Authors: Janice Hadden
The
room was bright, looked clean and completely white. Coming in I could
smell formaldehyde everywhere. I was used to the strong odor, but
smelling it always reminded me of clean dead animals. Although the
word clean didn’t make much sense when I think of the word
‘dead’ in the same sentence.
I
picked a seat on the third row on the corner left, while Brody
followed and sat next to me. Placing my bag on a long, marble-like,
rectangular slab of a table, I noticed the glasses, jars, beakers and
the packet of paper for that day’s lab. Each section had two
seats and its own sink and faucet work station.
As
I was wiping our work table with a disinfectant, Tristan entered my
mind again and the thoughts of the night before. I began to feel
bothered by my own curiosity. There was no reason for me to think of
him, no reason to care at all except for the fact that he hated me
intensely and that I should feel the same way.
I
decided to brush off my sudden interest I had for him once again and
replaced it with disgust for the way he made me feel the night before
and decided to give myself a stern warning. ‘
Are
you following me?
’
why
should he accuse me of that?
He
was rude, out of line and clearly psychotic, and I need to stir clear
of him.
I
grabbed the lab packet. Brody and I read the instructions. We started
pouring and mixing. Occasionally we’d giggle whenever Brody
would crack a joke. Brody and I had finished right on time and handed
our papers and placed them at the instructor’s table. Brody was
still cracking jokes as we both walked out.
“
Okay,
“Katheryna I’ll see you next week and oh let me get your
number.”
“
Sure.”
Taking out his phone, he began to store my information.
“
Are
you going home now?” he asked as he clicked the numbers.
“
Actually,
I’m meeting my friend Sam and we’re studying at the
library…at Andrews…Do you want to come?”
“
Sure…I
was just about to ask you if you want to study,” he said
eagerly.
“
Okay,
did you drive here? Do you want to ride…”
“
Oh…I
drove…let’s just drive separately….just in case.
I said
“
Do
you know how to get there?”
“
Yes.
I‘d been there before,” he casually said.
“
K….park
at the arts building closest you can. I‘ll meet you there.”
I was supposed to meet Sam at 3 o’clock, Brody and I got there
half an hour earlier.
As
soon as I placed my bag on top of the desk. “Oh shit…again!”
I hyperventilated. A landslide of fear struck me as soon as I saw
Tristan’s profile by the entrance. For some crazy reason, I hid
my eyes cowardly. I was pissed with myself. I shouldn’t have to
hide—
I
feel so stupid.
“
What?”
glowing curiosity were evident in Brody’s eyes. He carefully
traced my glance back to my guilty eyes.
“
Uhm.
That guy that just came in. He thinks I’m stalking him,”
I said a-matter-of-factly. Brody snapped his head inconspicuously
toward the entrance and looked back at me wide-eyed.
“
Really?”
he blurted, like the whole thing was so fascinating.
“
I
know, right…block me,” I said without thinking. Brody
got up and scooted his seat close to mine. His face an inch away. He
grinned in excitement at the mystery of the situation. I felt a
little uncomfortable but decided I’d rather have that, than
have Tristan see me again. I just didn’t feel like dealing with
him today.
I
couldn’t help myself and tried to look at him from the corner
of my eye.
So
much for hiding.
He
was looking directly at me. His stare was beginning to burn me. It
felt strange but I didn’t sense that he was angry this time.
His face was unreadable, mysterious, like he was deep in thought and
obviously only he knew the secret that lied beneath the mask of hate
that he reserved for me.
“
So…spill!”
Brody barked. His now intrigued face still close to mine. I backed my
seat further.
“
There’s
really nothing to tell. I don’t even know him…” I
turned red. But then, Brody’s cell phone rang. “Hello…”
a brief silence surrounded us. Annoyance passed his face.
“U
hhuh…okay.
I’ll be there soon…OKAY!…I’m leaving now!”
he yelled. He turned his attention back to me.
“
Katheryna,
I have to go…I have to go pick up my brother…my mom had
to go to work.”
“
Oh,
Okay,” I softly said. I scanned the room briefly. Tristan was
gone.
“
Are
you gonna be okay?…Is he still here?” he whispered.
“
No…he’s
gone…I’ll be fine,” I assured him.
“
I’ll
call you…let’s have a study night,” he said as he
sprinted out. Five minutes later, Sam arrived. She was wearing a pink
sweatshirt. Her hair in two ponytails. She slapped three stacks of
books on the table.
“
Hey,”
she smiled pleasantly “Where’s your friend?”
“
Oh,
Brody had to leave. He had to pick his brother up.” She sat
across me and took out her highlighter.
“
Okay,
I only got an hour. I’m meeting my lab partner at my
house…so…how is it working at the Blue Lagoon and how’s
Becca by the way?”
“
It’s
busy…I only have two days off...and Becca’s good.”
“
We
should take some classes together, once you’re here. It’s
gonna be so great…by the way, I talked to Cash…he’s
worried about you.”
“
Oh…why?”
But then again, Cash always worried about me.
“
Maybe,
he’s worried you’re dating someone…but then, him
of all people should
know…how
much of a man-hater you are,” she teased.
“
I
am so not a man-hater…why would you say that?”
“
I’m
just playing with you…I just don’t understand the two of
you…I mean—him…he’s still clearly in love
with you…I don’t understand why he broke up with
you…after all the work I‘ve done to get you two
together.” A librarian passed by and gave us a silent warning.
Sam sighed. “Okay, let’s study…otherwise, we’re
not going to get anything done.”
When
4:30 ticked, Sam got up and stuffed her books in her backpack.
“
Are
you staying?” she questioned. Worried that Tristan might pass
by again, I
decided
to leave with Sam.
“
I’ll
see you tomorrow…bright and early,” I ordered. We parted
as soon as we came out of the library. I passed two buildings to get
to the botanical garden. This had
become
my sanctuary momentarily away from home.
The
cool air breathed against my clammy skin. Stepping off the flagstone
step, I sat down for a moment on the usual, long slatted bench,
placed my bag next to me and stretched my back against the seat,
curving it upward. My eyes swept my surrounding, admiring the
beautiful lilies in the pond and all the colorful flowers all
distinct and perfect in their own way; each had no comparison to the
other. Two butterflies with the same deep orange tinge and patches of
black flew over the irises. I admired them briefly as they flirted
with a single flower.
Then
breathing deeply, I let my mind wander to a peaceful place. I closed
my eyes for a second, relaxing my tired heavy lids—my nose
filling with a heady scent of flowers in a harmonious symphony.
Then
another scent caught my nose—subtle at first. The scent was
very soothing. The kind that you could get addicted to and can never
get enough of.
I
breathed deeply, inhaling all that I could. I let all of it into my
lungs, wrapping my mind and body into its heavenly scent. It smelled
deliriously intoxicating. I have never smelled anything like it. It
swirled all around me, filling my nose and my head. The scent was so
much stronger now but not overpowering. It could never be enough.
Then,
I saw a glare of a shadow in front of my closed eyelids and I opened
my eyes wide, and my pupils popped. Stunning, gray eyes were inches
from me—staring intensely. I froze. I am under his mesmerizing
glare.
Tristan.
For
whatever insane reason my heart jumped erratically for a different
reason other than fear. I took a deep breath, taking a quick moment
to readjust my nerves. The control in my brain had ceased altogether.
His face was unreadable as he eclipsed the cast of light in front of
me.
“
So
you go here a lot?” his voice was calm, casual and…curious.
A string of emotions overwhelmed my thoughts. His voice seemed to
deflate my defenses yet again. My throat was dry.
I
briefly contemplated whether or not to simply ignore him or let him
have it. After all, It was only the night before when he rudely
accused me of stalking him…and now…he’s speaking
to me…asking me a question, pretending that nothing happened.
But the curiosity who refused to be ignored, got the best of me and
shoved the invisible anger that was supposed to be dominating my
emotion. It took me a brief second to coherently adjust all my
thoughts and answer in an audible tone.
“
Yes…and
by the way I got here first.” I tried to steady my voice,
trying to sound
composed
even when everything in me felt completely erratic.
“
Yes…I
can see that,” his voice was still calm and collected. Then in
one swift move, his tone changed, becoming rigid—the intensity
in his voice resurfaced without warning.
“
You
know, your friend, he seemed to like you more than he should,”
he stated. The statement was an innuendo of sort. His eyes intense
and guarded. My mind
automatically
swam in confusion.
What?
I
couldn’t quite register the statement in my brain. I suddenly
realized, he
must
have been talking about Brody.
“
I
think that’s none of your business,” I hissed. My
defensiveness took over almost immediately. I almost regretted my
politeness. Just when I thought, I was prepared
for
his hate-filled comments, he shocked me yet again. I couldn’t
quite read into the statement as much as the reason for his blunt
insinuation.
“
You‘re
right, It’s none of my business, I’m just making an
observation. Like you…for example, you look vulnerable and the
last thing you need is a complication in your life,” his words
were loaded, his tone furious.
“
..…and
how would you know that and why is that any of your business?”
Yelling now, anger gripped my every emotion.
“
Well,
like I said, I don’t…It‘s not…It’s
just an observation.” Once again his voice went back to its
casual tone. I looked down briefly, trying to readjust my thoughts.
“Who are…” And before I could ask the question, he
was already walking toward the parking lot. Something irrational in
me made me jump and I ran after him. The compulsion was so strong
that my body got up even before I realized what I was doing. I
hurried a couple of strides to catch him—unable to stop the
voice of warning in my head.
“
Wait!”
And before I could say anything else, he looked back furious and
mouthed, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to
go after men you hardly know!” My shock accelerated the same
degree as my rage. His complete lack of sensitivity tore at me inside
out. He walked so fast, he left me to a sick burning feeling of my
anger.
Falling
to
Pieces
I
t
was Saturday, the second week of the month, I usually volunteer
downtown at the soup kitchen established by the local church. I was
running late that morning due to the fact that my thoughts of Tristan
kept me up unto the
wee
hours of the night. I brushed my teeth, tied my hair into a pony
tail, washed my face and put on a shirt that resembled nothing I
would or should ever wear in public. But I couldn’t be picky, I
was already late. I yanked something from my bottom drawers without
looking at it and paired it with my top.
It
was almost eight thirty when I was finally able to come out of the
house. Holding in my mouth a piece of bagel with cream cheese, on my
right hand was a cup of coffee and on my left was a key to my new
cooper
. I slid on the seat, trying to brush off the anxiety
from yesterday’s unusual confrontation with Tristan.