Authors: Colette Caddle
Rachel returned from the loo and eased herself back into her chair. ‘I’m not so sure about this.’
‘Yeah, maybe we should just forget it,’ Jill agreed immediately.
‘I did it,’ Anna announced, flopping back into her chair and grabbing her glass. ‘Four o’clock tomorrow.’
Jill and Rachel stared at each other in panic. ‘You next,’ Jill said.
Rachel stood up, her mobile clutched in her hand. ‘Right.’
‘What did he say?’ Jill asked Anna as Rachel made her way through the crowded restaurant.
‘I didn’t really give him a chance to say anything. I just told him to meet me at the house at four and he said “okay”.’
‘Anna, I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You know, about Charlie.’
‘That’s okay.’
‘Have you two done . . . anything?’
Anna shook her head but she couldn’t look Jill in the eye.
Jill sighed. ‘You really like him, don’t you?’
Anna nodded. ‘Oh Jill. Everything has become so complicated.’ She dragged her hair back off her face and turned sad eyes on her cousin. ‘I don’t know what I want any
more.’
‘Or who?’
Anna nodded dumbly.
‘Maybe tomorrow will help to clarify your feelings.’
‘I hope so—’ Anna broke off as Rachel returned to the table. ‘Well?’
‘I don’t know if he understood me,’ Rachel replied. ‘He’s in Cavan, fishing,’ she explained to Jill. ‘The line was terrible.’
‘Send him a text to confirm,’ Anna suggested. ‘Even if he doesn’t get it straight away, he’ll read it on his way back tomorrow.’
‘Good idea.’ Rachel began to punch in the message. ‘I called Alex’s friend’s mother and she’s going to take him for the whole afternoon.’
‘So that just leaves you, cuz.’ Anna raised an eyebrow at Jill.
Jill stood up. ‘Wish me luck.’
‘Good luck,’ Anna and Rachel chorused.
‘How do you feel about this, Rache?’ Anna said as they watched her walk away.
‘I’m terrified of confronting Gary, but I know I have to. I’ll be no use to Alex or my baby until I do.’
Anna squeezed her hand. ‘I think you’re very brave and I also think you’re wrong about Gary. I’m sure he still loves you.’
Rachel stared into the distance. ‘Maybe he does but I also sense that there’s someone else, or was. I can’t explain it, I don’t have any real evidence, I just feel it. Do
you know what I mean?’
Anna nodded miserably. ‘Yes, but I wish I didn’t.’
‘We’ll be fine.’ Rachel forced a smile.
‘Yeah, you’re right. And we have so much to look forward to. This baby is going to have an aunt who’ll spoil him rotten.’ She sighed. ‘I was sort of hoping that
he’d have a little baby cousin to play with and it would be just like it was for us when we were kids.’
‘I still can’t believe that you want a family,’ Rachel said. ‘I thought between your career and your social life that you would never have time for kids.’
Anna laughed. ‘Well, I wasn’t planning on giving everything up and chaining myself to the kitchen sink!’
‘Neither was I, but that’s pretty much what happened. It’s like I didn’t exist any more. The old Rachel was gone and I was just Alex’s mummy, Gary’s wife and
the general dogsbody who did the cooking, the cleaning and the ironing.’
‘But why didn’t you go back to work?’ Anna asked simply.
‘Easier said than done. What would I do? I was never clever like you.’
‘That’s bullshit, Rache. You gave up work as soon as you got pregnant. You never gave yourself a chance to find out what you were good at. Look at me, for God’s sake. I’m
thirty-one and on my sixth job. I’ve been working since I left school and this is the first time I ever felt really good at something.’
‘But you’ve always been so confident,’ Rachel protested.
‘No one is always confident,’ Anna assured her. ‘Certainly not me.’
Rachel sipped her tea as she absorbed this piece of information. ‘If you had a choice, Anna, between the job and children, which would you pick?’
‘Children,’ Anna said without hesitation. ‘Mark could fire me tomorrow if he wanted and there’s not a lot I could do about it. But children? They’re for
ever.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Rachel said with feeling. ‘But take it from me, Anna, it’s not as easy as it looks. Children can be really hard work.’
‘I do realize that.’ Anna rolled her eyes.
‘You don’t,’ Rachel assured her. ‘And you won’t until you’ve been there. But . . .’ She held up her hand as Anna went to interrupt. ‘It’s
worth it. It’s worth every second of tiredness, every minute of pain, every hour of worry, every day of frustration. It’s worth it.’ Rachel pulled out a tissue and blew her nose.
‘And the sooner this child is born the better because I must be dehydrated on a permanent basis with the amount of crying I do.’
‘I never realized how you felt,’ Anna admitted. ‘I thought you were a terrible moan.’
‘Huh, thanks a bunch!’
‘Sorry, but I couldn’t understand what your problem was. You had Gary, you had Alex and you seemed to do nothing but have coffee mornings and PTA meetings. I couldn’t see what
you had to complain about.’
‘Nothing on the front of it,’ Rachel agreed, ‘except that was all it was, a front. Gary and I have been growing steadily apart since Alex was born. I don’t know whether
that’s because I became a boring housewife or whether he was just meeting too many other, more exciting girls. The reasons aren’t important any more. The fact is that the only thing we
have in common now is Alex and, of course, the baby.’
‘Oh Rache, I’m so sorry.’
Rachel shrugged as she dabbed at her wet cheeks. ‘
C’est la vie
. My situation is probably true of a lot of women. When you’re working, the job, the company, the deal,
it all seems so important. Once you’re at home with kids you think, So what? So I know that when Gary came home and told me about his problems at work I probably didn’t seem interested.
Hell, I wasn’t really interested! I can’t complain if he went elsewhere for company, can I?’
Before Anna could reply, Jill was back. ‘It’s no use, I can’t get through to him. He’s not answering his mobile or his house phone. Sorry, girls, but it looks like I
won’t be able to keep my part of the bar—’ She broke off as her mobile trilled in her hand. She looked at the display and then back at her cousins. ‘It’s
him.’
‘Answer it,’ Anna urged.
Jill pressed the button and jammed the phone against her ear. ‘Hello? Yeah, Andy, hi, how are you?’ she stood up as she talked and made her way back outside.
‘Sorry, Jill, I was in the shower.’
Jill closed her eyes, imagining him naked, wet, dark hair glistening and damp on his chest . . .
‘Jill? Are you still there?’
‘Yes! Yes, I am. Oh look, Andy, tell me to get lost if you want to, I’d understand perfectly, but I was wondering if you’d like to come out for a drink tomorrow.’
‘Okay.’
‘You’ll probably tell me where to go and, like I said, no pressure but—’
‘Jill, I said yes.’
‘Oh! Right! So, how about four o’clock in the bar at the Yacht?’
‘See you there,’ Andy replied.
Going back inside, Jill was confronted by two expectant faces.
‘Well?’ Rachel asked.
Jill nodded. ‘Sorted.’
Anna reached out and grabbed her hand and Rachel put her hand over theirs. They sat still, staring at each other, silenced for the first time that evening.
Anna paced the small sitting room, occasionally pausing to look out of the window. It was five to four and her stomach was in a knot as she waited for her husband to arrive.
She felt exhausted as she’d had precious little sleep. To compensate for the amount of wine she’d consumed last night, she’d started drinking coffee and when she finally climbed
into bed in the small hours of the morning, she was wide-awake.
Jill had stayed the night and Anna had smiled as she’d listened to her cousin snore in the next room. She was hoping her reunion with Andy would be successful. Certainly, of the three of
them, Anna thought that Jill was the most likely to have a successful outcome today. Talking to Rachel, Anna had been shocked at how bad things had got between her and Gary, and as for her and Liam
– well, Anna just didn’t know.
Leaving the window, she went to the fireplace and stared at her reflection in the mirror over the mantel. She felt she’d aged ten years in the last couple of weeks, and looking at her
sunken eyes and white face, she looked every day of it. Anna jumped as she heard Liam’s key in the door. Going to the sofa, she sat down and waited for him to come and find her. She clasped
her hands in her lap, aware that her palms were sweaty, and tried some deep breathing to try and settle her nerves.
‘Anna?’ she heard him call from the kitchen.
‘In here.’
He came into the room and stood there, looking awkward and out of place. He was wearing the camel-coloured sweater that she’d bought him last Christmas with clean, faded jeans. His face
was clean-shaven and he smelled faintly of cologne. He looked gorgeous. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi.’
‘How are you?’ he asked.
‘Fine.’
‘Good.’
Anna took a deep breath. ‘Why don’t you sit down?’ When Liam was sitting opposite her on a sofa, she spoke again. ‘We were supposed to talk about Tara when I got back
from Spain and I know you’ve tried to have that conversation with me a few times since . . .’
‘Yes!’ Liam nodded eagerly.
‘Right, well now I’m ready to listen.’
‘Okay.’ Liam hesitated for a moment and then began, looking her straight in the eye as he talked. ‘Well, it began when I was made redundant and I started calling over to Mum
more in the daytime. We’d pass the time of day at the garden gate, just chit-chat, the usual thing. Then one day, Tara asked me to take a look at a tap in her bathroom.’
Anna rolled her eyes. ‘That was a bit obvious, wasn’t it?’
‘Probably,’ he admitted, ‘but then you know I’m not good at picking up on these things. Anyway, I fixed the tap, drank my coffee and left. Honestly. After that, I had
coffee with her from time to time. Just coffee,’ he emphasized. ‘I enjoyed her company. She’s a very good listener and as a businesswoman she was able to give me some sound advice
as well.’
Anna felt a lump in her throat. It seemed Tara had been doing all the things for Liam that she had wanted to do.
‘Things were getting worse between you and me,’ Liam continued, ‘and I suppose I just wanted someone to talk to.’
‘But why didn’t you talk to me, Liam? I was there, remember? I wanted to talk, wanted to listen. But you didn’t want to know.’
Liam moved over beside her and took her hand. ‘I know, love, and I’m sorry. I suppose you were just too close.’
Anna shook her head. ‘I don’t understand that. I’m too close so you go off with another woman.’
‘I did not go off with her,’ Liam objected.
Anna put her head back and looked him straight in the eye. ‘Tell me you didn’t fancy her.’
Liam held her gaze. ‘I can’t.’
Anna slumped back in the chair and closed her eyes. ‘Well, thanks for your honesty, I suppose.’
‘I did fancy her, Anna, and I was very flattered by the attention – any man would be. But I don’t want her, I want you.’
Anna raised her eyes to his. ‘Did you have sex with her?’
‘No, I didn’t.’
It was on the tip of Anna’s tongue to ask him if he’d been tempted and then she thought of Charlie and said nothing.
Liam lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. ‘I love you, Anna. Tara actually did us a favour. Spending time with her made me realize just how much I love you. I’m sorry,
Anna. Sorry for not talking to you, sorry for shutting you out. But losing my job was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. I felt completely worthless and useless. As the time went
on and I still couldn’t find a job, I got more and more afraid and, to be honest, I felt I was letting you down. I felt too ashamed to even look you in the eye sometimes. I knew how much you
wanted a family and because of me, that had to wait.’
‘But I didn’t mind that, Liam,’ Anna protested. ‘And I don’t believe I ever said anything to make you feel ashamed. I love you!’
‘You didn’t do anything to deserve any of this, Anna. I’m afraid I was just torturing myself.’
‘So it was easier to be around Tara?’
He nodded. ‘Yes. And I have to admit something else.’
‘Oh?’ Anna braced herself.
‘I was jealous of you going off to work every day. And I hated taking money from you.’
‘But that’s ridiculous! We’re a team, we work together and we get through the bad times together. When you have money, you pay the bills, when I have it, I do. That’s
always the way it’s been.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed, ‘but this time you were the one who
always
had the money and I was the one with nothing. I’m sorry, love, but I don’t like taking
handouts, even from you.’
‘Then what hope is there for us? The reality is I’m working and you’re not. I’d change places with you tomorrow if I could, Liam, but I can’t.’
He smiled at her. ‘It’s not going to be a problem any more.’
Anna searched his face. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re looking at the new Factory Manager of Elektrix. I start next Monday.’
Anna flung her arms around him. ‘Oh Liam, that’s wonderful! Oh my God, I can’t believe it!’
He hugged her tightly. ‘Neither can I. And as for those bills, I’ll be able to pay my share again. The salary is thirty thousand a year more than I was earning in
Patterson’s.’
Anna drew back from him, her eyes like saucers. ‘Thirty thousand! Jesus, you’re rich!’
‘I don’t know about that. Aren’t babies very expensive?’
Anna blinked. ‘Babies? You want to start a family?’
Liam gazed at her, his eyes tender. ‘I seem to remember that being the plan before all hell broke loose.’
Anna turned away slightly, letting her hair fall across her face. ‘Oh Liam, I don’t know what to say. This is all a bit much to take in.’
‘Take your time, love. I’m not trying to rush you into anything. I just want you to know that I’m back and I’m sorry for everything that’s happened.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ Anna replied, allowing him to fold her into his arms and shutting her eyes tight.