Authors: Janice Hadden
For
a long time, my interaction with you eventually produced many
different types of
weaknesses
,
most of them emotional, and I would gladly take that, because they
have given me—you. But if…” he trailed off and
inhaled deep.
“
Our
bodies are
divine
…
when
we associate ourselves with mortals…in a physical way, our
bodies undergo a different type of change—a permanent,
catastrophic change. All powers are stripped…I want you more
than any human…man, desires a woman…but if I give in to
these feelings and emotions and be with you in this way, I will
become physically weak and eventually lose my strength, my powers…and
I won’t be able protect you any longer.” He slowly went
toward the bed to sit. His body was curved, almost limp.
“
I
don’t care if I lose my strength and powers…I don’t
care about being an angel or being immortal,” he gasped.
“
You’re
safety, your life…you are more important to me than anything
else. I love you more than my physical desire, any desire; that
desire is nothing in comparison to the love I feel—it’s
merely a reflection of everything else I feel for you.”
Finally,
I understood clearly—his reservations, his caution, his
agony—the things he had to learn, endure and the many
sufferings he had to face since he fell, and now the changes that
threatened his world and mine.
An
overflow of sadness overwhelmed me, making everything prioritize
itself in order. With the gentlest of touch, I lifted his face and
stared at his midnight blue eyes. There was no spark in them now. He
seemed extremely exhausted. I locked him in an embrace.
“
Everything
will be okay. I didn’t know…but why didn’t you
tell me?” I whispered. I pulled him up then, dragging him to
the nearby sofa and sat next to him and lay my head in his chest. He
kissed my forehead and clasped his arms around me. “I thought,
I’d be strong enough…and with everything that’s
going on…I didn’t think…It was a situation I’d
be facing soon,” he sighed.
“
I’m
not used to being weak...to being vulnerable. I have never felt or
faced it before.” Desperation seeps out of his voice. My chest
tightened.
“
I
wish I can always give you what you want because I want them, too…”
his voice was sad.
“…
but
I have to hold back…because at any moment, you can be taken
away from me. It takes so much of…my strength…my
will…to deny you of anything.” There was a deep
underlying torment in his voice..
“
I
wish you could truly understand the suffering, the agony I feel, to
fight everything that now comes naturally to me…”
“
You
being with me is more than enough…more than I deserve,”
I whispered. We
held
each other and I didn’t know how long we’ve been that
way.
M
y
eyes blinked bright and early the following day. The sea was so calm,
I had forgotten that I was in a moving vessel. My hand brushed the
sheets next to me while my eyes automatically looked for
him
.
But before my vision could take in the empty space, my nose
immediately caught the aroma of brewed coffee beans. A white mug
appeared, and Tristan’s face came into view. His delighted
expression made me more than grateful that I had woken up. He was
already sitting in bed next to me while he handed me a cup of coffee.
“
Good
Morning,” he said delightfully, while I stared at his angelic
face, still trying to process the overwhelming emotion of my happy
place. “I’m making you breakfast.” I was too
wrapped up in the bliss of the moment and have momentarily forgotten
about food and the danger that lurked outside the vessel. A second
passed before I understood his words clearly. I eyed him
suspiciously. I could have sworn he had mentioned in the past that he
didn’t know much about grocery shopping let alone food
preparation.
“
You
Tube,” he said in response to the must-have-been-confused look
on my face.
“
Oh…right…I
could help if you want.” I blurted.
“
I
think I got this one,” he answered eagerly. We headed to the
kitchen. I sat on a bar stool. Tristan cooking, was a sight I had
never seen before. The stove was on the center counter. A flat panel
Google
T.V. sat way at
the end of the counter top.
You
tube
was
playing.
I
sat in admiration as he chopped, beat, flapped and spun the
concoctions to create some sort of fancy, overly ambitious breakfast.
Vegetable omelet, hash browns and a couple of fruit
origami
,
all plated and garnished, appeared like it just came from some fancy
shmancy five star restaurant.
“
Wow…leave
it to you to be human,” I chuckled.
“
Well,
It’s because I have good news. I’m taking you home.
Gabriella will never be a threat. She had been banished and you will
never have to deal with her again.”
“
Tristan…I
want to stay here for a little while…with you!” My
response was automatic. I didn‘t even know I felt this way. His
face seemed to brighten. He circled around the counter in an
invisible speed. He cradled my face softly and smiled delightfully,
like this was the best news he’d ever heard.
“
Anything
you want.” He kissed me then.
The
rest of the day was like a dream—like we were in an endless
vacation but a million times better. Tristan taught me how to fish,
we snorkeled, we played endless card games and I spent hours talking
about me at his insistent request, we watched the sunset again, sat
on deck doing nothing, listen to Tristan singing, and danced
endlessly under the moonlight.
A
faint glow radiated from the window. I knew it had been four days but
I wasn’t
sure
what time of day it was. I nestled my head in the comfort of his
arms. After
what
had been a blink of an eye, the pin sharp vivid color of blue was
hard to ignore. I got up and put on a light, whisper soft, thin as a
layer of cloud, blouse and paired it with shorts and headed out unto
the deck. Tristan followed me eagerly. It felt strange wearing
something that I didn’t pick out, but I was definitely
impressed how someone could pull off a shopping spree on my behalf.
The
air felt cool and smelled fresh. Nothing to tip us off of any danger.
Being here makes it easy to forget everything and probably one of the
reasons behind, why Tristan had brought me here in the first place.
“
Are
you afraid to go back?” he asked too casually. Tristan’s
ability to sense my emotions always catches me off guard. I was glad
that he wasn’t able to read my exact thoughts, I couldn’t
afford to burden him more than he already felt. I realize that I must
take better control of my thoughts. And I could practice especially
if it was necessary.
“
Should
I be?” There are others who are after me besides, Gabriella.”
“
There
are many others that are also on our side,” he countered.
“
Besides,
I promised you that I will never let anything happen to you and I
intend to keep that promise,” his voice was firm.
“
Is
that what you're worried about?” I couldn’t answer right
away. There are so many things I feared; the dephils, Tristan leaving
me at any moment for my own safety; the thought of him erasing my
memories to protect me. The recollection made me sick to my stomach;
I remembered everything, the pain, the hollow I felt inside. I peered
up at him, trying to find the words to express exactly how I felt,
hoping he would see how broken I was—how much I have also
suffered from his years of absence.
“
Please…promise
me…that you will never leave me again. That‘s the only
thing I‘m really afraid of,” I pleaded. And for the first
time, I felt a
real
sense of
entitlement on him.
I
gazed at his tormented eyes. He stared at me without saying a word. I
waited. I was in agony in the eternity of his silence.
“
Please…I
couldn’t take it if you left again.” By then, tears had
run down my cheeks and for once, I let it all break free. He didn’t
say anything. He held me so passionately, I thought I would break. I
cradled in his arms.
He
looked into my eyes. “I promise to protect you no matter what
and I assume that would be difficult without my involvement.”
Those were not exactly the words, I wanted to hear. He wiped my
tears.
“
That’s
not exactly a promise,” my words were disappointed.
“
I
promise,” If that’s what you want. He said sincerely.
“
Isn’t
that what you want, too?” I could hear the pain in my own
voice.
“
What
I want is for you to be safe and to be happy.”
He
kissed me deeply. Passionately. And I was once again consumed and my
thoughts drifted. It would have been easy for me to drown in the
exhilaration of that moment. I left my passion a little longer. But I
knew the caution I had to take. I wanted to do my part not to cross
that line, though, the line had become rather hazy
again.
It was almost impossible to resist him. I was about to pull away with
great effort, when he automatically retracted from me. He closed his
eyes, but opened them faster this time. Seeing the light and heat in
his eyes gave me the most peculiar sensation, like fire and ice
colliding. And I found myself mesmerized by the
beauty
in the depth of his
soul—
the
true meaning behind the fire.
He
smiled brightly after the last tinge of orange disappeared from his
pupils.
“
I
think I’m getting better at this,” his face in a
triumphant grin.
“
Speak
for yourself,” I countered. “You’re more
irresistible…I‘m pretty sure you already knew that.
Another second longer and you will have to hose me down.”
A
laugh erupted before he contradicted me in a smooth teasing tone.
“
I
disagree…you have single handedly changed a fallen angel, I
think that’s quite an
accomplishment
that‘s not easily duplicated,” my lips curled
automatically in a
delight
smile.
“
I
might be persuaded by that argument,” I teased.
“
Hmm,”
was his long and only response. Then he kissed me again, shorter this
time. He pulled away immediately from my arms. I wanted to protest,
but…
“
Let’s
not underestimate my will power,” he said, a little serious
now. He reached out for my hand. I gave it eagerly.
“
Let’s
find something else to do that doesn’t involve me losing our
only protection against the dephils.” By then, I couldn’t
really argue.
A
s
the days passed, I was glad to open my eyes to a familiar room. But
most importantly, to the face I long to see, awake, asleep or even
dead. I glanced at him as he stared out into the ocean and as always,
I admired him. I barely noticed the violent beating of my heart. He
glanced to meet my eyes. I hyperventilated. I simply could never get
used to him. His eyes radiating in an electric ray of the
Mediterranean sea.
“
I
like hearing your heart—the way it flutters when you‘re
around me.” He wasn’t teasing, his voice was casual, but
still, I flushed warm. In a beat of an instant, he was next to me in
bed. He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand, admiring the
crimson that suddenly blossomed from his words.
“
I
hate that you can read so much into me…It’s
embarrassing,” I complained, my cheeks warming. I looked at
him, feeling vulnerable. He stroked my face again with the palm of
his hand
“
Don’t
be embarrassed…I love that about you,” he said, as he
continually stared into my awkward eyes.
“
It’s
not fair that I can’t read yours!” my eye brows crinkled
in an awkward protest.
“
I
don’t know about that…a trace of vulnerability was in
his voice.
“
Every
time I touch you…a
fire
literally burns
inside me…and you know its only there because…of how I
feel about you,” he said the words with so much conviction, it
pierced through me.