Changing Lanes (The Lone Stars Book 3) (28 page)

For the first time, Laney could see the situation so clearly and for what it was. Lara had given her so many things, but the most precious was hope.

“Until recently, I thought I didn’t believe in hope.” Laney’s voice was scratchy and sounded like it came from far away. “I told myself that patients were just broken machines that needed fixing. I told myself that I didn’t believe in hope or miracles. But I do. Up until the very end, I kept combing through Lara’s medical records looking for something I’d missed. I was hoping to find something I could use to fix her.” Her voice broke. “Lara showed me that hope is what drives me to do better and that I’m surrounded by miracles everyday. I see that now. Life isn’t the miracle—love is.” She smiled. “A miracle is a lovely little girl who only wanted a family and finally got one. Another is, a sweet lady who saw a dying, lonely child and loved her anyway. And then there’s a man who found the love of his life at seventeen and never stopped looking for her. They may not be flashy—be healed—miracles, but they still qualify.”

Sweet Louise covered her hand with hers. “Hon, I don’t know how you do it. You see some of the worst things humanity has to offer and you manage to see the good. That takes a special person.” She laughed quietly. “You’re a better person than me. I’m so sad and mad right now, I just want to punch someone.”

Laney took a step back and then grinned. “I’d offer myself up, but I’m not that into pain.”

“Hon, you’re so skinny that my fist would go right through you. Since that would leave a gaping hole, and my son’s in love with you, I’m thinking he’d be mad. I’d rather punch a stranger.” Sweet Louise’s tone was warming. She was coming back to herself.

“Now that you mention it, I do feel like punching someone. I need to do something violent. I’m thinking of taking Krav Maga. I hear you get to punch and kick people. That’s sounds pretty good right about now.” Why didn’t the hospital have a punching bag around for all of the grieving parents to work out on? Maybe she’d install one.

“Since I can’t punch a stranger, I like to picture Minnie Davidson. She made my elementary school years a living hell. When I hit middle school and grew these,” Sweet Louise pointed to her boobs, “all the boys paid attention to me and wouldn’t let her tease me anymore. Now that I look back on it, I should have punched her.” She shook her head. “Missed opportunity.”

“We could track her down.” Laney put her arm around the older woman. “I think we should.”

“She died.” Sweet Louise shrugged. “Damn it.”

Laney busted out laughing. Her nerves were raw and it didn’t make sense, but she laughed until her eyes watered. It shouldn’t be funny, but at the moment, it was absolutely hilarious.

“Who would you punch if you could?” Sweet Louise wiped the tears of laugher out of her own eyes.

“I don’t know.” Laney dried her eyes. “Let me think.”

“Honey, I don’t mean to be rude, but you sure are a goody–two–shoes. At any given time, I can produce a list of at least ten people I’d like to punch. Do you want it in alphabetical, order of appearance, or level of hatred?” Sweet Louise punched her playfully on the arm. “FYI–you’re not on the list.”

“Thank God.” Laney sifted through her mind. “I guess I’d like to punch Jackie Merksion because she was the head mean girl at my high school. She’d be my top pick, but after her, maybe … Caligula because he seems like an ass.”

Sweet Louise nodded. “You’re going old school. People to punch through out history. I like it. I’m with you on Caligula and I’ll add Nero and Adolph Hitler. Also, that pink Energizer bunny really pisses me off. I’d like to run over that thing with my Caddy.”

“I hear you on the bunny. He’s just so damn cheerful.” Laney’s shoulders shook with laughter. They were deflecting the tragic with the ridiculous. She’d seen it a hundred times. Sooner or later, they needed to get back to the business at hand. Since she wasn’t one to ignore things, it might as well be now. “Have you told Devon?”

Sweet Louise glanced at the empty space where the hospital bed had been.

Laney noticed that Kisses had curled up in a ball right where the bed had been. She wasn’t sleeping, she just lay there dazed. That’s exactly how Laney felt.

Sweet Louise shook her head. “No. You’re the only one I’ve notified. I wanted some time with you to digest things. You know—two women who loved her comforting each other. We women bare things most men couldn’t handle on their best day. I needed just a moment to wallow in my own misery and commiserate with another strong woman because I had to comfort someone else. Devon’s going to be so shaken up by this…we’ll need to be strong for him. I guess I needed to be weak for just a little bit before I have to put on that damn brave face that all mothers wear when we don’t have any choice. It’s funny. We’re supposed to be the weaker sex, but when it comes to life, we do all of the heavy lifting.”

Laney pulled her into a hug. “I’ve often wondered how much further society would be if women had been in charge.”

“The world would be a different place. Summit meetings would involve a covered dish luncheon, Spanx would be out–lawed, and PMS days would be considered paid sick time. I’m pretty sure that chocolate would be the national food and anyone wearing socks with sandals would be shot on sight. It would be estrogen utopia.”

“I like your version of the world. Too bad it’s not reality. This morning, I saw a man in the lobby wearing white tube socks pulled all the way up to his knees with his black sandals. It was painful.” Laney knew they were talking around the subject of Lara, but she couldn’t help it.

“Your retinas should take a sick day.” Sweet Louise patted her on the back. “Now you’re going to have to watch hours of kitten and puppy video on YouTube to counter act it.”

“That sounds pretty painful too.” They needed to head back to Lara. “Do you need me to make the funeral arrangements?”

“No, I’ve got it handled. I just wish the adoption had gone through before she died.” Sweet Louise seemed so much older than she had not two seconds ago. “I wanted her to know that she belonged to me.”

“She did know. She was the happiest that I’ve ever seen her. She told me that now that she had a family, she’d have someone to look down on from heaven. I know that you made her life better and gave her comfort when she was so scared of dying. You made her feel loved and important and wanted. That’s all she ever wanted.” Laney didn’t have the words to thank Sweet Louise for what she’d done.

“I hope so. All children should feel loved. That’s one of the reasons that I’ve decided to become a foster mother. I’m going to build me a big ole house and fill it with kids who need love. It was Lara’s idea. She didn’t want me to be lonely after she was gone. Always looking out for others—that’s one of the things that makes,” she caught herself, “made her special.”

Tears rolled down Sweet Louise’s cheeks. There were no racking sobs just a steady stream of sorrow that ran so deep that it was palpable.

“I think that’s lovely. I can see it now. Huge, loud family dinners with smiling kids chattering away. I can’t wait.” Laney realized that she wanted this too. She wanted Sweet Louise to build her house close to her and Devon so they could see each other everyday. She loved kids so much and wanted a house full of them. “Does Devon know what you’re planning?”

Sweet Louise wiped her nose. “He threatened to buy me the lot next to his.”

Laney smiled all the way down to her toes. “That’s perfect. We could watch the kids when you need to go out. We could all barbecue in the backyard. How wonderful will that be?”

Sweet Louise looked her up and down. “So you’re planning a future with my boy?”

Laney chewed on her upper lip. “I guess I am. Is that okay?”

The older woman hugged her tight. “I’m so happy for you. Has he asked you to marry him?”

Laney realized that she was getting ahead of herself. “Um … no.”

Devon had told her that he loved her, but they’d never really talked about the future. When had their relationship moved from new to together forever? She took a deep breath and finger combed her hands through her hair. It had been moving toward forever since she was sixteen.

“I can see that this is hard for you—realizing what the future holds.” Sweet Louise patted her shoulder. “Some things can’t be planned or even figured out, they just are. Devon is your other half—not everyone gets to find theirs. Don’t analyze it, just live it.”

“I’m working on it. He’s just so confident that everything will work out.” Sometimes Laney liked that about him and other times it was so annoying.

“Once my boy makes up his mind, there’s no turning back. But you’re probably the only person who has the power to shake that confidence. On the night of your first date, do you know that he practically emptied his closet trying to find the perfect outfit? He was worse than any girl I’ve ever known. I laughed my ass off, but he was nervous, and he’s never nervous. It was sweet. He’s never really had to try around women, because there were always so many around, but with you he has to try … wants to try. That will keep him on his toes.” Sweet Louise had become a mother figure to her.

“I want to do the same for him, but I didn’t have the example of love he had growing up. And there is some pretty astounding data that suggests nurture is way more important that nature. I’m going to try really hard, but love isn’t as easy for me as it is for him.” Only right now, she felt like she was drowning in love for Lara.

Sweet Louse touched her cheek. “I think you’ve told yourself that for so long that you actually believe it. I’ve never seen anyone who loves so much as you. Each child you treat takes root in your heart. You worry and fuss over them just like they were your own. I’ve seen it … the nurses have seen it. Do you know that there’s not a nurse here who wouldn’t bend over backward for you? Not because they have to, but because they want to. They see how much you care and they want to help. Over the years, you and Devon will hurt each other’s feelings—that’s part of life—but the love will always be there. Some days you will wake up in a bad mood, look over at him, and think, ‘I don’t need this shit today’, but then he’ll do something sweet and you’ll remember that your life together is so much better than life apart. Love isn’t short–lived it lasts forever. In your heart you know that because you love deeply.”

So the nurses had noticed how much she cared about her patients? They did smile and offer to do whatever she wanted. Laney had noticed that they didn’t treat other doctors that way.

Sweet Louise pulled her into a hug. “I gather your father wasn’t the nicest role model. Just because you grew up with him doesn’t mean that you’re going to be like him. You are your own person. You do things differently—react to things to differently. You are not your father.”

She was her own person. Most of her life she’d gone out of her way to do exactly the opposite of her father. Maybe it hadn’t always been rebellion and perhaps some of it had been because she knew her own mind. That made more sense because Laney had never really thought of herself as rebellious.

“I’ll tell Devon. You have enough to worry about.” She checked her watch. Three more hours of practice. “I’ll drive over to the stadium and tell him in person.”

It would be the hardest thing she’d ever done.

Sweet Louise pulled back. “You’re a good child. I’ll take care of all of the funeral arrangements. Most are already done, but there are some details that need to be ironed out.”

Laney phone buzzed in the front pocket of her while lab coat. She released Sweet Louise and pulled it out. A text from Helen flashed on the screen, “Patients waiting … are you planning on seeing them, or should I reschedule?”

“Crap.” Laney shook her head. She’d run out on her patients. This was bad. “I’ve got to go.” She gave Sweet Louise a quick hug. “I left my patients. Don’t worry, I’ll tell Devon. You stay here. We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

Laney was out the door and running down the halls. It seems that she was always running from place to place. Sweet Louise didn’t think that Laney was anything like her father. She’d never really thought about it, but she wasn’t. Since he always treated his patients like broken machines that needed fixing, she thought that was the way it was supposed to be done. But she had her own way. It involved caring and hope. That’s what drove her—not fame or recognition or even money—it was love.

Chapter 25

Devon knew something was wrong the moment he saw Laney’s face. She stood next to his car in the parking lot. The Mustang that she now drove exclusively was parked next to his Dodge Viper. She’d finally accepted him and the car he’d bought for her. That made him smile.

She took one breath and fat tears rolled down her face. A loud honking sob drowned out the words she was trying to get out. Lara was gone, he could feel it in his soul.

He gathered her in his arms and just held her as his own tears flowed down his face. They would get through this together.

They rocked each other back and forth for several minutes.

Devon felt a huge hand on his back. He glanced over his left shoulder to find Keshaun.

“Krystal just called. I’m so sorry about Lara.” Keshaun scooped them both up in a huge hug.

“Lara? What happened to Lara?” Clint Grayson was there.

Keshaun whispered, “She died.”

Clint nodded. “I’ll text Summer. I know the ladies have been planning for this day. Grace has been cooking and freezing meals, and Summer’s been baking up a storm.”

Keshaun let them go. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?”

The big man who was known as one of the meanest defensive lineman in the country was all sappy sadness.

Laney wiped her face with the sleeve of her lap coat. “I don’t think there is anything to be done. But thank you.”

She looked overwhelmed that Keshaun would care.

Clint’s phone buzzed. “Okay, we’re all going over to the hospital for a sort–of wake. Grace and Summer are rounding up the food and will set up in the parking lot. They would like to give a staff–appreciation dinner for all of the people who helped Lara. Keshaun, can you get those movie screens again? Summer has put together a memorial for Lara, and then after they can show the kids a movie.”