Christmas With Her Ex (6 page)

‘H
OW ABOUT HERE?
’ Connor’s voice stopped her headlong dash for the bar stools. So close.

She closed her eyes then opened them before she turned with a bright smile pinned on her face. ‘Sure.’

Window seat! Bummer. ‘You sure your legs will fit under that table?’

‘I’ll manage.’ He cocked an eyebrow at her. ‘I’d like to see your face.’

Oh, goody. She’d been afraid of that. She slid in past the tiny table and rested her elbow on the window ledge while she jammed her knees together and pointed them at the wall.

He slid in and propped his arm on the window ledge as well. She wondered what they looked like to an observer. Probably a pair of wary dogs sniffing around each other, though a quick glance at his face showed him quite relaxed. Amused even, and she wasn’t sure she liked the idea that he could be amused at her expense.

The waiter arrived promptly and Connor inclined his head towards her in mute query.

What did she want? Something that took time to
drink and that she could play with when she needed to look away. ‘I’ll have a long gin and tonic, please. With lime.’

‘Certainly, madam.’ The waiter wrote her order down and she wondered why when there were so few people in the car. ‘And the gentleman?’

Connor ordered a Mexican beer and slid his credit card into the man’s hand before he sat back. Darn. She would have paid for her own drink this time.

‘It looks cold outside,’ she said finally, and glanced up at him.

This was the first time she’d really examined Connor’s face up close, dared herself to really look, and the tiny signs of maturity were there if she let herself see. His bones were clearly defined still, his jaw solid, with an even more determined tilt than she remembered, but there were a few tiny lines around his gorgeous grey eyes as if from long periods of intense concentration.

His sensual lips curved as he waited and for a moment she was that star-struck young sixteen-year-old gazing in admiration at this young god who had incredibly chosen her.

For those few brief seconds he seemed to pull at the core of her until she blinked and returned to the real world. The world where she needed to get it over with and apologise and get out of here with her dignity intact—but she had to wait for the drinks.

The waiter returned and Connor raised his glass to her with a glint in his eyes. ‘What shall we toast?’

She drew a breath as the man walked away. ‘To apologies.
I’d like to apologise for what happened fifteen years ago.’

He shrugged. Took a sip and put his glass down. ‘Feel free.’

Kelsie ignored that. ‘I am sorry I was a coward, Connor. But I had second thoughts about getting married to you.’

He laughed with a tiny bitter twist of his lips. ‘Obviously.’

He wasn’t being helpful and she could feel her temper slip a little. This wasn’t easy but it had been a long time ago and he didn’t need to be sarcastic.

‘It didn’t help that you were so sure about it that I knew if I expressed any doubts you’d just sweep them away.’

He nodded judiciously. ‘Ah. So it’s my fault.’

She frowned. ‘No. I said I’d come and I didn’t. That was my fault and I apologise for hurting you. I was a coward for not telling you my reasons on the day but I was very young. I really should have told you why.’

He leaned back in his chair and studied her face and she refused to look away. Let him look his fill. She was no shrinking violet now.

‘So why did you leave me standing on the steps of the registry office fifteen years ago?’

This was the hard part. But he deserved the truth. ‘We were too young. And I didn’t think I was the best thing for you at that time.’

He shrugged. ‘Perhaps. I obviously had no say in the matter. I can certainly see now that maybe you were too young.’

The comment held a tinge of mockery that raised her temper another notch. ‘But not too young to see I was going from one controlling relationship straight into another.’

Connor felt the words go right through him. Like someone had just knifed his hand to the table and he couldn’t move. ‘That’s not true. I was all about making sure you were safe. I wanted to look after you. Be there for you.’

She shook her head and her hair slid like a cap from side to side. ‘I wasn’t strong enough for you then, Connor. You organised everything. You organised me. Dressed me. You railroaded me when I wasn’t sure we were doing the right thing. I was in the train coming to you before I realised it was a little too close to home. Too like the way my father had treated my mother before she left. The way he treated me. As if I didn’t have a brain of my own. Wasn’t responsible for anything. I didn’t want us to end up like that.’

It was her turn to shrug. ‘So I got cold feet.’ And the air between them was getting colder too. There was no curve to his lips now. No smile in his eyes. She’d hurt him again and she hadn’t intended that.

Connor had a sudden memory of his grandmother telling him he was too carefully organised. Bossy, even. It wasn’t true. If you didn’t make sure things were done a certain way then bad things happened. He’d learnt that early on in life. In the worst possible way.

‘I think you had it wrong. I only wanted what was best for you,’ he said quietly.

She spread her hands. ‘You’re entitled to think that.
But I still think I was right. I should have confronted you on the day, I know that. Only I was too scared you’d sweep my fears away. But I am sorry I hurt you.’

You don’t look sorry enough, Connor thought bitterly. ‘Well, thanks for that.’

She stood up. At least it saved him doing it. Clearly, this conversation was only going to deteriorate from here.

‘My pleasure,’ she said, and internally he winced. Their little talk hadn’t turned out quite how he’d hoped.

She looked down at her barely touched glass. ‘Thanks for the drink. Enjoy the rest of the trip with your gran.’

She walked away, her dignity intact, and he wondered just how close she’d been to losing her temper. He had a sudden thought that she might have been very close to an explosion. He’d have liked to have seen that and maybe then they would have been on an even footing.

But Connor felt incredibly hard done by and actually quite wild on his own part. So it had been
his
fault for not listening when she’d had second thoughts about getting married? Well, if he’d realised just how cold her feet had been he would have listened. He wasn’t a mind reader.

He’d been a romantic! He’d arranged flowers and chocolates for after the wedding back at their flat. A bottle of champagne he’d been unable to afford in the fridge because he’d thought she might need a glass before they made love for the first time. He’d wanted everything to be perfect for her.

And she’d said he was too organised! But someone had to be. Didn’t they?

He downed his beer and picked up her gin and tonic. It tasted disgusting but he drank it anyway. Well, she was no immature girl now. She was fair game. So game on!

Half an hour later, as they entered Austria, Connor saw Kelsie sweep off the train in Innesbruck. Her long scarf trailed behind her as she strode up the platform and he decided a breath of fresh air would be just the thing.

He’d spent the last thirty minutes going over their conversation. Too bossy, eh? He was going to be so damn deferential he’d drive her crazy. He didn’t know why it was so important to let Kelsie know she’d missed out on the catch of a lifetime but there was definite satisfaction in the thought, and the next twenty hours was a large amount of time to kill with nothing better to do. Then they would really be over.

A sardonic voice inside enquired if he was sure of that…

When he climbed down the steps she was sweeping up and down the platform like a ghost was after her and he had an idea his younger self may have been that illusion she was escaping from.

Well, he needed to banish that phantom too if he was going to win this little battle. He wasn’t quite sure when it had become a war but he was in no doubt that he was planning one.

He’d walked the other way so that she was almost
ready to board again before he approached her, and he saw her eyes widen as he came near.

‘Kelsie. Just one minute.’ And he smiled. Very friendly. Slightly rueful. ‘Can I apologise again?’

She raised those truly quite delightful eyebrows and he admired the view as he waited for her to speak. ‘For what?’

They both watched Wolfgang polish the fingermarks off the handrail with his white gloves as he stood beside the steps.

He lowered his voice. ‘My lack of manners. I’m sorry. I was less than gracious earlier and of course I accept your apology for not marrying me.’ He smiled again.

It seemed she wasn’t ready to board now, but maybe the impact would be greater if he chose to leave, so he inclined his head and climbed the steps, leaving her alone again. He could feel her eyes on him as he disappeared inside and he chewed his lip to stop laughing out loud.

He felt like that blasted nineteen-year-old again as he went in search of his gran.

The bar car was crowded when Kelsie moved through the doorway to join the pre-dinner throng and her long black gown clung lovingly to her breasts and thighs. At least it wasn’t falling off.

She’d missed the first ten minutes of pre-dinner drinks when one of the gold-linked straps holding up the bodice had snapped and she’d needed an urgent repair.

One-handed, she’d called for Wolfgang, who’d
swooped to the rescue with a tiny pair of pliers on request.

She’d decided that taking the extra time to check and squeeze each link could be an investment in preventing her future embarrassment. Even with the repairs the bodice of the gown dived a little lower into her cleavage than she remembered but not as low as it would if the strap broke. The last thing she needed was Connor coming to her rescue from a wardrobe malfunction. He’d done that in the past too.

The bar wasn’t full, but her aunt had been right about formal dress. Wow!

The pianist was in a velvet brocade jacket that would have done justice to a very swish couch cover and his music soaked the car with waves of pleasure like the scenery outside—sometimes soaring, sometimes gentle, always melodic and accompanying the sound of the rails below.

Scattered on small tables and along the curved bar were bowls of nuts,
petits fours
and canapés, and all the while through the windows she could see white-capped mountains and white houses with Christmas lights and church spires and tumbling mountain streams.

And inside, just as grand, the men were in dinner suits with bow ties. The maître d’ wore black tails and the waiters wore formal white.

The same young man was still at the bar, a little less steady, and he leered when he saw her.

‘You look beautiful, madam.’

Kelsie smiled back at him carefully, and decided he was too young for her, and a bit too effusive.

‘Doesn’t she?’

She had no idea where Connor had come from but he was by her side as he smiled at the man. His shoulders looked very impressive in his black dinner suit and the young man suddenly seemed insignificant. ‘Would you like to introduce me to your friend, Kelsie?’

What on earth was Connor doing? ‘If only I could,’ she said, and held out her hand to the man. ‘I’m Kelsie.’

The bar fly was happy to take her fingers. ‘Winston Albert the Third.’ He shook her hand and they both looked at Connor.

‘Connor Black.’ He glanced down the carriage as more people arrived. ‘Ah. My grandmother beckons. Perhaps you’d like to join us, Kelsie? Or later?’

He didn’t move off immediately, but there was no hint of pressure either way, and Kelsie couldn’t help feeling a little abandoned, which might have been why she found herself taking Connor’s arm as She nodded goodbye to the other man.

She had the feeling she’d been outmanoeuvred. She wasn’t sure how when it had all been her choice, but the feeling persisted.

The train jolted suddenly, the whole carriage shifted and there was a small outcry, and she probably would have fallen if Connor hadn’t caught her. He looked down at her and grinned as he steadied her against his chest for a moment as their bodies remembered one another. Instant, scorching heat flared between them as their eyes caught and held.

‘Are you starting a new habit of saving me?’ she asked with a shaky laugh, and he raised his brows.

‘Do I need to?’ he asked softly.

She blushed and looked away. On the tiny scrap of dance floor a young couple had turned a near accident into an impromptu waltz and their obvious absorption in each other cast a glow over the whole carriage, so people were smiling despite a few spilt drinks. There was a brief round of applause for the dancers when they separated.

Further down the carriage, Winsome, dressed in blue shot silk, had somehow managed to secure a full side-facing seat and sat with another elderly lady with flaming red hair who waved hands laden with diamonds.

Kelsie’s fingers rested over Connor’s arm and he drew her forward so she had no choice but to intrude on the older women. ‘Lady Geraldine, this is Kelsie Summers. a friend from my school days.’

He gestured to the older lady. ‘Kelsie, Lady Geraldine, who sat on a committee of a large charity with my grandmother several years ago.’

Lady Geraldine inclined her head, Kelsie smiled, and then sat when Winsome patted the sat beside her.

Why did she feel the jaws of a trap were closing around her?

‘Winsome and I have arranged a table for ourselves,’ Lady Geraldine said, as if continuing a conversation Kelsie had missed the start of. ‘We don’t want to bore you young things with our gossip.’

The implications were immediately obvious. Another man and Connor exchanged a glance, as if they were measuring each other up and considering the prospect of a foursome for dinner.

Kelsie was watching the older women as if she knew there was more coming. And there was.

‘Instead, we have three tables.’ Geraldine smiled. ‘One for each couple.’

Charlotte, the granddaughter, looked as if she wanted to groan aloud. ‘I don’t think you’re allowed to change arrangements like that, are you, Gran?’