Breakdown (Crash into Me) (27 page)

“Don’t be mad at her. I kind of forced the information out of her.”

William rolled his eyes, the beginning of a smile just beginning to show through the sadness. “I’m so sure.”

I smiled back. “Seriously, why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and released the curl from his hand. I took the opportunity to release the remainder of my hair from the tight band. “It’s not something I like to talk about.”

That comment made me smile. “After all the lectures you gave me about talking?”

“I know. I guess I’m a hypocrite, huh?”

“No.” I shook my head to emphasize my point and free my hair from his hold. “I of all people know it’s hard to talk about some things.”

Deep in thought, William waited for a moment before speaking again. When he did, his stare was far off, his voice nostalgic while his mind shifted through memories.

“She would have liked you,” he said. “
You
would have liked her.”

I shifted in an effort to get more comfortable. “I’ll bet. We have similar tastes in self-destruction methods.”

The instant the words left my mouth I regretted them. Why would I say something so insensitive when I had been suicidal just a couple of weeks ago?

“Sorry,” I said hurriedly. “I shouldn’t have—”

“No, Jumper, that’s what I like about you. Even when you’re down, you’re not out.” His smile told me he meant every word, and once again I felt overwhelmed. Accompanied by tiredness from the day, I wasn’t sure I could keep staring at him even though I wanted to do little else.

“Thanks.”

“Do you wanna spend the night? You can have the couch if you want.”

Just like I disliked the idea of returning to an empty house, I hated with a passion the idea that William would be away from me. Even though he was offering me the room right next to his, it still felt too far away. Painful but amazing, I wanted everything about this night to last forever, but since it couldn’t, I knew keeping him in eyesight was the next best thing.

“Could I…” I glanced in the direction of the couch. William was an honorable guy, but guys also had needs. Would he think I was trying to be a tease? “—would it be okay if I stayed here, with you?”

“Course.” His smile turned into a full grin. “I should warn you though, I’m a bit of a drooler.”

I cross my legs and stared at my bare feet. “Thanks for the disclaimer, but I’m sure I won’t be offended.”

He laughed at me as he stood up and went to his dresser. I would have done the same if I hadn’t been so overwhelmed by the sight of him taking off his shirt. He tossed it in the corner and opened the second drawer. As if sensing I was staring at him, he turned around and studied me curiously.

“Do you want to get cleaned up or anything?” He pointed in the direction of the bathroom, causing the most wonderful movement in his bicep. “I could give you something to wear.”

I only considered it for a second before responding. “Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “That would be great.”

He handed me a folded white t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Though I blushed, I accepted them anyway and did not look away.

“Hey, Jumper?”

William’s thumb floated over mine, but he did not touch me. “Remember how you said I shouldn’t hold my breath waiting for you to call me?”

I smiled faintly. “Yeah.”

“Well, I just want you to know that I’d do a lot more than that for you. If you needed me to I’d die holding my breath for you.”

Despite the overwhelming flattery I swallowed hard and shook my head. “You can’t do that, stupid. Your body would automatically start breathing again once you passed out.”

He laughed. “I know that. What I mean is—I’d grow old, get all shriveled up and die. I’d stop racing, driving and even start taking the bus before I ever gave up on you, Jumper.”

I showered quickly, eager to get the chemicals off my face and hair, and even more eager to get inside the t-shirt that was distinctly William’s. Like the pillow he first gave me, I breathed in the material, instantly intoxicated by the smell of his detergent and fabric softener. It made it that much easier to squeeze myself out of the ridiculous black dress and step into the steamy shower. Once there, I swallowed mouthfuls of hot water while I wiped the makeup from my cheeks. A strange calm filled me then, making me feel strangely centered though I knew I had no real reason to. Was I an idiot to reject William’s affection? Maybe. But William didn’t seem to mind. And the best part was that neither did I.

When I got out of the shower the underground apartment was even quieter than when I closed myself in the bathroom. The irrational fear that William had gone and left me there, however,
was quickly eradicated
when I half-ran back out to the bedroom to see him sleeping soundly beneath a thin blanket.

Slightly embarrassed by my display—and the fact that he clearly did not wear pajamas—I grabbed another blanket from the open closet and wrapped myself in it before laying Tabby’s dress across the top of the couch. I crept back through the bedroom then and on the bed next to him. Watching William sleep, I traced my finger over the eight ball tattooed on his left inner arm. Beneath it, I could feel small but deep indications beneath the ink with an upper and lower set. Either I had found William’s dog bite, or he had more than one.

Careful not to bother him, I laid myself down next to him as softly as I could. As gentle as I was trying to be though, William’s brows creased together and his closed eyes fluttered just a little when I settled myself beside him. And though I smiled to myself, I tensed when William rolled to his side, his arm sliding over me as if I were a teddy bear.

I snuggled against him after a few uncertain moments, hypnotized by the way our bodies fit so perfectly against each other and the effort he made to protect me in his sleep. And despite the fact that I was terribly tired, I forced my eyes to stay open so that I could listen to him breathe—that deep sound between snoring and sighing. Eventually, I reached for the trickle of drool he had warned me about and wiped it away. I smiled, tucked myself into him and fell asleep. 

I woke up when the light of early morning was just starting to make its way past the basement window. Instantly, I was aware of his arms still around me, the arm originally flung over me clenched to pull me closer. Whether intentional or not, his other arm had been moved under me to encircle me completely.

I blinked and watched the shadows of feet as they walked above us, unaware that William and I were even there. We hadn’t even slept together and we were cuddling? Though my knowledge of relationships was limited, it had always been my understanding that cuddling was part of the aftermath that guys were hardly interested in—if they were interested at all. So why was William holding me so protectively, so possessively, when I had done nothing for him in return? Wasn’t this supposed to be the reward? The intimate non-sexual touch of skin on skin to make the act more memorable? Wasn’t his arm numb?

I glanced over my shoulder as best I could, smiling when I saw nothing more than the mess of blond and what looked like a puddle of drool at the top edge of his pillow. Why did that make him seem so adorable? So honest? Maybe it was because he was. From the moment we met, William had been compassionate towards me. More importantly, however, he had been honest. And if I knew nothing else about friendships, I knew that they were bred on honest ground. William and I had been friends, good friends, and just a few hours earlier, we had almost become much more. Why hadn’t I taken that opportunity when I had the chance? Because I was afraid of the way my body reacted, afraid of how much I enjoyed kissing him and the way he kissed me back.

Like the night before, I readjusted myself before cuddling back into him. Right away, he started rising against me, and once again I grew warm all over. Sensing this change in both of us, William woke with a start, his leg twitching under one of mine. Interested in how he would react to our position, I made my body as relaxed as possible and pretended to be asleep. His eyes looked down at me when he raised himself on his elbow—that much I could tell even through closed eyes. But when William became conscious that he was straining against me he swore. When he realized how loud he was, he swore again in a softer voice.

I broke with a smile when he clumsily tried to slide his arm out from under me, swearing at himself once again in nothing but a whisper. It was all I could do to keep from laughing at this point, but it was too entertaining to feel him try to unravel our legs from each other without “waking” me.

When he tried to sort our blankets from one another, whispering curses the entire time, I lost it completely, snorting into my blanket before breaking into full out laughter.

When I did, William rushed to sitting, his mouth opening and closing without any sound. Looking back and forth from me to that tented blanket between his legs he grew bright red, too. I laughed a little louder, snorted into my hand and turned away as he tried to collect myself. It was as he tried crossing his legs, gathering more blankets around his waist, however, that I knew what I wanted to do.

“I wasn’t trying to, ah, you know. Damn it, Jumper, I’m sorry.”

I brushed the hair away from my face and checked myself for drool or eye gunk. “What did I say before about apologies?”

I kissed him before some crisis of logic could try and convince me otherwise. With only the slightest bit of hesitation, he kissed me back, circling his arms around me again and pulling me to sit. Any fear I had left me then, and it wasn’t until much later when I was reliving it all in my head that I wondered about offensive morning breathe or if my lips were chapped. All I cared about was whether or not he liked the way my hands ran up and down his chest and if it was a good time to reach for him under the blanket. And to be honest, I was perfectly content doing that and nothing else for a few solid minutes, except that he pulled away the moment my hand started south, pushing me away as gently as his trembling hands seemed capable of.

“I—are you sure?”

I kissed his neck, just below his earlobe. “You’re not going to hurt me, are you?”

He smiled, his hands releasing me to better come back to him. “I’d fling
myself
off an overpass before that happened.”

“Then you’d better kiss me before I change my mind.”

I leaned in to kiss him, but once more he kept me at bay.

“You can you know?” he said cautiously. “Change your mind if you want.”

I shook my head, smiled, and ran my fingers through his hair like I had seen him do so many times before. “Life is too short not to do what makes you happy.”

William leaned in to kiss me again, stopping himself at the very last minute. “You’re not just doing this because you want a Rush, right? Because I don’t think I could handle having my heart broken by you—”

I cut him off with a kiss, charmed by his protectiveness over my self-esteem and enjoying the feel of his body too much to do much of anything else. This time he let my hand reach for him under the blanket, a strange combination of a gasp and a seething sound emerging from his lips as I did so. I was taking back my power, the control over my life. Whether it was this feeling or the pure joy that flooded me when his lips moved to work its way down my neck I wasn’t sure—didn’t care, frankly, as long we continued touching each other.

Well-toned and taught, I admired him when he pulled his lips away to lay me down, smiling before he shifted himself out of the blanket and reached for the hand I had burned not so long ago. He kissed me on the new skin that grew over the burn, then the inside of my wrist and all the way down my arm.

I giggled when his kisses tickled, inhaled sharply when they did something else. And though he started at my hand, he somehow ended up at my waistline, rolling up the t-shirt while he worked to lay kisses on my abdomen.

“William—”

In the middle of running his tongue over my belly button, he stopped and looked up. “You want me to stop?”

I furiously shook my head. “If you do I’ll kill you.”

At this position my arms weren’t nearly long enough to reach for him, but I tried anyway. William smirked down at me and lifted the shirt over my head. Drunk on lust, it took me a solid twenty seconds to understand that my top half was naked. Frankly, I noticed his eyes first, how wide and wild they looked as he took me in.