Charming Grace (20 page)

Breathless silence. He stares at her, incredulous.

HARP

You know you’re the only reason I’m alive and you’re all that keeps me alive. . .you know I’ve loved you since that day with the ceramic Santa Claus and I’ll love you until I die and after I die—

She throws herself at him and they kiss passionately.

GRACE

You’re so morbid. Don’t talk about dying all the time. I’ll marry you. We’ll elope. Right now.

HARP

Are you sure? No Miss America?

GRACE

I’m sure. No Miss America. Mrs. Harp Vance, instead.

HARP

My ladyslipper. Nobody can stand in our way if we face the world—together!

Chapter 10

“So I told Mika, ‘Nobody can stand in our way if we face the world—together!’”

Leo delivered that line in a voice that cracked on the last couple of words, though he stood like a proud soldier in front of Stone when he said it. We were in the big den of Casa Senterra Dahlonega. The filming in soggy Alabama had left the Stone Man damp and grumpy, a first-time director with a twenty-million-dollar feature film that was already behind schedule. It didn’t help to have his only son stand in front of him and ‘fess up to being Grace’s spy.

“Don’t quote my own script to me!” Stone yelled. “That’s a stupid line! I made that line up! Harp Vance never said it in real life! It’s sap! Don’t quote it as an excuse for what you and this Mika girl did!” Stone wobbled wildly in a big leather exec chair with polished antelope horns for armrests. The chair looked like it might jump up and butt Leo if Stone told it to. I stepped up next to the kid. “Leo did the right thing.”

“Oh, Mr. Punch The Security Guard And Cost Me Two-Thousand Dollars In Dental Bills has something to say. Okay, spit it out.”

“Leo didn’t do this to hurt you. He did it to help you.”

Leo nodded. “Help you see the light of enlightened and noble—”

“I don’t want to be enlightened. If I want to be enlightened I’ll turn on a lamp!”

“Dad, I’m nineteen. We can have an adult discussion without you yelling.”

“You help Grace set me up for the
National Enquirer
then you help her niece try to steal my script then you ask me to treat you like a grown man? Hell, son, when I was an Army Ranger I used to eat wimpy excuse makers like you for breakfast and shit them out for lunch.”

“I’ll get you some salt and pepper, Dad—”

“Leo did the smart thing,” I said. “It could help the movie.”

Stone stopped swiveling. He gaped at me. “Do tell.”

“What better way to soften Grace up than for Leo to make friends with her and her family? Earn their trust. Get them on your side. Show everybody Harp’s kin are all for the film. Leo and me, we’ve got a plan. It’s working, too.”

“It is?” Leo whispered.

“Lines of communication have been opened. We’re makin’ nice with the ladies. They’re makin’ nice back.”

Leo caught on and nodded avidly. “Grace bandaged Boone’s knuckles and held the ice pack on them herself yesterday.”

And it was the sexiest ice massage I’ve ever had in my life
, I thought, remembering the feel of her hands on mine. We’d sat in the back gardens at Bagshaw Downs while Leo and Mika made eyes at each other in a gazebo not far from us. And Grace had held my hand in hers, with the ice pack. And it had felt good down to my toes with side trips along the way.

Stone squinted at me. “Ahah. So you’re charming her like I told you to. Good work. You’re smoothing the road so she won’t try to hurt me or my movie, again.”

“Can’t promise I’ve defanged her. But she didn’t toss Leo out of her house and tell him to keep his paws off her niece, so that’s progress.”

Stone looked at his son with new respect. “Maybe I overreacted. I’m sorry. You made pals with Grace’s niece for my sake?”

“Well, I—”

“She’s a great girl and you’ll like her,” I told Stone quick, before Leo could be too honest. “She likes Leo and Leo likes her, and that’s
amore
.”

Stone squinted at me. “Who are you—the Cajun Dean Martin?”

“Look, all that matters is that Leo charmed Grace
and
Grace’s granny
and
Grace’s niece. He’s a one-man charm squad. And that’s good for Senterra Productions.”

Stone sank back in the antelope chair. “All right. Sorry I yelled, Leo. Look, I’m just glad you’ve finally got a girlfriend. I was getting worried.”

Leo sighed. “I’m an ordinary geek, Dad, not a gay geek.”

“All right, all right.” He rubbed his forehead. “God, what a headache. Does Martin Scorsese go through this kind of crap on his film sets? Does James Cameron? Can’t you just picture Grace Vance and her witch coven on the set of
Titanic
? Cameron’d be yelling to all the extras, ‘No, no, don’t jump overboard, it’s not an iceberg, it’s just Grace Vance.’ Agggh. I’m craving carbs again.” He thrust his hand reached inside a cigar box on his twenty-foot inlaid teak desk. His hand emerged with a three-inch square of Dahlonega’s
Fudge Factory
peanut butter fudge. I scowled at the cigar box and made a mental note to swipe his newest fudge hidey-hole before Kanda got word. She’d be packing him off to
Fudge Anonymous
.

An elaborate phone console beeped. Stone’s assistant spoke. “Your sister’s on line one, Mr. Senterra.”

“Thanks.”

Stone bit off a chunk of rich brown fudge then stabbed a button. Diamond’s brassy, Amazon-from-Jersey voice bawled out, “I’ll take care of this mess with Grace Vance’s niece, Big Brother. I’m on my way from L.A.
right now
with my shit list out and my pencil ready to take names,
capice
? That freak geek niece of Grace’s is gonna be nothing but buttered half-brown toast when I get through with her, don’t worry. I’ll broil her little Afro-lite booty—”

“Sis!” He spat the unchewed fudge into one hand. “Leo likes her!”

“What do you mean he likes her? She’s the enemy. He
can’t
like her.”

“Aunt Diamond, I’m listening,” Leo said stiffly.

Silence. I could almost hear her gulp. “Leo? Sweetie? You’re there?”

“Yes, I’m here. And I want you to know Mika DuLane is someone I respect and care about.” He leaned over the speaker phone. “I don’t want you to give her any trouble or make any more remarks about her racial heritage.”

“Leo! Honey!” Diamond had a soft spot for her nephew. Maybe because she’d been picked on by her own father as a kid. Or maybe because even a Tasmanian Devil is kindly toward its brother’s cubs. At any rate, she and Leo had always been close. He’d called Diamond
Aunt Deedeeda
when he was little. If anyone else had called her Aunt Deedeeda she’d have dee-deed their da. “Leo. If Mika’s your friend I think that’s just. . . cool. Great. You know I’m all for whatever makes my little Leo the Lion happy.”

“Then don’t make racist remarks.”

“I was just joking, Leo the Lionhearted, sweetie—”

“Don’t make jokes about her in general.”

“Sure, sweetie. Hey, this is your Aunt Deedeeda speaking. No problemo. Okay?”

Stone groaned. “Sis, just drop the subject. Boone says we’ll have Grace
and
her niece eating out of our hands soon, thanks to Leo makin’ nice with them. Boone, tell Diamond what you told me. Sis, listen. Boone, tell her.”

The line went very quiet. Then, “Your Cajun
oui
-man is there?”

Stone frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean? Wee man? What the hell’s a wee man? You gotta problem with Boone? Spit it out.”

Silence. The hissing sound was steam coming out of her ears. Never be in the room when Diamond got a comeuppance from her beloved big bro. She was like a wounded wolverine, and she blamed me for it. So naturally I leaned over the phone and poked her with a stick. “Howdy do, Aunt Deedeeda.”

“Fu….you,” Diamond muttered. The line went dead.

Stone frowned. “Fuh what? Fuh who? Musta been a bad connection.”

Leo looked at him grimly. “Dad, I don’t want to hear Aunt Diamond or anyone else make remarks about Mika. And that includes you, Dad.”

Holy
merde
. A rare case of open-faced Leo rebellion. I nodded to myself.
The kid’s growing a set, finally
.

Stone stared at him impatiently, without a clue. “Relax, kid. Nobody’s dissing your girlfriend. I’ve got no beef with my kid dating a black girl. It’s not like you’re going to marry her or something.”

“Dad, I find that remark to be incredibly—”

“Napoleon,” I said, and clamped a hand on Leo’s shoulder. “Stop before you get to Waterloo. Run off with Josephine and count your blessings.”

Leo shut his mouth.

Stone never even noticed. He slapped the desktop happily. “Okay. Discussion’s over. I’m enlightened. Boone, you and Leo keep luring the Vance women into my clutches. I’ll get Grace’s seal of approval for this film, yet. Okay, you two are dismissed. Beat it. I’ve got a production meeting. Go do some more luring.”

Leo and I walked outside and stood looking across a shady backyard filled with a swimming pool and Stone’s exercise equipment. I could just see a little whitewashed house on the knoll next door, buried behind honeysuckle vines and the thick arms of giant oaks. High up in the oaks, a little-boy face peered out at me like a midget in a leaf suit. He lived in the little house. I had gotten the low-down on him at the Wagon Wheel. Brian. Parents dead, living with his granny, and granny worked for Helen Bagshaw as an assistant housekeeper. He was spying on Stone’s backyard for Grace’s benefit. And I let him.

I winked at him.

He disappeared like a squirrel on dog alert.

Leo slumped. “You saved my wimpy bacon in there. Just like you did on that insane raft trip down the Colorado. Thank you.”

“Nah. You did it yourself.”

“He hates me. He wishes I’d drowned that day on the river. Died like a man when he threw me out of the raft.
Blub blub
. See? I can take it like a man.
Blub
. If you hadn’t disobeyed his orders and dived in after me—”

“He loves ya. Loves ya like crazy. He just doesn’t know how to deal with a son who has a big brain and little biceps, instead of the other way around.”

Leo sighed. “He thinks I’m capable of cold-blooded seduction. But I refuse to treat Mika as a sexual conquest. My mother would revoke my lifetime membership in the
National Organization of Women
.”

“Relax, hoss. Mika’s already on your side.”

He brightened. “You think so? Really? I’m crazy about her.”

“If she was any
more
on your side she’d pull out her feathers and make a love nest in her computer bag.”

Leo grinned. “So I’m chick bait, huh? I like it.” He rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Okay. So what do we do, next?”

I pondered the spring sunshine and listened to the birds. I looked at the spot high up in the trees, where Grace’s miniature spy had hidden. All for the love of Grace.
Have faith in love
, a chickadee sang.
Risk falling out of the nest.

“We’ll take our birds a gift,” I said.

As I headed out the door at Bagshaw Downs to meet my cousin Dew and start on my latest multi-state lecture tour of high schools, G. Helen followed me in a froth of silk blouse and snug tan pants. Mika was already waiting in the car. “I’m not leaving her with you, you bad influence,” I told G. Helen.

My grandmother wasn’t fazed. With her tinted red hair up in a twist and her girly figure making her look a good deal less than nearly seventy years old, she sashayed after me with a white-tipped nail wagging in the dappled sun of the veranda. “May I speak frankly?”

“G. Helen, have you ever not spoken frankly?”

“You’re still determined to be pissed over my pragmatic deception, which was for your own good.”

We halted in the towering shadows of the veranda’s jasmine. White columns held up the mansion around us, held up the sky, held up a cushy Bagshaw world. I couldn’t stop thinking how Boone had looked sitting there in that softly fractured light, a force of his own nature, a deep Southern river of stubborn hope and sex and damaged dreams, pulling my pristine mountain light to himself. “I’m listening,” I said, a little breathless.

“After your grandfather died I took up with a boyfriend within six months. No brag, just fact. And I’ve kept myself in the pink ever since. Even now, in my
dotage
, I’m getting plenty.”

“Like that’s a surprise? The whole family, the whole town, the whole
county
knows you and your new honey are cavorting around the woods at Chestatee Ridge like teenagers with a blanket and a bong.”

“Jack Roarke doesn’t
cavort
. We’re partners in a real estate project. We’re going to build houses. When you come back from your trip I’ll introduce you to Jack. You’ll like him.”

“I’m glad you have a wild and wonderful sex life.”

“No, you’re not glad. You adore me but deep-down you suspect I’m self-centered and hedonistic. So let me explain something to you, in case you haven’t paid attention to the family’s whispers over the years. Your grandfather married me over the horrified objections of just about every Bagshaw in this county. I was nothing, nobody, too young and too coarse to be a Bagshaw—he knew it and I did, too. But he was homely and shy and I was the most beautiful tight-assed white-trash teenager he could ever dream of owning.”