled against the skin of Nat’s neck. “You have plenty of time to remember.”

After they made their way down the most difficult steps in silence, too out of breath to speak, Nat said, “I remember what I was going to say.”

Drops of sweat pearled on Isabella’s forehead when she looked at Nat expectantly. “What’s that?”

“I’ll race you to the end point for the privilege of top tonight.”
 

Isabella laughed out loud. “Do try.” She sped past Nat, but they both knew she could never win.

* * *

“The problem with me is that I have no idea how to take things slowly.” Nat speared a morsel of steak on her fork. “I want to jump your bones right now.” They’d showered and changed and decided to continue their talk over some much needed food in a nearby steak house.

“Trust me, there’s nothing I want more right now either, but food is an even baser need than sex.” Nat didn’t know how Isabella scrubbed up so well after an afternoon of intense activity. She wore a starched white blouse, open at the throat, and a dark yellow necklace setting off her brown eyes. Her face didn’t show any signs of exertion.

“I’m glad that, at least, we both agree on how this day will end.” A moist heat already glowed between Nat’s legs.

“Physical attraction was never the problem between us.” Isabella curled her red-nailed fingers around the stem of her wine glass.

Nat’s throat went dry. She kept her eyes on Isabella while she chewed her food slowly. Attending to the needs of her growling stomach suddenly seemed less urgent.

“We should have gone on a hike sooner. It seems to work wonders for clearing the air.”

Isabella painted on a coy smile. “We both know the hike had much less to do with it than the talking-to Alex gave you.”

“True. For an uptight wanna-be saint, she makes a really good friend.” Nat reciprocated Isabella’s smile. “I do love her dearly.”

“You should be grateful to her.” Isabella laid her fork down. Was she starting to lose her appetite as well?

“Why?” Nat had found her confidence again. “You as good as made a move on me at the top of the hill. Breathing down my neck like that.”

“Temporary moment of weakness.” Isabella took a sip of her wine. “I duly confess.” She sat her glass back down and rested her eyes solemnly on Nat. “So, what’s your game plan, hot shot? How do you intend to make this work.” The big reunion in the bedroom would have to wait until Nat passed this test.

“Like you said. One day at a time.”

“Oh, and suddenly it’s that easy?” Isabella shoved her half-empty plate of food to the side and leaned over the table. “I take this very seriously.”

Nat loved it when Isabella got serious—but usually for all the wrong reasons. “I won’t pretend to have any quick answers,” she tried. “But I asked you for a second chance and if you’re willing to give me one, I will rise to the occasion.”

“I am giving you a second chance because, obviously, I don’t have any other choice.” She shot Nat a small grin. “What with being smitten and all.”

Nat’s heart leapt in her chest.

“I can’t give you any guarantees. No one can. But I promise to treat you with the respect you deserve.” Nat never felt comfortable when the conversation turned too emotional. “Does that mean we’re exclusive?”
 

Isabella plucked her napkin from her lap, rolled it in a ball and flung it at Nat.
 

Nat caught it in one hand. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Isabella raised her hand to call for the waiter. “Let’s get out of here.”