Boyfriend Chronicles 02 - The Boyfriend Mandate (33 page)

“Mom said to tell you hi, by the way.” Memphis rubbed the side of his neck. “She also said, and I quote, ‘you two better get your asses up here and visit me.’”

Instantly, a smile lit Tyler’s face. Happy was a good look on him, and the resulting tug on Memphis’s heart actually hurt. Unfortunately, Tyler’s words were no less painful.

“Did she convince you to go in for your follow-up appointment?” Tyler asked.

The mental groan was loud in Memphis’s head. “No.”

He didn’t want to have this argument right now. Not when everything felt perfect. Two beats passed by without a response.

“What if I asked you to go?” Tyler let go of Memphis and turned to lie flat on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “For me.”

Goddammit. How was Memphis supposed to answer that? He knew Tyler wanted more, had begun to think of the two of them together. In a relationship.

Their future.

God…

Torn, Memphis raked his fingers through his hair, struggling to find a way to explain. But he couldn’t come up with anything that would give them both what they wanted.

Tyler pulled the covers back and climbed out of bed, and Memphis sat up to reach for him, wanting him back. But the man crossed to the window and leaned his shoulder against the wall. Using his finger, he swept a bit of the curtain back to study the scene below. Memphis hated disappointing him. Tyler deserved better.

But Memphis despised even more that he’d be leaving him again.

Fuck
.

He sank back, his shoulders sagging against the headboard as his heart thumped sickeningly in his chest. And suddenly it felt vitally important that he lay it all out. After everything Memphis had done, Tyler deserved nothing less than the truth.

Memphis took three deep breaths and turned on the bedside lamp. He couldn’t do this in the dark. He needed to be able to gauge Tyler’s reactions.

“I’d always thought there’d be plenty of time,” Memphis said.

“What?” His eyebrows drew together in confusion.

“To find you,” he said. His throat felt too tight. “To find you and tell you I was sorry for leaving the way I did.”

When Tyler didn’t respond, Memphis went on.

“I told myself I was just waiting for the right moment,” Memphis said. “I thought about it a lot after Jules and I split, but I kept thinking it was too soon after the divorce…” His lips twisted ruefully. “I guess I’m just too much of a coward, really.”

So much time…wasted. Jesus, he truly was an idiot.

“But then I realized I’d run out of time,” Memphis said.

Tyler let the curtain go, and the weight of his gaze settled on him like a stone. Breathing became difficult for a moment. A heartbeat later, he felt collected enough to go on.

Voice hoarse, Memphis took the plunge. “It’s come back.”

Tyler’s brow crinkled, as if he were trying to decode the words but couldn’t. But there must have been something in Memphis’s face that gave him away, because Tyler’s confused look slowly gave way to one of horrified comprehension, instantly followed by absolute refusal.

“What’s come back?” Tyler asked.

Ah, denial. She was a tenacious bitch. The little witch had ridden shotgun alongside Memphis for almost six weeks before one beautiful smile from Tyler had made him think about the future, too.

And face reality.

“The cancer,” he answered.

The silence in the room felt like deadweight, and neither of them moved.

Tyler’s words sounded as though they were being dragged over broken glass. “How do you know?”

“I know.”

Tyler crossed closer to the bed, his tone harsh. “Have you seen a doctor?”

“No.”

It was painful to watch hope bloom in his eyes, his shoulders slump in relief. Especially when Memphis knew he’d have to be the one to shove reality down Tyler’s throat.

“I don’t need to,” Memphis said. He stood up and crossed the floor, closing the gap between them. “Feel this.”

He took Tyler’s hand and placed it on his neck, guiding him to the small lump that was
fixed
in place and
firm
—the two F words, as he’d learned during his first diagnosis, meaning he was double fucked for sure. As Tyler’s fingers pressed against the knot, the flicker of comprehension in his eyes confirmed what needed no confirmation in Memphis’s mind.

“Maybe―” Tyler swallowed, his Adam’s apple rising and falling. “Maybe it’s just from an infection.”

Dammit, he hated being the one to put that look on Tyler’s face.

Memphis laced their fingers together and dropped his arm, their hands hanging between them.

“You know the realities better than most, Ty,” he said. Memphis had done the research himself during his second recurrence. He knew he wasn’t the only unlucky bastard to draw the short end of the stick, three times over.

Holy mother-effing Christ, what he wouldn’t give for
more time
…

And, Jesus, the pressure in his chest hurt like a bitch. Right now, though, he needed to concentrate on Tyler.

The turbulence in his gray eyes increased in intensity, and then he squeezed his lids shut before Memphis could make out any of the emotions. He suspected denial and desperation and a bone-aching sadness were there. Probably fear, too.

And he didn’t want Tyler being afraid for him.

Memphis cupped the back of Tyler’s neck, forcing the man to meet his gaze and willing him to hear what he had to say. “Listen, Ty,” he said as he smoothed his thumb along his jaw. “It’ll be okay. I promise.” He paused, enjoying the simple sensation of holding him close. The smell of his cologne and the feel of his warm skin. This was what he wanted. To lose himself in Tyler for as long as he could. “I’ve been here before, remember? All those years ago?” He rested his forehead against Tyler’s, remembering the light that had enveloped him, and spoke the one truth that kept him calm. “It was…peaceful.”

Of all the reactions he could have predicted, what came next surprised the hell out of him.

Tyler’s eyes flashed, his tone incredulous. “Peaceful?” His head pressed against Memphis’s, Tyler went on. “
Screw
peaceful.”

Despite the tension, Memphis’s lips twisted wryly. “So says the Ice Man.”

“
Christ
. How can you joke at a time like this?” he said. “You’ve paid your dues. You’ve earned the right to live.”

Memphis sighed. Christamighty, he was totally screwing this up. Apparently Tyler had moved through denial and was rushing toward…something. And it was beginning to look a whole lot like anger on Memphis’s behalf.

He gently squeezed the back of Tyler’s neck again. “It is what it is.”

With those words, Tyler came alive.

“Bullshit. Complete and utter
bullshit
.” Tyler broke away from Memphis’s hold and began to pace back and forth. “Why you? Why do you have to suffer
again
? Haven’t you been through enough?” he said, his legs picking up speed. “Isn’t there someone else the universe could fuck with?”

Memphis grunted. “Maybe Destiny is pissed I cheated death, so she’s come to take me back.”

For a moment, Tyler stopped to stare at him.

“Don’t,” Tyler finally ground out. “You need to quit making jokes. We need to start. Making.
Plans
.” He crossed his arms and began to pace again. “We have to decide what to do next.”

Memphis remained silent and hooked his fingers on his hips, his gaze steady as he listened to him ramble on and followed Tyler’s to-and-fro movements with his eyes. Because Memphis understood the need to
move
as the blood pumped too fast in his veins. The need to jump. The need to just keep going until maybe, just maybe, you left all the shit behind.

But Memphis had already tried that. And it hadn’t worked.

“We have to find a way to fix this,” Tyler was saying.

“Ty.”

“We have to―”

“
Tyler
.”

The man halted in his tracks.

Memphis stepped closer, searching for something to say. “I know you want to make this better,” he said, his tone low. “But…” His voice trailed away briefly before returning. “But we both know there are some things that just
can’t
be fixed,” he said. Memphis gave the words a moment to sink in before going on. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay.” He stepped forward to squeeze Memphis’s arms. “It is
not
fucking okay.”

Expression brittle, Tyler tightened his fingers around his biceps. He looked as if, with one touch, he’d shatter, reminding Memphis of the day Tyler had tied him up in the elevator and completely taken him apart, bit by sensual bit.

God, he wanted more of that. Memphis wanted Tyler to screw him senseless. He needed Tyler to fuck him until he was a boneless, sated mess. Until
Memphis
was the one drooling and incoherent on the mattress.

Memphis’s mouth landed on Tyler’s for a wet, filthy kiss. The man didn’t seem sold on the change in focus, his participation limited at first. And then he gave a gentle nip of Memphis’s lower lip that pulled a responding
hell yes
from Memphis’s body.

Tyler pulled his head back. “You’ve got to―”

“Not now,” he said, leaning in for another kiss.

“Hold up.” Tyler braced a hand against Memphis’s chest. “We need to discuss―”

“Later,” Memphis murmured. “We can talk about this later.”

Much, much later. God, he was so ready to drown out reality in another round of blissful, mind-shattering, toe-curling sex.

To push everything away and hold on to
now
.

He snaked his tongue over his bottom lip, tasting the heat Tyler’s mouth had left behind.

“I need you to understand,” Memphis said. He reached up and slipped his hand beneath the edge of the man’s shirt. The heart knocked hard beneath Memphis’s palm. “I don’t want to argue about this anymore tonight. Right now I just want…” He fisted his hand in the fabric of Tyler’s button down and slowly tugged him closer, not stopping until their hips were pressed together. “I really
need
for you to fuck me.”

Heat flashed in Tyler’s eyes, but the mental war waging inside his head was evident in his expression. He didn’t look as though he was ready to give up the debate.

“Please,” Memphis said. He was playing dirty and he knew it. He also couldn’t rally the energy to care. “For me.”

Tyler’s voice reeked of hesitation. “We’ll continue this talk tomorrow?”

Even as he said the word, Memphis knew he was lying. “Tomorrow,” he murmured, his mouth crashing back into Tyler’s.

Groggy and sore and bone-deep tired, Tyler rolled onto his back and stretched out his arm toward the pillow beside him. A small piece of paper crinkled beneath his hand.

What the hell?

Bright morning sun filtered around the curtains of Memphis’s hotel suite and lit the room. Blinking to clear his vision, Tyler struggled to focus on the words scrawled on the large Post-It note.

Had to leave for the photo shoot. You looked exhausted. Didn’t want to wake you. I’ll call you on my drive down to LA.

Tyler shot up in bed, pulse pounding in his neck. Now that he could focus better, he could make out the little smirky smiley face following the
you looked exhausted.
A snort slipped from Tyler’s lips. Memphis had been at him all night, leaving him either gasping and coming hard or falling straight into an exhausted sleep. Probably because he knew Tyler would begin to argue with him again if given a moment to slow down, because―

The cancer had come back.

Oh, my God
.

Worse, the news had been delivered with horrifyingly calm tone.

“Fucking hell….”

This
was what he’d sensed in Memphis all along, the desperation beneath the frenetic energy. The cancer had returned, and Memphis had accepted his so-called fate and come to apologize before the chance got taken away. Even the bucket list that had supposedly been compiled to celebrate the anniversary of his remission, but not really.

It had been compiled as a final hurrah.

Tyler crushed the Post-It note in his hand.

Sonofabitch
. How could he have missed the truth? Why was he always stuck in
stupid?

Memphis had given up and decided his last order of business was to get Tyler to accept it, too? Well, hell no. He wasn’t about to sit back and let him go without a fight. Not this time.

Not
again
.

The nauseating lurch in his stomach and the painful crush in his heart hit at the same time, and he covered his eyes with one hand and willed his body to cooperate. Just because Memphis had left town didn’t mean that Tyler couldn’t hunt him down and finish their conversation.

Tyler threw off the covers and headed into the bathroom. He climbed into the shower, and when he reached for the shampoo, his fingers shook. Tightening the lock on all the emotions threatening to escape, he balled his hand into a fist.

Focus. Just…
focus
.

First order of business? Noah’s place was close, so Tyler would stop there for a fresh shirt, because the one he had now smelled like sex. And he needed crisp and clean. He needed confidence and control. His professional game face was much easier to maintain when he looked the part. After that, he had to find out the exact location of the photo shoot—Memphis had said something about it being near Carmel. And the one person who knew everything about Memphis’s schedule before even the man himself?

Julissa…

Twenty minutes later, the elevator door slid open on Noah’s floor, and Tyler escaped up the hall. When he unlocked the condo door and entered, he almost crashed into Dylan.

“Dude.” Dylan grabbed Tyler’s shoulders to keep them from colliding. “Easy on the hit and run.”

Fortunately, Dylan took a step back to clear the way, and Tyler blew out a breath of relief. He needed to escape before Noah appeared and started asking questions, delaying everything even more.

“And…uh…since you’re here…” Dylan shoved a hand through the soft spikes of his brown hair, looking awkward. “About my freak out the other day? I talked to Alec like you suggested.” Dylan dropped his arm to his side. “Thanks for listening.”