Brian Friel Plays 1 (22 page)

SKINNER
:
This is the case I was telling you about, Sir Joshua. Eleven children in a two-roomed flat. No toilet, no running water.

LILY
:
Except what’s running down the walls. Haaaaa!

SKINNER
:
She believes she has a reasonable case for a corporation house.

LILY
:
It’s two houses I need!

SKINNER
:
Two?

LILY
:
Isn’t there thirteen of us? How do you fit thirteen into one house?

SKINNER
:
(
To
portrait
)
I know. I know. They can’t be satisfied.

LILY
:
Listen! Listen! I know that one! Do you know it, Skinner?

SKINNER
:
Elizabeth, please.

LILY
:
It’s a military two-step. The chairman was powerful at it. Give us your hand! Come on!

SKINNER
:
I think you’re concussed.

(
She
drags
him
into
the
middle
of
the
parlour
and
sings
as
she
dances.
SKINNER
sings
with
her.
)

LILY
:
As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne with an independent air,

You can hear the girls declare, ‘He must be a millionaire’

You can hear them sigh and hope to die and can see them wink the other eye

At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo.

(
LILY
drops
exhausted
into
a
chair.
)

O my God, I’m punctured!

SKINNER
:
Lovely, Lily. Lovely.

LILY
:
I wasn’t a bad dancer once.

SKINNER
:
And now Lord Michael will oblige with a

recitation –
If
– by the inimitable Rudyard Kipling. ‘If you can keep your head when all about you/Are losing theirs and blaming it on you …’ Ladies and gentlemen, a poem to fit the place and the occasion – Lord Michael of Gas!

(
SKINNER
switches
off
the
radio
and
lights
a
cigar.
)

MICHAEL
:
I don’t know what you think you’re up to. I don’t know what sort of a game you think this is. But I happen to be serious about this campaign. I marched three miles today and I attended a peaceful meeting today because every man’s entitled to justice and fair play and that’s what I’m campaigning for. But this – this – this fooling around, this swaggering about as if you owned the place, this isn’t my idea of dignified, peaceful protest.

SKINNER
:
(
To
LILY
) I think he deserves to sign the Distinguished Visitors’ Book. Doesn’t he?

MICHAEL
:
You know what you’re campaigning for, Missus. You want a decent home. And you want a better life for your children than the life you had. But I don’t know what his game is. I don’t know what he wants.

SKINNER
:
Bunny Rabbit to romp home at twenties.

MICHAEL
:
Oh, as you say, he’s glib all right. But if you ask me he’s more at home with the hooligans, out throwing stones and burning shops!

(
SKINNER
pours
himself
a
drink
and
sings
quietly.
Then
very
deliberately
he
stubs
out
his
cigar
on
the
leather-top
desk.
)

SKINNER
:
(
Sings
) Will you come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly.

’Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy.

MICHAEL
:
Look, Lily, look! I told you! I told you!

SKINNER
:
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair

And I have many curious things to show you when you’re there.

MICHAEL
:
He’s a vandal! He’s a bloody vandal!

(
SKINNER
pours
a
drink
for
LILY
.)

SKINNER
:
Lily?

LILY
:
You’ll have me on my ear – God bless you. (
To
MICHAEL
) Try that port wine, young fella. It’s gorgeous.

SKINNER
:
It’s sherry. Mr Hegarty?

(
MICHAEL
turns
away
and
prepares
to
leave.
)

SKINNER
:
Just the two of us, then, Lily. To … dignity.

MICHAEL
:
I’m going.

LILY
:
It’s time we were all leaving. They’ll be waiting for me to make the tea.

(
SKINNER
sits
down
and
puts
his
feet
up
on
the
table.
)

SKINNER
:
Would anyone object if I had another cigar?

(
He
lights
one
.)

LILY
:
What time is it anyway?

MICHAEL
:
Coming on to five.

LILY
:
D’you see my wanes? If I’m not there, not one of them would lift a finger. Three years ago last May the chairman won the five pound note in the Slate Club raffle and myself and Declan went on a bus run to Bundoran – I took him with me ’cos he doesn’t play about on the street with the others, you know – and when we come home at midnight, there they all were, with faces this length, sitting round the bare table, waiting since six o’clock for their tea to appear!

MICHAEL
:
I’m away, Lily. Good luck.

LILY
:
Good-bye, young fella. And keep at them books.

MICHAEL
:
(
To
SKINNER
) Thanks for pulling me in.

SKINNER
:
My pleasure. And any time you’re this way, don’t pass the door.

LILY
:
And good luck on Easter Tuesday.

MICHAEL
:
Thanks. Thanks.

(
Before
MICHAEL
reaches
the
door:
)

SKINNER
:
Before you go, take a look out the window.

(
MICHAEL
stops,
looks at
SKINNER
,
then
crosses
to
the
window.
)

SKINNER
:
Are they still there?

LILY
:
Is who still there?

SKINNER
:
The army. (
To
MICHAEL
) Have they gone yet?

MICHAEL
:
The place is crawling with them. And there’s police there, too.

LILY
:
The army’s bad enough, but God forgive me I can’t stand them polis.

SKINNER
:
If I were you I’d wait till they move.

MICHAEL
:
Why should I?

SKINNER
:
Go ahead then.

MICHAEL
:
Why shouldn’t I?

SKINNER
:
Go ahead then.

MICHAEL
:
I’ve done nothing wrong.

SKINNER
:
How do you talk to a boy scout like that?

MICHAEL
:
I’ve done nothing I’m ashamed of.

SKINNER
:
You drank municipal whiskey. You masqueraded as a councillor. Theft and deception.

MICHAEL
:
All right, smart alec. (
He
tosses
coins
on
the
table.
) That’s for the drink – there – there – there. Now give me one good reason why I can’t walk straight out of here and across that Square. One good reason – go on – go on.

SKINNER
:
Because you presumed, boy. Because this is theirs, boy, and your very presence here is a sacrilege.

MICHAEL
:
They don’t know we’re here.

SKINNER
:
They’ll see you coming out, won’t they?

MICHAEL
:
So they’ll see me coming out and they’ll arrest me for trespassing.

SKINNER
:
Have a brandy on me. They’ll soon shift.

MICHAEL
:
I certainly don’t want to be arrested. But if they want to arrest me for protesting peacefully – that’s all right – I’m prepared to be arrested.

SKINNER
:
They could do terrible things to you – break your arms, burn you with cigarettes, give you injections.

MICHAEL
:
Gandhi showed that violence done against peaceful protest helps your cause.

SKINNER
:
Or shoot you.

LILY
:
God forgive you, Skinner. There’s no luck in talk like that.

MICHAEL
:
As long as we don’t react violently, as long as we don’t allow ourselves to be provoked, ultimately we must win.

SKINNER
:
Do you understand Mr Hegarty’s theory, Lily?

LILY
:
Youse are both away above me.

MICHAEL
:
I told you my name’s Michael.

SKINNER
:
Mr Hegarty is of the belief that if five thousand of us are demonstrating peacefully and they come along and shoot us down, then automatically we … we … (
To
MICHAEL
) Sorry, what’s the theory again?

MICHAEL
:
You know damn well the point I’m making and you know damn well it’s true.

SKINNER
:
It’s not, you know. But we’ll discuss it some other time. And as I said, if you’re passing this way, don’t let them entertain you in the outer office.

(
MICHAEL
goes
back
to
the
window
and
looks
out
.
LILY
giggles.
)

LILY
:
D’you see our place? At this minute Mickey Teague, the milkman, is shouting up from the road, ‘I know you’re there, Lily Doherty. Come down and pay me for the six weeks you owe me.’ And the chairman’s sitting at the fire like a wee thin saint with his finger in his mouth and the comics up to his nose and hoping to God I’ll remember to bring him home five fags. And below us Celia Cunningham’s about half-f now and crying about the sweepstake ticket she bought and lost when she was fifteen. And above us Dickie Devine’s groping under the bed for his trombone and he doesn’t know yet that Annie pawned it on Wednesday for the wanes’ bus fares and he’s going to beat the tar out of her when she tells him. And down the passage aul Andy Boyle’s lying in bed because he has no coat. And I’m here in the Mayor’s parlour, dressed up like the Duchess of Kent and drinking port wine. I’ll tell you something, Skinner: it’s a very unfair world.

(
The
JUDGE
appears
on
the
battlements.
)

JUDGE
:
One of the most serious issues for our consideration is the conflict between the testimony of the civilian witnesses and the testimony of the security forces on the vital question – Who fired first? Or to rephrase it – did the security forces initiate the shooting or did they merely reply to it? We have heard, for example, the evidence of Father Brosnan who attended the deceased and he insists that none of the three was armed. And I have no doubt that Father Brosnan told us the truth as he knew it. But I must point
out that Father Brosnan was not present when the three emerged from the building. We have also the evidence of the photographs taken by Mr Montini, the journalist, and in none of these very lucid pictures can we see any sign whatever of weapons either in the hands of the deceased or adjacent to their person. But Mr Montini tells us he didn’t take the pictures until at least three minutes after the shooting had stopped. On the other hand we have the sworn testimony of eight soldiers and four policemen who claim not only to have seen these civilian firearms but to have been fired at by them. So at this point I wish to recall Dr Winbourne of the Army Forensic Department. 

(
WINBOURNE
enters
left.
A
Scotsman.
)

WINBOURNE
:
My lord.

JUDGE
:
Dr Winbourne, in your earlier testimony you mentioned paraffin tests you carried out on the deceased. Could you explain in more detail what these tests involved?

WINBOURNE
:
Certainly, my lord. When a gun is fired, the propellant gases scatter minute particles of lead in two directions: through the muzzle and over a distance of thirty feet in front of the gun; and through the breach. In other words, if I fire a revolver or an automatic weapon or a bolt-action rifle (
He
illustrates
with
his
own
hand.
)
these lead particles will adhere to the back of this hand and between the thumb and forefinger. And a characteristic of this contamination is that there is an even-patterned distribution of these particles over the hand or clothing.