Brian Friel Plays 1 (30 page)

Did you wake her up yet?

TINA
:
On my way.

FRANK
:
Take the suit with you, too.

(
He
sits
and
changes
his
shoes.
TOM
enters
the
hall
carrying
a
camera
.)

TOM
:
Hannibal!

FRANK
:
I can see that’s going to stick.

TOM
:
(
Breezy, confident to
SIR
) You were right – I’ll do it.

SIR
:
I knew you would.

TOM
:
But maybe not as you think. You just can’t label a man a cliché and write him off.

SIR
:
The assessment isn’t mine.

TOM
:
Just watch and you’ll see. You may be surprised.

SIR
:
I’m watching.

(
TINA
goes into the hall
.)

TOM
:
Tina, my love, are they ready?

TINA
:
Almost. You’re looking great, Uncle Tom.

TOM
:
Feeling terrific, thank the Lord, terrific. 

(
TINA
goes
upstairs
.
TOM
goes into the
living-room
.
MIRIAM
enters from the kitchen
.)

Is this all the length you are?

FRANK
:
Aren’t you dressing?

TOM
:
I’m not one of the big shots. And how are you, Miriam?

MIRIAM
:
Great, thanks, Father.

FRANK
:
Are they getting restless over there?

TOM
:
Just waiting breathlessly in the ante-room to get a glimpse of you.

FRANK
:
Go to hell.

TOM
:
(
To
MIRIAM
) Hoping to touch his sleeve as he passes.

FRANK
:
(
Leaving
) Give him a drink, Miriam.

TOM
:
The way he said that you’d think my tongue was hanging out. Nothing for me, thanks.

MIRIAM
:
It’s a thirsty day.

TOM
:
Honestly. How’s Charlie?

MIRIAM
:
Great.

TOM
:
Pity you didn’t bring the kids – they’d have enjoyed the band.

MIRIAM
:
Isn’t there chaos enough? Have you seen Helen yet?

TOM
:
Where?

MIRIAM
:
Here.

TOM
:
She’s not!

MIRIAM
:
Arrived this morning.

TOM
:
Well, good Lord! Why did nobody tell me? (
He
goes out to
the garden
.) I’ve only just heard.

HELEN
:
Father Tom! It’s good to see you! 

(
He
embraces her
.)

TOM
:
It’s great to see you, Helen. How
are
you? Show me – you’ve lost weight.

HELEN
:
I don’t think so – have I?

TOM
:
The answer I want is: as a matter of fact I have, Uncle Tom, and so have you.

(
They
both move into the living-room
.)

HELEN
:
Well, as a matter of fact, Father –

TOM
:
Don’t tell me. I know. I know.

MIRIAM
:
Looking powerful, isn’t he?

HELEN
:
You are.

TOM
:
I’m grotesque. Food, drink and sloth – they’re killing me. The question is: will I survive until next November?

HELEN
:
Why then?

TOM
:
That’s when I retire. And even if I last six months more, what’s to become of me then? Kicked out of the only world I’ve known for forty years – I’ll be lost. D’you know who I met the other day? Jackie Sheridan – Daddy knows him – chaplain down at Athlone all his life. Retired last year; living with a widowed sister in Waterford. And d’you know what he does to pass the time? Studies all the death notices in the morning paper and spends the rest of the day writing letters of condolence to the relatives. Black strangers! Honestly. Terrifying, isn’t it? What d’you think of Anna?

HELEN
:
That was always an old trick of yours.

TOM
:
Trick? Trick? What trick?

HELEN
:
The disarming chatter and then the sudden, probing question.

MIRIAM
:
She’s wise to you, Father Tom.

TOM
:
(
To
MIRIAM
,
who is laughing
) Is that fair? D’you think
that’s fair? (
To
HELEN
) Well, I think she’s terrific. And sure the world knows Frank’s terrific.

HELEN
:
So they’ll make a terrific couple.

TOM
:
(
To
MIRIAM
) Lord, hasn’t she got sharp!

MIRIAM
:
England smartens them up all right.

TOM
:
I didn’t mean that at all.

HELEN
:
Yes, you did.

TOM
:
Tell me, girls, I want your advice. The powers that be have some kind of a notion that on a night like this I always get plastered.

MIRIAM
:
Tch-tch-tch.

TOM
:
Wait – wait – wait! Now – should I confirm that notion for them? Or should I stay sober and confound them? I could, you know.

HELEN
:
Confirm them?

TOM
:
Confound them!

MIRIAM
:
Do that then, Father.

TOM
:
Should I?

MIRIAM
:
Anything to confound them.

TOM
:
That’s it then. Settled. (
To
HELEN
) What are you looking sceptical about?

HELEN
:
Not a thing – not a thing.

(
FRANK
enters
in
his
dress
uniform.
TINA
behind
him
.)

FRANK
:
Anna’ll be down in a minute.

(
The following lines
–
MIRIAM
’
s
,
TOM
’
s
,
HELEN
’
s
,
TIN
A
’
s
– all
overlap
.)

MIRIAM
:
(
Clapping
) Well – well – well – well!

TOM
:
Ah, the prince himself!

HELEN
:
Very smart – very smart indeed!

TINA
:
Three cheers for the hero!

TOM
:
(
Sings
) For he’s a jolly good fellow –

FRANK
:
Stop – stop – stop – stop – stop!

ALL TOGETHER
:
For he’s a jolly good fellow;
For he’s a jolly good fellow;
And so say all of us.

TOM
:
Everybody outside for a picture!

TINA
:
A photo – hurrah – hurrah – hurrah – a photo!

(
They
move to the garden
– talking
– still singing/humming
‘
Jolly
Good
Fellow’.
Comments
like:
‘My
God,
look
at
my
dress’,
‘Anybody
got
a
comb?
’
,
‘You’re fine’,
‘Where
do
you
want
us
to
stand?’
etc.,
etc
.)

TOM
:
Over here, please, everybody. You in the middle, Frank. Miriam, you and Tina on one side.

FRANK
:
Where? Here?

TOM
:
A bit to the left.

FRANK
:
Here?

TOM
:
That’s the right.

FRANK
:
It’s
my
left.

TOM
:
No wonder you could never march!

TINA
:
What about me?

TOM
:
Fine where you are.

MIRIAM
:
Not a word – the cap’s still over the lens.

HELEN
:
It’s not!

TOM
:
You’re quite right – so it is! (
Takes
it
off.
)
That’ll be a help.

MIRIAM
:
Maybe – maybe.

TOM
:
A little tighter in, Helen, please. Good, good. At ease, Frank.

FRANK
:
I am at ease.

TOM
:
Are you? Look at me. Big smile, everybody.

(
The
group
is
facing
almost
straight
out.
ANNA
in
a
long
dressing – gown
comes
downstairs
and
into
the
living – room.
She
looks
around.
)

ANNA
:
(
Softly
) Frank? (
She
looks
out,
sees
the
photographing,
stands
watching.
)

TINA
:
Cheese – isn’t that what you say?

HELEN
:
Noblesse
oblige.

MIRIAM
:
Oh, very posh. Is that a London one?

ANNA
:
(
More
loudly
) Frank!

FRANK
:
Come on, Tom. Get a move on.

SIR
:
‘She calls Frank twice. But Frank does not hear her. And she goes back to her room and cries.’

TOM
:
Little tighter in, love.

TINA
:
Me?

TOM
:
No, Miriam. Tight in – perfect!

ANNA
:
Look at them – tight – tight – tight – arms around one
another – smiling. No, I won’t go back to my room and cry. I’ll tell them now! 

(
SIR
gets
quickly
to
his
feet
and
goes
to
ANNA
)

SIR
:
They won’t hear you now.

ANNA
:
They will! They will!

SIR
:
Anna, believe me –

(
She
rushes
away
from
him
and
out
to
the
garden
where
she
stands
facing
the
group.
SIR
looks
on
patiently.
She
is
almost
hysterical
.)

TOM
:
Frank.

FRANK
:
What?

TOM
:
This way.

FRANK
:
I’m glaring at you, for God’s sake!

TOM
:
That’s what I’m
saying. Will you stop it!
Now – terrific – Commandant Butler and his beautiful family.

MIRIAM
:
He really means me.

ANNA
: (
Trying
to
control
herself
)
Listen to me, all of you. You, too, Chaplain.

MIRIAM
:
No film in the camera.

TINA
:
I’m going to laugh.

ANNA
:
When you were away, all those months I was left alone here –

TOM
:
Great – don’t move – terrific. And another.

ANNA
:
Listen to me, Frank!

FRANK
:
(
To
TOM
) No, no, no, no.

TOM
:
One more – just one more – that’s all.

ANNA
:
I had an affair with your son, Ben – with your brother, Ben! An affair – an affair – d’you hear!

TOM
:
Even closer together.

MIRIAM
:
Thanks be to God Charlie isn’t watching this caper.

ANNA
:
An affair, d’you hear – out of loneliness, out of despair, out of hate! And everybody in the camp knows – everybody except the Butlers!