Caught in the Devil's Sheets (43 page)

“Are you ready for bed?” Odin asks once we are inside.

“Yeah.” I nod my head and begin up the stairs. I steal one of his t-shirts from a drawer and make my way into the master bathroom, stripping myself of my fancy clothes and retiring to a t-shirt and my panties. I wipe off my makeup and brush my teeth with the toothbrush I have left here in his bathroom. I stare blankly at my collar, twirling it in my fingers. I’m not so sure I’m cut out for it. I like the simplicity of the necklace he gave me when he asked me to be his girlfriend better.

Odin is waiting for me in bed. He has stripped down to his boxers and is lying on his side, facing me as I emerge from the bathroom.

I smile at him, still conflicted, and he lifts the covers for me as I crawl in, putting my back to him, I settle in. We fit together like a puzzle, my butt pressed against his hips, his thick arms encircling me.

“You didn’t like it, did you?” he asks, his lips nestled closely by my ear.

I sigh, how do I tell him what the issue is? “I had a really fun time dancing, and dressing up, and being with Cole and Keila who we seem to have a lot in common with.” I start by highlighting the parts of the night I did enjoy.

“Just a lot to take in?” he asks, trying to find what it is that has put me out of the mood.

I take a deep breath, here it goes. “Sometimes I think that I do things, not necessarily because I want to do them, but because I’m afraid you’ll leave me if I don’t.” I bite my lip, as I anxiously await his response.

“You’re the one who wanted to go tonight.” He sounds confused.

“I’m glad we went. It’s just that…” I don’t know why it’s so hard to be honest with him right now, and I take a deep breath trying to put the words together.

“Talk to me, Lila. Tell me what it is. You have to be honest with me.” Odin strokes up and down my outer thigh briskly with the tips of his fingers, comforting me.

“Do you remember me telling you about Mr. Church?”

“How could I forget?” Odin’s voice is low and pained, and he grips my side.

“We were close. He would hang out with me and my friends during lunch sometimes, and he even walked me to my dorm sometimes. I told him things about myself, like you would to a counselor. But I think we were much closer than he was to most of his students. I never really thought much of it. I certainly didn’t think he had a thing for me. I thought he just thought I was cool or something. He gave me his cell number, and told me I could call him any time I wanted to talk. I knew it was inappropriate, but I was flattered that he cared enough about me to risk his job like that. I should have known better, but I was 14 and extremely naive.”

“It’s not your fault.” Odin tries to assure me, and I can tell this is hard for him to hear, but he doesn’t stop me.

“One day, we were all gathered in the auditorium, I was sitting in the aisle seat, and Church sat next to me. My friends were all around us. We were watching a movie,
The Passion of the Christ
. The lights were out and it was almost pitch dark in the auditorium. All of a sudden, he reached over and put his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a jean skirt, and his hand slid upward until he started touching me. I was totally caught by surprise. All my friends were right there, but I was so alone. I was embarrassed, ashamed. I felt so stupid, like I’d been leading him on all along. He took my hand and put it on his crotch. He was wearing dress slacks and he made me rub him through his pants. It was so dark, no one noticed what was happening. It was the longest, most excruciating hour of my life, sitting there and being violated, in a room full of my friends. Being touched in front of everyone at the club tonight, brought a lot of that back to me.”

I hear Odin’s breath catch and I know he gets it now. He turns my head so I’m looking up at him. The look in his eye is painful as he gazes down at me. He traces his finger over my lip. “I’m so sorry, baby. I had no idea—”

“It’s not your fault,” I tell him, reaching my hand up and cupping his face.

“Tell me how to make it better,” Odin’s eyes are pleading, wanting to make my pain go away.

I pull his head down to kiss me. I can feel he’s hesitant to touch me. I take his hand and place it on my sex.

Devil’s Cut

“Make me forget,” she whispers, tugging at a heart he never realized he had.

He kisses his way down her torso, until his lips reach the apex between her thighs. He kisses her lips, sliding his tongue gently across her clitoris. A shallow breath escapes her body. He eases his fingers into her and gently massages forward. Her body relaxes under his touch. His tongue circles around her, causing her back to arch. He watches as her hips lift and fall beneath him. His cock throbs with the need for her, but this is about her. He will worship her this way until her mind can think of nothing but him and the pleasure he gives. His fingers push deeper and he parts his lips over her, his tongue dancing lightly over her small knot of nerves. She gasps, sending a hot, agonizing need for sex straight to his groin. His fingers skillfully toy inside her until she is restless.

“Odin!”

The sound of his name on her lips as she begs for it makes him wild inside. His tongue moves over her, faster and harder. Taking her in between his lips he sucks on the swollen nub. Her body quakes and all her muscles begin to tremble. His fingers glide in and out, stroking her while she moans in pleasure. Her body tenses, her thighs stiffening on either side of his face. He can feel her cum, trickling around his fingers, his tongue still lashing violently on her clit. She cries out, screaming and moaning as her body twists and tightens. His fingers move quickly forward, touching her in a way that makes her body convulse. She cums hard into his mouth.

Her knees clench shut and she pushes his head away from her, too swollen to bear his touch any longer. He leans back onto his knees, gazing down at her. Her breasts rise with each panting breath she takes.

“Thank you,” she whispers softly.

So humble, so beautiful, so his!

“Baby, I’m only getting started.” He gives his most animalistic smile as he climbs on top of her.

He pulls himself free from his boxers, and her eyes wildly gaze up at him. She obediently spreads her knees, allowing him to sink his erection inside her. Her whole body jolts upwards, her breasts bouncing as he slams into her.

“Ah!” she cries and he thrusts again. “Ah!” Her eyes are closed tight, and he moves again, harder this time. “Ah!”

Odin watches intently as her eyebrows twist, pleasure filling her up.

“Ah!” she pants between her moans.

Odin uses a hand to lift her shirt, staring down at her hard nipples that bounce beautifully with every thrust.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” she cries with each forward movement of his hips.

Her insides constrict around him pulling him into her and massaging him as he glides in and out. His cock is so hard he can feel it pulsing and his mind sets on the goal of cumming inside her. He lies his weight down on her, smashing her breasts with his chest. His lips take over her mouth, kissing and sucking passionately. His hips flex back and forth, his growing erection sinking into the deepest part of her. Her moans become longer and louder. Her eyes open for a moment, fire burning behind them as her lips shape into a “0.” Each quick penetrating thrust comes faster and harder. He lets go, colliding into her over and over, until her entire body violently tremors beneath him. He stiffens, as far inside her as his hips will allow and she screams, digging her nails into his shoulders. He is lost in her, the smell of her hair, the touch of her hands on his back, her voice calling his name. Everything about her is intoxicating and it consumes him. His body strains and cum shoots from the tip of his cock, filling her up.

He holds her closely, kissing her neck and her collar, enthralled with the fact that she is his. All these years, he thought he wasn’t capable of feeling. But now the things he is feeling can’t even be described. He thought things would get this way with Daniella. He had started falling for her once upon a time. But she could never understand him, never understand the club or his past. She was game for all kinds of kinky, twisted sex, but when it came down to it, he knew she would leave eventually. And she did. She married some big, rich, hot shot movie producer.

Odin lies down beside Delilah. Using the key on his wrist, he unfastens her collar and sets it on the bed before wrapping his arm around her.
I hope she never leaves.
Lila gets him, like Daniella didn’t. Delilah understood the club, her past had its own dark memories, and she wasn’t just some girl he’d picked up from the club. She wasn’t just some easy feat, some whore. He won her, earned her. She was the most meaningful thing that had ever been his.

For a year after Daniella left, he had thought about what he would do or say if she ever came back. He thought she might at some point miss him. But it was no surprise that the money was enough distraction to keep her happily holed up in her new life. That’s when Odin had decided to throw himself into work, making a name for himself in construction, taking on bigger runs, and even making trips to Mexico. He had come into a lot of money since Daniella left. Maybe some part of him hoped that if she came back, she’d be impressed and more likely to stay. Maybe he just needed to prove to himself that her husband didn’t have anything that he didn’t.

Then, last Wednesday she had shown up on his front doorstep. Sure enough she realized money wasn’t everything. Mr. Hot Shot had had an affair with an actress. Daniella was looking for a familiar comfort.

“Odin,” Lila catches him deep in thought.

“Yeah, baby?” he whispers softly.

“I need your permission.” She has his full attention.

“Ask me anything.” Odin wants nothing more than to give Lila the world on a silver platter, to be all the things for her that Jaime should have been.

“I want your permission to go see Jaime, by myself.”

The breath leaves his lungs. He understands why Lila wants to confront Jaime on her own. But Jaime is a snake in the grass. He’s angry and manipulative, and Odin is unwilling to risk Lila’s safety and emotional well-being for no reason. Jaime will sign one way or another, if Odin has to put a knife to his throat.

“No. I’m sorry, but we both know the kind of shit Jaime is capable of. Don’t ask me to let you take that risk, I can’t.”

She sighs and he can tell it’s making her anxious.

“Trust me, baby.”

He feels her relax. Calling her “baby” always helps her relax. Calling her “baby” is a privilege he hopes no other man will ever know.

Chapter 32
Rebel

*           *           *

Monday morning, Odin is already downstairs making coffee before work. I make my way out of bed, grateful that I don’t have to ask for permission. I’m getting dressed on Odin’s side of the bed when his phone buzzes. It’s plugged into a charger on his side of the bed. For no reason, I glance over to see that it’s a text.

{I miss you, and I’m ready if you are.}- Daniella.

Ready for what?
A wild debate ensues in my head over whether or not I should text her back. As it is, I shouldn’t even be looking at Odin’s phone!
I miss you?
Does she not know he has a girlfriend? He made it sound like him and Daniella were long over! I can’t unlock his phone to see if there are previous messages from her.

Anger seeds inside me as the phone buzzes again. {It was really nice to see you ;)}- Daniella.

What the Fuck?
The memory of how painful it was to see a picture of Jaime passed out with some random blond comes burning back to my head. I think this is worse. Odin and I haven’t been together long, but for whatever fucked up reason, I trust him. I didn’t see this coming. I try to tell myself not to get worked up, that it’s probably nothing. But I don’t want to lie to myself. The fact that he saw her and didn’t tell me is something more than it should be. I put his phone back down where it had been charging and finish getting dressed.

Odin has two cups of coffee sitting on the breakfast bar. “Morning,” he smiles politely, his hair still tossed from last night’s hot sex.

I greet him normally and sit down to have some coffee before he has to leave.

“Do you ever talk to Daniella?” I ask, not exactly slyly, after some regular breakfast small talk.

“What makes you ask that?” Odin eyes me speculatively.

“You know how I kind of struggle with talking to Billy. I was just wondering if you and Daniella ever had the same thing.”

“No.” he says coldly. And if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was telling the truth. “And, I don’t really like that you talk to Billy either.”

I know this, I just don’t care. Mine and Billy’s scarce letter relationship is hardly any threat to Odin and I’m honest about it. We finish up and part ways. Odin leaves me with a soft kiss on my lips and despite my anger, my heart melts a little. I want to ask him about the texts, but I fear I might not get the truth or that I can’t handle the truth right now.

Once I’m home, I try to catch some sleep before my first day at the Elk Lodge, but I lie restlessly on the couch instead. When I finally decide to just get up, I have two voicemails. The first is Gus, telling me that someone drove through the bar last night, and they aren’t going to be open again until tomorrow. Sounds pretty serious. I’m glad he thought to call me. I hit delete, and listen to my next message.

“You’re receiving a collect call from ‘Jaime Mosley’ an inmate at Los Angeles County Jail. To accept this call press 1,” is all the voicemail says. He probably wanted to know if I am coming or not. I wasn’t going to, but after the text I saw on Odin’s phone this morning I think I will. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe I won’t even tell him I went. If he figures it out, I will bring up the texts I saw, tit for tat.

No Lila, that kind of attitude is what was wrong with your marriage.
Reason chides in.

She’s right, but Inner Teenager is too hurt and angry to care.
Fuck that! I’m going!
And with that she laces up her war boots and prepares for battle. I know Odin will be pissed, but I need to confront Jaime alone if I’m ever going to be able to move on. And maybe I’ll get lucky and Jaime will sign the papers. If Odin can see his ex, then so can I.

I head into my room and pull on some skin tight jeans that give me a full figure I can feel confident about. I top it off with a black lace shirt, with a low dip in the cleavage. I toss my hair up in a messy bun, pinning back all the loose curls until I officially have a 60’s style hive perfectly sculpted on my head. I add a bow, to finish the vintage look, and paint my eyes black and gray. Then I sit down at my kitchen table with some oatmeal and a pad of paper. If I’m going to have to find the courage to face Jaime, I might as well start with Billy. I have been meaning to write him back since I got his postcard a couple weeks ago. If I can tell him how I feel and drop that letter in the mail, then I can go see Jaime feeling already strong and accomplished. Usually Odin makes me feel strong, but I can’t expect him to support me this time.

Billy,

I think it’s cute that you can say all the things you have to say to me after all these years in just a few sentences. I feel like I could write you a novel of all the things I want you to know and still not cover it all.

You say you’re sorry. For what? Not caring about my anymore?

Me too! The day I finally came to the realization that not only did you not care, you were actually avoiding me, it hurt worse than anything anyone has ever done to me. You’re supposed to be my best friend in this world! I thought for sure you would always love me and care about me the way I love and care about you. But it took you a year just to write me a letter, so clearly YOU don’t! And I can’t forgive you for that, or for letting me make an ass out of myself writing you over and over just so you could ignore me.

This leads me to wonder what the hell is going on with you. I’m not stupid and I know you didn’t just suddenly wake up two weeks ago and decide to care again. Something must have happened and as usual, you’re looking for advice, or for someone to listen and take your side. Normally I’d be all ears, but I can’t even tell you all the Shit I have done and been through in the last year. Where the hell were you? I needed you Billy, and you didn’t give a fuck about me! I don’t need any more flaky, fucked up people in my life posing to be my friends! And if that’s what you’re doing I couldn’t be less interested. I have invested way too much into us to have you just toss me aside like this. And I feel like a broken record telling you that again. I don’t know you Mr. Jay II. You’re just some jerk that my best friend grew up to be, and whom I made the serious mistake of sleeping with, and falling for long ago, under some false pretense that we would always be there for each other and nothing would change that. I would have moved mountains for you Billy. I have kept a prepaid cell phone and a PO box from my soon to be X husband just for the sole purpose of staying in touch with you, and you can’t even pick up a phone for me! Once upon a time, you killed for me! What the hell happened?

I wish I could believe that you are sorry. The needy teenager inside of me wants nothing more than to be able to lean on you. You were my only support for so long. But I’m tired of being left flat on my ass. I want to be best friends again, but I can’t help feeling like you don’t want anything to do with me suddenly. I’m still battling trying to make peace with that. Trying hard not to think about you because it just makes me sad, and trying to forget all the memories I have of you that made me love you so much in the first place. So unless you have a lot more to say to me than a few sentences and some bullshit apology then please just leave me alone. At this point, I feel like you’re just mocking me, and poking at my open wound, and it hurts. It really does.

-Lila

I read it over several times, hoping that I have fully captured the hurt my heart has felt since he bailed, as well as taken a stand for myself. It’s true that I want nothing more than for him and me to go back to the way things used to be. Regardless of how difficult that would be with Odin. I would do anything for Billy and me to be close again, but he obviously just doesn’t care enough about me for me to go out of my way to make that happen. And I just can’t live with the disappointment of him flaking on me. So unless he’s going to give it 100% it’s probably best for us to just quit here, as excruciatingly hard as that is to admit. Just thinking about the rest of my life without Billy in it brings tears to my eyes and Odin’s talk of being the only one who should have the power to make me cry means little to me. I can tell this Daniella thing is going to eat me up unless I get answers. I hate to be the jealous, overbearing girlfriend. I hate to admit I looked at his phone, but I refuse to let another man cheat on me! Never again!

A quick glance at the clock and I all but jump out of my chair. It’s already 2:00pm. I head out in confidence. Even if Jaime doesn’t sign, there are a lot of things weighing on my mind that I would really like him to know. I head down the road, dropping the letter to Billy cautiously in the mailbox at the end of the street rather than my own.

When will you learn that Billy isn’t worth sneaking around for?
Reason questions
.

Probably never
, Reality answers.

I park my car around the corner from the jail and walk the rest of the way. I sign in and take a seat with all the other visitors until my number is called.

Finally we’re allowed into the visiting area. Jails and prisons have very different visiting facilities. When I went and saw Billy, we actually got to sit down at a round table together, hug, and hold hands. When Jaime takes his seat across from me, there is a thick sheet of glass between us. In the middle is a black whole filled with metal screening that we talk through.

“I’m surprised you came,” he says.

Frankly, it’s hard to believe I’m here. When I tell Odin, he’s going to blow a gasket! Maybe I won’t tell him, I’m still undecided about that.

“Well, I did. What do you want to say?” I’m short and to the point.

“I’m sorry.”

I instantly roll my eyes at him. I know he didn’t drag me all the way down here to tell me he’s sorry. He looks like shit! He has a black eye and cuts across his face. Leave it to Jaime to get in a fight anywhere.

“For what?” I humor him and his bullshit apology.

“Everything,” he says, wincing. His sober eyes gleam into mine through the glass.

“Well, that’s too little too late, Jaime. I still want my divorce. Why did you call me down here?” I try not to get frustrated.

“I signed the papers. James has them. You can tell your new boyfriend to call off his hounds,” Jaime says, anger looming in his voice.

“What hounds?” I have no idea what he’s talking about.

Jaime lets out a small, forced laugh, like he’s not surprised that I am clueless. Then he lifts his shirt and I gape at him. He’s covered in dark purple bruises, welts, and cuts. It looks like someone went at him with a rock or some brass knuckles.

I gasp, horrified. I may hate him for my own personal reasons, but I would never wish this on him.

“What,” I look at him, utterly confused. “What happened?”

“Hounds.”

I stare at him puzzled for a moment. Then reality sets in.
Jesus Christ!
Odin arranged for someone to beat the shit out of Jaime to get him to sign the papers
. No wonder he is so confident about Jaime signing. No wonder he didn’t want me to come here
! My blood boils in my veins.
How dare he
!

I want to throw up. “I’m sorry Jaime. I had no idea.”

Jaime shakes his head like it doesn’t matter. “I know, baby, it’s not your fault.” I recoil at his endearment.

“I’m not your ‘baby’ anymore.” I stare down at my fingers, trying to remember that I still have things that I need him to hear before I get too wrapped up in feeling sorry for him. Feeling sorry for Jaime Mosley is all too easy to do. I stare up at him, my disappointment gleaming in the back of my eyes.

“What happened to us?” he asks seriously, and I have to suppress a laugh and tears.

“What didn’t happen?”

Jaime leans forward, closing in the space between us. Still a thick layer of glass separates us.

“You never respected me,” I say sadly. In some ways I’m mad at myself for being with someone who didn’t respect me in the first place.

“You’re right. The drugs had a lot to do with that. But my mind is clearer now than it has ever been before and I realize that the most important thing I neglected when I was high was you.”

I can feel his words tugging at my heart. But there is a thick, anti-Jaime lock around my heart that will never let him in. On the back of that lock right now is Odin.

“I don’t think I could ever forgive you for all the times you put your hands on me.”

Jaime seems more defensive than accepting of this. “You were no angel either. You hit me back and we had some awful fights. I know a lot of that was fueled by my drug use, but don’t act so innocent.” He tosses the blame back at me.

I’d like to slap him now. “You don’t seem to realize how much your drug use affected me. You made me hate myself. Sometimes I would even blame myself. I felt like I wasn’t enough for you and that’s why you wanted to do drugs so bad. I even thought sometimes when you hit me it was my fault for provoking you. But now I know it’s just you being selfish. It has nothing to do with me. I don’t care what I ever said to you. It didn’t give you the right to hit me like you did. And maybe I’m not innocent, maybe I slapped you a couple times too, maybe I provoked you. But that doesn’t give you the right to hold me by my throat and choke me or throw me across the living room. I’m glad you seem to have some remorse, but two months ago Jaime you didn’t give a shit! You degraded me in front of all our friends, cheated on me, took your anger out on me, and you had very little genuine remorse. Sure you’d sober up and say you’re sorry. But your sorry doesn’t mean anything to me!” I feel so brave it’s crazy.

His sober eyes harden. “I think you’re over exaggerating my actions a bit.” He has some nerve.

“Whatever. It really doesn’t matter. I’m with Odin now. That’s all you need to know.” I see a flick of anger, mixed with confused emotion play on his face.

“My dad wasn’t fucking around when he said you have no idea what you’re dealing with when it comes to Odin. He is seriously fucked up!”

“If you knew Odin was dangerous and fucked up, why did you ask him to run with me?!” I raise my voice, not wanting to hear him degrade someone I care about.