Read Butter Safe Than Sorry Online
Authors: Tamar Myers
Tags: #Bank Robberies, #Mystery & Detective, #Mennonite, #Hotelkeepers, #Yoder; Magdalena (Fictitious character), #Fiction, #Mennonites, #Religion, #Pennsylvania Dutch Country (Pa.), #General, #Mystery Fiction, #Women Sleuths, #Crime, #Christianity
Butter Safe Than Sorry (33 page)
"What?"
I said. "No fair!"
I said. "No fair!"
"That's okay, Mom," Alison said kindly, "I've been hoping you would for a while now."
"You
have
?" I said. "It's that obvious?"
have
?" I said. "It's that obvious?"
"Well, just when the light hits it a certain way. Mom, don't get upset; I read somewhere that lots of women your age have this problem. Have you ever considered using a depilatory?"
Frankly, I was as embarrassed now as I was that time I had
the
sex talk with Alison. It had been necessitated by a life change in her body that was both exciting and scary--at least for me. It was most definitely an event that called for a celebration. (Incidentally, I believe that in this day and age, when there are so many teenage pregnancies, we should refer to this monthly cycle--at least privately--as "the blessing" and not "the curse.")
the
sex talk with Alison. It had been necessitated by a life change in her body that was both exciting and scary--at least for me. It was most definitely an event that called for a celebration. (Incidentally, I believe that in this day and age, when there are so many teenage pregnancies, we should refer to this monthly cycle--at least privately--as "the blessing" and not "the curse.")
"Freni," I said, "now would be a good time for you to go pick up the phone in either my bedroom or my office."
The dear woman padded off, but not before reminding me that Amish women didn't believe in altering their bodies in any way. What God gave them, that's what he intended for them to keep--well, sort of; they did trim their nails, didn't they? I posed this contradiction to Freni over the extension.
"Ach! Must you always argue, Magdalena?"
"It's my nature to do so," I said.
"So now I get mushy, yah?" Freni said. "I think that I will miss this nature."
"Oh, that's sweet," Alison said. "Okay, are you both sitting down?"
"Yah," Freni said, "your mother 's bed is very soft."
I pulled up a hard kitchen stool and plunked my tired patooty down. "Yes, go ahead, dear."
"One of you is about to be a grandmother," Alison said.
"
Ach du lieber!
My Jonathan is with child again?"
Ach du lieber!
My Jonathan is with child again?"
"I think that would be
Barbara
, dear," I said, losing my patience. "As much as you adore your Jonathan, he isn't capable of getting pregnant."
Barbara
, dear," I said, losing my patience. "As much as you adore your Jonathan, he isn't capable of getting pregnant."
"Uh, Mom, it isn't Barbara either."
Sometimes I can be slow on the uptake, and this was one of them. After all, Alison had used the word "grandmother," a term I had never even associated with myself, not even in my wildest daydreams. After all, I was the mother of an eight-year-old, full of vim and vigor, practically in the prime of my life.
Okay, so perhaps I'd already reached my "sell by" date, but I still had a long way to go before I got to my "expiration" date, and we all know that some things are still good a ways beyond that. A grandma!
Moi?
But if that was what I was, then grandmothers still had it--whatever "it" was. Being a grandmother just meant that a new baby was coming into my life, that my joy would be multiplied, and that my daughter and her husband were about to be blessed--and sleep deprived--beyond anything that they could have imagined.
Moi?
But if that was what I was, then grandmothers still had it--whatever "it" was. Being a grandmother just meant that a new baby was coming into my life, that my joy would be multiplied, and that my daughter and her husband were about to be blessed--and sleep deprived--beyond anything that they could have imagined.
"Then it's you," I said. "Oh, Alison, I'm so happy!"
"Mazel tov!"
Freni said.
Freni said.
We talked for the better part of an hour. When we hung up, I whooped and I hollered. I swooped and I spun in circles, like the crazy woman that I am.
Meanwhile, Freni, who was watching from the safety of the doorway, beamed.
Tamar Myers
, who is of Amish background, is the author of the Pennsylvania Dutch mysteries and the
Den of Antiquity
series. She lives in North Carolina with her husband. Visit her online at
www.tamarmyers.com
.
, who is of Amish background, is the author of the Pennsylvania Dutch mysteries and the
Den of Antiquity
series. She lives in North Carolina with her husband. Visit her online at
www.tamarmyers.com
.
1
Domestic Blue cheese gives cookies a clean flavor, color, and texture. Use less flour with a Stilton-style cheese and more flour with a French-style Roquefort.
2
Either lemongrass puree or ground powder can be used. The puree can be found in squeeze tubes in most supermarket produce sections and dry powder can be found in either the spice section or in the Asian food section of the international area.
3
Candied ginger (also called crystallized ginger) can be found in many supermarket produce or spice sections or in a health or gourmet store.
4
Hazelnuts, almonds, or other mixed nuts may be substituted.
5
Fresh or dried lavender flowers can be found in health food stores, herb and spice markets, or through online baking supply retailers.
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