Burn for Cowboy (Stampede Sizzlers) (9 page)

She nodded, unable to speak.

“Then be mine, little love. Be mine and not his.” His hand moved between her legs and he turned off the vibrator. She still felt it tickling between her legs. It was a phantom touch. Like the one on her wrist. Because Mike was gone. No longer beside her.

There was a faint click and she felt it echoing in her heart. He had left her. Pressing her face into the mattress, her body humming with arousal and submission. He had left.

She flexed her fingers out then returned to gripping the bed, half afraid if she let go there’d be nothing left to hold on to.

Be mine and not his.

Michael.

“Come back,” she whispered as she shut her eyes against the tears that began to slide free. “Come back.”

What if he didn’t come back? What if he was tired of her? How many times did he have to tell her he wanted her trust and her love?

Be mine.

Don’t leave me alone, Michael.

Chapter Nine

Mike sat in the lobby of the hotel. There was frustration that there was nowhere he could go. Walking the streets at four in the morning had a certain lack of appeal. He tapped his finger on the small coffee table as he stared at his cell. His finger flicked out and sent the phone spinning.

“Fuck,” he muttered and flattened his hand over the phone. Slumping back in the chair, he sought out the number he wanted and made the call. Yeah it was early, but fuck them. He was awake, they could be awake too.

“It’s four in the fucking morning,” a voice growled at him. “Get a watch. How are you fucking up?”

Mike growled as he glared at the floor. The answer “every way” echoed through his head. “Your faith in me makes me treasure the friendship we no longer have.”

“Dickhead.”

“It’s not going well. She’s got issues that go way back involving a guy who broke her heart.”

Chance snorted. “Fuck him. He doesn’t count. Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

“Does she love you?”

Mike sagged in the chair. Now that was the question of the hour. “I think so. It scares her. I may have inadvertently fucked up.”

“Oh, of that I have no doubt. It’s what you do. Fuck up good things in your life. If she’s still with you, chances are she does love you because you’re a dickhead. More, you’re a dickhead dom.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Make me. Dickhead. Look, what’s the problem, Mike? Are you a twenty-eight year old dickhead with his head up his ass because, boo-hoo, he can’t play hockey anymore?

“I’ll talk to him however I want,” Mike heard Chance say to Erica. “Stop giving me that look.”

Mike rubbed his shoulder. “No, I am not,” he said bringing the conversation back to him.

“No. You’re forty fucking years old. Dude, junior high was a long time ago. Who the fuck cares about douchebag ex-boyfriends? How did this become an issue? Why is this an issue?”

God damn it. Weren’t those the right questions to ask? “I want to marry her, Chance.”

“So…marry her. Fucking tie her up and marry her. This is where you went wrong with Erica and it has nothing to do with the fact that I am gold in the sack. You became passive. Fuck that submissive shit.” Chance paused.

“Yes, I love your submissive shit, baby, but his? No. Had he grabbed his balls in his right hand and fought for you with his left, you wouldn’t be here. None of you would be here. But he forgot he had balls and turned into a girl and cried out of his vagina. Yes, baby, I love your vagina but his? No.”

Chance’s voice became clearer in the phone, telling Mike he was done talking to Erica. “So, Michael Rossi, grab your balls in your right hand and fight with your left. You’re the dom in your happy little world. Man up and be the fucking dom. You owe me a beer. You think this shit is free? And call your mother.”

Yet again Chance hung up and Mike stared at his phone before a snort escaped. Fuck, he missed Chance. Why was Adam an issue? Adam had her. Adam lost her. Adam wasn’t the issue. Adam wasn’t the problem. This was all on Mike.

With a tired sigh, he stood and tucked his phone into his pocket.

It was time, as his childhood friend had so eloquently said, to grab his balls in his right hand and fight with his left. Because whatever he was doing was wrong. Had it not felt wrong that night? When exactly had he started not listening to his instincts?

He returned to the room to find Meri exactly where he had left her. Ah. Shit.

Fuck.

With a heavy sigh directed at himself, he sat on the bed and slid his hand down her back. The mattress muffled her sobs and that was it. His Meri was hurting. He had done this and what hurt her could not be. Gently he caressed down her arms and uncurled her fingers from the edge of the mattress. He eased her onto his lap and brushed her hair out of her eyes. Her cheeks were wet and pale. “I’m sorry, baby,” he said softly.

“I want to go home. Can we go home?”

He nodded as she curled into him, her legs folded under his arm and her arm hooked over his neck. “We can go home or I can stop fucking with our heads, let my shit go and we can enjoy the rest of our week.”

 “You left,” she whispered as she gripped his neck. “You said that then you left. I’m not his, Mike.”

Mike pressed his mouth to her head. “No, you’re not.” She was Mike’s.

“You said you wouldn’t leave. And you left.” She began to cry again and Mike drew her closer. He’d drag her into his body if he could. A dainty fist thumped him on the shoulder.

Mike caught the curled fingers and kissed the knuckles. Gently he massaged until her fingers relaxed. “Earlier you asked me if I was leaving you. Are you leaving me, little love?” She stilled against his chest, sighed then sat up. Tears stained her cheeks and her eyes looked pale because of how red the whites were. Her free hand wiped down her cheek.

“What? Why? What?” She frowned as she wiped her other cheek with her entire palm.

“Because ever since I asked you to move in with me, you’ve been getting sadder and quieter. We’ve fumbled around quite a bit lately and it’s time we fix our shit. I’m tired of fucking up. I’m tired of this,” he drew a circle around her face. “So, tell me, Meredith, what’s going on in your head?”

She blinked, tucked her hair behind her ear, then rubbed her thigh. When she realized she was doing the nervous habit, she clasped her hands together in her lap. “Everyone goes, Mike. At some point they just…walk away. Adam, my father, my mom, my grandfather, my coach. I know they died but they still left.”

“And what? You think I will too? That one day I’ll just say fuck this and walk off?”

She ran her hand over her stomach and tears slid down her cheeks. She was breaking his heart. “I was pregnant.”

Fuck. God fucking damn it. He rested his head on her shoulders. He ran his hand over the small scar on her stomach, the significance of it exploding in his head. He had the sudden desire to hunt down Adam Payne and beat the crap out of him. He had known that she couldn’t have babies after the accident, it’s why he had scrapped condoms early on. What he hadn’t know that at the time, that scared girl in the hospital had been dealing with more than just having to walk again. She had lost a baby. Fuck.

“When I told him,” she looked up, her eyes shattered at old memories. This, he realized, this was why she was pulling away. “He basically told me to get an abortion then he kicked me out of his life. Like it was my fault. He drove away and I never saw him again until… What if one day you want kids, Mike? I can’t have kids. The accident took away
everything.
”

He dragged his hands down his face. Reaching back, he piled the pillows then leaned into them. “Did you know there’s this new-fangled invention? People call it adoption.

“I told you, Meri, that there is no way on this planet I will ever walk away from you. Nothing you ever do can make me walk away. I will not walk away because you cannot have babies. I will not walk away because you don’t have a medal saying you’re the best. I will not walk away because you can’t do a triple jump anymore. I will do whatever it takes to keep you and keep you happy. I want you to listen to me very carefully, Meredith Heaven. Are you listening?”

She nodded and gazed at him, her eyes wide and locked on his face.

He cupped her cheeks and kissed her slowly. “You, little love, are mine. I want you to make my home our home because you’re mine. I want you in our bed because you’re mine. I want your clothes in my closet because you’re mine. I want your life entwined with mine because…” he looked at her and waited for her to fill in the blank

“I’m yours,” she said softly.

“You are in my heart because…”

Once again she wiped her cheek. “I’m yours.”

Mike’s thumbs caressed her damp cheeks, wiping away the remaining tears. He loved this woman and he needed to stop fucking up with her. Their pasts, their prior relationships, didn’t matter. She mattered. Her being in his life mattered.

“And if you are my heart, I cannot walk away because it will stop beating. So, there’s no more talk of me leaving. I will never leave you standing on a curb feeling scared and alone. I will never leave you in a hospital feeling scared and alone. This is always,” he said as he tapped his finger against her heart. “You are mine. Say it.”

“I am yours.”

He tapped again, his eyebrows lowering because that wasn’t what he said. “Say it, Meri.”

“You are mine,” she whispered.

Mike nodded then kissed her again.  “I am yours.”

Chapter Ten

“Dad, we’re not having this conversation again,” she heard Mike say in an exhausted voice. Smiling, she rested her cheek on the chain of the old swing. She loved that there was a swing in the yard of his childhood home.

It was hard to imagine Mike growing up on a farm. He was such a city boy and yet this was where he had been a boy. He had laughed here, played here. His hated cows were visible in the pasture behind the house, a perky red barn adding to the rustic charm.

As sexy as Mike was in his cowboy hat, she didn’t see a cowboy. “It’s a generous offer, Dad. Take it.”

“If you would just…”

“Dad, I am not now nor will I ever be a farmer. The only time I want to see a cow is on my plate. Sell to Chance.”

Earlier, his mother had proudly shown Meri pictures of a much younger Mike playing hockey. Pictures of young Mike with his two brothers. She had lost so many people when she was seventeen. Mike had lost people too. His youngest brother had died, the twin to that brother had run away. Mike’s marriage had ended badly. None had stopped Mike’s heart from loving. From loving
her.
It all made her feel very stupid and silly in her fears.

Meri dug her toe into the dirt and let the chains creak and groan as she swung. A few minutes later, Mike crossed the yard. He wore his battered pair of jeans and a Granville Husks T-shirt that was a few years old. No more did she feel old memories ghost up when she saw the shirt from his high school. Facing Adam had helped. Losing Mike though…

She didn’t like imagining her life without him in it. And almost losing him made her realize that.

Mike rolled his eyes as he stood in front of her. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

He caught the chains and walked backwards. “He’s a stubborn old bastard. He wants his things his way.”

“Hm. Sounds familiar.”

Brown eyes narrowed as he let the swing go. When she reached him again, he pressed his hands against her knees sending her back. She smiled and tipped backwards to see the pale blue sky above. “Don’t make me take you into the barn and turn you over my knee, Meredith Heaven.”

“Promises, promises.” The swing came to a jerking halt and she sat up straight. Mike gripped the chains and gazed down at her.

“Okay. Let’s go.” He reached down, grabbed the bottom of the swing and spilled her off of it. A large shoulder pressed against her stomach and a startled laugh escaped when he carried her toward the barn. A little gate that separated the house from the cows gave an iron shriek. A dog barked.

“Michael, put me down.”

His hand slapped hard against her ass and she reflexively grabbed his back pockets. The sun vanished as they walked into the barn. The musky scent of hay and chickens made her nose wrinkle. She wasn’t much of a farm girl either. So the thought of fooling around in the barn wasn’t that sexy now.

“Smells like shit, eh?”

She giggled as he continued out the other door. Another hard slap was delivered to her ass then he lowered her, pressing her against the wood roughened from the weather. He braced his hands on either side of her head and gazed down at her.

He knew all her secrets now. Why had she been so scared to tell him everything? Loving Mike was different then loving Adam because
she
was different. And Mike was not like Adam. At all. Shocking that it had taken her this long to come to that obvious conclusion.

“What are you thinking behind those pretty eyes, little love?”

That she had been a bit of an idiot. She traced the logo on the front of his shirt then leaned forward to kiss his neck. He smelled of sunshine and sandalwood. “I’m thinking I want to go home.”

“Do you?”

She nodded, her lips parting. Against her tongue she felt the increasing rate of his pulse. Oh she liked that. His stomach was firm beneath her exploring hands, the dark hair there tickling her fingers. He was so strong, it was breathtaking. Against her forehead she felt the gentle brush of his lips. “Do we really need to go have dinner with your ex-wife tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Maybe they could go back to Calgary, get a new hotel room instead. He could tie her up and do wicked things to her until she scattered apart. Why on earth would she want to meet the woman he was previously married too? That woman he had loved. Her fingers curled into his sides at the thought.

“Because they’re my friends and I miss them.”

She leaned against Mike and gazed up at him. He was staring down at her with serious brown eyes. “Okay.”

“Plus, you should really say thank you to Chance.”

“Why?”

A wicked light began to glow in his eyes. “It’s a surprise.” He leaned down and kissed her. She frowned suspiciously up at him. His last surprise had been the club. His hand flattened on her stomach and he pressed her back against the barn. “Look at you, little love. I like this.” His thumb caressed under her eye. “Ghost free.”