“It’s not that simple.”
“It could be.”
The sound of footfalls rounding the porch from the back made Andrea lift her head and straighten in the seat. It didn’t surprise her to see Noah step beneath the pale light above the front door. He reached for the handle and then looked toward the swing. Without so much as a glance at Lloyd, he speared her with his steely gaze.
“I’m going to bed now. Are you coming?”
The question took her by surprise, hanging in the heavy night air. Her breath caught at the blatant possessiveness in his tone and words. His straightforward question left no doubt about the intimacy of their relationship. She felt Lloyd go rigid beside her and wanted to cushion the blow for him but she couldn’t delay much longer.
She decided to deal with Noah first before a he incited a full-blown testosterone war. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”
He dipped his head in approval and went inside, letting the screen door slam behind him.
When Lloyd found his voice, it bristled with anger. “You’re sleeping with him?”
She avoided the question. “He knows we have to be up early.”
“That was not the attitude of a concerned coworker,” Lloyd charged in disbelief. “You’re going from my arms to his bed?”
“Of course not,” she insisted. “I’m furious with him right now.” Noah’s display of primitive possessiveness hadn’t improved her mood either.
“But you’re lovers?”
She searched for the right words. It embarrassed her to try to define their dysfunctional relationship. “I guess it depends on your definition of lovers.”
“You’ve had sex with him? That would be my definition,” he groused.
“Yes. We have but there’s no future in it for either of us. It’s complicated,” she argued. “Nothing is ever easy with Noah. Nothing is ever clearly defined. He makes me absolutely crazy and he’s such a stubborn, hardheaded, arrogant man.”
Escalating temper spiked his next words. “I tried to seduce you into my bed for months. You’re here a couple weeks and you’re sleeping with him?” He shifted so they no longer touched. “So I came all this way to get dumped?”
“Be fair, Lloyd. I told you not to come,” she reminded, glad to move beyond the question of sex. “I wanted to discuss our relationship when I could get to New York. To talk to you on your home territory, but you refused to wait.”
He stood and took a step from her then stared into her eyes. “Don’t try to lay the blame on me. He’s obviously the reason you haven’t contacted me. Are you in love with him?”
Andrea held his gaze. Her voice turned low and troubled but she didn’t hedge. “Hopelessly.”
He took deep breath and slowly let it out again. “I’m sure I’ll hate myself for asking but why hopeless?”
She plucked nervously at the fabric of her shorts. “Because I burned some bridges when I left here five years ago and I may not be able to rebuild the trust.”
“But you’re determined to try?”
Until that very minute she hadn’t realized just how determined she felt about it. Lloyd forced her to identify her emotions.
“I won’t give up without a long, hard fight. And then only if I have no other choice. We Bartells are a stubborn lot.”
“And you think he’s worth it?”
“I know he is. Otherwise, why bother?”
The absolute certainty of her tone reverberated in the quiet of the night. Lloyd turned his head. “Then I guess I’d better leave before macho man comes back down here and throws you over his shoulder.”
She couldn’t let that go unchallenged. “He’s a good man, Lloyd.”
“That’s not what you’ve been telling me for the last five years.”
Andrea clasped her trembling hands together. “I know and I’m ashamed of the error in my judgment. I was wrong about so many things. I don’t know if it’s too late to rectify my mistakes but I’m trying.”
He stared at her for another long minute laden with silence. Then he started down the steps without commenting.
She rose from the swing. “You don’t have to leave tonight. It’s too late to go back to town on unfamiliar roads and there’s not a decent hotel in miles.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
She wanted to say something apologetic, to soothe him somehow. They’d been friends for years and it hurt to have him go like this, yet she knew he wouldn’t appreciate the sympathy right now. She’d give him time to come to terms with the change in their relationship and then call to check on him. Despite the breakup, she hoped they could remain friends.
She called out to him softly, “Be safe.”
When his taillights finally disappeared from view she went into the house, closed the door and turned off the lights. The downstairs was quiet. Everyone else had gone to bed because they’d all planned an early night. Dawn would arrive soon enough, so she climbed the stairs too.
A dim nightlight lit the upstairs hallway but cast shadows around the six bedroom doors spread over the entire second floor. Light shone under Cheyenne’s door and the faint sound of music could be heard. Nanette’s and Zack’s doors were closed and dark.
As Andrea turned toward her room she saw Noah standing at the door. Still fully dressed with his arms crossed over his chest, he leaned against the doorframe and watched as she slowly approached.
Though the others couldn’t hear them, he kept his tone low and quiet. “He go back to New York?”
“Yes.” She stepped within touching distance and stared into his eyes. “Did you go to her?”
After the briefest pause, he answered, “No.”
“But you were tempted?”
“I respect her too much to use her that way.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Yes, I was tempted,” he said on a low rumble of complaint. “She would have welcomed me without question but I didn’t go.”
His attitude crackled with challenge and pent-up frustration. Tension mounted as they stared at each other in the darkened hall. Her body had an immediate reaction to his confession. It sung with need. So close she could smell him, feel his heat and almost taste him. Her breath caught in her throat when he dipped his head and whispered gruffly in her ear.
“Why did you let him hold you and kiss you earlier?”
She bristled at the criticism. “He’s a nice guy and we’ve dated for months. I was trying to gently break things off until you hit us with your bomb.”
“While you were being gentle with him did you give a thought to how I felt? How seeing him touch you might affect me? Or isn’t that important?”
“It is and I did,” she said. “But I didn’t invite him here and I’m not responsible for the bad timing. I handled the situation as best I could. And I imagine you felt the same way I did when Shelly slipped her hands over your shoulders at the horse show and gave you a lover’s smile.”
That gave him pause. “You think?” he grumbled low in his throat. “Did you feel murderous? When I saw his hand on your skin earlier I wanted to tear him apart. Do you have any idea how that feels? That kind of jealousy? It’s poison and it eats at a person.”
Heart pounding against her ribs, she squared off with him. “I do know,” she argued back, voice rising to a louder whisper. “I felt like that for five years when I thought you’d slept with Caroline.”
“Not my fault,” he reminded harshly. “How do you think I felt with you halfway around the world for the same five years? I didn’t know who might be touching you or sleeping with you.”
His remark made her catch her breath. Had he really cared? Had he thought about her often? Had he, like her, imagined the worst? Then she remembered the stripper accusation. “Well I didn’t make a habit of getting naked for anyone.”
“So you said.”
“It’s the truth, damn it.” Her voice rose sharply. As they stared at each other, she remembered her sleeping family.
His admission of jealousy should have pleased her but it didn’t. He sounded fed up with the emotional merry-go-round and the constant battles. She didn’t blame him. All their disagreements and casting of blame just fed the frustration.
Sighing, she leaned her back against her bedroom door and silently declared a truce. “I’m too tired to argue anymore. I need sleep.”
Some of the tension drained from him and he shifted until they stood shoulder-to-shoulder. Quietly, he said, “We need to talk about something else.”
“It’ll have to wait. My brain is mush.”
“It can’t wait.”
The tone of his voice suggested he had a totally different subject on his mind. She might be too exhausted to discuss their relationship but she didn’t want to discourage him from talking to her. He’d never been great at sharing his thoughts. She nodded in agreement.
“Sit,” she said, sliding down the door until she sat flat on the floor with her legs stretched in front of her. Noah did the same, sitting hip to hip. The contact made her nerves sing but she ignored the sexual desire. It felt good to just be close. She wanted a lifetime of sitting, talking to and touching him. She wanted the emotional and physical connection even though he didn’t believe in happily-ever-after for them.
“What’s on your mind besides tearing apart New Yorkers?”
“Nanette.”
Andrea sighed. “I’m worried about her too. I know she should have surgery but Cheyenne says she equates government assistance with welfare even though she’s paid taxes for decades. I have no idea how long it will take to sell my apartment and I have no idea how much longer she can afford to wait. The longer she waits the lower her chances of a full recovery.”
He nodded slowly. “I have a solution.”
Andrea watched as he ran his hands up and down his thighs. The uncharacteristic show of nerves made her stomach muscles tighten. She hoped she could listen to his suggestion without getting physically ill. She didn’t need any more surprises today.
“I want to buy some acreage on the far east side of the ranch. You know the area. It’s the three hundred acres between Bridleton and the Hastings property.”
Her heart stopped and she thought it might never start again. She knew the exact spot he’d always wanted. As young lovers they’d dreamed of starting their own ranch there. It was a perfect location for a house, stables, enough tillable ground to support a small spread and plenty of grazing.
“You want to leave Bridleton and start your own ranch?” The thought made her mouth go dry. Remembering all the times she’d accused him of selling his soul for Bridleton, she wondered what they’d do without him. She couldn’t imagine him not being part of the main ranch.
“I think of it as buying a chunk of Bridleton.”
“You know how badly you’re needed here now.”
His voice roughened. “I’m not talking about quitting on you now. I want this place to prosper before I leave but it’s still Bartell property. Now that Bartells are running it again I can look to the future.”
With his offer to help, he’d added a new worry to her list. Did he resent her and her family? He’d spent the last few years working tirelessly to save their inheritance. Then they’d come home, started making plans and giving orders. Did he want to be free of her as well as the responsibilities of the property? He’d told her they didn’t have a future, so did that extend to Bridleton? Did he want to wash his hands of the family and settle down with someone else?
“Have you had the property appraised? Do you have a price in mind?”
He nodded. “I can make a decent offer according to current appraisal. Not as much as it would have been worth a few years ago but enough to cover a lot of Nanette’s surgical expenses.”
Her pulse pounded in her ears, nearly deafening her. Even if he’d saved all his salary for years he couldn’t afford that chunk of property. No local bank or mortgage company would lend so much for unplanted, undeveloped acreage right now. How could he make such an offer? Where would he get that much money?
The first thought that popped into her mind was Shelly Hasting. Her dad’s property bordered the land he wanted. Did Noah want to wash his hands of everything Bartell and plan a future with someone he admittedly respected? Someone who wouldn’t give him as much grief as her and her family?
“I’m sure Nanna would agree to sell you the acreage. Right now it’s just unproductive grazing land with high taxes.”
“I’d need full approval from the whole family,” he reminded. “It should be fine with Zack and Chey too,” she said.
“And you?” he asked, turning his head to gaze down at her.
She’d sworn to never allow it. Never let him own a piece of Bartell land. It might break her heart to see him share it with another woman but she knew he deserved to be happy, whatever path he chose. The family owed him a debt of gratitude they could never repay. His decency and loyalty couldn’t be faulted.
“I have no objections.” Silently she qualified, no objections unless he planned to move there with Shelly.
“It would put the property in the black and help with medical costs.”
A mixed jumble of emotion overwhelmed her. Tears clogged her throat. She wanted to throw herself into Noah’s arms and sob like a baby. She loved him so much and she’d misjudged him so badly. How could she ever expect to right that sort of wrong? How could she ever expect him to forgive her? It scared her to be so emotionally dependent on him now.
When she went quiet for too long, he asked, “What do you think?”
She slowly pushed herself to her feet and cleared her throat. “I think it’s the perfect solution. We can discuss it in the morning before Zack leaves and before Nanna is awake. Then we’ll have a family discussion and present the idea to her. It’s bound to be a relief and lessen her financial worries.”
He stood beside her, their faces close. She turned her head, feeling way too exposed to have him scrutinizing her now. “We really need to go to bed.”
With a touch of his hand on her cheek, he turned her head back to him. “Is that an invitation?”
She wanted to hold him and be held but her conscience wouldn’t allow it. She’d promised Lloyd she wouldn’t go from his arms to Noah’s bed. Added to the fact she felt emotionally raw, she needed to be alone.
“We should get some sleep.”
Andrea felt his gaze on her face for a while longer but he didn’t touch her again. After another long pause he said good night and turned away. She dragged in a harsh breath and opened her door. There’d be no standing on the balcony tonight. No sneaking into each other’s rooms. She needed to do a lot more soul searching before they shared a bed again.