Camellia (32 page)

“I wish you weren’t leaving in the morning.” Thad’s soulful brown gaze pricked her conscience. “We need you …
I
need you … here.”

Camellia stepped back as required by the dance and curtsied. Her smile was not as firm as it should have been. She took two steps forward and curtsied again. “I have to go with my sister. She’s upset that I left Vicksburg with you last time.”

“I know. But that was my fault. I should have realized the danger.”

“Don’t be silly.” Her smile relaxed into a more natural curve as she sought to allay his guilt. “No one could have known what would happen in Memphis. Lily should be glad you were there to protect us on our trip to Jacksonport.”

The music ended. Thad offered her an elbow and escorted her from the dance floor. Camellia was immediately besieged by other handsome soldiers. She was the most popular girl at the party. She should be giddy with excitement, but a strange emptiness filled her with each new partner. Some stepped on her toes while others regaled her with stories of their exploits on the field of battle. She had never been so ready to leave a party.

Jane and Thad talked nonstop on the way back to the hotel, neither noticing that Camellia hardly spoke. When the carriage came to a halt, she gathered her wrap and reached for the door handle.

“I’ll be right back, Jane.” Thad’s hand covered hers on the handle.

Camellia jerked her hand away as though his touch burned it.

Jane settled in the far corner of the carriage. “Don’t hurry on my account. I may even take a nap.” She lowered one eyelid at Camellia before turning her head away.

Thad stepped down, unaware of the byplay between Jane and Camellia. He reached a hand toward her, and Camellia allowed him to help her from the carriage.

“Thank you for a lovely evening.” She turned to go inside.

His hand encircled her elbow. “Wait a moment.”

She sighed. “I know what you’re going to say, Thad. I’m sorry I can’t stay in Vicksburg, but it’s out of the question. My family needs—” Her mouth dropped open when she turned to look up at him, ending the speech she’d prepared.

Thad had dropped to one knee. His head was lower than her shoulder.

“Please get up, Thad.”

“No.” He reached for her hand, raising it to his lips and placing a warm kiss on it. “I have something to ask you, Camellia.”

She wanted to pull her hand away, but his grip was too strong. “Thad, please. You’re embarrassing me.”

“Camellia, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. But that’s not the best thing about you. Looks fade, but not the things in here.” He thumped his chest with his free hand. “You care about others. I’ve watched you under the most extreme of circumstances. You didn’t break. You never complained or whined.”

“Neither did Jane.”

His smile lifted only a corner of his mouth. “I’m not in love with my sister, Camellia. Now will you hush and let me finish?”

She gave him a slow nod.

Another carriage pulled up at the front of the hotel, and a couple got out. They stared at Camellia and Thad. The woman giggled.

“Camellia, I love you.” His words came faster. “Please say you’ll marry me and make me the happiest man alive.”

“I … uh … I don’t know what to say, Thad.”

He stood and brushed dirt from the knees of his trousers. He didn’t pull her into his arms but stood with his arms hanging loose at his side. “The obvious answer is yes.”

She shook her head. “I can’t …”

“Don’t answer right now.” He put a finger on her lips. “Not unless you’re going to give me an emphatic yes.”

Camellia couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes, so she looked past his shoulder and remained silent.

“I thought so.” He turned to walk toward the hotel entrance and held the door open for her. “Just promise me you’ll think about your answer while you’re gone.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. What woman would be silly enough to turn him down? Yet she couldn’t accept his offer. Not until she sorted out her muddled feelings. “We’ve been living in each other’s pockets for more than a month now. I think spending some time apart is a good idea.”

Silently, he bowed and watched her with his sad brown eyes.

Camellia entered the hotel and went to her room. As the maid helped her undress, her mind kept going over Thad’s proposal. She knew she’d done the right thing by not accepting him. So why did she feel like she’d kicked an innocent puppy?

Y
ou need to get out of that sunshine before you turn yo’ skin as dark as mine.” Tamar stood at the entrance to the parlor.

Camellia blinked away her drowsiness. “I’ll go get a hat.”

“T’ain’t no hat to protect you from the glare off the water. You need to get inside here and help with the mending.”

Making a face, Camellia pushed herself out of the chair she had been resting in. “I can’t sew at all.”

“Humph. A fine job they did at that fancy school, then. Now you go help your sister. I’m going to check on Jasmine and make sure she’s doing the schoolwork Lily assigned.” Tamar disappeared into the shady interior.

Camellia wondered if Tamar ever worried about losing her freedom. She had lived most of her life as the property of Camellia’s grandparents, and she had never seemed unhappy with her situation. She had lavished affection on all three of her charges. But that had been before Lily bought a steamship and before Tamar fell in love with Jensen. Camellia had been thrilled when the woman who raised her gained her freedom and married Jensen, Blake’s friend and employee.

Their situation gave the issue of slavery a human face. If Tamar had remained a slave, she would have had to petition Grandmother for the right to marry. How many other Tamars and Jensens were denied the chance for happiness because of slavery? The question made her heart ache and brought Jonah’s arguments back to her. Yet without slavery, so many plantations would fail. Was there not some middle ground that would work for everyone?

Putting away the question for later, Camellia moved into the parlor, pulled out a chair, and sat next to her sister.

“Oh good. I can use an extra hand.” Lily nodded her head at the pile of starched linen and clean socks that hid the surface of the table in front of her. “I don’t know how I can get so far behind.”

Camellia made a face. “I’d rather be scrubbing the deck outside.”

“I know you’ve never enjoyed handwork, but surely you learned enough at La Belle to be able to sew a straight line.” Lily handed her a needle and some thread. “Why don’t you show me what they taught you?”

“I doubt you’ll be impressed.” Catching her tongue between her teeth, Camellia concentrated on threading the needle. Nostalgia brought a sad smile to her face as she recalled the day she’d sown her sampler to her skirt. Life had seemed so much simpler then … before she’d seen the ugly face of war. Camellia glanced toward her sister. “Do you ever wish you could go back into the past?”

Lily shook her head. “I’m happy to be where I am. If you spend time always looking back over your shoulder at what was, you’ll miss out on a lot.”

“I just wish things were not so complicated.”

“It’s true that adults have more responsibilities than children.” Lily inspected the napkin she was working on. “But many of our problems are as simple as theirs.”

Camellia huffed her disbelief.

“No, it’s true. We tend to think everything is complicated. Think about how the Pharisees tried to trip up Jesus. They asked him to list the commandments in order of importance.”

“How complicated could that be? There are only ten commandments, after all.”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Whole volumes of laws have been written to support those ten rules, but that’s not even the point. Jesus pointed out a simple answer. He said that we must first love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. Secondly, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. He told the Pharisees to forget about everything else and concentrate on those two things alone.”

“It can’t be that easy.”

“I didn’t say it was easy, Camellia. I said it was simple. Even the most ardent Christians may struggle at times with loving God with everything in them. And it’s extremely difficult to love someone who is trying to harm you.”

“But if everyone did the same thing …” Camellia let her voice trail off, trying to imagine a world without strife.

“Someday we will. When Christ comes again, everyone will bow to Him.”

Another thought occurred to her. “If everyone will bow to Him then, why do we worry about following His Word now? I mean, if everyone will be saved when He comes back, what difference does it make how we live?”

“I didn’t say everyone would be saved. Christ promised that some will claim to be His children, but He will not know them. Those pitiful souls will be separated from God for all eternity.” She shivered and reached for another cloth to mend. “I know you believe in God and that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for your sins, Camellia. Listen to God, always keeping your heart in repentance toward Him. Love Him and love the people around you. God will take care of the rest.”

It sounded too easy to Camellia. And how was she supposed to apply her sister’s advice to the problem she was facing? What answer was she going to give Thad the next time she saw him?

“Camellia, I’ve prayed a lot about your future.” Lily hesitated before continuing. “I worried that you might not have the right priorities in mind. But I’ve seen the difference in you since the beginning of the year, and I have confidence you are seeking the path God intends you to follow. It will not be the same path as mine or Jasmine’s, but that’s as it should be.”

Her sister’s words washed over Camellia like a cleansing flood. If Lily believed in her, she must be doing something right. The little voice trying to insist that she still didn’t know what to do was firmly squashed.

She didn’t need to make the decision today, after all. Once they arrived at Blake’s family home, they would probably stay at least a month. Perhaps she would figure out what to do before the voyage home.

“Heave to.” The order was punctuated by a blast from a cannon.

Blake bounded up the steps from the engine room, his gaze landing on Lily before swinging to the gunboat stationed near their bow. “Are you all right?”

Papa stared down at them from the hurricane deck. “You may want to shut off the boiler and weigh anchor before those fellows get nervous.”

Jensen appeared from the galley and moved toward the anchor, releasing the pin with a minimum of effort.

Blake disappeared down the steps into the engine room once again, and Lily heard the hiss of steam being vented. The paddle wheel stopped, and they were still in the water, ready to be boarded.

The tin-clad steamer, not much larger than the
Water Lily
, was fully outfitted for battle. Three large cannons poked muzzles through the tin that offered protection to the sailors manning them. She could still see smoke rising from the one that had fired a warning shot past them.

Both wooden decks and the pilothouse were encased in sheets of tin that would stop a hail of bullets. As she watched, sailors in dark blue poured from the interior of the ship, bayonetted rifles in their arms. Above them the familiar flag of the United States waved its colors.

Blake came up next to her and slipped a comforting arm around her waist. “You should probably go inside with Tamar and your sister while your father and I talk to the officers.”

“I’m not afraid of them.”

“That’s not the issue here, Lily.” Blake kept his tone light, but his fingers squeezed a warning. “I don’t want the captain or his men to be distracted. Let me show them our papers, and we’ll be on our way in no time. Both of us want to reach Cape Girardeau before the sun sets.”

She cupped his chin with her hand. “Just make sure you don’t get shot or impressed. I wouldn’t relish being left on the bank while the Union navy sails away with my boat.”

Camellia, Jasmine, and Tamar met her at the door to the parlor.

“What will happen now?” Camellia’s face was as white as a bleached napkin.

Tamar didn’t look as concerned as she had the night they crept into New Orleans to rescue Camellia and Jane. She stood next to the doorway, her legs spread and her arms crossed over her chest.

Lily encouraged them to sit down, enclosing Jasmine in her arms. The men would talk to the sailors, show them the papers that cleared the
Water Lily
for travel along the Mississippi and Ohio Rivers. Before leaving Natchez, she and Blake had signed sworn statements of fealty to the United States to receive their clearance. At the time she had thought it an unnecessary precaution to take. They had never been stopped by either side before. But now she was glad Blake had insisted.

The minutes passed slowly, but Lily took comfort in the fact that no one was shouting or shooting. She closed her eyes and prayed for the safety of their crew and the men on the gunboat. Peace blanketed her as she took her petition to God, and Lily opened her eyes.

Camellia had moved to the window and was watching the action through a slit in the curtains.