Bound (Bound Trilogy) (38 page)

“Why?” I asked. “We’ve got plenty of light left. Wouldn’t it be wiser to get as close to the bridge as we can?”

“Perhaps. But I don’t think we’ll get across tonight, and this is a good spot to camp. No snow, sheltered from the wind.” He sat on a log and rested his elbows on his knees, hands dangling between his legs. “Would you rather keep going?”

I set my backpack on a bare, dry patch of ground. “I don’t know. I was hoping for a bed, but if you don’t think we can make it tonight, this is perfect.” I smiled, but he didn’t return it. The damp chill of the surrounding air crept into my stomach.

He stared at his hands for a few more seconds, then stood and rooted through his pack, pulling out food and unrolling bedding. I didn’t know what else to do, so I went to pick up kindling and firewood from around our campsite and piled it nearby.

Things didn’t get better as the afternoon moved toward evening. Aren was even more reticent than usual, nearly silent as we cooked the oats and dried fruit that Niari had sent with us. He reached out to touch me once in a while, but looked away every time I caught him watching me.

Halfway through the meal I couldn’t take any more. “I’m going to go crazy if you don’t tell me why you’re acting so strangely. Whatever it is, it’s—”

“We could have been there tonight.” His hair had fallen forward to cover his eyes, but he didn’t bother to brush it away. “I’m sorry. I just… I wanted a little more time with you.” He set his bowl down and pressed his fingertips to his eyes.

My heart skipped. Not for the first time, I didn’t want to hear what I thought he was saying. “Please tell me you mean time alone. Do you think we won’t be allowed to see each other when we’re in Belleisle? Because you said—”

“I can’t go to Belleisle. At all.”

My hands shook, and I set my own things on the ground. “You said we’d be safe there.”

“I said
you
would be safe there.” He stood and paced around the fire. I wished he’d stop. My head was spinning anyway, and starting to hurt. “Maybe if it was just the problems between Albion and my father, there would be a chance. But it’s more personal with me. There was a riot a few years ago in the town where Albion’s wife grew up, here in Tyrea. It got out of control, people got hurt who shouldn’t have, and her sister was killed.”

“And you did that.” A spark of anger ignited inside of me. I stood and crossed my arms over my chest.

“On my father’s behalf and my brother’s orders, but yes. I didn’t mean for it to happen that way.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice cracked.

“Because it was the only way to save you. Gods, Rowan. You…” He winced. “You always seem to let your heart get in the way of your head. You said you loved me. I didn’t think you’d come without me, so yes, I lied.”

“You had no right!”

He took a step back. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“The right thing?” I breathed deeply, but it didn’t calm the hurt. “Aren, I’ve spent my whole life with people lying to me and trying to control me because they thought it was the right thing. You know how that hurt me, but you’re doing exactly the same thing.”

His mouth dropped open. “It’s not like that. I care about you. I want you to be safe.”

“That’s what they said.” I crouched in the snow and rested my face in my hands, blocking out the light. My emotions were making the headache worse, and I couldn’t think straight. “I thought you respected me more than that. I’m not a child, Aren. This wasn’t your decision to make.”

“And what would your decision have been?”

“We would have figured something out!” I glared up at him, but he refused to meet my eyes. “I don’t know what. You haven’t given me many options. Maybe I’d have surprised you. Maybe I’d have gone alone, left you to be hunted down and… and I’d be fine never knowing what happened to you.” I brushed away the tears that blurred my vision, not willing to let them fall. “I guess we’ll never know.”

“I guess not.” His lips narrowed as he studied the ground at his feet.

No apology. I was beginning to think he didn’t know how to do it.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said, and knelt beside me. “I also never meant to…” His voice caught in his throat.

“What?”

He swallowed hard, and closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to love you.”

My heart leapt at his words. I wanted to believe it. But it was wrong. “You wouldn’t use that word before,” I whispered, fighting the lump that held my voice back in my throat. “Please don’t use it now. Not after you’ve lied to me.” I wanted to forgive him, to see only his good intentions, but his manipulation stung like a slap in the face. “I trusted you.”

He stood and stepped back, eyes narrowed. “Maybe that was your mistake, then. How many times did I warn you, explain how I’ve used people, tell you how I’ve hurt and manipulated them to get what I want?” His face hardened, closed off. “Why would it be any different if what I want is for you to be safe? Because that’s all I have left to want.”

“Damn it, Aren! That’s not love!” Anger flashed again, and pain. “I don’t even know whether you’re being honest now, or lying to push me away.”

“Which would you prefer?” His voice was cold. “You’re going to have to tell me what I’m supposed to do now, because damned if I know what you want.”

“I want you to leave me alone. How far is it to the bridge?” I knew I was being irrational. He wasn’t going to hurt me any worse than he already had, and I’d be safer if he took me to the bridge in the morning. But reason was drowned out by emotion and the physical pain that clawed at my head and my heart. I rolled up my bedding.

“A few hours’ walk, straight down the river.” His voice softened, but I didn’t know whether that was genuine, either. “I know you’re angry, but you can’t leave.”

“No?” I slung my pack onto my back. “Tell me more about what I’m allowed to do. You know best.”
Calm down, Rowan.

His lip curled in a snarl, and he raised one hand. I winced, and the anger dropped from his face. He ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t… Damn it. I don’t understand any of this.” He looked down at his hands, held open before him.

“I want you to be safe and find a way out of this binding,” he said, “and I want you to get there before Severn finds us. I want you to go, but I don’t want to let you go.” When he looked up, his eyes seemed wet. Maybe it was just the firelight. He shrugged, and his shoulders slumped forward.

My hands were freezing in spite of the fire, and I tucked them under my arms to warm them. I wanted to forgive Aren and figure out a way to move on, but to what? And could I forgive so easily? There was a time when I would have, because I’d have been afraid to do otherwise. But I’d changed since I met him. Toughened up. Learned more about the world.

I sighed. “I need time to think. Just let me go for a while, okay?”

“I’ll go. Stay by the fire.” He reached out to take my hand, and all I wanted was to fall back into his arms.

“Thank you, but I need to walk. You value rational decisions over emotional ones, and that’s what I’m trying to do. I just can’t do it when you’re looking at me like that.”

He nodded toward my bag. “Will you come back? Or are you going to keep walking until you get there?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Yes. I’ll come back.”

He didn’t look like he trusted that answer. “I’m going to change and scout the area. I don’t sense Severn, but something doesn’t feel right. Come back if you get cold.”

“Yeah. We’ll talk when I get back.”

After he walked away into the darkness, I slipped my bag off and left it.
You can’t run away from this. Come back and end it, one way or another.

The sun had set while we were fighting, and there was little moonlight to guide my way even when I reached the wide river. I stayed close to the banks where the trees were thin.

The tears I’d been holding back came, and froze my cheeks even after I wiped them away.

The pain in my head began to fade, as did my anger.
He didn’t know any better,
I thought.

“He should have,” I muttered. He’d meant well, but he’d hurt me. That seemed to be the pattern of our relationship, from the day we’d met to the night he proved my magic, until now. I trusted him, he betrayed me, I got hurt and felt naïve and stupid about it until he was charming and I forgave him. I kicked a rock out of the way, and it splashed into the river. “That’s not a relationship.”

If I’d stayed with him, perhaps he would have changed. Or maybe I was the fool for thinking he would.

Something snapped deep in the forest. I stopped and listened, but didn’t hear any footsteps in the snow behind me. No wings in the trees, either. “Aren?” I called. I slowed, but kept walking.

It couldn’t have lasted anyway,
I told myself.
It was this, or being on the run forever. Is that what you wanted?

“It hasn’t been all bad,” I whispered. We both had a lot of learning to do. Maybe—

A gust of freezing air blew into my face from downstream, and I gasped as it cut through my cloak. When it didn’t let up, I moved into the shelter of the trees.

I thought I heard something again, and froze. But the woods were silent, save for the river and the wind in the trees. I decided to go back, anyway. The darkness and silence gave me chills on top of what the cold was providing.

I stepped into a large clearing and paused. It seemed too dark, even compared to the rest of the forest, and it felt wrong. Like someone was watching me, though I didn’t see anything. I backed away.

A searing light blazed up from the ground in the center of the clearing and I ducked, throwing my arm across my eyes. When I opened them I was blind, my vision eaten up by white spots. Something moved in front of me and I turned to run, but a pair of strong hands grabbed each of my arms and hauled me back. The light remained, now a flickering orange column of fire burning high as the treetops, against which I could only see shadows.

I blinked hard to make my eyes adjust. Another hand gripped my arm, and something rammed into my stomach. Pain exploded through my abdomen. I tried to gasp, but my breath wouldn’t come. I doubled over, but the arms holding me wouldn’t let me fall.

My breath came back in a ragged gasp. I let my legs drop out from under me, and when the men didn’t let go of my arms I pushed back and shook myself as hard as I could. A woman laughed. I tried to kick, but only managed to catch one of them in the shin.

Someone stepped in front of me, blocking the light, and wrapped a hand tight around my throat. He squeezed until I stopped fighting. My vision cleared, and I struggled to keep my feet under me as I recognized the white-haired figure as one I’d seen before, though never clearly.

He released me and bent closer. One of the men pulled my hair, twisting my neck so that I looked up. “Do you know who I am?” His voice sent chills through me.

“Severn,” I whispered, and fought the urge to scream. If Aren heard, he’d come find me, and I didn’t want him to. Maybe Severn couldn’t find Aren, and he’d settled for me instead. Maybe Aren could still get away.

“Such a little thing to be wandering the woods at night,” he said, and sneered. “You really should have someone watching over you.”

Though he didn’t look like Aren, his expression was familiar. That, and the shape of his eyes. The small similarities made me shudder. I stayed silent. “No mind,” he said. “I’m sure he’ll be along shortly. But what to do with you in the meantime, hmm? You’re not as important to me as you once might have been. It turns out that your people were all too happy to get rid of a mid-level magic-user that they had in custody. And you’re not much use as leverage, either. Did you know that your betrothed refused to negotiate for your safe return?”

When I didn’t react, he smiled. “That doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

He seemed to be enjoying my discomfort, and didn’t order his men to loosen their crushing grip on my arms or to let go of my hair. “Perhaps if you offered a small demonstration of the powers my brother is so convinced you have, I might be persuaded to keep you around. Take you back to Luid. See what happens.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” I whispered, and he laughed.

“My dear, I know everything I need to about you. Aren told me so much. But what to do with you while we wait for my dear brother?” He glanced at the men who held me. “Maybe these fellows have some ideas.”

He leaned back, and I saw a group of five more uniformed soldiers, two women among them, watching us closely.

Severn leaned in again to whisper in my ear, and the hand that had been holding my hair dropped to my shoulder. “Call for Aren, bring him here, and I’ll let you die peacefully.”

The cruelty in his voice sent tremors through my body, and fear wrapped its cold hands around my heart. I felt myself growing weak, and then something else. My limbs tingled, my heart raced, and claws of pain dug into my skull. The firelight at the edge of my vision shimmered.

The magic. Not now, please. I’m not ready to die.

I whipped my head forward. Severn was quick, but I hit his cheekbone with my forehead as he pulled away. It strained my neck and sent me nearly to my knees, but at least it was something.

He glared at me. “Take her away,” he said. “I don’t want to see her again. Tell Grissom and Delain to come back and wait. He’ll be here soon enough when he hears her scream.”

The men wrestled me back to my feet and pulled me toward the fire. I twisted and fought as hard as I could, but the headache was getting worse. It was as though the insides of my skull were expanding, and the pressure was causing so much pain that I couldn’t think.

Sweat stung my eyes as we passed the fire, which burned hotter than any I’d ever felt before, but my body shook as though it was warmed by fever instead of flames. Jumbled, terrified thoughts screamed through my mind. One of the men whacked me on the back of the head, sending star-bursts of pain forward. I bit my tongue and held back a cry.

Suddenly the man on my left let go and screamed. The one on the right pulled me away, but I felt a strong, cool breeze, and the tips of long feathers brushing against my face.