Claire's Prayer (19 page)

Seth had been watching her; Claire knew it. Holding his gaze, she did not hear the rest of the conversation between Naomi and Craig. A tremor passed through her as if the sun had been covered by a thick cloud. How could his mesmerising brown eyes promise so much, yet deliver so little of lasting value? Trying to refocus her attention back onto Craig and Naomi, she caught the last sentences of their friendly banter – but a waiter soon appeared and told Craig there was a phone call for him. Excusing himself, promising that they would all get together after dinner that night for drinks, Craig disappeared into the restaurant.

Linking her arm through Seth’s, Naomi watched him go. “He doesn’t change, does he, Seth? But… wow! Did you hear what he said, that Guy is only three and Cheryl is pregnant again?” she remarked.

“Mm-hm,” Seth nodded; “Craig always wanted a big family, though. Comes from being an only child, I think. And now, whenever he sees me, he asks if I’m ready to settle down in marital bliss, too! The guy thinks that just because he struck it lucky, everyone else will be as lucky too.” Seth tailed off, and Naomi glanced covertly at Claire. Her expression was mask-like. “Anyway,” Seth picked up again, “what d’you say we grab some cold drinks and see what animals we can spot for Claire?”

Claire noticed as he walked off to request an open-topped Jeep that Seth still had not addressed her directly. Picking up some chilled water bottles from the shop on the way out, she wondered how long they could possibly keep up this evasion they were both practising. She and Naomi had been sitting outside the hotel for only a few minutes, and Claire had just finished snapping a new film into her camera, when Naomi called that Seth had arrived.

“Knowing the manager obviously pays off when it comes to getting cars in a hurry!” she joked as they jumped in. Very soon, they had left all signs of civilization behind. Claire admired the autumn shades of oranges, yellows, browns and greens that adorned the trees. Constantly, leaves were floating on the breeze – and some branches were already totally bare of foliage. In other places, however, the bush was thick, the trees growing very close together, and there it was very difficult to see anything moving at all. The veldt was an ever-changing canvas, thickly covered and then sparse and rocky. Then, it was sandy, with tall, shady trees. Scattered randomly throughout were the squat baobabs, some with sections of bark ripped off. Claire recalled from the book she and Naomi had browsed through that elephants were responsible for the damage to the many bent and bark-stripped boughs, though the trees managed to flourish regardless.

They had not gone far when Naomi practically hung out of the backseat window. In an excited, whispery voice, she said, “Lion, Seth! What luck, a whole
pride
of lions – over there!”

Seth reversed slowly, watching where Naomi was pointing. Then, in the shade of a wide-spread mimosa tree, in full view, was a lion. Claire’s breath caught in her throat. The blond-maned king stared through half-closed eyes at them. Further back, she could just make out two lionesses and a few playful cubs. Claire took her camera out of its case, praying that the lions would not move off before they could be immortalised on film. Leaning closer, Seth stretched his arm in front of her, pointing further to the left. Following his finger, Claire tried to suppress a shiver as his breath tickled her ear.

He whispered, “There – look over there. A lion cub playing with the lioness’s tail!”

The playful antics of the lion cub brought a smile to Claire’s face that excused the blush in her cheeks. Seth was now close enough for her to feel the heat of his body and smell the intoxicating male scent of him. Trying desperately to focus only on the pride, Claire watched them intently. Nothing but the cubs seemed to move in the late-afternoon heat, until the male got lazily to his feet. Claire tensed, shocked at his actual size, and instinctively moved back; she’d backed into the cradle of Seth’s upper body.

Flicking his tail in contempt, the lion seemed to stare at them defiantly. Then he turned and strolled majestically away, disappearing almost immediately amongst the trees and bushes. Soon the lionesses also stood and followed their leader. Sighing in contentment, Claire was spellbound – but, rousing herself, edged deliberately away from Seth. He restarted the Jeep.

They drove slowly, all three staring intently into the bush. Then Seth slowed and stopped, indicating the car they’d approached in the road ahead of them. The other car’s driver leaned out of his window and gestured for them to slow down, pointing to something on the right. Sitting on the edge of her seat Claire craned her head forward, trying to see what had caught their attention. Seth had only just drawn up when an elephant bull lumbered out of the tree line. Flapping its wide ears and raising its trunk, the huge animal hesitated for a few seconds and then ambled across the road. Right behind him, the rest of the herd followed. This close up, Claire could really see just how big elephants were.

Switching off the engine, Seth explained quietly, “These are African elephants, Claire – you can always tell the difference between African and Indian elephants by the size of their ears, and African elephants’ are much bigger.”

Sensing Seth was enjoying acting the tour guide, Claire played along. “And tell me, Seth, how do elephants sleep?”

“Well,” he replied, smiling at her gentle mockery, “they sleep standing up under shady trees, mostly during the mid-day heat.”

Claire was about to pose another question when Naomi, quiet until now, squealed, “Oh look, Claire, see that gorgeous calf! Isn’t it just too cute?”

Claire looked around: the elephant calf was, indeed,
very
cute. Starting the engine as the she and his sister cooed, Seth drove on. He followed slowly behind the car in front of them, allowing it to pull ahead to give them a dust-free view of the bush.

Reminded by the elephants, Naomi enquired, “Seth, I never asked about how the ranchers’ and rangers’ meeting went – what did you decide about the cull?”

Claire listened as the siblings chatted, but remained confused. She waited for a gap in the conversation before asking, “What do you mean by ‘culling’?”

Naomi answered her. “Often the elephant population just gets too large and then the National Parks have to carry out control methods,” she said delicately, but Claire still looked puzzled. “Culling is the only really effective way of controlling their numbers. It simply means killing off a few hundred of them,” she clarified.

Seeing Claire’s shocked expression, Seth said in a soothing voice. “It has to be done, Claire. Otherwise herds that are too big could have disastrous effects on the whole cycle of things.”

Claire shuddered in revulsion. It seemed so cruel, especially after seeing these beautiful animals in their natural habitat – but she was beginning to understand that the bush veldt was a place where life and death both had to be treated very carefully. Still, though, the thought of whole herds being deliberately ‘culled’ horrified her.

For about twenty minutes, all she, Seth and Naomi saw were graceful impala leaping away from the dirt track and a herd of sable antelope, but these were too far away to allow a good look. They decided to stop for a while and, driving onto a narrower dirt road, they soon came to a viewing platform. Built up on stilts, in amongst the trees, it overlooked the waterhole Claire and Naomi had been able to glimpse from the hotel’s veranda.

Parking next to the other cars, Seth said, “Bring your camera, Claire – and the binoculars. Now is the time you’ll see some real Zims magic.” He raised one eyebrow mysteriously, and both girls laughed.

Naomi led the way up the wooden steps and onto the platform. It was bigger than it looked from the ground and already held quite a number of people leaning against the rails snapping photos. Everyone spoke in hushed whispers, as if afraid their voices would carry and frighten the many animals that came and went below them.

Claire didn’t know which way to look first: the panoramic view was absolutely breathtaking, but there were already animals drinking by the pool. Pulling her to the railing, Naomi pointed out the different species to her, and soon she was taking photos as eagerly as anyone. A herd of zebras frolicked happily, their white and black striped coats astonishing to see in real life – as though someone really had just painted them. Further away a group of warthogs, quaint little grey pig-like animals with tusks on their lower jaws, foraged for food. Every time they were disturbed, they would dash off with their tails sticking straight up and their bristles on end. Claire took as many pictures as she could, but also imprinted the indignant-looking animals’ behaviour on her memory; she knew they’d make great characters for a set of books after Shoko.

On the far side of the waterhole was a huge mixed herd of antelope: eland, with their deep dewlaps; the more stately sable; kudu males and females, the males with their magnificent corkscrew horns. Naomi pointed out waterbuck to her, too, both the males and females of which carried horns. They were a dark, grizzled brown colour, each with a distinct elliptical ring on its rump. Numerous impala were also spotted amongst the gathered groups. Claire’s artist’s eye drank in the details. None of the breeds was staying still long enough that she imagined she could paint them, but she was picturing herself using her photos for countless illustrations for her books. She smiled; she’d never planned so far in advance before, but she was finding inspiration everywhere.

By the time Claire looked around, Seth had left them; he was talking quietly to the Game Ranger, who kept a watchful eye on the animal-lovers. He caught her eye, which was radiant. Claire absorbed the admiration of Seth’s glance along with the beauty all around her, and her stomach flipped. She felt so elated she couldn’t stop herself lighting up.

How long they lingered on the platform in the end Claire did not know, but suddenly – as if the light had gone out – the burnt orange sun slid behind a hill, and night was upon them.

The drive back to the hotel was accomplished in contented, contemplative silence. Claire was happy that she’d come. The sight of all those animals, wild and free, was one she would always treasure. The quiet was broken only by the crunch of the Jeep’s handbrake as Seth parked the car outside her and Naomi’s lodge.

“I’m going to have a shower,” he said, “and then I’ll come back here so we can go to dinner together. That okay by both of you?” he asked, his eyes locked on Claire. She could only nod, mutely.

Inside, Claire insisted that Naomi shower first. She craved just a short time alone to think, and stood on the veranda gazing into the distance, trying to retain some perspective. She could not stand the way Seth was behaving towards her: one moment acting as if she were not even there, the next focusing on her so intently that she felt they were the only people who existed. When they had been in the car, studying the lions… Claire tried and failed to drive from her mind the way he’d made her feel. Her body craved him, but things between them were intolerable.
It cannot go on like this
, she told herself tearily. With a wrench, she realised that there really was nothing she could do but return to Ireland straight after Naomi’s wedding. Saddened but supported by her resolution, she wondered how she could approach the subject with Seth and Naomi – without having to explain her real reasons.

She couldn’t bring herself to broach the issue that night; dinner was superb, and the dining room veranda filled with gaily chattering people, of which Naomi and, for once, Seth were two. Seeing Craig again had clearly brought back happy memories of their childhood for both of them, and they reminisced and, entertaining Claire, teased each other with anecdotes. Naomi, however, eventually refused coffee and excused herself, saying she was going to telephone Tony from the phone bank in the lobby.

Mild panic threatened to grip Claire. Left alone with Seth, she could not think of a thing to say. Grabbing at her first impulse, she said, nervously, “Thank you, Seth, for taking the time to bring me here. I’ll remember it forever.”

Regarding her triteness with mocking eyes, Seth replied facetiously. “Glad you’re enjoying it. The pleasure has been all mine.”

Claire knew her gambit had been a lame one, but she’d been scrambling for words. Hating Seth’s smug attitude, and the mockery in his voice, she rose quickly from the table and, in a rush, said, “I’ll see you in the morning, Seth. I’m going to have an early night.” Swinging around, she headed down the veranda steps and towards her lodge.

Frustrated, Seth stood quickly and followed her. He caught up with her on the pathway. Reaching out, he gripped her arm and swung her around to face him.

Trying desperately to stop her tears from falling, Claire asked quickly, “What do you want, Seth?”

Letting go of her arm he said, softly, “Look, Claire… I’m sorry. Sorry things are so complicated between us. I don’t mean to snap at you all the time. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think there’s something I need to tell you about me, about the way I am…”

Sighing deeply, Claire stepped back, putting some distance between them. “I… It’s okay, Seth,” she managed to say. “I’m trying to understand, too.” Seeing the sincerity and worry in his eyes, Claire stepped into his embrace, loving the feel of his strong arms as they closed around her in an affectionate hug. Unable to stop herself, Claire raised her hand and cupped the side of his face, lifting her mouth instinctively for his kiss.

Firmly, Seth pushed her away. “No more, Claire,” he pleaded. “You’re… you’re torturing me. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I can’t…”

Claire stumbled away from him again, feeling his rejection right down to her toes. Humiliation and shame quickening her footsteps, she only realised as she entered the lodge that she’d left her handbag behind in the dining room.
Oh well
, she thought,
Naomi will bring it, won’t she?
There was no way she was going back to fetch it. Feeling depressed and embarrassed, Claire undressed and climbed into bed. Why had she lifted her head for his kiss? Why couldn’t she just have accepted the hug and turned away? Why did she seem to need Seth’s touch so much? Her tears trickled down her cheeks, but she wiped them away, furiously. How she wished this confusion and tension between them would just
go away
…