Channel 20 Something (19 page)

Aric let out a breath. “So you don’t want to be my girlfriend because you don’t think there’s any future in this?”

I lifted my eyebrows and gave him an apologetic smile. “Maybe it’s not very romantic to say it, but chances are, there
is
no future in this. We should probably, I don’t know, try to have fun while it lasts?” I reached out and stroked a hand from his neck down his chest and smoothed it across his abdomen. “We probably shouldn’t be here at all, but apparently we can’t stay away from each other.”

What I didn’t say was since our very first kiss,
of course
I’d had thoughts of Aric in the long term. Apparently, I had a brain that just went there—I’d started planning my wedding with Josh a week after our first amazing date. But I’d lived and learned since then. And there was no way I could deal with such heavy feelings and devastating loss ever again.

When Hale had wanted to get serious rather quickly, I’d successfully worked to keep things on a more gradual wait-and-see course. Based on the way I felt about Aric already, I’d have to be even more careful when it came to him. Obviously, my body was ready and willing to dive in all the way, but I couldn’t let my heart follow.

Aric studied my face, staying silent for a long time. This could go one of two ways—he’d be angry and kick me out of his bed, or go the more typical male route and take the free, no-strings-attached sex.

“Okay,” he said finally.

Great.
He’d opted for the sex. I rolled toward him with a smile.

He returned my smile and leaned in for a brief kiss. “I myself am a big believer in fate working these things out, but I can do fun.”

“Good. So, any ideas about what we can do for fun?” I ran a bare foot up and down his leg, giving him my most flirtatious look.

And Aric got out of bed.

I sat up and watched him search the floor for his boxers and put them on. “What are you doing?”

He looked up at me. “I think we’ve had enough fun for one night.”

“What?” Was he punishing me for not agreeing to some sort of commitment? “So you’re just… going to leave me here?”

“No, I’m coming back to bed. I needed to put something on first.” He glanced down at the top edge of the sheet I had clenched at my chest. “I’d appreciate it if you would, too. It would make this a lot easier on me.”

“Make what easier? What’s going on here?”

Aric came back to the bed and slid in beside me. “We’re not going to have sex.”

I stared at him, stunned. “We’re not?” My voice sounded as bewildered as I felt.

“No. Not until you’re ready.”

“But I
am
ready. Or at least I was until you decided to get all high and mighty on me.”

“I’m not being high and mighty. I’m trying to do this right.”

I purposely let the sheet fall, and to my satisfaction, Aric’s gaze immediately dropped to my exposed chest.

“This is ridiculous. It’s not like I’m a virgin or something.”

He pulled his eyes to my face and kept them studiously trained there. “No. But by all rights you should be.” Aric took my hand inside his. “That… asshole didn’t deserve to take your innocence. If he hadn’t lied to you, tricked you, you still
would
be a virgin. I’m not going to follow up his crime with one of my own.”

“
What?
Crime? Aric—I want to do this with you. I know you’re not like him.”

“That’s right. I’m not, and I’m going to prove it. We’re not going to sleep together until you know what you really want, and until what you really want… is
me
.”

“You don’t have to prove anything. I do want you.”

“For more than one night?” he asked, studying my face closely. “For more than two months?”

The two of us stayed unmoving, facing each other in the bed, him in his boxers, me in a sheet. A standoff in the semi-nude.

And then I was in motion, feet on the floor, grabbing my skirt from the chair in the corner and jerking it on ferociously. “This is so stupid. I can’t believe this. First Hale, now you. What kind of guy demands a commitment before he’ll have sex?”

“The kind who cares about more than sex. The kind who cares about
you
. Please don’t be mad.” Aric got out of the bed and came to stand in front of me. “I wondered last night what the hell was wrong with Hale, how he could have been with you for so long and not have slept with you. Now I get it—your first time was so wrong—your next time should be completely right. You wanted the romantic fairy tale. And I think deep inside you still do. You deserve to have it.”

“What I wanted was to have sex with you tonight, but you can bet I’ve gotten over
that.
And I
am
mad.” I pulled on my blouse without bothering to button it and went to the living room to find my shoes.

Aric followed me. “You won’t be once you cool down. Come on. Don’t leave like this.” He caught up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, hugging me close and whispering into my ear. “This is right, Heidi. You’ll see.” He pressed a soft kiss to my cheekbone.

I stopped and slumped back against him, my fury subsiding at his persuasive tone and his gentle touch. I still wasn’t happy, though. “The only thing I can see is you turned down the chance to sleep with me, and you’ll be lucky if you ever get another one.” I pouted, stewing in a gumbo of sexual frustration and embarrassment.

He chuckled at my empty threat. “I
would
be lucky to have you. But I’m holding out for the jackpot—keeping you.”

How exactly was I supposed to resist this guy? And he was right. I couldn’t stay mad at him. A few minutes later we were back in bed, snuggled together in a cozy spoon. Under the weight of his arm, against the radiant warmth of his body, I felt a sense of bliss I hadn’t felt, well, ever.

And there was no more fear about Aric—well at least about whether he was another Josh. Josh would never have stopped until he had gotten everything
he’d
wanted, regardless of what was good for me. No, Aric had turned out to be something entirely different. Someone I could open up to. Someone I could trust. Someone I could… love.

My eyelids flew open, and my heart seized in a new brand of panic. I must have moved, because in his sleep Aric made a muffled sound of protest and drew me back against him. I closed my eyes again and stayed still, but I didn’t sleep for a long, long time.

Although I knew the end of the road was coming for us, I couldn’t seem to resist any chance to be around Aric. Over the next month we spent almost all our free time together, though I had to fit in visits with my family at least twice a week. I didn’t tell them about him, but they must have suspected something, because they asked about him all the time. Maybe our on-air chemistry was a little too good. I couldn’t help it—I was happy. And I was changing, though I hated to admit it, even to myself.

It was harder and harder to deny what I felt for Aric, how much I was starting to need him. We talked, we played, we grew closer in every way, which was wonderful, but also terrifying. He opened up to me freely, without seeming to have reservations or second thoughts, and he never pressured me for more. Emotionally or physically.

And he’d been right—I shouldn’t sleep with him—I couldn’t—not if I was ever going to survive our coming separation. I was very firm in that opinion in the light of day. However, when our late-night make-out sessions got a little too hot, it was always Aric who found the will to pull away and give us both time to calm down, insisting we wait until the right time.

He was so confident that time would eventually come. But I couldn’t seem to relax into
us
the same way. When I was away from him, I missed him with an intensity that was frightening to acknowledge. When I was with him, I was right back in the tug-of-war match. A fierce attraction pulled me toward him with the inevitability of gravity, while I desperately dug my heels in, fighting to stay on my side of the line, to keep some sort of barrier between us against the pain that would certainly come when all this was over.

Hale called occasionally, and the conversation was always friendly with no mention of ultimatums or timeframes. Maybe I was a chicken, but honestly, if he wasn’t asking, I didn’t want to bring up our relationship status. We’d agreed a break meant freedom on both ends to explore other paths, and Hale sounded pretty happy lately.

He hadn’t asked if I was dating anyone or pressured me in any way. For all I knew, he’d met someone nice and was enjoying the kind of “quality time” with her I’d been having with Aric. I sort of hoped so—maybe then he’d say the words to make our break official and permanent, and I wouldn’t have to.

The thought of Hale with someone new didn’t bother me at all. That’s how I finally grasped I had never really loved him. Now the thought of Aric being with someone else—that really bothered me. Which is how he wound up where I never expected to see him—at my family’s dinner table.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” he’d argued Monday morning as I brushed my teeth in his bathroom. Daddy had dropped by the station the day before and got to talking with Aric about NFL teams. He’d shocked me by inviting Aric to come by the house for Monday Night Football. Aric stood behind me, talking to my reflection. “He promised me some real Southern cooking. How could I say no?”

I reached up and pinched Aric’s cheeks together, forcing his lips into a fish-mouth. “Like this, N-O.” I squeezed twice then let him go as he laughed at his silly face in the mirror.

“It’s going to be weird. And I’d really rather skip the whole thing,” I muttered through the foam.

“Okay. If that’s what you really want. Colleen asked if I wanted to go see a movie with her in Starkville, maybe grab a bite to eat. And since I apparently don’t have a
girlfriend
who’d object…”

I spit and rinsed then put my toothbrush into its plastic cup a little too hard, knocking it over into the sink. “Well, I guess since you’ve already accepted, it would be rude to cancel now. Mom’s probably been cooking since early this morning. Be there around kickoff time.”

His knowing chuckle burned me, but not as much as the image of Colleen wrapping herself around him, “scared” at the movies or feeding him bites of cheesecake in a café after dinner.

“Fine. You talked me into it,” Aric said, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me for a minty kiss. “I’ll come over.”

“You think you’ve won—now. Wait till you meet my goofy brothers. Oh—and my sister and her husband will be there, too. And my mom.” Images of my family kept coming like dominos falling. I could already imagine the “scenes” Mom would pull out of the trunk for Aric to practice with her.

“Why are you so spooked about this? Didn’t Hale ever go over to your family’s house?”

“Sure, but it was different.”

“Meaning what? You’re ashamed of me? He was good enough to present to your family, but I’m not?”

“Of course not. It’s just—our relationship was different. I’m afraid they’ll take one look at you and… they’ll
know
something.”

“They won’t suspect a thing. I’ll be a perfect gentleman—hands off all night.”

Honestly, it wasn’t him I was worried about. I was afraid of what
I
looked like when I looked at him. Mara had been helpful at work, giving me a pinch or friendly clock on the head whenever I’d forget myself and stare at him like an underfed lioness stalking a chubby wildebeest.

She, of course, was in on our secret and positively ecstatic over it. “Someone should be sliding down that bannister. If it can’t be me, then I’m happy it’s you.”

“Sliding down the? Oh my God, Mara. That is…” I had no words. “How’s your new guy working out? What was his name, Scott?”

“Well let’s see, he invited me over for a ‘special evening’ and suggested we watch
Sharknado
.”

“That’s kind of funny,” I said, trying to be positive.

“It was hilarious—until he insisted it was based on actual events and proceeded to argue the point for an hour.” She smacked her forehead with her palm.

“Oh, sorry.” I wanted to ask but wondered if I should. “Why do you put yourself through it, Mare? There are so many nice guys—”

“I don’t want a nice guy,” she snapped. “Nice guys always expect something from you.” She shook her head and put up the stop-sign-hand before I could even start. “Anyway, no more Scott. Even I can only tolerate so much stupid. I did meet someone cute last night though—his name is Bubba. Bubba. Can you believe it? Actually, I can’t believe I’ve been in the South for a whole year and this is my first Bubba. His real name, of course, is Kevin. I really don’t get the Bubba thing.”

“I’m pretty sure it comes from a big brother or sister not being able to say ‘baby brother.’ It comes out sounding like Bubba and then just sticks.”

“Oh—that’s kind of cute, I guess. Well, he has biceps to die for. We’re going mudding in his pickup truck tonight, whatever that is.”

“Mudding? Oh, I’m sure you’ll have a
great
time.”

As I drove to my parents’ house that night, I realized I’d rather be going mudding, which demonstrated the extreme levels my dread had reached. I made sure to arrive a few minutes before Aric so I could answer the door and introduce him to my family. I certainly didn’t want him to beat me there and announce himself as my “boyfriend” or something. I did make it there before Aric, but not before Jane Elaine. She intercepted me at the door.

“Okay, so if I
happen
to mention my insomnia in front of Phillip, you’ll back me up, right?” She cringed at her own words.

“You have insomnia? Since when?”

“High school. As far as the church knows. They’re asking me to head up the weekly Ladies’ Prayer Breakfast. I’m telling them I haven’t been sleeping and can’t commit to early mornings.”

“Why don’t you just tell them you’re not interested, that it’s not your thing? I mean, you do work full-time. You have a built-in excuse.”

“You don’t understand—these people are relentless. They’re constantly recruiting volunteers. And being Phil’s wife, I’m apparently at the top of their list for
everything
. It’s like they want me to prove I’m
on board
. I wish there was something I could do for them that didn’t involve music. Or children. Or early mornings.”