Claimed By Chaos (20 page)

Chapter 36

“Elise has quite a few gowns in this style. I think they would suit you well and you’re close enough in size that Anna and Alice will be able to alter them for you easily.” Mirabelle said as she pointed at an illustration. Giselle nodded in approval.

“You’re certain Elise won’t mind?” She asked as she considered a page with images of shawls and spencers. Mirabelle laughed softly.

“She has more clothing than she could ever hope to wear and she’s so generous. You’ll love her.” She promised as she pointed at a blue riding habit. “This would be fetching on you!” She looked up as Giselle shook her head.

“I won’t ride unless I can wear breeches.” She confided and Mirabelle smiled warmly as she leaned close.

“Neither will I! As soon as I was pregnant Lucien hid mine!” She whispered.

“He didn’t!” Giselle gasped. Mirabelle nodded as she pursed her lips.

“We had such an argument about that.” Her eyes became distant and a soft smile curved her lips. Giselle could tell that Mirabelle’s mind was off somewhere with her husband. The thought of husbands made her tired. She hadn’t been able to let go of their earlier conversation. The idea that Alastair needed her made her doubt her convictions. Could she give him something other than shame and unwanted scrutiny? Could she live with herself if she failed him and walked away? Mostly, she’d been mesmerized by the name. She would be Mrs. Alastair Spencer, Lady Spencer. Just hearing Mirabelle say it made her ache with longing and possessiveness. To have him claim her publicly and promise himself to her was a heady thought. So was the possibility in a new name. Never having to be Giselle St. Claire again seemed like an impossible fantasy.
Because it is.
She reminded herself. She felt a yawn tug at her throat and she tried to stifle it. Mirabelle blinked and smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry!” She looked at the clock. “Oh, it’s late! You’ve had a long day and I’ve kept you over these pages for too long!” She gathered them and rose. “And it’s been far too quiet in the library.” Mirabelle whispered as Giselle stood and she linked their arms. Giselle looked down and her eyes started to sting. She blinked rapidly before she looked up at Mirabelle.

“I’ve had a lovely day, thank you.” She said softly. Mirabelle nudged her affectionately.

“So did I! Now, let’s see what our men are up to.” She whispered conspiratorially. Giselle was about to argue but she just shook her head and sighed.

“At least we know they’re not drunk. They were so loud yesterday!” Giselle laughed as she recalled the scene in Lucien’s study. Mirabelle chuckled.

“I’d have their hides if they behaved like that with Charlotte.” She vowed as she pushed the library door open. She gasped breathlessly and Giselle peeked around her shoulder.

Giselle couldn’t breathe and her lips started to tremble. She took a few unsteady steps into the room behind Mirabelle before she leaned against the wall for support. Mirabelle placed her hands on her hips and shook her head softly.

“Have you ever seen anything so sweet?” Mirabelle whispered as she looked over her shoulder at Giselle, who managed to smile and nod despite the chaos that was breaking loose within her.

Lucien was stretched on the couch, his head had fallen back and he was snoring softly. Alastair reclined in his usual armchair, his chin was on his chest and his lips rested on Charlotte’s head. She squirmed and yawned. Alastair didn’t wake as his hand gently rubbed her back and she settled, smiling angelically as she drifted back to sleep.

Longing exploded within Giselle and she felt her knees start to shake as her feet pulled her forward. She wanted them to be hers so fiercely that she almost called out when Mirabelle bent over Alastair and carefully lifted Charlotte from him. Her eyes followed Mirabelle as she pulled the baby against her chest and turned to Lucien. She bent down and whispered in his ear. Giselle didn't hear her words but she saw Lucien smile as he raised his hand and cradled her jaw. He opened his eyes and blinked drowsily as he reached for Charlotte.

“Hello, my sweet Charley!” He crooned as he rose from the couch and rocked her.

“We’ll see you in the morning.” Mirabelle whispered as she pushed Lucien toward the door. Giselle made her face smile as they passed. When she looked back at Alastair he was rubbing his face as he stood and stretched.

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him.

“Oh, no!” She whispered as she backed away. Alastair’s eyes focused on her and she felt the wall at her back. He frowned as he started toward her. She shook her head as she felt panic bloom within her.

“What is it?” He asked softly as he reached for her. Giselle stepped sideways as she pushed his hands away.

A rush of images and words assaulted her. All the times Alastair called her “my love”, the swing, his insistence that he wanted more from her, the way he looked at her when she held Charlotte, the chocolate, when he said her father couldn’t help but fall in love with his mother because they had the same eyes… She had pushed it all away and refused to see it. He loved her.

“I have to go!” Her voice was weak and she felt prickly heat wash over her.
Breathe, damn it!
She dragged in a ragged breath as she slid along the wall toward the door. “I have to go!” Her voice was a little stronger.

“You said that already. Where are you going?” Alastair asked softly as he moved with her. Giselle breathed again as she looked at the door. She looked back at Alastair and shook her head.

“I can’t stay here. I have to leave Winthorpe.” She reached for the doorframe as Alastair’s brows pulled together.

“Relax.” He raised his hands to try and calm her. “We can go anywhere you like.” He said soothingly. Giselle felt her eyes grow wide as panic clawed at her throat. She shook her head wildly as she felt the doorframe against her back.

“No! I have to get away from you!” She cried as she turned and fled from the room.

Chapter 37

Alastair followed Giselle out of the library and watched as she picked up her skirts and ran up the steps. He took the stairs two at a time and waited until she turned into the hallway before he strode quickly after her. He reached for her and she cried out as his hand closed around her arm. She tried to pull away as he turned her and slid his arms around her waist. He lifted her and held her against his chest. Giselle pushed and twisted as she arched away from him.

“You have to let me go! I don’t want to hurt you!” She begged. He shook his head as he moved toward his room.

“You won’t hurt me.” He said softly as he reached behind him and turned the handle. He kicked the door wide and backed into the room. Alastair set Giselle on her feet and pushed the door closed. He saw her eyes flick to the door and she looked ready to run at it as soon as he stepped away. He raised his brow and reached for the key. He turned it in the lock and removed it. Her eyes flared before they returned to his.

Alastair kept his eyes on hers as he reached up and placed the key on top of the door frame, well out of her reach. He wasn’t sure if he could truly stop her from escaping. His best bet was to do what he could to slow her down if she tried. Giselle scowled and began to back away from him. He kept his lips straight as she bumped into the bed. She jumped and took a step forward.

“Why do you have to get away from me?” He asked softly. Her eyes went to the balcony doors. Alastair shook his head. “They’re locked.” He lied. Giselle narrowed her eyes and he prayed that she didn’t doubt him enough to test them. “Why do you have to get away from me, Giselle?” He repeated. She looked frantic and started to pace. He crossed his arms and waited. She moaned in frustration and turned to him.

“You’ve ruined me!” She exclaimed. Alastair frowned and shook his head.

“No. But I believe that I am about to.” He replied. Giselle’s head snapped up.

“Not like that! Wait. What?” She froze. Alastair gestured for her to continue. She blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. “I knew what I was before I met you. I had a purpose and I didn’t want or need anything.” She bit her knuckle as she turned away. Alastair resisted the urge to comfort her. He saw her take several deep breaths before her head tilted. He leaned sideways and realized she was looking at the bed. He smiled. He’d exchanged the coverlets despite his certainty that he wouldn’t need it this evening. She turned and raised a brow. He shrugged.

“And what now, Giselle? What do you want? What do you need?” Alastair unbuttoned his coat and shook his shoulders as he pulled it off. She swallowed and her eyes grew wide.

“I don’t know!” She whispered. Her eyes filled with tears. “You make me want things. You’ve made me need.” Her voice was so soft, she sounded fragile. Alastair hung his coat on the chair and turned to her as he unbuttoned his waistcoat and slid out of it.

“Tell me.” He commanded as he laid it over his coat. Giselle’s shoulders fell and she shut her eyes.

“This. I want all of this!” Her eyes opened and tears spilled from them as she gestured around her. Alastair felt his gut twist but he remained still. “I want a home and children and a husband.” She pressed her hand against her mouth and sobbed. He felt his body tense to move toward her and he clenched his fists as he took a small step back. He knew that if he touched her she would close and she would never admit the truth. Alastair reached for the cuffs of his sleeve and flicked the buttons free. He switched to the other and Giselle’s eyes followed his hands as they worked at his collar.

“Which of those things do you need?” His voice had become gravelly as he pulled his shirt over his head. He watched as her eyes became heavy and she swayed toward him.

“I need you.” Giselle breathed. Alastair felt heat explode within him and he almost gave in and reached for her. Instead he folded his shirt and set it on the chair. He watched her as he sat and rested his elbows on his knees.

“I’ll give you everything you want.” He saw her draw in a breath as she stumbled back and sank onto the bed. She shook her head softly and he clenched his jaw as he reached down to remove his shoes and stockings. Her eyes followed him when he stood and she trembled.

“No. I can’t have this. I can’t do this to you.” Giselle’s eyes became wide as she watched Alastair unbutton the falls of his trousers. He let them fall and her mouth hung open. He bent to retrieve them and turned as he folded and set them on the chair. “Alastair?” Her voice broke and she licked her lips as he prowled toward her. “You can’t be mine.” She whispered weakly.

“I am yours, mademoiselle. From the moment I first saw you. And I will always be yours.” Alastair stopped in front of her. He ignored the way his body tightened as her eyes traveled over him. His cock throbbed painfully as her eyes caressed it. “Stand up.” He ordered. Giselle started to shake as she rose. She looked up, into his eyes.

“How? Why?” She looked terrified. Alastair reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.

“Because I love you.” Her eyes shut and she whimpered as if she was in pain. He felt it in his chest. He reached for her chin and raised her face to his and waited until she opened her eyes. “You love me.” She didn't try to deny it. Relief flooded Alastair but he held still as new tears formed in Giselle’s eyes.

“It doesn't change anything.” She argued. “I can’t have you.” Her hand reached out and fluttered against his chest. Alastair pressed it against his skin and breathed through the shrieking of his nerves.

“Nothing else matters.” He whispered. “I will give you everything you want.” He vowed. He grit his teeth as he slid her hand across his chest so she could feel his heart beating. When he could feel his limbs and hear he looked down at her. “Take the gown off unless you want me to rip it to pieces.” He warned. She swayed closer and he forced himself to give her a minute to decide. He held his breath until her hands rose and pulled the fabric down her shoulders. The bodice slid down as she freed her arms. She wore no chemise and Alastair groaned as his eyes swept over her pearlescent skin and exquisite breasts. His head fell to the side as he saw her hands push the gown past her hips and it pooled at her feet. “Christ.” When he looked up, she was waiting.

“What now?” She asked as she stepped forward. Alastair took a deep breath and the smell of her flooded his senses. He shut his eyes and let his head fall forward.

“Touch me.” He clenched his jaw and braced himself. “I have to get past this first.” He flinched as he felt her hand press against his stomach. She was gentle as she slowly placed the other next to it. Light exploded behind his eyes and he concentrated on breathing. He felt her hands slowly slide up and his hearing became muffled. Giselle stepped closer and he felt the heat of her body against his skin. Alastair’s heart started to pound and it felt like it was in his ears. “More.” He ground out as he pulled her against him. His brain filled with ringing and ached and his skin felt raw. “Don’t stop!” He gasped as he struggled to breathe.

Giselle pressed herself against him from chest to thigh and he felt her hands glide up his back. A wave of dizziness washed over him but he held her tighter as her hands splayed and drifted down his flanks. Alastair felt a scream rising in his throat and he swallowed it. She pressed her lips to his skin and heat pulsed though him. Her hand slid up his side and over his chest and neck. She rose on her toes as she pulled him down to her. He felt her lips brushed against his, reaching through the fog and pain. Alastair fell into her mouth and clung to Giselle as if he were drowning. Slowly, his body started to quiet and only pleasure remained. Her hands stroked and scratched, leaving warmth in their wake and her skin was soft and smooth against his. He felt arousal welling within him and his erection throbbed urgently.

Alastair bent and gathered Giselle in his arms and carried her to the bed. He settled over her and marveled at how perfect she felt beneath him as his forehead rested against hers. She was the only one to touch him so completely and he was grateful. He could only ever be hers. Alastair felt need building within him and he remained still, letting it rise as he savored the warmth and softness of Giselle beneath him. She cradled his face in her hands and her mouth sought his. He angled his face as his tongue stroked against hers and she moaned softly. Hunger exploded and he gave in. His hands took over, gripping, gliding and scratching, he needed to feel every inch of her. Alastair lifted his head and set his lips to her throat. His tongue swept along her collar bone and he became ravenous. He had to taste her everywhere. His mouth found the insides of her elbows, the back of her neck, her ankles and laved the curve at the base of her spine as his hands shifted and turned her beneath him. He saved the succulent flesh between her thighs for last. Everything he touched, everything he tasted only increased his hunger for her, he knew he would never be satisfied. He wanted to claim every part of her and never let her go.

“I need all of you, Giselle.” He growled as his tongue lashed at the soft flesh of her thighs. “I need you to be mine, only mine.” His voice became hoarse as he swept higher, her scent made him weak. “I won’t be able to live if I know that another man has tasted you. I think I’ll die if you take anyone but me into your body.” Alastair groaned as his tongue dipped into her tender folds. Giselle sighed as she spread her thighs wider, letting him settle between them as her fingers tangled in his hair.

“Only you.” She gasped and arched as his fingers probed her slick core. “I swear, there will never be anyone else.” Her voice was breathless and soft. Alastair felt his eyes water as heat spread within his chest. He lost himself, lapping, sucking and stroking until she exploded against his tongue. He drank every drop of her release and then rose above her. He rolled and pulled her on top of him and waited for her to recover, caressing her back and sifting his fingers through her hair as he bathed in the feel of her draped over his naked body. The harsh chaos of the beginning was worth the sensual bliss of her warm, silken curves against him.

Giselle began to stir, moaning and purring as she stretched against him. She rubbed her face against his chest and slid her foot up along the side of his leg. Desire streaked through Alastair and he kissed her hungrily. She fisted her hands in his hair and searched his mouth with her tongue. When she finally lifted her head, he was in agony. Giselle pressed against his chest as she sat up and he missed her warmth immediately but was distracted by the feel of her hands exploring his chest and stomach. She bent down and licked his nipple and Alastair hissed as his cock swelled angrily. She lifted her head and looked at him, her eyes wide with concern.

“Did I hurt you?” She whispered. Alastair laughed softly as he rose on his elbow and pulled her face to his.

“No, my love. The only thing that hurts right now is this.” He took her hand and rested it on his erection. He groaned as her tongue swept across her lips.

“Take me, then.” Giselle whispered as she tried to roll off of him. Alastair locked his hands around her waist and stilled her as he shook his head.

“No, stay.” He commanded. She frowned as her eyes searched his eyes.

“But you said…” She pouted. “I’m not waiting any longer.” She declared as she tugged at his shoulders. Alastair took her hands and placed them on his straining cock. She became still and stared down at him.

“You have to do it. I don’t want this to hurt any more than it has to.” His throat felt tight and he swallowed painfully. He would give anything to avoid her pain. Her hands closed around him and she began stroking. He shut his eyes and groaned in relief. “God, that’s so good.” He sighed.

“Tell me what to do.” Giselle whispered. He opened his eyes and found hers. They were so large and dark, so trusting.
Please, don’t let this hurt her too badly.
Alastair prayed. He’d never put faith in any deity or asked for divine intervention until he met her. He smiled grimly. Only she could drive him to prayer.

“Lift up.” His voice was strained as his hands closed about her derrière, supporting her. He waited until her knees were under her before he started caressing her thighs. He slid his hand between them and parted her damp flesh as he rubbed her with the head of his erection. Once he was pressing against her entrance he removed his hands and raised them to her face. He waited until her eyes met his. “Let yourself slide down. Go slowly.” She nodded and leaned against his chest as she lowered her bottom.

Alastair grit his teeth and shut his eyes as he felt slick, tight heat swallow the tip of his cock. He hissed as he felt her soft, wet flesh clinging to the end of his rigid length as she let herself sink lower. Giselle exhaled on a sigh.

“Stop.” He gripped her thighs and she started to protest. “Rise up a little and then start again.” She nodded and leaned forward as she rose. She gasped in delight and her eyes closed as she started to descend. Alastair let her take a little more of him before he stopped her. “Again.” He ground out as he silently cursed. His balls felt like they were made of granite. Giselle hummed softly and her head fell back as she rose and then slowly let herself fall. He held his breath as he felt more of her heat squeezing around him. In his mind, he estimated that he was about a third of the way home when he felt pressure against the head of his cock. “Oh, damn.” He groaned as his hands locked around her. Her head swung forward and her hair cascaded around them.

“Is that…?” Giselle gasped. Alastair nodded stiffly as he rose on his elbows.

“Raise up and go slowly.” He rasped. She smiled as she pressed her lips to his. He felt slick, clinging heat and she rose until he was just at her entrance. Her tongue parted his lips and brushed against his a moment before he felt her tense as she let her knees slide out from under her. Alastair tried to catch her but it was too late. Giselle screamed into his mouth and then her head was flung back as she arched in pain above him. He reached for her and tried to sit up but she whimpered and flinched as more of his length pressed into her. Paralyzed, Alastair breathed in as slowly as he could, ignoring the divine, searing heat that clenched about his pulsing cock.