Charcoal Tears (36 page)

She didn’t say anything, and I walked to her, opening my arms. She fell forward, and we both collapsed to the ground, since I wasn’t anywhere near as tall as her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and slumped against me, wetting my stolen shirt with her tears as I hugged her shoulders. I wondered why nobody else had stayed with her.

“I have to tell you something.” My voice was muffled by her hair, so I cleared my throat and forced the words to sound stronger. “There will never be a right time to tell you,”
still,
I paused,
maybe I should wait
, “but waiting might hurt you even more.”

She quietened her crying and spoke against my collarbone, her voice splintered with anguish. “It can’t get much worse.”

“There’s someone after me. It started back in Seattle. He followed me for months, taking pictures of me in my home, at work, at school, and then leaving me creepy messages. He wanted me to stay away from Noah and Cabe—he even tried to kidnap them and…”
and that was when the first person died because of me
. I cleared my throat, and realised that Poison had gone completely still, her crying dissolving into silence. “One of my paintings was on your brother. He… it was the same guy: the one who has been following me. He left me another message. It’s my fault, Poison, and I’m so sorry. This never should have happened—”

“You found him?” She reared back, her nails digging into my arms. “Where?”

“He was buried in a graveyard. He didn’t have any injuries, that I could see.”

Her eyes took on a glazed look and she fell back, turning her blank gaze to the pool beside us.

“Buried,” she repeated.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, thinking of Tariq and how much it would destroy me if anything happened to him. My throat grew tight and Poison’s face wavered before me as the tears gathered in my own eyes, my nails biting into my palms. I didn’t know what to do for her, I didn’t know how to make it better.

I didn’t know how she was holding herself together.

We sat like that for a long time. I started to get anxious because I didn’t want the police to get suspicious of the Lincoln parked by the road—especially since the boys were covered in graveyard dirt—but I couldn’t bring myself to rouse Poison from her stupor. It wasn’t until I heard footsteps outside the door leading into the pool area that I touched her. My hand on her shoulder seemed to jerk her into motion, and she slumped back into me, silent sobs shuddering through her. The door opened and a policewoman looked in on us.

“Found her,” she called back over her shoulder.

She walked into the room with a man behind her, and they both came to a stop beside us. The woman crouched down, putting a hand on Poison’s back, but Poison pulled away.

“Can I go?” Her voice was as rough as sandpaper.

“Do you have anywhere to stay?” The woman looked unsure.

“She’s staying with me,” I said immediately. “She’s my cousin.”

“Alright then.” The woman nodded. “Give me your details and I’ll be in touch tomorrow.”

She handed me a pad and I hovered my pen over the paper, writing down the address for the mountain home. I also wrote down my fake name and then searched Poison’s pockets for her phone. I navigated to Cabe’s phone number and wrote that down, handing the pad back to the woman. I nudged Poison up and grabbed her hand, pulling her back toward the main house with the officers following behind.

“Where’s your room?” I asked Poison. “We’ll grab a few things for you.”

I followed where she pointed, and then I filled up a bag. Once I was fairly sure that I had everything, I led her out of the house toward the street. The Lincoln wasn’t where it was parked before, but I knew it would be close by so I just kept walking. They spotted me before I spotted them, and the engine came to life down the road. They pulled up beside us and I bundled Poison into the back, getting in after her. She stared ahead the entire drive home, saying nothing about the muddy clothing on the floor of the car or the dirt-encrusted arms of the boys.

When we got home, I took her straight to my bedroom, where Tabby came rushing in with Silas and Quillan—who were now showered and dressed in clean clothes. I took Poison into the bathroom and Tabby followed, closing and locking the door behind her. We helped the silent girl into the shower and then sat back against the bench.

“How did you find him?” Tabby asked eventually.

The shower water turned off immediately, but Poison didn’t show her face.

“I found a map.” I looked at the floor as I spoke, the shame slamming into me. I had showed up too late to save Aiden. I
should
have saved him.

She didn’t seem to understand what I was saying. I didn’t blame her. It didn’t make sense. “What were Miro and Silas doing there? They were supposed to be on assignment tonight.”

“You haven’t asked them?”

“They said I wasn’t allowed to know… please tell me what’s going on.” Tabby was pleading with me, tears rolling down her face, and there was only so much that I could take tonight.

“I’m their Atmá.” I met her teary gaze with no emotion. I locked it all away; the pain and the fear; the feeling of wholeness and lightness; the explosive re-sealing of my soul; and the horrible sense of premonition that was already tickling at the base of my neck, warning me to say no more than was necessary.

“M-Miro and S-Silas?” Her eyes grew wide, taking on a wild, uncontrollable look that made me flinch back.

I nodded. The bond hadn’t been formed with Cabe and Noah yet, so she didn’t need to know about that. She stumbled from the bench, whirled and faced me, her hair spinning out in a cloud around her face.

“You…” she said, grabbing a hold of my face.

I didn’t know what emotion was flaring out from her eyes, and the unease spiked within me.

“Seph?” Quillan knocked on the bathroom door. “Everything okay?”

Tabby whirled to the door and then back to me, excitement and dumbfounded hope chasing over her features. She reached back and slapped me hard, sending me reeling back against the mirror, cracking my head onto the glass. Pain ricocheted through my skull and Quillan banged his fists on the door.

“Seph! What the hell? Open the door!”

“It’s
true
!” Tabby grabbed my head again and kissed my smarting cheek, and then fell back again to continue staring at me with that wild look. “They felt that, didn’t they?”

“Can I have a moment?” came a small voice from the shower cubicle.

We both whirled to face Poison, who was looking directly at Tabby. Tabby gave a short nod, looking back to me again for a split second, and then she was moving toward the door. Poison disappeared back inside the shower as Tabby opened the door and Quillan and Silas spilled into the bathroom, going straight for me.

“I’m fine,” I muttered. Silas’s hand found the back of my head, somehow knowing exactly where I was hurting the most.

Quillan hovered protectively between us and Tabby, but the woman only smiled—a chilling curve to her lips—and left the bathroom. 

“I’m fine,” I repeated, pulling Silas’s hand away. It felt so good to have him near, and everything inside me was screaming to pull my pairs close and huddle up in a corner somewhere far away where people like Tabby couldn’t see us and people like the messenger couldn’t find us.

Instead, I gave Silas a small push. His dark eyes narrowed, darting over me, but he finally nodded and spun out of the bathroom, Quillan following him. I sighed, locking the door behind them, and then I opened the shower door and reached past Poison to turn the taps back on. Her blond hair was stuck to her neck, and she looked like a wide-eyed, drowned Chihuahua. She had her arms hugged around herself, and she was sitting against the shower wall, her knees pulled to her chest. I fiddled with the taps until they were the right temperature, but when I moved to back out of the shower she grabbed my leg, shaking her head.

I gently extracted her fingers and stepped out, pulling off my stolen jeans and shirt before I got back in and closed the shower door. I sat against the wall beside her in my underwear, and we stared at the falling water together.

“You’re bonded to the Quillans,” she finally said, her head falling to rest against mine.

“And the Adairs. And my real name is Seraph, not Stephanie.”

Her laugh echoed through the bathroom, loud and shocked and unwilling, like I had persuaded it out against her will. After she was finished, she started crying again, and I found her hands, clasping them in mine.

“I liked your brother,” I whispered. “He was a nice person.”

She didn’t respond.

Clarin returned home drunk some time later, with tears streaking his face. I had shown him to my room where Poison was sleeping, and he had staggered straight to the bed, yanking back the covers and pulling the girl to him as he cried into her shoulder. I watched as she came awake and stroked his back, her brown eyes meeting mine over his heaving shoulders. I didn’t know when Poison had become my friend, but just like Noah and Cabe, she had bulldozed into my life without warning, and had planted herself directly in my path. I couldn’t walk around her, and she was too tall to jump over.

She was there to stay.

I hated to see the mischievous spark dulled to an echo of torment, and I vowed that this would be the last person killed in my name. I flicked off the light and left Clarin and Poison, retreating back to the dining room where the boys were gathered. We had gone over everything five times over, and couldn’t piece together how the messenger had found me, or how he had been around us both in Seattle and here, and yet… we had never noticed him. As soon as I walked through the door, Silas and Quillan stood. They walked past me wordlessly. I felt them drawing further and further away, and could even tell when they split to go to their separate rooms. Noah and Cabe each grabbed one of my hands and drew me away. I didn’t pay attention to where they took me, until we spilled into a bedroom and the click of the lock turning seemed to reverberate through my body.

I spun, backing away from them, holding my hands up. Cabe arched a brow, surprised at my reaction.

“I know.” My voice was shaking, so I paused and cleared my throat, taking another step back, my retreat slow and measured. “I know what you’re going to do.” The waver in my tone was still there, and I watched as their expressions shuttered at exactly the same time, walls slamming into place over their incredulity until nothing but careful vacancy remained. “I know you have to complete the bond now that the others have.”

“Why are you backing away like we’re about to attack you then?” Noah’s mask broke enough for the hint of a smile to hook the side of his mouth.

“I…”

They stepped forward at the same time, and the movement was so fluid that it had me stepping back even further. They shared a look.

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I stuttered. The image of Quillan’s heartbroken expression assaulted me. I couldn’t go through that again. “I guess it’s why I haven’t been demanding answers from you guys this whole time. I knew that something was happening and I knew that it wasn’t normal, but I felt powerless to stop it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it. When I thought that you were trying to wait out the bond I kind of jumped on it, I… I think on some level it was easier to believe than… than the truth. I didn’t even consider the fact that you both still have something like six years until you reach the cut-off age, unlike Miro and Silas. It was too easy to think the worst of you all, to take the easy way out of all of this. Even
if the easy way felt like it was killing me.”

I broke off my rambling, scaring myself with the truth that had tumbled, unbidden from my lips. I expected them to be angry, or upset, or maybe I even expected some kind of supernatural pain to start ripping through us, forcing us together as it had Quillan and me after Silas had started the bond. Instead, they looked at each other again and then split apart, Noah moving to sit on the edge of the bed and Cabe cautiously approaching me.

“Seph.” Cabe shook his head at me. “What are you talking about?”

“I
know
,” I flicked my eyes to Noah before settling them back on Cabe again, “about the bond, and what it is. Did you really think that I would still be clueless, after Silas and Miro
kissed
me? After I felt what I felt?”

“That doesn’t mean anyth—” Noah attempted.

“No,” I interrupted. “You can’t hide it from me anymore, though I don’t blame you for trying. I spoke to Aiden, and Danny, they told me everything.”

“Danny?” Noah sounded confused, but Cabe seemed to understand. There was a flicker of pain in his eyes as he took another step forward, capturing my hand.

I allowed his fingers to press around mine, giving him whatever comfort he needed, whatever assurance he sought, even if it wasn’t real.

“It’s a lot to take in, we get that,” Cabe said gently, as Noah’s head fell into his hands, a resigned sigh escaping him. “We’ve always known that one day, we would have to share someone. That doesn’t make it easy—”

“It’s not right,” I spat out, unable to hide whatever condemning emotion carried on my tone. Cabe flinched back a step, but he still held onto my hand. “Give me time.” I pleaded with them, swallowing my anger. “That’s all I need. Time to get my head properly around it.”

“Alright.” Cabe nodded. “We don’t need to do this today. We had thought that there would be some negative affects of only forming one of the bonds, but the truth is, we have no idea. This is new territory for all of us.”

“You can do that? Keep prolonging it, I mean?”

“Of course.” Noah stood from the bed and reached for my free hand, the sheer magnetism that he always possessed enough to force me forward, until I slipped my hand into his, until I was once again clinging to the both of them. “What do you think we’ve been doing this whole time?”

“Actually, that’s a really good question,” I said as Cabe tucked his fingers more securely through mine. “How is it that I knew the others for a year before you two even turned up? And why did they keep their distance from me for all of that time?”