Children of the Gods - A Chosen Novel (15 page)

She returned with our food moments later. She
laid our plates in front of us without once looking at either of
our faces.

“Enjoy your meal,” she said, tucking her arms
behind her with an air of formality I was not used to from her.

“Thank you,” I muttered. I suddenly felt
completely alone. What felt like home only hours before, had
somehow been transformed. It now felt as hollow and false as the
pretense I was living. Maybe it was for the best. I had almost
gotten comfortable living a life that belonged to someone else. I
needed to remember it was not mine.

The food looked and smelled delicious, but as
I took my first bite, it was flavorless. I tried another bite and
nearly gagged. The texture was barely palatable in the absence of
taste.

“Is there something wrong with the food,
Love?” Jaxson asked.

“No, it is wonderful, as always. I am just
not hungry tonight.”

“You have hardly eaten today.” Had I always
mistaken his watchful eye as concern?

I felt a flutter and realized it was Anaya.
She was excited. Before I could feel anything myself, she flashed a
memory in my mind. I clenched my fork and let out sigh, unsure how
to feel about what she had just shown me. I could not help a quick
glance at Jaxson though, knowing what she’d just shown me was meant
to be used against him.

It was likely her intent all along, the
reason she chose me.

“You are as pale as a sheet,” Jaxson
whispered. There was no misinterpreting this emotion. It was clear
he was alarmed.

He took my arm and helped me to my feet. He
brushed his hands over my face in a gentle caress. This was the
façade I had expected from him in the beginning. The show of false
emotion to keep the others from seeing what was really going
on.

“Come on, we need to get you off your feet.”
He kissed the tip of my nose and for a moment I was not sure he was
acting.

~o~

As we came up on the last curve before the
room, I stopped.

“What is it, Love?”

“I would like to visit my garden before I
retire,” I said without looking at him.

“Alone? Or would you like company?”

I hesitated for a moment, his gentle,
concerned tone made me falter.

“If you would not mind, I would like a moment
alone with my thoughts.”

He nodded and his expression appeared to be a
mixture of disappointment and relief. A strange pairing of
emotions. Could he sense the danger I posed? Maybe he could taste
my own conflicting desires.

Before I could change my mind, I touched the
wall and watched it open into a perfect circle. I had to hold onto
the edge of the wall as I stepped through. Anaya’s level of emotion
was making me dizzy.

Unable to handle the pressure I went to my
knees. “You are really surprised?” I asked her. “You should have
thought of this before you showed me how to silence you,” I said,
referring to the memory that revealed their weakness, a secret she
had kept from everyone.

I could feel her weakening, her efforts now
only leaving me mildly nauseas as I breathed in the poisons I was
only just made aware of. Harmless to me, but to her, the pollen was
an anesthetic, possibly even lethal given high enough exposure.

“I have one question before you go. Do you
think Jaxson knows?”

I did not get a chance to feel or see a
response. There was a rush of emotions followed by a sudden
release, and I was finally alone in my own head.

Chapter
19

I am not sure how long I sat there, waiting
for tears that would not come, tears to mourn both the lives that
were not really mine any longer. I knew Jaxson’s concern was
probably growing with each passing moment, and I was unsure of how
long he would afford me before coming in the check on me.

He could not find me in a heap on the
floor.

I took one final walk around the room. The
plants, the flowers, they were my only friends. I touched each one
as I walked, feeling their velvety skin. They were consistent,
asking only for water and light.

This room felt like safety, and if I wanted,
it offered salvation. If I was being honest, I did not want that
because I had fallen for Jaxson, and really, I did not want to hurt
him.

The tears that would not come before were
falling now, threatening to overcome me.

A moment of grief was all I could allow
myself. If I broke down, I was not sure I would ever be able to get
back up again. So I wiped my tears and made another pass through
the room, admiring the flowers that flourished even in the absence
of the sun’s influence.

Jaxson was standing exactly where I left him,
staring at the entrance. He attempted to appear happy when he
looked at me, but his weariness showed heavily in his eyes and his
tight smile. He looked nearly defeated.

He held out his hand without a word.

~o~

The room seemed silent and somber, lacking in
the excitement and passion it held this morning.

“I think I will have a bath before bed.”

He nodded, and though I had not meant it as a
request, he walked to the wall beside the entry and called for
one.

The heat was soothing. I had not realized how
tense I was until the water began to relax me. My muscles all gave
a groan with the release. When I was satisfied that the only thing
botanical left on me was the scent from the cleanser, I reluctantly
rose and climbed out of the bath.

The room was nearly dark and silent when I
came out of the washroom. I could not see Jaxson and I realized I
had not been aware of his scent all afternoon. Drawing in a deep
breath, I was mildly alarmed to find it was still absent.

When I neared the bed I noticed the wall was
open into our hidden room. An invitation? Or did he want to be
alone with his thoughts in a private sanctuary, as I had?

I did not want to hurt him, but I was not
prepared to pretend nothing had happened either. I pushed through
the feathery trees. I felt no soft whispers of comfort this
time.

He was sitting in the pond skimming his hands
back and forth over the water at his sides. I stood at the edge of
the trees.

“You are angry.” It was a statement more than
a question. He knew me well, even in the short time we had
together.

“We can talk later. We are both tired.” I
turned and went back to the room. Our bed seemed large and foreign
again, like it had in the beginning. I tried to imagine my own tiny
bed back home. It was stiff and barely large enough to roll over,
but that was how I liked it. It reminded me that no matter the
lavish lifestyle, I was just a girl, no more special than the ones
who lived outside the City.

This bed though, it sucked you in and held
you like arms. If Jaxson was not coming back to lie with me, I
might be able to fall into a restful sleep.

I heard him approaching and forgot all I had
learned of fooling him.

“Sleeping ladies breathe.” He sighed.

I turned over and looked at his body, leaning
against the entry. I rolled back over, unable to endure the pain I
could read in his posture and mannerisms.

“Please talk to me,” he pleaded as he knelt
on the bed and slowly came toward me.

I bit hard on my lip and tried to stave off
the tears that his tone caused. A mix of concern and anguish. Not
really for me though. None of it for me.

“How could you do it?”

He stopped his advance. He was close enough
that if I reached out I could hold him, but the distance between us
was miles. “I thought… You said… You told me Reka was sad because
she would not be able to spend her birthday with her family.” His
head dropped so he was no longer looking at me. “I did it for
you.”

“There are some things you just do not do.
They are just too selfish, even if you want them more than
anything.”

“Please, I do not understand. Did Reka not
enjoy seeing her family?”

“Did you see the way those people acted?”

“I was too nervous. I am sorry. What do you
mean?” His voice sounded calm, but I could smell the edge of panic
wafting off of him.

“You just do not understand.” I turned my
face away.

“I do not. Please, Love. Explain it to me. I
want to understand.”

I sat up and faced him. “Did you see Lizanne?
She hates us. As does her mother, but she is so terrified we will
take her other daughter she could not show it. You made her
celebrate the birthday of a daughter who, to her, is worse than
dead, and you made her do it with a smile, while the monsters who
stole Reka ate cake.”

He let out a whimper, but I was not done.

“So you can see how Reka would not have
enjoyed your surprise.”

“I only wanted to make her happy. Please tell
her I did not know.” His voice trembled as did his hands. “Please
tell her. I did not know. I thought it was what she wanted…”

“Shhh…”

He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his
face to my chest. “Please tell her.”

“Shhhh…” I traced circles lightly on his back
trying to comfort him.

“Please?” He looked up at my face. “Reka,
please I did not mean it,” he said, burying his face in my chest
again. His whole body trembled now.

“She knows, Jaxson,” I said, hushing him
again.

He squeezed me tighter. I curled around him
and continued to trace lines up and down his spine. Slowly, the
trembling stopped and he went slack under my touch.

“I cannot go back to how it was before,” he
mumbled, sounding like he was slipping into sleep, on the verge of
complete exhaustion.

I lay there watching him until he finally
fell into a restless sleep. The only sound in the room was his soft
breathing. Slowly it lulled me, until my eyes were also
closing.

The morning came too quickly. He woke with a
start, bending his neck to look up at me, his arms still wrapped
around my waist.

“Oh, Love. I am sorry. I failed in my duties
to you last night.” He closed his eyes in shame and buried his face
back into my chest. “It will never happen again.”

“Hey.” I took his face in my hands and turned
it up so he was looking at me again. “I never want you to feel like
being with me is a duty you have to perform.”

He gave me a strange look. “All is
forgotten?”

“Not forgotten. Forgiven.”

“Just like that?” His tone was
disbelieving.

“That is what you do when you love
someone.”

He traced his thumb over my lip and stared
down like he was contemplating what I had said in earnest. “You
love me?” His voice was barely audible.

“Well, of course I do.” It was not what I
wanted to say, but it was the only thing I could think of that
would not give me away.

“You have never said it before.” His eyes
remained trained on my navel. Was he afraid to hope it was
true?

Witnessing the pain of a thousand years of
rejection, how could I possibly remain angry with him? His
suffering did not completely alleviate my own. So, for now at
least, I would pretend.

Chapter
20

“I have an idea,” I said.

Jaxson stopped dressing, turned and looked at
me with questions in his eyes. Things were not quite the same
between us since my birthday. It seemed like he was walking on egg
shells, always watching me.

It was like we were strangers again. Every
touch had a question with it. ‘Is this okay?’ it would ask. Every
kiss was restrained, full of hesitation and uncertainty.

“I know you cannot keep staying here with me.
You have responsibilities—”

He interrupted. “I can stay if you want me
to.” There was hope in his tone.

“I know you would if I ask, but I have a
better idea.”

His face fell a little; the hope lingered,
but was muted by something else.

“What if I come with you today? See what it
is you do? Maybe help out?” I held my breath as he looked like he
was considering what I had asked. His expression was
unreadable.

He broke out into the kind of smile I had not
seen in weeks. “Would you really like to?”

I nodded. “I really would.”

He came back over to me and leaned down
across the bed. He took my face in his hands and there was only a
moments hesitation before he kissed me.

It was the kind of kiss I missed, full of
passion, communicating unspoken longings that had too long been
repressed. My body ached for his touch, the kind that was full of
confidence and belonging. My lips missed the crushing kisses filled
with need and a desire to be closer.

His kiss had reawakened something in me. I
breathed in his scent and everything in me remembered that this,
being near him was where I belonged. I wrapped my arms around him
and pulled him closer.

When we finally separated ourselves and he
resumed dressing for the day, a terrible thought occurred to me as
I watched him. I could not help but wonder if he was really so
uncertain, or was he just too good at reading me and what it would
take to make me fall hard for him again.

I immediately dismissed it and felt bad for
even thinking it. Freezing, I closed my eyes and tried to feel
Anaya. Since she showed me how to silence her, she was far more
careful about the influence she tried to exert over me. I thought
back…how many days had it been since I visited the garden last?

I climbed out of bed and padded softly across
to where Jaxson stood with his back to me.

“I am sorry for all the time I wasted denying
you. I know how much it hurt you, even now,” I whispered as I
wrapped my arms around his chest and pressed myself against his
back. He turned and kissed me, and this time there was no
uncertainty in his touch.

It was then that I felt the slightest of
prickling from her. So she was awake, sneaky girl. I would have to
be careful which feelings I trusted.