Authors: T. Banny
My cell wasn’t in the bag. All I had were the clothes and toiletries I’d packed for my supposed trip to NY. I would strangle Ro when I saw her! I figured I could walk back to the main lodge and ask to use a phone. I’d call Ro to come and get me. Or if worse came to worse, Joaquim. I wasn’t going to hang around a place with a guy who didn’t want me around.
It was cold, though, and I was tired. The awful, sick feeling I’d been having ever since Winter Dance was back. I sat down on top of my bag. I didn’t want to walk anywhere. I was drained. I just wanted to curl up and sleep.
I looked around for Chan’s Mercedes. I didn’t see it. Just woods all around, and some more cabins in the distance. The whole place looked like there were spiders lurking…under trees, in the dirt. I shivered again, and now it was with cold, anger
and
fear.
Chan opened the door. “ Nellie, get in here. It’s too cold to be outdoors”.
“ I can’t”, I said, not bothering to turn around and look at him. “You know how I feel about spiders”.
“ I just checked the place. I don’t see any spiders”.
“ It’s OK. I’m going to walk back to the main lodge in a minute. I’m just…resting”, I said.
He came out of the cabin and lifted me up into his arms.
“ Chan, put me down!”, I shrieked, even though it felt good…so good…to be in his arms.
“ Stop yelling, Nellie”, he said, turning sideways as he walked into the door.
“ Then put me down”, I spat.
“ Fine!”, he said, and dumped me onto a small bed in the corner of the room.
I held the can of Raid straight out in front of me, as Chan walked back out to get my bag.
The cabin was basically just one room, although I did see a door I suspected was the bathroom. It had a small kitchen area with a fridge, stove, sink and microwave. There was a small wooden table with two chairs, a worn leather sofa, and the bed I was sitting on. The floors were made of unfinished wood, and the walls were clapboard. It was cold and drafty, with a brisk pine smell that seemed to enhance how chilly it was.
I couldn’t believe a boy like Chan, who lived in a luxurious nine bedroom home with an in-ground pool, entertainment room, and guest house, would stay in such a chilly rustic cabin. It was proof of how much he loved to work with wood.
I could see his duffel bag in a corner, and some books about woodworking on the table. There was no TV, not even a radio.
“ You hungry?”, he asked, abruptly. He sat down on one of the chairs, and started drumming his fingers on the table.
I shook my head. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten a full meal, or even wanted to.
Silence, except for Chan’s fingers drumming, drumming, drumming.
“ So are you having fun?”, I asked, because I didn’t know what else to say. Chan and I always had so much to talk about. And if we didn’t talk, we fell into a comfortable silence. But we’d never had this huge gaping quiet between us.
“ Yeah. It’s great”, he replied.
“ You’re making coffins?”, I said, and I couldn’t believe I’d said that. It was one of the things Ty had said as a joke on the drive up.
“ Eh, no, not really. There is a coffin maker here but I didn’t sign up for that”, Chan said. “ I thought it would be kind of dead”.
I looked at him, and my lips twitched at his stupid joke.
He didn’t exactly smile back, but he looked a little more relaxed.
“So what are you working on?”, I asked, softly.If we weren’t going to talk about us, then I figured we could talk about his hobby.
“ Different things”, he said, unresponsively, as if he just didn’t want to talk at all.
“ Chan, if you want, I can go to the lodge and get someone to pick me up”, I said, getting up. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“ Why are you here, Nellie?”, he asked.
“ I really, honestly, thought Ro and I were going to NYC”, I explained, sitting back down again. “ I thought I was going to spend a weekend in the city with my friends. That’s why I have my overnight bag. But I don’t know, I guess Ro and Ty worked in cahoots and somehow I ended up in Ty’s truck, and he was bringing me up here”.
“ Ro and Ty?” Channing looked surprised.
“ Yeah, I don’t know what that’s about, either”, I said. “ They’re friends now, I guess”.
“ So, he forced you up here? It’s not like you really wanted to see me?” Chan looked at his fingers.
“ Chan, you told me you wanted to be with Samantha. You thought I’d be better off with Joaquim. Remember?” I said. “ Why would I come up here to see you if you broke up with me? I know how to respect your wishes”.
Chan looked straight at me. “ You do, don’t you?”
I nodded. “ Yes, I do. I don’t want us to break up, but what can I do? Force you to be with me?”
“ You’re so different from Samantha”, he said, almost to himself.
“ Yeah. I know. And that’s why you’re with her and not with me”, I said, my voice breaking. “ I’m not what your parents want. I’m not rich, or classy. I wouldn’t bring your family any status. I’d be lost in Ardsley Park.”
“ That’s not what I meant”, Channing said, quietly. “And… I’m not with her anymore”
“ What?”, I asked, not sure I’d heard him.
“ I broke up with her,” Chan repeated. “Completely”.
I knew I should have been ecstatic to hear those words coming from him. I’d been dying to hear those words since I’d started seeing Chan.
But they didn’t make me happy at all. If anything, it left me feeling more hollow than ever. Did he break up with her because she’d finally caught us together? And if they were really over, why hadn’t he called to get back together with me?
“ I guess it must have been really hard for her to see us together”, I said.
“ That’s not why I broke up with her”, he said, as if reading my mind. “ And I don’t feel the least bit sorry she saw us, as nasty as that sounds”.
“ I broke up with her because I’m not happy with her”, he continued. “I’m miserable. She makes me really depressed. She doesn’t love me, and I don’t love her. I’m with her for all the wrong reasons.”
“ Did you tell your parents?” I asked.
“ Yeah, I told them. They were really angry. My dad and Sam’s dad are in the middle of some financial investment. He said I was jeopardizing that.” Chan gave a bitter laugh. “ Because that’s what really matters, you know? My dad’s financial investments”.
“ I’m sorry, Chan”, I said, wanting to go over and hold him. I didn’t though. I sensed he needed space.
“ Well, I’m not sorry. I’m done. And I told them that. I’m done with them micromanaging every part of my life. I told them I’m not seeing Samantha, and I don’t care what she does, or what her parents do. And I’m not interning at my Dad’s brokerage house this summer. I’m going to spend the summer working on my apprenticeship so I can join the Woodworkers Guild. Because that’s what I want to be.”
“ Wow”, I breathed. “ You laid all of that on them at once?”
He laughed, as if he couldn’t believe it himself. “ I did. I guess it’s just been all bottled up for so long it came spilling out”.
“ I’m proud of you”, I said, and I genuinely was. I knew it wasn’t easy for him. He wasn’t uncontrollable like Ty. He was the responsible son, the one who was going to follow in his father, and grandfather’s footsteps. He’d always taken that responsibility very seriously.
“ Thank you”, he said. “ But man, were they furious. My mother said I was being cruel to Sam. She said Sam had suffered so much because of me”.
“ But it wasn’t all your fault. You guys were really young…you made a mistake”, I said, sympathetically. I just couldn’t fathom how his parents couldn’t see that.
“ She even sort of hinted it was because of me Sam’s not…all there”, Chan green eyes darkened. “ I told her Sam’s been mentally ill all her life. It had nothing to do with me. I mean, I’m sure what happened…with the pregnancy, and the adoption…made Sam sicker, but her parents should have sought help for her, you know? I don’t know why they think I’m the one that’s going to make her better”.
“ Anyway, I told my mom I was sorry. But there was no chance of Sam and I getting together again. And then Sam’s mom called and said Sam was upset and threatening to do herself harm. And I just snapped. I told them they needed to lock her up, then.”
He turned to me, his brow furrowed. “ Do you think I was harsh?”
I shook my head. “ No. It’s the truth. If she’s threatening suicide then she needs medical help. Getting her back together with you should be the least of their concerns”.
“ Sam’s parents give her everything she wants. They think forcing me to be with her is giving her what she wants and making her happy.”, Chan took a deep breath.“ Anyway, My Dad told me if I didn’t get back with Sam, and take my finance internship this summer, then he was sending me to military school”.
I gasped. “ And what’d you say?”
“ I told him that wasn’t happening. Me getting back with Sam, going to the internship or being sent to military academy. I’d rather emancipate myself first than let happen. And my Dad said I’d be a carpenter over his dead body. He didn’t even listen when I tried to explain I don’t want to be a carpenter. There’s a big difference between a carpenter and a cabinetmaker. But what does he care? If it’s not a job netting more than a million bucks a year, then it’s not a real job”.
“ So I guess they weren’t happy with you coming up here, then. Did you tell them?”, I asked, looking around at the cabin.
“ Nah, they have no idea where I’m at. I mean, my Dad remembered I was supposed to be going to a sports convention over winter break. He told me I wasn’t allowed out of the house until I saw reason. So, I borrowed my friend Nate’s car and sneak up here. They’ve got a tracking device on my Mercedes in case it ever gets stolen, and I didn’t want them using it to find me. I made Ty promise not to tell them where I was going. Ty loves annoying my parents, so I’m sure he’s having a great time not telling them where I’m at”.
I rolled the can of Raid around in my hands. I was so proud of Chan, but I wanted to know why he hadn’t called me. Why I wasn’t a part of all these major decisions. Maybe he’d just wanted a clean break from everything, including me.
“ You sure you’re not hungry?”, he asked me again. “ I’ve got some sandwiches in the fridge. And soft drinks”.
I shook my head. “ I’m fine. Really”.
“ You look really thin, Nellie”, he pointed out. “And you’re not a big girl to begin with”.
I shrugged. “ I haven’t had much of an appetite”.
He didn’t respond. He got up, and sat next to me on the bed, taking the can of Raid from my hands, and putting it on the floor.
“ Listen, I’ve got to get back to my workshop. I only came back here to take a shower. Will you be all right here alone?”, he asked.
“ Can you walk me back to the lodge before you go?”, I asked, feeling like my heart was breaking. He obviously didn’t want to talk about us.
“ I think it’s kind of late for anyone to come get you, Nellie”, he said, gently. “You’re going to have to spend the night. I can go and get you some magazines and stuff to read so you won’t be bored”.
“ How long will you be gone?”
“ I won’t be back until really late”, he replied. “It’s just a three day workshop, so we try and squeeze in as many projects as we can. But I still have time to go into town and get you some stuff to read. Magazines, if you want”.
“ Did you bring your cell? I kind of want to chew Ro out for doing this to me”, I said, annoyed and angry. I didn’t want to be here if I was going to be a burden.
“ No. I wanted to be out of touch with everyone, so I shut it off and left it home”, he said.
“ You don’t need to get me anything”, I said, and I wrinkled my nose. I could once again feel tears. Gosh, why was I such a crybaby? Why couldn’t I be cool about our break-up, like he was?
He sighed, and got up. “ I’ll be back later on then. Oh and the bathroom‘s through that door”.
He grabbed his jacket, and put it on. He didn’t even turn to look at me. He just walked out. I went to the window, and watched him as he strode down the path to wherever his workshop was. Then I went back to the bed, and pulled the covers back. I decided to cry myself to sleep. I was getting to be a pro at it.
Chapter 8
I was still sniffling when I heard Chan come back.
I held my breath, and stayed really still under the covers. He didn’t say a word, and I peeked out from under the thick comforter to see what he was doing. He threw some magazines and candy on the table, took his shower, then slipped back out.
I fell asleep again. It was dark when I woke up. I had no idea what time it was. I got out of bed, and grabbed the can of Raid like a weapon. I held it tight, my index finger on the nozzle just in case I had to do some super spraying, and made my way to the bathroom. I switched on the light. It was more of a closet with a shower head and toilet than an actual bathroom. I went to the smallest sink I’d ever seen and turned the water on. I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping it was just my blurry vision making the water look more brown than clear.