Chaste (McCullough Mountain) (50 page)

He
grew up with a mother that would have wiped his ass until he was an adult if he’d
allowed her. He never had to worry about his clothes being clean or his bed
being made. Food always magically appeared and his mum even knew when his
shaving cream was low.

Ashlynn
was much more independent minded. The McCullough women were in no way weak. The
men of their family wouldn’t know what to do without them. But they were the
types who thrived on taking care of their men.

They
were all incredible, capable women, but they all worked in the home. It wasn’t
right for him to pin all this domestic stuff on Ashlynn when she had her own
business to run. The problem was, he had a business too. There just wasn’t
enough time in the day to do what needed to get done, spend time together, and
take care of all the little shit that was left.

He’d
never even gone on a date with his wife. That realization shocked him to the
core. As he stared at the ceiling, he vowed that he’d do better. He loved her
and didn’t want to lose her. He wanted her back in his arms and wanted to see
those brown eyes looking up at him with admiration once more.

The
other night she confessed again that she’d loved him since she met him. Was she
talking about since they started hanging out or was she referring to before
then?

He
contemplated all the encounters they’d shared over the years. Every memory of
her included the same affectionate glances. Those big brown eyes warm with
yearning.

If
it was true and she’d always had a thing for him, she was probably sorely
disappointed in their reality. Kelly was worth a few fun nights and after the
magic wore off he was just an average guy.

A
strange sense of disappointment filled him as he considered she might have
fallen for an illusion. His reputation preceded him, but she should have known
the real him before agreeing to be his wife.

The
more he thought about it the more angry he got. Their entire marriage was a
sham based on good sex and common courtesy. If he didn’t do something soon,
they were both going to end up resenting each other forever.

Chapter Nineteen

Ashlynn
awoke to the scent of bacon cooking. When she turned the bed was unoccupied and
her heart pinched at the absence of his warmth and strength she’d grown used to
finding wrapped around her.

She
used the bathroom and when she stripped her clothes she found the hamper empty.
Her wrist wasn’t hurting as bad today, so she carefully unwound the bandage and
took a shower.

Her
hand was bruised, but the swelling had gone down. She was able to button her
pants again and that was a relief. As she went down the steps she heard Kelly
singing some Irish melody.

She
stilled at the door of the kitchen. The table was set and he was cooking at the
stove. She glanced at the trash bin in the corner. It was filled with bottles
still containing liquor. What happened while she was sleeping?

The
house smelled like bacon and lemons. Had he cleaned?

“You’re
up.”

She
met his stare and asked, “Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”

He
smiled and shut off the burner, placing the skillet at the back of the stove.
“I didn’t know how you liked your eggs or how you took your coffee so I waited
to make that stuff last.”

He
ushered her to a seat at the table and she eyed him curiously.

“Scrambled
or
sunnyside
?”

She’d
intended to address their issues, but his overwhelming attention was
distracting. “Um, scrambled.”

He
poured her a cup of coffee. “What’s your poison?”

“Just
cream, please.”

He
doctored up her cup and slid it in front of her. Turning back to the stove he
said, “After I do the dishes we can go into town to pick up your new glasses
before church. If you need the truck today, you can use it, unless your wrist
is still bothering you. If you can’t drive and need to go somewhere I can take
you.”

His
eagerness to help her was disarming and filled her with a warm buttery
sensation. Her brow pinched with confusion. How long had she slept? This was
not the man she’d dealt with the night before. “I need to go to the market for
a little bit. We’re expecting a shipment.”

He
nodded, flipping the eggs in the pan. “Okay. I was thinking later on we could
go out to dinner. Someplace nice.”

“Kelly…what’s
happening?”

He
turned and faced her, spatula in hand. “What do you mean?”

“I
mean this isn’t how we normally do things.”

“I
know. I don’t like the way we normally do things. We both work too much and
don’t spend enough time together. When we’re home you’re always busy doing
laundry or other stuff. I don’t like that either. I’m sort of an Ashlynn hog,
so if pitching in means more quality time, I’ll do what I have to do.”

Dumbfounded,
she simply said, “Your eggs are burning.”

“Shit!”

That
morning at mass, she prayed hard for some guidance. Kelly seemed to have
reached a decision about them—a good decision—yet she sort of felt left behind.
He was so incredible on so many levels, there was no doubt he could do anything
he put his mind to. Acknowledging that her own undervaluing of herself had
drilled the assumption home that
she
would
never be enough for a man like Kelly wasn’t the easiest thing to admit. But it
was there, in the back of her mind all along.

Insecurity
was a dangerous thing. Kelly was trying. His efforts, this morning alone, were
beyond evident. It should have warmed her heart that she was motivation enough
to provoke such a turn around, but it had the opposite effect. It frightened
her and pushed all her shortcomings into the light. There was a need to
compromise and she, too, would have to bend.

Change
was taking place. As the homily echoed over the parishioners, her mind focused
on ways she could be a better wife. There was no denying her husband’s affirmed
willingness to make this partnership work. That meant give and take and she
could surely give a little more than she had so far.

After
church they picked up her glasses and went to the market. Kelly called Sue on
the way and told her to write up a help wanted ad for the paper.

Once
he got off the phone, Ashlynn asked, “Are you hiring a new bartender?”

He
pulled into a parking space. “I think I need to cut back my hours. I work well
over sixty hours a week. Financially, I’m fine. If I could hire a new bartender
and a couple extra waitresses part time, I could keep my hours to mostly
weekends and just use the weekdays to handle the office end of things.”

Eventually
they’d have to review their finances. Perhaps the stress of an early winter
wouldn’t have freaked her out so much had she taken the time to really evaluate
their situation and talk to him. She’d assumed they’d cross that bridge around
tax season. More assumptions, more miscommunication.

She
shook her head. It was time they started talking. “When did you decide all
this?”

“Last
night. I have some other stuff I want to discuss with you, too, when you have
time.”

She
unbuckled her seatbelt and faced him. “I have time now.”

“I
was thinking you should hire a manager.”

Her
lips closed. This was her market. She didn’t need him telling her how to run
her business. “Kelly—”

He
held up his hands. “Just hear me out.”

Why
did she have such a wall up? It wasn’t just her market anymore. It was theirs.
Being alone for the majority of her life might have played a hand in her
difficulty accepting help from others. There was nothing flattering about being
so closed minded.

Relaxing
her shoulders, she said, “I’m sorry. Go ahead.”

His
mouth curved as he nodded. “Eventually you’ll be pregnant, Ashlynn. There’s no
way you can keep these hours when that happens. It won’t be good for you or the
baby. And what happens when we have kids? I think it’s smart to look for the
help now before you’re in a bind.”

He
had a point, but she wanted to clarify a few things. “How do you see us
functioning once we have kids, Kelly? Do you think I’ll eventually close my
store so I can be at home and attend soccer games?”

“No,
but if our kids play sports or dance or whatever I don’t expect you to miss a
game and neither will I. That’s what parenting is, making time for what really
matters. That’s family.”

She
thought for a moment. He was correct. She knew what it was like not to have a
mother in the stands. It undermined her motivation to participate as a child
and somehow the world had floated by without her.

“Okay,
Kelly. You cut back your hours and I’ll look into cutting back mine. I hate
that you don’t get home until after I’m asleep and we rarely share a meal. I
want us to have a family, but first we need to work out how to have a
marriage.”

He
leaned in and kissed her. “Thank you.”

It
wasn’t a sensual kiss by any means, yet it left her trembling. Did he have any
idea how lucky she was to actually have
him
?
She whispered his words back. “Thank you.”

The
shipment arrived and Kelly helped her go over the order. He asked a lot of
questions regarding her business and actually had some good ideas pertaining to
her accounting when she showed him the program she used. She realized she’d
underestimated his business sense and that made her wonder what else she’d
overlooked.

His
optimistic approach seemed to affect the mood of the entire day. As Ashlynn
dressed for dinner, she frowned over her jeans and plain shirt. She only had
two skirts and no dressy shoes for the colder months.

She
must have been dawdling, because Kelly came looking for her. “Ash?” She sat on
the bed. “What are you doing?”

“I
have nothing to wear.”

He
laughed. “That isn’t something I’m used to you saying.”

Probably
because she was more like a man when it came to dressing herself. The nice
jeans he’d chosen for himself and the button down dress shirt that matched his
eyes gave her more of an inferiority complex. Even his shoes were shiny. “You
look nice.”

“So
do you. Come on, let’s eat.”

She
pursed her lips. How could he honestly think that? She was a female farm hick.
Self-loathing tightened her chest and she turned her gaze away as her eyes began
to sting.

Kelly
came to the bed and kneeled in front of her. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“I
don’t want to go out like this?”

“Like
what? There’s nothing wrong with what you’re wearing.”

“I’m
one step up from a lumberjack.”

He
smiled and mumbled, “Sexiest lumberjack I ever saw.”

She
laughed quietly. He was so sweet, always making her feel better. If only he
knew how hard she actually was on herself. He balanced her. “I don’t know how
to dress like a woman.”

He
seemed to consider this. While she knew her appearance didn’t bother him, it
bothered her. He stood. “Give me a few minutes.”

“Where
are you going?”

He
went to the door. “Just…give me a few minutes. Relax.”

She
waited for almost a half an hour for Kelly to return. It was getting dark when lights
shined across her window as someone pulled into the driveway. Frowning she went
to the door.

“She’s
upstairs. Thanks for coming.”

Ashlynn
didn’t know who Kelly was talking to, but really didn’t want anyone else
involved. As she stood in the hall a glossy, head of beautiful red hair came
into view and she sucked in a breath.

“Hey,”
Sheilagh said.

“What
are you doing here?” The pain from the day before returned as she faced the
orchestrator of her humiliation.

Kelly’s
sister’s smile faltered. “Kelly called and said my services were needed.” She
held up a bag and something that looked like a tackle box. “I brought clothes
and makeup.”

Ashlynn
stepped back. “No, thank you.” She couldn’t do this.

Sheilagh
blinked. “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

Mad.
Humiliated. Betrayed. “Thanks for coming, but you can leave now.” Why did Kelly
invite her here? Ashlynn turned and shut herself in their bedroom. Sitting on
the bed, she dropped her face to her hands.

The
door opened a second later and Sheilagh stepped in, tossing her bag and box on
the floor. Damn pushy McCulloughs. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Fine.
Ashlynn could do this. She wasn’t ashamed of who she was. “I found your little
bet.”

“What
bet—oh…” Her face turned contrite.

“Yeah.
Oh. So as you can imagine, you’re the last person I want to help me right now.”

Sheilagh’s
shoulders sagged. “It was just in fun.”