The learned doctor leaned back and read through what he had just written. It seemed really very poetic to him. He read it through again and relished some of the phrases. In the margin he wrote, `Remember; all Cephallonians are poets. Where can I mention this?'
He went out into the yard and relieved himself into the patch of mint. He nitrogenated the herbs in strict rotation, and tomorrow it would be the turn of the oregano. He returned indoors just in time to catch Pelagia's little goat eating his writings with evident satisfaction. He tore the paper from the animal's mouth and chased it back outside. It skittered out of the door to bleat indignantly behind the massive trunk of the olive tree.
`Pelagia,' remonstrated the doctor, `your accursed ruminant has eaten everything I've written tonight. How many times do I have to tell you not to let it indoors? Any more incidents like this, and it'll end up on a spit. That's my final word. It's hard enough to stick to the point without that animal sabotaging everything I've done.'
Pelagia looked up at her father and smiled: `We'll be eating at about ten o'clock.'
`Did you hear what I said? I said no more goats inside the house, is that understood?'
She left off slicing a pepper, brushed a sway hair from her face, and replied, `You're as fond of him as I am.'
`In the first place, I am not fond of the ruminant, and in the second place you will not argue with me. In my day no daughter argued with her father. I will not permit it.'
Pelagia put one hand on her hip and pulled a wry face. `Papas,' she said, `it still is your day. You aren't dead yet, are you? Anyway the goat is fond of you.'
Dr Iannis turned away, disarmed and defeated, It was a most damnable thing when a daughter pulled feminine wiles upon her own father and reminded him of her mother at the same time. He returned to his table and took a new sheet of paper. He recalled that in his last effort he had somehow managed to stray from the subject of gods to the subject of fish. From a literary post of view it was probably just as well that it had been eaten. He wrote: `Only an island as impudent as Cephallonia would have the insouciance to situate itself upon a fault-line that exposes it to the recurrent danger of cataclysmic earthquakes. Only an island as lackadaisical as this would allow itself to be infested by such troupes of casual and impertinent goats.'
Come here. Yes, you. Come here. Now tell me something; which is my best profile, right or left? Really, do you think so? I am not so sure. I think that perhaps the lower lip has a better set on the other side. O, you agree do you? I suppose you agree with everything l Say? O, you do. Then how am I supposed to rely on your judgement? What if I say that France is made of Bakelite, is that true? Are you going to agree with me? What do you mean, yes sir, no sir, I don't know sir; what kind of answer is that? Are you a cretin or something? Go and fetch me some mirrors so that I can arrange to see for myself.
Yes, it is very important and also very natural that the people should perceive in me an apotheosis of the Italian ideal. You won't catch me being filmed in my underwear. You won't see me in a suit and tie anymore, for that matter. I am not going to be thought of as a businessman, a mere bureaucrat, and in any case this uniform becomes me. I am the embodiment of Italy, possibly even more than the King himself. This is Italy, smart and martial, where everything runs like clockwork. Italy as inflexible as steel. One of the Great Powers, now that I have made it so.
Ah, here are the mirrors. Put it down there. No, there, idiots. Yes, there. Now put the other one there. In the name of God, do I have to do everything myself? What's the matter with you, man? Hmm, I think I like the left profile. Tilt that mirror down a bit. More, more. Stop there. That's it. Wonderful. We must arrange it so that the people always see me from a lower position. I must always be higher than them. Send somebody round the city to find the best balconies. Make a note of it. Make a note of this, too, whilst I remember it. 'By order of the Duce, there is to be maximum afforestation of all the mountains in Italy. What do you mean, what for? It's obvious isn't it? The more trees, the more snow, everyone knows that. Italy should be colder so that the men it breeds are tougher, more resourceful, more resilient. It's a sad truth, but it's true nonetheless, our youngsters don't make the soldiers that their fathers did. They need to be colder, like the Germans. Ice in the soul, that's what we need.
I swear the country's got warmer since the Great War. It makes men lazy, it makes them incompetent. It unsuits them to empire. It turns life into a siesta. They don't call me the Unsleeping Dictator for nothing, you don't catch me asleep all afternoon. Make a note. This will be a new slogan for us: `Libro e Moschetto - Fascisto Perfetto'. I want people to understand that Fascism is not merely a social and political revolution, it's cultural as well. Every Fascist must have a book in their knapsack, do you understand? We are not going to be philistines. I want Fascist book clubs even in the smallest towns, and I don't want the damned squadristi turning up and setting them on fire, is that clear? And what's this I hear about a regiment of Alpini marching through Verona singing `Vogliamo la pace a non vogliamo la guerra'? I want it investigated. I won't have elite troops marching around singing pacifist-defeatist songs when we aren't even properly at war yet. And talking of Alpini, what's this about them getting in fistfights with the Fascist legionnaires? What else have I got to do to make the military accept the militia? How about this for another slogan; `War is to Man what Motherhood is to Woman'? Very good, I think you'll agree. A fine slogan with a lot of virility to it, much better than `Church, Kitchen and Children' any day of the week. Call Clara and tell her I'll be coming tonight if I can get away from my wife. How's this for another slogan: `With Daring Prudence'? Are you sure? I don't remember Benni using it in a speech. Must have been years ago. Perhaps it's not so good.
Make a note of this. I want it made absolutely clear to our people in Africa that the practice of so-called `madamismo' has to end. I really cannot countenance the idea of men of Italy setting up house with native women and diluting the purity of the blood. No, I don't care about native prostitutes. The sciarmute are indispensable to the morale of our men over there. I just won't have love affairs, that's all. What do you mean, Rome was assimilationist? I know that, and I know we're reconstructing the empire, but these are different times. These are Fascist times.
And talking of wogs, have you seen my copy of that pamphlet 'Partito a Impero'? I like that bit where it says `In short, we must try to give the Italian people an imperialist and racist mentality'. Ah yes, the Jews. Well I think it's been made perfectly clear that Jewish Italians have to deride whether they are Italians first or Jews. It's as simple as that. It hasn't escaped my notice that international Jewry is antiFascist. I'm not stupid. I know perfectly well that the Zionists are the tools of British foreign policy. As far as I am concerned we must enforce these employment quotas on Jews in public office; I will not tolerate any disproportion and I don't care if it means that some towns end up with no mayor. We must keep in step with our German comrades. Yes, I know the Pope doesn't like it, but he has too much to lose to stick his neck out. He knows I can repeal the Lateran pacts. I've got a trident up his backside and he knows I can twist it. I gave up atheist materialism for the sake of peace with the Church, and I'm not going any further.
Make a note; I want a salary freeze to keep inflation under control. Increase family subsidies by fifty percent. No I don't think the latter will cancel out the effects of the former. Do you think I don't understand economics? How many times do I have to explain, you dolt, that Fascist economics are immune from the cyclic disturbances of capitalism? How dare you contradict me and say it appears that the opposite is true? Why do you think we've been going for autarky all these years? We've had some teething problems, that's all, you zuccone, you scioao, you balordo.
Send Farinacci a telegram saying that I'm sorry he's lost a hand, but what else do you expect when you go fishing with hand-grenades? Tell the press it was because of something heroic. We'll have an article about it in Il Regime Fascista on Monday. Something like `Party Boss Injured in Valiant Action Against Ethiopians'.
Which reminds me, how are the experiments with poison gas going? The ones against the wog guerrillas? I hope the rifiuto die slowly that's all. Maximum agony. Pour encourager les autres. Shall we invade France? How about `Fascism Transcends Class Antagonisms'? Is Ciano here yet? I've been getting reports from all over the country that the mood is overwhelmingly anti-war. I can't understand it. Industrialists, bourgeoisie, working classes, even the Army, for God's sake. Yes, I know there's a deputation of artists and intellectuals waiting. What? They're going to present me with an award? Send them straight in.
Good evening, gentlemen. I must say that it is a great pleasure to receive this from some of our, ah, greatest minds. I shall wear it with pride. How is your new novel going? Ah, I'm sorry, I quite forgot. Of course you are a sculptor. A slip of the tongue. A new statue of me? Splendid. Milan needs some monuments, does it not? Let me remind you, although I am sure you have no need of it, that Fascism is fundamentally and at bottom an aesthetic conception, and that it is your function as creators of beautiful things to portray with the greatest efficacy the sublime beauty and inevitable reality of the Fascist ideal. Never forget; if the Armed Forces are the balls of Fascism, and I am its brains, you are its imagination. You have a heavy responsibility. Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, affairs of state, you know how it is. I have an audience with His Majesty the King. Yes, indeed, I shall convey your profoundest sentiments of loyalty. He would expect no less. Good evening.
That's got rid of them. Isn't this pretty? I might give it to Clara. She is bound to find it amusing. Ah, Ciano is coming is he? About time too. Been hacking his way round a golf-course, no doubt. Damn stupid game, in my opinion. I could understand it if one was trying to hit rabbits or intercept the odd partridge. You can't eat a Wok-in-one, can you? You can't draw the entrails of a good putt: Ah, Galeazzo, how good to see you. Do come in. Bene, bene. And how is my dear daughter? How wonderful it is to keep government in the family, so to speak. So good to have someone one can trust. Been playing golf? I thought so. Wonderful game, so fascinating, such a challenge, as much intellectual as physical, I understand. I wish I had time for it myself. One feels so much at sea when talk turns to mashie-niblicks, cleeks, and mid-irons. Quite an Eleusinian mystery. I said `Eleusinian'. O never mind. What a splendid suit. Such a good cut. And such distinguished shoes too. They're called `George boots'? I wonder why. Not English are they? Give me an honest military jackboot, Galeazzo; I can't compete with you in elegance, I'll be the first to admit. I'm just a man of the soil, and that's the best thing to be when the soil happens to be Italian, don't you agree? Now look, we've got to sort out this Greek business once and for all. I think we're agreed that after all our accomplishments we need a new direction. Think of it, Galeazzo; when I was a journalist Italy had no empire to speak of. Now that I am the Duce we do have one. It's a great and lasting legacy, of that there can be no doubt. There is more acclaim for a symphony than for a quartet. But can we stop at Africa and a few islands that no one's ever heard of? Can we rest on our laurels when all about us we see divisions within the party and find that we seem to have no central thrust to our policy? We need dynamite up the arsehole of the nation, do we not? We need a great and unifying enterprise. We need an enemy, and we need to maintain the imperial momentum. This is why I return to the subject of the Greeks.
I've been looking through the records. In the first place we have an historic blot to expunge, an outstanding account. I'm referring to the Tellini incident of 1923, as you no doubt realise. Incidentally, my dear Count, I have been becoming increasingly aware that you have been making foreign policy independently of me, and that consequently we have often found ourselves pulling in different directions at once. No, do not protect, I merely mention this as an unfortunate fan. Our ambassador in Athens is very confused, and perhaps it has been in our interest that he should remain so. I don't want Grazzi dropping hints to Metaxas, and it suits us that they should remain friends. No damage has been done; we've taken Albania and I have written to Metaxas to reassure him and in commend his treatment of King Zog, and everything is going very well.
Yes, I am aware that the British have contacted Metaxas to say that they will help defend Greece in the event of an invasion. Yes I know Hitler wants Greece in the Axis, but let's face it, what kind of debt do we owe to Hitler? He stirs up all of Europe, there seems no limit to his greed and irresponsibility, and to cap it all he takes die Romanian oilfields without allowing us any slice of the cake at all. The cheek of it. Who does he think he is? I fear, Galeazzo, that we must base our actions upon a calculation as to which way the dice are falling, and I have to say that it is obvious that Hitler is getting all the sixes. Either we join with him and divide the spoils or else we risk an invasion from Austria as soon as the little man sees fit. It is a question of grasping opportunities and evading perils. It is also a question of expanding the empire. We must continue to stir up liberation movements in Kosovo and irredentism in Tsamouria. We get Yugoslavia and Greece. Imagine it, Galeazzo, the whole Mediterranean littoral rebuilt into a new Roman Empire. We've got Libya, and it's just a question of joining the dots. We've got to do this without telling Hitler; I happen to know that the Greeks have been seeking his assurances. Imagine the impression on the Fuhrer when he sees us sweep through Greece in a matter of days. It'll make him think twice, that's for sure. Imagine yourself at the head of a Fascist legion as you enter Athens on the turret of a tank. Imagine our colours fluttering on the Parthenon.
Do you remember the Guzzoni plan? Eighteen divisions and a year to prepare? And then I said, `Greece does not tie on our path, and we want nothing from her,' and then I said to Guzzoni, `The war with Greece is off. Greece is a bare bone, and is not worth the life of a single Sardinian grenadier'? Well, circumstances have changed, Galeazzo. I said that because I wanted Yugoslavia. But why not take both? Who says that we'll need a year to prepare? Some stupid old general with old-fashioned ways, that's who. We could do it in a week with one cohort of legionnaires. There are no soldiers in the world as resolute and valiant as ours.
And the British are provoking us. I'm not talking about De Vecchi's ravings. That reminds me. De Vecchi told you that the British attacked a submarine at Levkas, two more at Zante, and established a base at Milos. I've had a report from Captain Moris that none of this ever happened. You really must remember that De Vecchi is a lunatic and a megalomaniac, and one day when I remember to do so, I will string him up by his copious moustache and remove his testicles without anaesthetic. Thank God he's in the Aegean and not here or I would be up to my neck in bullshit. The man turns the Aegean brown.
But the British have sunk the Colleoni, and the Greeks flagrantly allow British ships to take port. What do you mean, we accidentally bombed a Greek supply ship and a destroyer? Accidentally? Never mind, it'll be fewer ships to sink later. Grazzi says there are no British bases at all in Greece, but we'll let that pass, shall we? There's no harm in saying that there are. The important thing is that we've got Metaxas shitting himself. I hope I can place credence in this report of yours that the Greek generals are with us; if that's true, how come they've arrested Plans? And where has all the money gone that was supposed to bribe the officials? It amounts to millions, precious millions that would have been better spent on rifles. And are you sure that the population of Epirus really wants to be Albanian? How do you know? Ah, I see, Intelligence. I have decided, by the way, not to ask the Bulgarians if they want to invade at the same time. Of course it would make it easier for us, but it's going to be a walkover anyway, and if the Bulgarians get their corridor to the sea it's only going to sever our own lines of supply and communication, don't you think? We don't in any case want them basking in glory that is property our own.