Breaking Free (3 page)

Once we removed our packs,
Chris informed us that was where we’d spend the next couple days so we should get comfortable.  There was a locked storage container on the edge of the clearing that someone must have left earlier. She opened it up and pulled out a tent, which made me wonder what she was actually carrying in her pack.

After
demonstrating how to pitch a tent, Chris told us each to set up our own.

I
found a nice flat area and pulled mine out of my pack.  I laid it out like Chris showed us and then hooked together one of the bungee cord rods.  I slid it through the pockets on the side of the nylon and then pushed one end into the round eyelet.  I moved to the opposite side and tried to bend the pole so it fed into the other eyelet, but even pushing as hard as I could, the pole barely bent and it was at least a foot from where it needed to be.  I let go and walked around the tent, figuring something must be wrong.  Chris looked like she was barely trying when she bent hers into place.  Nothing seemed out of order so I tried again, but had the same result.

I stop
ped and observed the others—all the guys had one pole in already and were working on the second.  Mia seemed to be having the same problem as me, though.  I watched as Neeky walked over to her and bent it into place.  It must just be an issue of strength.  I tried again, but when I got the pole to within inches of the eyelet, the other end popped out of place.  I felt my blood pressure rise and suppressed the urge to tear the tent apart in a fit of rage.  I was so not cut out for this wilderness shit.

At that
point, my options were to either ask for help or try again.  I didn’t want to embarrass myself once more by not being able to do something.  With avoidance of embarrassment as my motivation, I decided to try the tent pole one more time.  As I bent down to grab it, I had a great idea—I just needed some leverage.  I moved the entire tent about five feet to the left so it was between two trees.  On the far end, I placed the pole in the eyelet against the thick trunk of a tree.  Then, I walked around to the other side and braced my feet against another large tree.  From that position, I was able to apply significantly more pressure.  It finally bent.  With a grunt, I wedged the end into the eyelet and watched with satisfaction as the tent began to take shape.  I couldn’t believe I actually did it.  Feeling elated, I walked around the tent to admire my work.  Then I saw Juicehead staring at me.  His eyebrows were raised and he put his hands together in one of those uppity, polite half-claps, mocking me.  I flipped him off this time and started on the second pole.

Once the tent was up
, I crawled inside to organize my things.  My toiletries went along the left side, my sleeping bag in the middle, and my clothes to the right.  It’s amazing how therapeutic it could be to have a few comforts from home surrounding you after such a hellish day.  I opened my compact, freshened up my powder, and applied some new lipstick.  With the success of pitching my tent still fresh in my mind, I thought that the whole ordeal might not be so bad.  Maybe I could do it after all.  If I just focused on minor accomplishments, maybe that would be enough to keep me going.

Before I even had a chance to lie back on my sleeping bag,
Chris banged on a metal pot telling us it was time for dinner.  I contemplated staying where I was, but then a delicious aroma filled the air, causing my stomach to growl.  I realized I was starving. Maybe Chris was right about that too; I should have had lunch earlier.  I cringed at the thought of giving Chris any credit and reluctantly left my sanctuary.

The others
were already sitting around the fire. I walked up quietly and sat between Neeky and Mia.  Jason ladled out soup and placed it into small bowls for each of us.  I grabbed mine and took a tentative taste, not expecting much, but it was surprisingly delicious—quite possibly the best soup I had ever had.  I downed the entire bowl in minutes and helped myself to another.

After a few moments,
Chris began talking to us.

“Congratulations.  You hiked ten
miles today.  During that time, you had plenty of opportunity to reflect on your lives.  What you’ve done up to this point.  What you hope to do in the future.  What you want out of this experience.  I’d like for each of you to share one thing you thought about today.”  She nodded to Juicehead sitting on her right.  “You first.”

Without hesitation, he
said, “I’m going to miss my family.  That’ll be the worst part.”  Then he dropped his eyes to the ground like he was embarrassed by what he said.

“Thank you.  Next,”
Chris said nodding to Mia.

“I think I want to be a fashion designer when I grow up.”

We continued going around the circle.  Bling wanted to learn how to hunt and Neeky was excited about getting to know the rest of us.  When it was my turn, Chris said, “We already know that you’ve torn up your feet, can’t carry your own pack, and wouldn’t sleep with Tyrell if he were the last man in the forest.  Anything else you’d like to add?”

A couple people snicker
ed.  I was stunned.  I had come to dinner feeling the best I had felt all day.  I was proud of myself for getting the tent up and felt somewhat content after unpacking, but then Chris had to say that in front of everyone.  Then, they laughed at me.  I thought this was our touchy-feely session where we were supposed to open up to each other so we could rid ourselves of the demons that make us insufferable teens.  Chris certainly didn’t make me feel comfortable sharing anything.

“No,” I replied
, crossing my arms over my chest.

She then
informed us that we were free to interact with each other, but everyone had to be in their own tents by ten-thirty.  She also reminded us that we should make at least one entry into our journals each day, describing what we were feeling or what we wanted to accomplish.

I stay
ed at the fire and watched the others.  Chris and Jason talked quietly as they rummaged through the storage bin.  Bling went to his tent.  Neeky and Mia were deep in a discussion.  Juicehead lay back, resting his head on his hands and staring up at the sky. I suddenly felt very cold and very alone.  I scooted closer to the fire, which heated my skin, but didn’t touch the deep-down chill I had in my bones.  I had a feeling that would be with me until I got out of there.

“Mind if I sit down?”

I looked up to find Mia smiling at me.

“No,” I replied
glumly.

“
You hate it here, huh?”

“
What gave that away?”

“
Hey, I’m just trying to help, no need to get an attitude with me.”

I ignored her, so she continued,
“I want to be here.  I want to get better, but I know plenty of people are forced to come here.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.  I don’t need
to get better.”

With a nod
, she said, “I’m sure you’re completely well-adjusted.  I’m sure whoever sent you here is terribly confused.”

At that point, I had
had just about enough of Mia so I stood to leave.  She grabbed my arm and said, “Sorry.  If you really want to leave, I know how you can get kicked out.”

I pause
d and tried to take in what she was telling me.  She knew a way for me to leave?  A way for me to get back to my life in California? It almost sounded too good to be true.

I lean
ed in close so our faces were only inches apart.  “How?”

“A friend
of mine was here last year.  She said that two people from her group got kicked out for having sex.  Maybe one of the guys wants out as badly as you,” she said with a shrug and then scurried back to Neeky.

I sa
t down to fully grasp what Mia had said.  There was a way out.   I could actually be out of here in a matter of days.  I just needed to plan it correctly.  I thought about the three guys and decided that Neeky had probably never had sex, which would require way too much work on my part.  Bling scared the hell out of me so he was out.  That left Juicehead.  But the question was, did Juicehead want out or not?  If so, we could just stage everything to make Chris think we did it.  If not, I’d need to seduce him.

I look
ed across the fire to see his face and then it hit me—Casanova, the condoms—it was almost too easy.  He would totally be a willing, but unknowing accomplice in my farewell debauchery.  It’s not like I wanted to trade my body for a plane ticket home, but with some careful planning, I figured I might not have to.  I could get things started in a conspicuous place and then make sure Chris found us before it was too late.

I
felt euphoric.   I had a plan.  A plan that I would implement the next night.  I looked at the group and smiled, knowing this might be the last evening I spent with them.

Chapter
3:  August 24

The scratch of a
pencil against paper brings me back to the moment.  Marta is scribbling something on her crossword puzzle.

I sigh, remembering how angry I was
the first few days of the trip. I couldn’t believe that Sheila, my bitch of a stepmom, had shipped me there.  I’m a girly-girl, not the camping, hiking, X Games type of girl who could handle living in the woods for a month.  I’m not sure why she thought that would solve my problems.  Or maybe it was just her way to get me out of her hair.  I bet she’s regretting that decision after everything that’s happened.  No doubt she’s already scouring the internet, looking for somewhere else she can send me.  No other place will have JC, though.  He was the only thing that made my time there bearable.

I return to his journal and read the next entry.

Day 2: 
Today was interesting.  Malibu Barbie, who I promised to call Mal from now on, is proving that first impressions may not always be correct. Turns out she has much more fortitude than I imagined after her spoiled-brat, woe-is-me performance yesterday.  Neeky, on the other hand, may have just found himself a ride home.  Hopefully, he’s not here by order of the court like me or he’ll be totally screwed.

“Holy shit.”

“Se
ñorita Kelsie?” Marta asks from her perch on a stool at the kitchen island.

“
JC had a court order to be there.”

“Why?”

I shrug because he never told me.  After everything that happened, I have a couple ideas of what it could be, but they would just be guesses.  In general, he was by far a better person than me.  I knew that by Day Two.

Chapter 4
:  July 19 (Day 2)

I
awoke to Chris
yelling for everyone to get up and select their chores for the day.  Hauling my camping pillow over my head, I tried to muffle the sound of her voice.  Even with my ears buried in fabric, I heard zippers being pulled all around me as the others exited their tents.  After a few minutes, I heard a much closer zipper.

“
Kelsie, time to get up.”

I move
d the pillow and tilted my head toward my feet, cracking one eye.  Chris was kneeling in my tent, looking down at me with her trademark smile.

“
In a few minutes,” I replied and rolled to my side.

She nodded
and left without another word.  I lay silently in my sleeping bag wondering again why she never engaged me in a fight.  I pushed back once more, and once more she smiled like it didn’t matter to her one way or the other.  It didn’t make sense.  Chris was there to make us upstanding teenagers, but she didn’t seem to know how to deal with me at all.  I figured maybe I was more than she was used to.  That thought brought a grin to my face.

As hard as I tried to fall back asleep, it was
useless.  The others were loud, the sun was bright, and the smell of pancakes was overwhelming. I attempted to crawl out of my sleeping bag, but soon realized every muscle in my body was stiff.  My back, my legs, my arms, yesterday’s hike really took its toll on my body.  Not to mention my feet.  I looked down to the socks that were crusted with dirt. Groaning with each movement, I leaned over and peeked in my compact mirror.  What I saw caused me to gasp.  I didn’t recognize the girl staring back at me.  My face was dirty, mascara from yesterday was smudged, and I had dark circles under my eyes.  I used water from my canteen to wash away as much grime as possible and then covered everything else up with a fresh coat of foundation.  I was going to need a real shower sometime soon.  Then I remembered my plan.  I would be taking a shower in my own bathroom in no time.  That realization significantly brightened my outlook.  I exited my tent and wandered over to the fire, taking a seat next to Mia.

“Good morning, Princess.  So ni
ce of you to join us,” Chris said, flipping a pancake.

I ignore
d her and grabbed a pancake from the stack.  Nibbling on the edge, I was struck by how good it was.  Either I was so hungry that everything tasted good or Chris was an outstanding cook.  Either way, I wasn’t about to let her know how much I enjoyed her food.

“So,
Kelsie, since you were sleeping when we selected chores, you are stuck with what was left,” Chris said.

“Fine, whatever.”

“You’ll be washing dishes this morning.”

“Great.”

“And you also have grunt work.”

I pause
d mid-chew.  Why did I have grunt work?  And what was grunt work?

“What’s grunt work?” I ask
ed, trying to sound indifferent.

“It’s the result of not listening to me.  You didn’t eat lunch yesterday, you talked numerous times when you knew you were supposed to be quiet,
you didn’t share something with the group last night, and you didn’t get up on time today.  So, you’ll be hauling up drinking water from the river.  Three containers for each offense.”

“Sounds like fun,” I said
with a sneer.

After breakfast,
Chris directed everyone to start their chores.  As Bling and I washed dishes, I kept an eye on the other teens.  Juicehead and Neeky were chopping dead trees for firewood under Jason’s supervision and Mia was talking to Chris and rummaging through a collection of food.  They seemed to be in decent moods, talking a little.  Mia even laughed at something Chris said.  I looked at Bling who was aggressively scraping burnt pancake off the bottom of a pan.

“W
here are you from?” I tried.

“Where do you want
s me ta be from, darlin’?”  He had a similar accent to Juicehead, but it was much thicker.

I tried
again, ignoring his response. “How old are you?”

“Old enough.”

Old enough for what?  I gave up asking him anything else, afraid of what the answer may be.  Instead, we finished washing dishes in complete silence.

Chris
noticed when we were done and approached me with two large plastic containers.

“These are
for water.  Each one holds five gallons and you need to fill up twelve of them,” she told me.

“Where do I get the water?”

“At the river, down the hill,” she said pointing to her left.

I look
ed to where she was pointing, but didn’t see anything.  “Where?”

“It’s about a quarter mile down the hill.  Just follow the trail, you can’t miss it.”

After stuffing a few toiletries into the pocket of my hoodie, I took off with the containers.  Behind me, I heard heavy footsteps and the rustle of leaves as someone with very little grace followed me.  Turning around, I saw it was Neeky.

“What are you doing?” I ask
ed.

“Grunt work.
  Just like you.”

“Why do you have grunt work?”

“Because I talked during our hike yesterday.”  At least Chris was consistent.

I turn
ed around without another word.  As I walked, I calculated my total distance for all twelve containers.  If I carried two each trip, it would be three miles total.  With my blisters and soreness from the ten miles yesterday, I had very little motivation to do this.  What was she going to do if I refused? Give me more grunt work tomorrow?  Hopefully I’d be on a plane back to California then.  The one appealing part of the chore was the river.  I needed to wash my hands and face, so I continued down the trail, figuring I could fill up two containers and tell Chris that’s all I was doing.

U
nfortunately, the trail was not cleared nearly as well as the one from the day before.  After a couple minutes, I was knee-high in weeds and had to bushwhack my way through.  To really top things off, the last fifty feet or so was steep.  I had to hold onto low-hanging branches so I didn’t fall face first onto the jagged rocks lining the trail.

Once I
finally arrived at the river, I dropped the containers and squatted on the shore, dipping my cupped hands into the cool water and splashing my face.  Reaching into the pocket of my hoodie, I pulled out my face wash and went to work scrubbing away the grime that had accumulated.

While I was preoccupied with hygiene,
Neeky waded into the water and submerged his containers.  When all the air bubbles disappeared, he tried to haul them out, but they didn’t budge.

“S
hit, these are heavy,” he said.

He focused on one container, using both hands to drag it the couple feet to the shore.  Then, he returned to get the other one.

I had finished cleaning myself, so I moved closer to him and lowered one of my containers into the water.  At the same time, Neeky picked up one of his, cradled it to his chest, and headed back towards our campsite.

I bit my lip,
seeing him struggle up the hill.  If he was having problems, there was no way I’d be able to do it.

Once
my first container was full, I used both arms and hoisted it out of the water.  It had to weigh like fifty pounds.  I’d be lucky if I could carry it the full quarter-mile.

I lower
ed the container to the shore and kicked it with my socked foot forgetting about the blisters.  The pain shot up my leg and I cursed Chris once more.

At that point, I decided to change my plans.  Forget delivering two containers.  I’d return empty handed and
Chris could just deal with it.

Close to the end of the trail, I caught up with Neeky whose face was red and beaded with sweat.  He was huffing and puffing a
nd I was a little worried he might have a heart attack.

“You okay there, Neeky?” I asked.

“Who’s Neeky?” he panted.

“You.”

“You gave me a nickname?”

I shrug
ged, realizing he might not be too thrilled with the name I selected.

We then rounded the final curve of the trail and entered the campsite where everyo
ne was sitting around the fire.

“Nice work, Samuel,”
Chris said to Neeky.  “Where’s your container, Kelsie?”

“I’m not a pack mule.  If you want water, get it yourself.”

I escaped to my tent where I began meticulously reapplying my makeup.  Through the flimsy walls, I heard the conversation around the fire.  “I guess y’all were right,” Chris said.  “Kelsie’s weak.  She can’t handle it.”

I
froze, mascara brush against my eyelashes.

“I really thought she’d do better.  Guess I overestimated her,”
Chris continued.

I gritted my teeth and yanked the zipper on my tent d
oor.  “I am not weak!” I yelled, sticking my head out.  “I could easily carry twelve of those stupid containers if I wanted to.  I just don’t want to!”

“That’s a shame because we can’t eat lunch until you finish grunt work.”

“Like I care.”

I retreated back to my tent, zipping the door behind me,
and finished my face with a swipe of lip gloss.  The smiling girl in the small mirror looked happy, but I certainly didn’t feel happy.  I couldn’t believe the others thought I was weak.  I suddenly felt very alone again.

The zipper of my tent moved.  “You need to keep your door open, Kelsie,”
Chris said, peeking inside.

I lay back on my sleeping bag and watched the others.  Neeky had come back with his second container, which meant he only had one more. 
Jason was relaxing in a hammock he had strung between two trees.  Juicehead and Mia were talking.  Bling sat across from them with a frown on his face as he poked at the fire with a stick.

He glanced
in my direction and caught my eye.  “Move yo lazy cracker ass!”

“Mind your own business!” I yell
ed back.

“
It’s all ours biz. We ain’t missin’ a meal ‘cause a you!”

“
You won’t miss a meal.  She has to feed us.”

“You’re right,”
Chris said.  “I do have a responsibility to feed you, but the quality of the food is not stipulated.  I have ten pounds of falafel mix and I have no problem making that until you deliver all twelve canisters of water.”

And falafel
is precisely what we got for lunch.  It was awful.  Dry and flavorless, plus it seemed to do a number on our stomachs.  I had to rush to the latrine a couple times.  By the smell and sounds of others farting, I figured they had similar reactions.

“Please do your grunt work,” Mia pleaded to me after Neeky let one rip.  “I can’t handle another meal of that.”

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving soon so it
won’t be much longer.”

“Are you always
this selfish?” Juicehead asked.

“I’m not selfish.”

“Really?  You know that your laziness is affecting everyone here, but all you can think about is proving to Chris she can’t control you.”

I scowled in his direction because that was definitely part of it
.

“
I don’t think it’s that,” Neeky said, glaring at me.  “She can’t do it.  Those containers are heavy.”

“
If you did it, I can do it.”

“
Yeah?  Prove it.”

“That’s lame.”

“And strengthens my argument.”  He got up and went to his tent while the others all scowled at me.

“What?!” I screamed,
throwing my pillow across the tent. “You just expect me to go get water now.  After I refused all day long?”

“Yes!” they yell
ed in unison.

“Fine!” I
shouted, pushing myself up.  “I am not weak!”

Still angry with the group, I huffed down to the river where I left the containers from earlier.  I leaned over, picked up the filled one
, and cradled it in my arms.  The steep uphill trek was excruciating.  I ended up laying the container down, scrambling up the hill a couple feet, then reaching back and dragging the container to me.  It took at least ten minutes to make it the fifty feet and I was completely out of breath.  After a short break, I picked up the container and started again, but I had to stop every few minutes to rest.  About halfway up the hill I noticed blisters were forming on my fingers.  Might as well match my hands to my feet, right?  Finally, I reached the campsite to find everyone still sitting around like lazy bums.

“If you’ve got nothing else to do, feel free to haul some water,” I yell
ed throwing the container into the middle of the group.

“No one can help you.  You brought this on yourself,”
Chris replied calmly.