Broken Hearts, Fences and Other Things to Mend (16 page)

That somehow I hadn’t stamped that out of her. But it also made

me regret, yet again, what I’d done to her that summer.

“Hey.” I turned to my left and there was Josh, now wearing

his T-shirt, unfortunately, sitting right next to me.

“Hi,” I said, reaching up to adjust my straps, suddenly very

aware of just how much of me was exposed in this bikini, mod-

estly cut as it was.

“It’s like you’re a different person,” he said, and I stared at

him, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. “You changed,” he

added, and I just blinked at him before I realized he meant the

bikini.

“Oh, right,” I said, laughing a little too loudly. “Yeah, Hallie

came through for me.”

“That sounds like her,” Josh said. “She’d give you the shirt off

her back.”

“Are you guys close?” I asked, realizing that this was an op-

portunity to get to know Josh better, and to get more info on

Hallie. And plus, I was genuinely curious.

“Hmm.” Josh hesitated a moment before answering, kicking

at the water with one of his feet. I found that I really liked that

he was thinking about his answer. I knew Teddy would have just

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started speaking immediately. Teddy tended to answer people in

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paragraphs, not sentences, something that had utterly dazzled

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me when we fi rst met. “We are,” Josh fi nally said, each word

sounding carefully considered. “Kind of. I mean, she’s my sister

and I love her. I know she’d do anything for me. And believe me,

I’d do the same for her. I’m a very protective big brother. If any-

one ever hurts her, I’m going to make them pay.” He glanced over

at me, and I did my best to smile at this, and not let him see that

it felt like I’d just broken out in a cold sweat. “But we haven’t

lived in the same house in a while— I started going to Clarence

Hall in seventh grade, and I’m usually away at sports camps dur-

ing the summer.”

“Not this year?” I asked.

He lifted up his knee. “Tore my ACL in the spring. I’m on rest

and recovery for the summer.”

“So it sounds like you’re really into lacrosse,” I said, and Josh

shrugged.

“I mean, when I started, it was because I was good at it. I

guess I never thought about if I liked it or not. And I was getting

scholarships to go to camps, and then to school. And even when

we didn’t need those anymore, it was kind of just . . . what I did.”

He looked over at me and gave an embarrassed laugh. “I guess

I’ve never really had to think about it before.”

“Well,” I said. I swirled my own feet underneath the water,

then moved them away when I realized how close they were to

Josh’s feet. “I don’t think you have to let yourself be defi ned by

your past.” As I said it, I realized I was hoping for that to be true

for me as much as for him.

He smiled at me then, a smile that was equally happy and

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surprised. “I like that,” he said. He looked at me closely, like he

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was really seeing me, and I looked away quickly. I had a feeling

that extended eye contact wasn’t part of correct mourning period

behavior. “What about you?”

“What about me?” I asked, already feeling myself get ner-

vous.
And which me?
I wondered.

“What’s your thing?” he asked, then shook his head, and even

in the moonlight, I could see that he was blushing. I realized, all

in a rush, that he was embarrassed. This cute, amazing- bodied

lacrosse player just thought he sounded stupid and regretted his

choice of words. He’d made a cheesy pun earlier. I suddenly felt

bad for having slotted him into the jock category, just because he

hadn’t started any organizations to protect endangered birds, as

far as I knew. But I was in the habit of comparing everyone (espe-

cially every boy) to Teddy and then watching them all fall short.

It was like I hadn’t left room for the idea that a jock could also be

a little— endearingly—nerdy.

“I mean, what are you into?” Josh continued, regrouping a

little. He gave me a serious look and then asked, totally deadpan,

“Lacrosse?”

I laughed, surprised, and saw Hallie look away from the guy

with the baseball cap— she was still talking to him— and glance

over at us. “No,” I said, and I turned back to Josh to see that he was

smiling too. “Not lacrosse. Just . . .” I thought back to how I’d spent

most of my free time in the last two years, joining in with Teddy at

his different protests and causes, taking up his interests as my

own, never really having to form my own opinions. I was about to

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start telling Josh about the plight of the Marsh Warbler and the

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struggle for freedom of the people of Georgia (the country, not the

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state, which had really confused me at fi rst). But then I realized

that these had always been Teddy’s causes, not mine.

“I don’t know,” I fi nally said, hoping he wouldn’t think that I

was beyond lame, but feeling that way a little bit. “I guess I’m

still fi guring that out.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Josh said, and from his expres-

sion, it didn’t look like he was judging me for this, or thinking

I was beyond lame. Maybe just the opposite, in fact.

“Hey, you two.” I looked up to see Hallie sit down next to Josh.

“Hey yourself,” Josh said. He looked around, exaggerating the

gesture. “Where’s your friend?”

“Josh,” Hallie said, shaking her head.

“What?” Josh asked, teasing and faux- innocent. “You’ve been

talking to the guy all night. And just after you were telling me

how into your new boyfriend you are . . .”

“Stop,” Hallie said, whacking him on the arm, her cheeks

turning pink. “I was just actually being nice, and talking to Tyler

because he didn’t know anyone else here.”

“Ooh,
Tyler,
” Josh said, clearly warming to his theme.

“Meanwhile, the two of you are just here talking to each other,”

Hallie said, arching an eyebrow at me. “What about?”

“You,” Josh said without missing a beat. “And Tyler. We like

his nifty hat.” I laughed at that, and Josh smiled at me. I smiled

back, but a moment later became very aware that Hallie, though

also smiling, was watching us closely.

I felt my smile drop away, and I looked down at my hands.

What was I doing? Josh was nice, and funny, and had to- die- for

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abs, but I was going to be in a mourning period for a year, and I

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wasn’t even close to getting over Teddy— I’d broken down into

fl oods of tears the day before when I saw Bruce’s perfectly sorted

recycling bin. Also, I had just talked to Hallie that afternoon

about how hard my breakup had been. And now it looked like I

was fl irting with her brother?

“I’m going in,” I said abruptly, pushing myself off the wall

and into the water, heading for the deep end. It was unheated,

and the shock of the temperature shook me back to my senses a

bit. I avoided the pool volleyball game/chicken match that was

going on in the shallow end— I wasn’t sure I needed to be brought

back to my senses via a rogue volleyball to the face. I treaded

water for a little, then fl oated on my back. I looked to the side and

saw Hallie and Josh still sitting next to each other, heads bent

close, talking. Hallie caught my eye, and I could tell by the way

she gave a little guilty start that they’d been talking about me.

Not wanting Josh to see me staring, I ducked under the water,

letting my hair fan out behind me, and smoothing it down be-

fore I surfaced.

I took a breath, then went to adjust my shoulder strap.

Which was when I realized it wasn’t there.

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I gasped and looked down. The shoulder strap had totally sepa-

rated itself from the suit in front— I could see it fl oating along

in the water behind me— and the top of my suit, too big to begin

with, was on the verge of falling down.

I clamped it to my chest, starting to enter into full- on panic

mode. What was happening?

As I watched, horrifi ed, the strap on the other side detached

itself from the back and seemed to shrivel in the water a little

before fl oating in front of me.

“Catch!” I turned and saw the volleyball sailing through the

air toward my head.

I yelped and ducked under the water, holding the top to me as

tightly as I could. I resurfaced, sputtering, with my hair plas-

tered down on my face— I was no longer able to smooth my hair

back, since that required the use of arms, and mine were cur-

rently occupied— to see everyone who had been playing volleyball

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was glaring at me. “Um, the
ball
?” asked a girl who was perched

on a boy’s shoulders.

“Toss it here,” another boy said— with a girl on his shoulders

as well— sounding a little out of breath.

“Oh,” I said, as I watched it bobbing a few feet from me. I

looked around and saw that I was the only one in the deeper end.

The rest of the pool was taken up by the volleyball players, and

there was nobody else in between. There were also very few people

hanging around the pool; Hallie and Josh were no longer sitting

on the side, and it looked like the crowd was now mostly gathered

around the food table. “Um,” I said, hearing how out of breath I

sounded. I was treading water to stay afl oat, and it was getting

hard. “I can’t,” I said, trying to move forward in the pool, where I

could at least touch the bottom with my toes.

I suddenly felt water against my hip where it hadn’t been be-

fore. I looked down and saw, to my horror, that the seams on the

bikini bottom were pulling apart from each other. Why was this

happening? I suddenly remembered Hallie giving the tags on both

pieces of the bikini a hard yank. Had she accidentally torn the

material as well?

I shifted one hand across my chest and moved the other to my

hips, grabbing the fabric tightly with my hands. I also reversed

course, away from where the people were. I had to tread water in

the deep end, but it also meant that there would be fewer people

to see me if I ended up skinny- dipping by accident.

Unfortunately, the volleyball players seemed to take this move

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to mean I was going back to get their ball.

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“Come
on,
” the girl yelled.

“Toss it here,” the guy repeated, now defi nitely sounding

winded.

I stared at the ball, now bobbing only a few inches from me. I

might have been able to get it when it was just my top that was

malfunctioning, but now I couldn’t spare either of my arms. “Sorry,”

I said, realizing that this made me look like the biggest jerk in

the world, but not seeing anything I could do about that right

now. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” the girl asked, looking down at me from her height

on the guy’s shoulders.

“I have, um, a fear of volleyballs,” I said, knowing I sounded

crazy, but not seeing any other options. My brain was focused on

keeping myself clothed at the moment, not coming up with ra-

tional excuses.

“What?” one of the guys yelled.

“I
can’t,
” I yelled back, feeling very much like I needed to col-

lapse for a while, but couldn’t, because I had to both tread water

and try and keep my bathing suit on. My legs were seriously

burning, and I wondered if I’d inadvertently invented a new form

of cardio.

“I’ve got it,” I heard someone say. I looked back and saw Josh,

leaning over the pool and scooping up the ball. He tossed it to the

players, most of whom took the time to glare at me before re-

turning to the game. I knew that between the outfi t I’d shown up

in and my refusal to throw back a ball, it was looking unlikely

that I’d be receiving another invite to one of Todd’s parties.

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