I was drying the dinner plates when the feel of lips on my nape made me jump like a startled doe.
'Hello, gorgeous!' Sonny said softly.
I glanced round anxiously. 'Sonny, don't do that. Anyone could walk in.'
'So? We're both over twenty-one.' Sonny tried to pull me into his arms. Anxiety morphed into pure panic.
'Sonny, don't.'
'Why not?'
'I'm not that kind of girl.'
'What kind of girl?' Sonny said, puzzled.
'The touchy-feely kind. And I don't appreciate being mauled.'
Sonny's arms dropped to his side. 'Since when is a kiss on the neck even in the same ballpark as "being mauled"?'
'I didn't mean that. I just don't like . . . being manhandled.'
'That's not what you said a couple of nights ago.'
What a low blow!
'That was then and this is now,' I snapped. 'And it's not because I'm
scared
either.'
'Oh, so we're back to that,' Sonny sighed. 'Sephy, that was months ago!'
'You're the one who wrote it about me,' I reminded him.
My head was telling me to drop it. Just let it go. But my mouth kept going anyway. I had been so hurt by what Sonny had written about me that it still felt like yesterday. When I had first read his poem, I hadn't spoken to him for a couple of days in spite of the flowers and apologies he had sent round and delivered in person.
'I've already apologized for that,' said Sonny. 'Which I wouldn't've had to do, if you hadn't read it in the first place. And you keep on bringing it up. Now you seem determined to pick a fight for some reason and I'm not in the mood.'
'I just don't want Callie Rose to come in here and catch us necking.'
'Why not? Two grown-ups openly showing love for each other is not only natural but healthy.'
'Why don't we get the neighbours round, have an orgy on the living-room carpet and invite Rose to watch?' I said sourly.
'That's not what I meant and you know it. But there's nothing wrong with kissing and cuddling in front of her. God knows, she needs to see some kind of love displayed somewhere in this house.'
A silent, deadly earthquake opened up the ground between us and sent my mind careering backwards.
'What does that mean?' I asked quietly.
Sonny stood in front of me but I've never felt so far away from him as I did in that moment.
'It doesn't matter. Forget it,' said Sonny, turning away.
I grabbed his arm and turned him round to face me. 'What did that mean?'
'It's just that you and Meggie . . . sometimes when I walk into this house, I'm almost rocked back on my heels by the atmosphere in this place. And Rose isn't stupid. She knows there's something not right between you two.'
'It has nothing to do with Rose—'
'Wrong,' Sonny interrupted. 'It has everything to do with Rose. You and Meggie don't realize what you're doing to her.'
'Rose is my daughter, not yours.'
'I know that,' said Sonny quietly. 'But that doesn't stop my eyes from working.'
'I want you to leave,' I said.
'Why? Because you can't handle the truth? Because you're happy for Rose to be brought up in this loveless house as long as no one mentions it?'
'Get out.'
'If I go, Sephy, I'm not coming back.'
A silent face-off. 'Go on then,' my expression read.
Sonny turned round and marched out of the kitchen.
I followed him, to make sure he definitely left the house – at least that's what I told myself.
After opening the front door, Sonny turned to face me. 'Bye, Persephone.' He stepped out, slowly pulling the door to.
And as the door was closing, it felt like it was pulling my heart behind it.
'Sonny . . .'
The door's journey halted just before the lock clicked into place. Then it opened again, just as slowly. I stared into Sonny's face, across the hall, across the world from each other but just a heartbeat away. Did I look like that? So unsure, so desperately unhappy? Did I look like him, sharing more than just an expression? Sharing something deeper and far more painful.
'Don't go,' I whispered.
After a long moment, the door closed again. But this time, Sonny was in the hall
–
with me.
Just tell her, I told myself. Open your mouth and tell her.
My best friend Nikki and I had both agreed to talk to our parents tonight at exactly eight o'clock. Ella Cheshie had stopped being my friend after the first and only time she came round my house but I didn't care. I had Nikki and Nikki was much nicer. Even when Ella was my friend, she never opened her mouth unless it was to criticize someone else or say nasty things about them. I glanced down at my watch. It was two minutes past eight.
Dad, I know you're watching over me, so could you please help me persuade Mum. Please.
'Mum?'
'Yes, dear.'
'Nikki's going to Farnby Manor Secondary in September.'
'Is she? That's nice.' The black-and-white film on the TV had ninety-five per cent of Mum's attention.
'Nikki and I have decided we'd like to go to the same school.'
'What? Farnby Manor?'
'Yes, please.'
'I don't think so, Rose.' Mum turned back to the TV.
'But Mum, Nikki and me have agreed.'
'You and Nikki can agree that the moon is made of mashed potato with cod fillet craters, but you're still not going to Farnby Manor. You're going to Heathcroft High.'
'But that's a boffin school.'
'It's the school both your nanas want you to go to and so do I,' said Mum.
'But it's a private school. We can't afford that.'
'Nana Jasmine is going to pay your fees,' Mum told me.
'But what about Nikki and me?'
'Going to a new school doesn't mean that you stop being friends. You can still see each other.'
'It's not the same,' I protested.
'Callie Rose, you're going to Heathcroft High and that's final. End of discussion.'
'Don't I even get a say in where I go?'
'No,' Mum replied. 'Not when it comes to your education. You'll just have to trust that we're doing the best for you.'
'But Nikki can't afford Heathcroft.'
'I can't help that, Rose,' said Mum.
'You just don't want me to be happy.' I ran from the room, tears choking me from the inside out.
'I want you to be very happy,' Mum called after me as I ran upstairs. 'That's why you're going to Heathcroft.'
Halfway up the stairs, I decided that my room wasn't far enough away. It wasn't fair. Heathcroft High was Mum's choice, not mine. Mum always got her own way and it was my life, not hers. It just wasn't fair.
'Mum, I'm going out on my bike,' I shouted out.
'I beg your pardon?' Mum appeared in the doorway faster than I would've thought possible and she had a face like thunder. Attitude always has that effect on her.
'Can I go out on my bike please?'
'That's what I thought you said,' said Mum stonily. 'Just up and down this road, OK? And you've got half an hour. Then I want you back home and getting ready for bed.'
'But I can't do much in half an hour,' I protested.
'How about fifteen minutes then?' said Mum.
'Half an hour is fine,' I muttered.
'Glad to hear it.'
'Yes, Mum.'
'Rose, I'm not sending you to Heathcroft High out of spite,' said Mum quietly. 'But I want you to have a good, fulfilled life. And a good life is all about choices. If you want to rule the world, or be a lawyer or a doctor or a zookeeper, that's entirely up to you. But you'll be the one making the decisions if you get a decent education. Without that, you'll have no choices at all. D'you understand?'
'Yes, Mum.'
'And I'm sorry about Nikki,' Mum continued. 'I know that you and her are very close, but you can't live your life for other people. You have to do what's best for you, not for Nikki.'
'If I can't live my life for other people, then how come you get to tell me what to do?' I asked.
'Because I'm your mother,' said Mum, using grown-up logic.
'Mum, could you just think about it? Please? Just think about Farnby Manor.'
'Rose, you and Farnby Manor are not going to happen. I'm not going to say that I'll think about it when I already know what my final answer is going to be. Come September you'll be going to Heathcroft. If it was good enough for your dad and me, it's good enough for you.'
'But Mum—'
'Callie Rose, which part of "no" don't you understand? The "n" or the "o"?'
Shaking her head, Mum went back into the living room. I headed back downstairs and out into the back garden to get my bike. Less than a minute later I was cycling along the pavement, as far away from Mum and home as I could get. I'd promised Nikki we'd go to the same school together. And now Mum was going to make me break my promise.
It's not fair.
As soon as I'm older, no one will tell me what to do or where to go or what time to be back. My life will be all my own and no one
–
not even Mum
–
will be able to boss me about.
I got to the end of the road but I was still jumping up and down inside. Mum said I was only to ride up and down our road, but I was ten now. I wasn't a baby. So why couldn't I cycle all the way around the block. I often went round the block when Mum or Nana Meggie came with me, and at ten I should be able to do it by myself.
After one last look behind to make sure Mum wasn't watching, I turned the corner on my bike and carried on pedalling. There! See! I told you I could cycle round the block by myself.
'Excuse me?'
A Nought man with light-brown hair and dark-brown, almost black eyes stepped right out in front of me. If I hadn't squeezed hard on my brakes, I would've crashed straight into him. As it was, I had to put my feet quickly down on the ground or me and my bike would've toppled over.
'Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you,' smiled the man. 'I'm looking for a woman called Sephy Hadley. I was told she lives around here somewhere. D'you know where I might find her?'
'She's my—'
I bit off the rest of the words. How many times had Mum and both nanas told me never to talk to strangers? The man started walking towards me. My mouth was suddenly as dry as a cream cracker. I pushed back with the balls of my feet so me and my bike moved backwards. The man stopped moving.
'D'you know her?' the man asked again.
'I'm not supposed to talk to strangers,' I told him.
I had a quick glance around. The road was suddenly empty. There was no one around but the strange, tall man – and me. And I wasn't even on the same road as my house any more.
'I have to go now,' I said, one foot back on the pedal.
'No, wait. I'm not going to harm you, I promise.'
'But if you were, you wouldn't exactly tell me, would you?'
The man smiled. 'No, I guess I wouldn't. But I'm looking for Sephy Hadley because I'm hoping she can tell me about a man called Callum McGregor. I've been away for a while and I need to find out where he is.'
One of my feet was on the ground, but I was ready to cycle away like crazy if I had to.
'Who are you?' I asked, still keeping my distance.
'Well, I asked you first!' the man smiled. 'D'you know where Sephy Hadley lives?'
'Are you a friend of hers?' I asked.
The man sighed and shook his head. 'Not really. You see, Sephy and I had a quarrel a long, long time ago and we haven't spoken since. And now I really want to make it up to her – and Callum. I want, more than anything, to put the past behind me.'
'Oh, I see,' I said. I slowly took my foot off the pedal and put it back on the pavement. 'Well, you can't see Callum. He died before I was born.'
'Callum's dead?'
The man stumbled back as if my words had just knocked him off his feet.
'Are you OK?' I asked.
'Yes . . . no . . . I . . . I can't believe Callum's dead. How did he die?'
'In a car accident,' I told him.
The man looked stunned, then his eyes narrowed briefly.
'Who told you that?' he asked sharply.
'My mum. Callum McGregor was my dad,' I replied.
The man stared at me. 'You're Callie Rose?'
'Yeah . . .' I put my right foot back on the pedal.
'And Callum's dead?'
'That's right.'
'And who told you he died in a car accident?'
'My mum. Why?'
'I just wondered,' said the man.
The way he was looking at me was making me feel uncomfortable. 'Who are you?' I asked.
The man replied, 'My name is Jude.'