Cardinal's Rule (29 page)

He didn’t respond.

“Would you have left me if we were married?” She didn’t want to know, and yet she felt she

had to have the question answered once and for all so she could quit worrying at it like a dog with a bone.

He took a long time to answer. “I don’t know. I would like to be able to say no, I wouldn’t have left, but that would be a lie because I honestly don’t know what I would have done.” He sighed. “So the only reason you’re with him is because he forced you? Because of me?”

“No. I made the decision based on what’s right. He’s a nice guy. I do think the two of you need some serious work on your communication skills.”

His smile looked sad. “Maybe you can help us with that. Keep us in line.”

“Fuckin’ A.”

He turned back to the counter to prepare dinner. From the ingredients he’d assembled, she

assumed some sort of soup.

“Where do we go from here?” she asked. “You and me. I don’t know how to deal with you. Part

of me wants to beat your fucking brains out and part of me…” She couldn’t continue as guilt swept 

through her again.

“I’ve already got more than I dreamed I could have.” He cast a glance over his shoulder. “I

never thought I would ever have your forgiveness. Anything else I consider a bonus.”

She watched him for a few minutes. “What are you making?”
That should be a safe topic.

“Chicken soup. It’s one of his favorites. He won’t want anything heavy to eat, not feeling the way he does. It’ll keep his stomach settled and be easy for him to digest. He’ll sleep for several hours and it’ll be ready when he wakes up. I use fresh ginger in it to help soothe his tummy.”

The giggles rippled through her, unexpected, taking her by surprise until the laughter rolled out of her. He stood there patiently waiting her out. “What’s so funny?”

She snorted. “‘Soothe his tummy?’ Wuddums want his bwankie and baba, too?”

Cris smiled. “Hey, just because he’s a sadist doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to be babied once in a while. He hates feeling crappy. Did he warn you he’s a horrible patient?”

“Yeah, I think he did mention that.”

“He meant it. He’s a really cranky asshole when he’s sick. I guarantee you, at his worst, you’ll earn every cent of whatever he’s paying you.”

* * * *

She sat in bed with Landry, reading while he slept. After a while, Cris quietly walked in and sat on the floor on the other side of the bed, his chin resting on his arms on the matress. She’d left the door open in case he wanted to come in, so he wouldn’t have to knock and disturb Landry.

Tilly tried not to notice him, but she couldn’t help sneaking glances out of the corner of her eye.

Cris’ gaze never wavered from Landry’s face, focused totally on him.

Had she ever held that level of pure devotion for Cris as her Master? She’d once thought she had. The more she watched how Cris interacted with Landry, it became apparent to her how much deeper a Master and slave relationship the men had than she’d ever had with Cris.

With Cris they’d been lovers, friends, partners, and almost engaged until he disappeared. But while she’d served Cris and thought of him as her Master, he was more her protector, her lifeline.

Her anchor to sanity.

Fuck.

He was her service Top more than anything, truth be told.

When she felt her hands shake she realized she needed to get out of there and be alone. With her book in hand, she carefully stood without disturbing Landry and went to her office where she closed the door behind her. The book fell from her trembling fingers as she hugged herself. She walked over to the window to look out at the garden and that’s when her tears flowed.

No matter what she thought of herself in the past, what she’d had with Cris paled in comparison to what he had with Landry.

Cris held Landry together. Cris had held her together when they first met, seeing her through hell to the other side.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Cris had been right about her surviving losing him. He knew she would probably be okay, whereas Landry would not. Cris was their glue. And before she ever embarked on this crazy venture with Landry, they had that in common whether they’d realized it or not.

She closed her eyes and sobbed, and at first she didn’t hear the soft knock. By the time she turned Cris had already opened the door.

Hating herself even more, when he walked over, arms opened, she fell into them and let him

guide her to the floor where he held her while she cried.

He didn’t speak, didn’t try to soothe her, he simply held her until she finally sat up and turned away from him to wipe her eyes and sniffle.

Her laugh sounded harsh even to her. “You’re a better slave than I ever was,” she said.

“That’s not true,” he firmly countered. “You were wonderful. I was so proud of you.”

“Past tense.” She turned to look at him. “Let’s face it, you are a thousand times more devoted to him than I ever was to you. I thought I knew what it meant. Then I see you with him and… Fuck, Cris, if you’d done a fraction to me of what we did to you, I’d have killed you.”

He sadly smiled. “He needed his pound of flesh and so did you. It’s okay. I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t deserve what we did.” She stood and backed away from him while he remained

seated. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“I’m sure once he’s feeling better there will be more. Just not so intense.”

“How can you be okay with that?”

He shrugged. “What choice do I have?”

“You could leave him.”

“Is that what you want me to do?”

She studied him long and hard. “No,” she quietly admitted. “I don’t.”

He climbed to his feet, moving as smoothly as ever. She felt her heart flutter in response as her mind flashed back to hours spent watching him do tai chi or work through a fighting form, fascinated as his muscles rippled under tanned skin.

“It’s not what I want, either,” he said. “I love him, and I still love you.” He walked to the door, but he stopped and turned before leaving. “What set you off? If you don’t mind me asking. Was it something I did or said?”

“I don’t think I ever sat in bed and spent hours staring at you while you slept.”

He nodded, a sad smile quirking one corner of his mouth. “That’s okay. I spent plenty of hours watching you sleep.”

Her breath caught in her throat as he disappeared down the hall. Her knees gave out and she

sank to the floor again.

* * * *

Cris silently padded down the hall to check on him. Landry still slept. The pain meds combined

with the residual effects of the anesthesia would keep him down until late that evening. He retook his place on the floor next to the bed and waited.

He would never presume he could sit on her bed, even if she offered, without his Master’s

permission.

After a while, Tilly finally returned, her eyes red and face splotchy. He felt for her, wished he could give her more comfort than he did.

Wished he could promise to make it all better for her like he used to.

She climbed into bed without disturbing Landry and rolled onto her side so she could watch

him. When their eyes met, Cris wanted to hold her, reassure her he was okay with the new status quo, and knew all those words had to remain unspoken.

This was his Master’s will. That’s all that mattered.

No, he never would have done anything to her remotely like what Landry put him through. He

also knew some would think him a weak fucking pussy for tolerating it.

Deserve it? He felt so.

He knew the gig. Absolute. No shades of grey except the ones decided by Landry, although

usually he gave Cris a voice and opinion in matters. Still, underlying all those things remained the fact that in Landry’s world, there was but one credo:
Because I said so.

Which left him with only two options, stay or leave.

Leaving was not an option in his heart or mind.

After another hour, Landry stirred. He first looked to Tilly, who smiled and brushed the hair from his forehead. “Hey, sleepy,” she said. “How you feeling?”

“Crappy. Where’s Cris?”

His heart leapt as he reached over and touched his shoulder. He’d said his name! “I’m right

here, Master.”

Landry slowly turned over to face him. “Is that your special soup I smell?”

“Yes, Master. I made it the way you like.”

Landry’s eyes closed. “That’s my good boy. You take good care of me, don’t you?” He

squeezed Cris’ hand. “Why do you put up with me?”

“Because I love you, Master.”

“I love you too, Cris.”

* * * *

Tilly watched the exchange as a lump rose in her throat. Landry’s demeanor toward Cris

couldn’t be any less like it had been on their wedding night or in the days leading to it. In her heart, no matter how much seeing them together might hurt in some ways, she would never demand Cris leave.

Landry needed him.

She might be able to help heal his body, get him to doctor appointments and force pills down his throat as prescribed, even warm his bed, but he could pay any nurse or prostitute to do that for him.

He didn’t need her.

He
needed
Cris.

Part of her wished he needed her, no matter what he said while they made love.

He reached back and patted her thigh. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Bring me my computer bag from the office, please?”

She glanced at Cris, who made a
beats the hell outta me
face at her. “Yeah, sure.” She brought it and handed it to him.

With a pained grunt he sat up and opened the front flap, from which he withdrew a black velvet ring box. “I didn’t tell you about this,” he explained to her, “because I wasn’t sure what would happen between Friday and today. I didn’t know if Cris would be here, or if you’d be stuck alone with my sorry ass.”

She smiled. “Your ass isn’t sorry.”

“This is me being a good patient. You haven’t seen grouchy asshole patient mode yet. I’m sure he’ll vouch for that.” Cris smiled but said nothing while Landry opened the box and withdrew a ring identical to his wedding band. “Remember the other day at the mall, at the jewelry store, when I asked you to run over to Starbucks?” he asked her.

“Yeah?”

He held up the ring. He reached for Cris’ right hand and slid it onto his ring finger. “I wanted to give you a little reward for making it this far. Seriously. I know you’re here for the long haul. There’s a reason I want it on your right hand instead of your left.”

Landry glanced at Tilly. “She is my wife. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t falling in love with her.

She has a right to not share me if she decides. I’ll only wear her ring on my left hand. This is my pledge to you as your Master, and a tangible reminder, that I’ll always take care of you no matter what. But as my slave, you belong to her, too. You obey her, whether she tells you to kiss her ass or wash her dishes or whatever. Understand?”

He nodded, staring at the ring on his hand with wide eyes. “Yes, Master.”

He ruffled Cris’ hair in an affectionate way that made her heart hurt from the love she sensed between them. “That’s my good boy. How long until dinner?”

“Whenever you want, Master. It’s ready.”

“Good. I’ll eat in here. Give me a kiss and fix Tilly’s dinner too, if she’s hungry.”

Cris looked at her.

“Yes, please,” she said.

Cris jumped to his feet and kissed Landry before scampering out of the bedroom. She never

thought she’d ever associate Cris and scampering, but it was the best descriptor she could think of.

After a moment, Landry looked at her. “Are you all right, love?”

She nodded, still processing.

“You aren’t upset by that, are you? Me giving him a ring without telling you about it first?”

“I’m not upset, but why didn’t you tell me? What happened to honesty?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what would happen between the wedding and now. I was operating on

the presumption it would just be you and me. That was just in case. I am more shocked than anyone that he didn’t leave.” His tone softened. “I think it speaks to how much he loves us.”

“He…” She paused. “Us?”

“Us.” He looked at her for a long time before speaking. “I can forgive him and move forward.

Can you?”

“Again with the whole you forgive him thing when I’m the one who got screwed.” She closed

her eyes and took a deep breath to pull back her anger. “I already forgave him, but I also warned him it might get thrown in his face from time to time. I’m still angry.”

“Good. That’s healthy.” He grinned. “He usually goes naked at home, except for his collar. Do you mind if—”

“Can we not push things quite that fast?” Truth be told, the sight of Cris walking around naked wouldn’t be a bad one, just really confusing emotionally. No wonder he’d always seemed so

comfortable in his own skin, something he’d gently tried to help her overcome in their time together.

He stroked her cheek. “If you ever wish to discuss the situation, if your feelings for him ever change in a positive way, I want it out on the table that I wouldn’t hate it.”

“You are a kinky man.”

“Well, as someone once told me, duh, the Dom gig wasn’t a clue?”

* * * *

Cris wondered if he could feel any happier. Tilly forgave him, and so did Landry. The ring

flashed as he worked and he frequently glanced at it. He and Landry had discussed getting married when the laws had changed in California, then they’d changed back so quickly they hadn’t had time to get it done. They’d never exchanged rings, because as far as Cris was concerned the collar around his 

neck was the only symbol he needed.

He pureed Landry’s soup in the food processor to make it easier on his stomach. He dished out Tilly’s for her, got everything else ready, and took it in to them.

Then he sat on the floor next to Landry’s side of the bed and waited.

He noticed Tilly kept glancing at him. She finally asked, “Are you going to eat?”