Breaking Shaun (8 page)

“What the fuck, Ais?” Hailey shouted. She started spitting and wiping her tongue with the back of her hand. “You got that shit in my mouth!”

“Shut up!” Asia whispered loudly as she continued spraying while she ran around the room.

Marcus just chuckled and got up from his recliner before making his way toward the front door. From my seat on the couch, I couldn’t see who was at the door, but a few seconds later, Marcus walked into the room with a shit-eating grin on his face as Shaun followed behind him. His green eyes scanned the room, and when Nick and Hailey both started laughing, I instantly felt myself smirk.

“Damn, you guys are drunk as shit, aren’t you?” Shaun asked as he sat on the other end of the couch.

He had changed into jeans and a T-shirt, and he smelled like some strong, stinky perfume.

His eyes came to me, and they slid up and down my body before he sighed. “I should have just stayed here.” He rubbed his hand against the stubble on his jaw.

I noticed his cheek looked kind of red, and I wondered what had happened to it. Then, I saw the red lipstick on his neck. That got me thinking about his neck and what it would feel like under my lips. Then, I thought about what kind of sounds he would make while my lips were there. I couldn’t help but stare at him. There was just something about him that I’d never seen in another man. It was more than his confidence. It was something else—maybe his unapologetic approach to the world or the way his presence commanded attention without any effort. I wasn’t sure, but my body’s reaction to him made me uneasy.

“Where did you go?” Asia asked Shaun as she tossed the Febreze bottle down next to him on the couch.

“The guys and I went to Pete’s. You know how Dre is. He wanted to go look for some…” He paused and cut his eyes over to me before finishing with “Someone.”

I smirked. “Please, don’t censor yourself for my sake. Trust me, these are not virgin ears.”

“Yeah, she’s an alpha,” Hailey said.

She and Nick fell into another fit of laughter.

“What?” Shaun asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head at Nick and Hailey.

Hailey pretended to zip her lips before looking at Nick and laughing again.

“So, what’s up, Shaun? What brings you back here?” Marcus asked.

I was thankful that he was changing the subject.

Shaun ran a hand through his messy long hair and leaned back into the couch. “Nothin’. Just figured I’d come get drunk and crash here. I didn’t realize you were having a slumber party.”

“I thought you liked slumber parties,” Hailey commented from her side of the coffee table.

Asia tried to stifle a laugh.

“Don’t you forget anything? Jesus Christ. I was fifteen, for fuck’s sake.”

“Sixteen,” Asia murmured.

Marcus chuckled.

I watched this little exchange from my spot on the couch, and I envied them. They had all grown up together, and they seemed more like family than a group of friends. I’d never belonged to a group the way they did, and I felt lonely. Besides Nick and my sister, I hadn’t kept in touch with anyone from my childhood. I hadn’t even spoken to my mother in years, not since she’d upped and left my sister and me to fend for ourselves. I’d just turned eighteen and graduated from high school. Instead of going off to college with my full scholarship, I had been left to take care of my fourteen-year-old sister.

As everyone around me continued reminiscing about the past, I decided to go outside and get some fresh air. I didn’t want my somber mood to put a damper on things. When I walked out of the sliding glass door, I looked up to see the moon high in the sky, and it looked like a million stars were out. I hadn’t seen that many stars in years. It was beautiful.

After making my way over to the edge of the pool, I sat down and put my feet in the water. Placing my hands on the ground behind me, I leaned back and gazed at the sky, enjoying the peace and quiet. I let my gaze fall to my feet in the water as I slowly kicked my legs up and down.

I wanted things to be different this time. I was tired of always feeling like no one ever knew or understood me. On my drive to Virginia, I’d had nothing to do but think about everything I wished I could change in my life. I’d realized that in order for any of it to happen, I would have to start letting people in. I’d have to put my guard down and trust people enough to show them the real me. I knew it would be hard since years of the same behavior would be difficult to undo, but I had to try.

A few minutes later, I heard the glass door behind me slide open, and everyone’s laughter from inside the house filtered out for a moment. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Shaun closing the door behind him. He was holding two Corona bottles in one of his hands. I should have put my guard up to prepare myself for what he might say or do, but I had a feeling he wasn’t in a teasing mood tonight, so I didn’t.

Walking over, Shaun extended a bottle out to me, and I took it from him before he sat down beside me. He set his beer bottle down next to him and pulled the legs of his jeans up, sliding his feet into the water.

“You good?” he asked before taking a sip from his Corona.

“Yeah. You?”

He shrugged and looked up at the sky but didn’t answer me. “So, you’re an alpha, huh?” He turned to look at me with a smile.

My heart stopped when he smiled. He was by far the sexiest man I’d ever seen. His eyes were so light and piercing that it was hard to focus when he had them trained on me.

Smirking, I tucked some hair behind my ear and looked up at the stars, but I didn’t respond.

“You’re not an alpha.”

My eyes narrowed as they moved down to meet his. “What makes you so sure?”

“You might be an alpha in everyday life but not in bed. You need a man to take control in bed.”

“Is that so?” I asked before taking a sip of my beer.

I was getting nervous because what he’d said was hitting a little too close to home, and I thought we both knew it.

“Strong, confident women like you need somewhere to release all that control. You need an escape just like everyone else.” He gave me a cocky, lopsided grin before bringing his beer to his lips.

He thought he had the upper hand, and I had to make sure he knew he didn’t. I was surprised by how easily he had read me, but I wanted him to know that it didn’t mean he had won.

“Yeah, you’re right. But it takes a special kind of man to give that to me. I won’t just give up control to anyone. If you can’t control yourself, what makes you think I’d give you permission to take mine?”

He looked surprised by my question. “What makes you think I can’t control myself?”

Reaching out, I slowly rubbed my thumb across his neck, wiping off the lipstick. “This.”

Shaun’s eyes met mine, and we stared at each other as my skin touched his. My thumb tingled. I’d never felt anything like it before, and I was almost convinced I’d imagined it until I saw the look on his face.

He feels it, too.

I held my thumb up, showing him the smudge of lipstick, but his gaze never left mine. The tension in the air was building, and I quickly looked back up at the moon.
What are you doing?

God, I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad that it hurt. I could feel the heat from her leg against mine, and the spot where her thumb had touched my neck still tingled. It was like she’d burned me. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but no woman had ever affected me the way she did, and I barely even knew her.
This is fucking crazy.

Running my hand through my hair, I took a deep breath before taking another sip from my beer. She’d just called me out, making it clear that she knew exactly what I was about, just like I’d done to her. The last thing I wanted to do was prove her right by trying to kiss her. Besides, I’d just fucked another woman two hours ago. I was an asshole, but I still had my limits.

“How about being friends?” Natalie asked, bringing me back from my thoughts.

“Friends?” I said it like I’d never heard the word before.

I didn’t have any female friends besides Asia and Hailey, and even calling them friends was kind of a stretch. I fucked women. I didn’t hang out with them.

She giggled, and it was the best sound I thought I’d ever heard.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like that word?” she teased, giving me a mischievous grin.

I chuckled and shook my head. “Can’t say I have a lot of female friends.”

“Well, I’ll be your first then.” She took her feet out of the water and stood next to me.

I let my eyes roam up her legs and the rest of her body before I met her gaze.

“So?” She extended her hand out to me like she wanted to shake on it.

I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to accept or not. I knew what being friends meant. It meant no kissing and definitely no fucking. I wasn’t down with that, but I figured it was the best I was going to get at this point, and perhaps being her friend would be my way in.

Reaching out, I took her hand in mine. It felt tiny and soft, and my skin was tingling again. I squeezed it, and we stared at each other.

Her eyes are fucking gorgeous and mesmerizing. I’ve never seen anything like them before.

God, you sound like a fucking chick right now.

Releasing her hand, I said, “Good night, friend,” before turning to face the pool again and taking another swig from my beer.

“Good night,” she murmured before walking back inside.

I sat on my board, watching the sun slowly creep over the water as it rose. The sky was a mix of orange and pink, and the sound of the waves gliding into the sand was all I could hear. This was my home. On my board in the ocean was where I belonged. Surfing was the only thing I’d ever truly connected with, the one thing that I was really passionate about.

Staring out at the horizon, I thought back to my talk with Natalie last night. She had been right. I didn’t control myself. I never really saw a need to. I always did what I wanted to do without giving a shit about what others thought. The problem was, lately, I wasn’t so sure what I wanted.

My twenty-sixth birthday is in a few days. What do I have to show for it?
Years of doing what I want. That’s it.

After high school, my friends and I had gone out to L.A. with Marcus to help him get settled, but I’d ended up not wanting to leave. The waves were so much bigger than anything I’d surfed before, and I’d become obsessed. A couple weeks later, I’d decided to travel to different beaches around the U.S. I’d even ended up in Hawaii for a month. All I’d had with me was a backpack filled with clothes, my toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, and my board. It was the best summer of my life. I’d learned a lot about myself over those months. I’d realized just how deep my love for surfing ran, and I’d also learned how insignificant possessions were. All I’d needed was my board and my freedom.