Book of Love (28 page)

I organized my thoughts, thinking of the
right thing to say. “I can’t change who I am, Jane, or why I’m
here. I have to protect you, though. Regardless of what you want, I
will always be watching you, whether you see me or not.”

She looked up, her brown
eyes dark and wavering with anger. “Protect me? From
what?”

I felt my body tingle from the angered
remark. “From…” I wanted to say it. I had to, but I settled for a
vague answer instead. “From danger.”

I saw that she wasn’t
pleased by my attempt to explain. Her body shifted restlessly, and
I feared she was about to leave. “And you’re
immortal?”
The word sounded bitter.
“Is that what you were trying to tell me the other night when you
said you didn’t age?” Her body fell still as she twisted the ring
on her finger.

“
I am—to a degree.” I
answered truthfully, knowing it was the only thing that would make
her stay.

“
And you’re like my sister?
You know what I’m thinking?” She was stumbling over her words,
finding it hard to admit.

“
In a
way. But as I said the other night, your sister’s gifts were
hereditary. She is a clairvoyant by blood. My gifts
were…
earned.
They’re meant for a purely protective cause.”

We sat for a moment, the only sound coming
from a car in the nearby parking lot.

Jane’s gaze avoided mine, though mine did
nothing but watch her. “But, then what are you?”

I knew she was as afraid
to ask as I was to tell. She had asked me twice the other night,
but I’d refused to give her a straight answer. I knew if I was
going to set things right, though, I had to tell her the truth—I
had to tell her
now.

“
You must
have some sort of title. My sister is clairvoyant, Wes is a
shifter.
What are you?”

There it was again.
Four.
She had asked four
times now. I bit my lip, hearing the title repeat in my head. “I…”
I placed my hands flush on the wood of the table, again starting
from the beginning. “That night, in the burning library…” I paused,
seeing my mother and fathers faces as though it was yesterday. I
saw them through the flames, too far from me to save them. They
were reaching for me, my brother Erik at my side, shielded in my
arms as the flames tickled across my back.

I shook away the image. “I
protected Greg as we grew up, but he was always jealous of me. I
know now that he was sick in a way none of us could understand. My
mother always thought she could cure him by showing him as much
love, if not
more
love than anyone, but he was deluded. It was never enough for
him. Greg was convinced that we hated him.” I was wasting
time.

I saw the burning room again. “That night,
in the library, we all died except Erik. I wasn’t ready to die,
though. I wasn’t ready to give up on my life, or the life of my
little brother. I managed to throw him from the window just moments
before the fire choked me out, but somewhere along my way to the
ever-after, I decided to stay behind. I’d given my life for Erik,
and that was the thing that bound me to Sheol, just as murder bound
Greg. It is a blessing and a curse.”

I felt emotion I hadn’t felt in a long time
begin to tickle my nose, but it quickly died. I felt Jane yield,
allowing me time to form my words.

“
It was
an
angel
that saved my brother’s life…” I paused, knowing that that
angel was me. I didn’t want to look at her, afraid my eyes would
give away my secret before my words could.

“
Max…” Her voice was soft
and alluring. She was trying to get me to look at her, so I did.
Her lashes were thick, her face creased ever so delicately around
her eyes. I could feel her breath as it blew across the table and
landed upon my face.

I sat tall, no longer afraid of the truth my
eyes told.

“
I believe in angels
because I am one, Jane.” The words were almost palpable as they
left my mouth. I could taste the certainty of it, the longing I’d
felt to tell someone other than my brother.

She stared into my eyes, hers so big now,
that I saw myself in them. “You’re lying,” she accused, but her
voice wasn’t at all irritated.

I bit my lip. “I wish I were, Jane. I never
wanted this.” I felt weak for the first time in decades, my limbs
disconnected from my body. I suddenly saw that the only thing I
wanted was her approval, as though that would change my
circumstances.

“
And that is why you’re
immortal, because you’re—”

“
Dead?”
I looked up at her
sheepishly. “Well, at least dead in some form. I can’t go to
wherever it is we go when we die because I passed up the chance
long ago, but I can’t really be here in the normal sense, either. I
have unfinished business. I’m stuck.”

I could tell she was having a hard time
believing me, and I wish that for a moment, I could take the ring
back and hear her thoughts. She remained silent, so I filled the
gap with further explanation.

“
Jane, there are a band of
beings out there that don’t want magick around, like I explained
the other night. They call themselves the Black Angels. Some of
them are like you, some are human, and some are something entirely
different, like me or Wes. They are a renegade cult of sorts, and
they answer to a false god—the devil.”

She was interested in what I had to say now,
and I could feel the frustration in her begin to fade. “So then the
Black Angels aren’t really angels.” She said it as a fact.

I tilted my head and lowered my eyes. “Well,
some aren’t, some are.”

“
Are you telling me this
because you’re a Black Angel?” Her spine was noticeably steeled.
She was likely wondering if that was why her sister felt so fearful
toward me—wondering if that’s what Emily had seen inside my head.
She made a move as though to get up and leave.

I was quick to grab her
hand across the table. She froze. “No, Jane. I would never go to
that side.” My words were stern and my grip hard. “Like I said,
Jane, I would never hurt you. I have to
protect
you.”

She tried to jerk her arm away, but I was
stronger than her. “You don’t need to protect me.” She hissed. “I
don’t need—”

“
Please,”
My voice was
begging. I didn’t want to hear her say that she didn’t need me.
“Don’t say that, Jane.” I let go of her hand, releasing her as my
ability to read past the wall in her head also released.

“
Say what?” She coiled her
hand into herself.

“
Please, Jane. Don’t say
what you were going to say, just—you have no idea what those words
can mean.”

She was looking at me with pity, but also
anger about the fact that I knew what she had been thinking. Her
hands dropped to her sides. “Why?” she pleaded.

I couldn’t look at her as I whispered, “I
once broke the rules and saved a soul, Jane, and I think you know
whose.”

I looked up, meeting her eyes in time to see
a tear fall.

“
Jane,” I
continued. “I’m
your
angel.”

Emily:

Wes dragged me back inside
the cafeteria where I slunk away from him. “What was
that?”
I snapped
bitterly.

He turned to me, a twisted look on his face.
“What was what?”

Wes was acting as though he didn’t know what
I was talking about, but he couldn’t hide it from me. I’d heard the
whispers of his thoughts and the jealous beat of his heart.

“
I had to
confront Jane about this,” he went on, clearly trying to cover for
the fact that he was jealous of Max—that he still
felt
something for Jane.
Wes was just trying to avoid the obvious, something that wasn’t
going to work on me.

“
No!”
I screamed. I bit my
tongue, looking around the room and noticing that people were now
staring.
Who cares,
I thought.
Let them stare.
I lowered my voice “No, Wes. I meant, what was
that with
her?
All those thoughts you just had? You still have feelings for
Jane, don’t you?”

Wes paused, and I knew all I needed in that
moment of hesitation.

“
You
do,”
I accused. I crossed my arms against my chest, feeling like
an idiot for opening my heart to him.

He reached for me but I backed away, shaking
my head. Tears stung my eyes, the doubt that was already there now
confirmed.

“
Emily, I…” Wes dropped his
hand. “It’s not easy to turn off the feelings I once had for your
sister, just like that. It’s going to take time.”

I scanned his face, but his expression
wasn’t as pained as I would have liked. I felt my blood boil. Greg
was right. Wes was still in love with Jane. “Screw you, Wes,” I
spat. My cheeks were on fire.

Wes looked hurt, but I didn’t care. I
snorted and turned away from him, walking down the hall as I heard
his thoughts fill with guilt and sorrow. I wanted him to hurt, and
I wanted him to know how it felt. There was only one thing I could
do to achieve that, and though it scared me, I had to do it.

He
was the only one that seemed to care.

Wes:

I watched Emily walk away, feeling my heart
break in two.

What had I done?

What was I
doing?

I hit myself in the head
with the butt of my wrist, finding that the whole concept of school
felt stupid at this point. It was clear that I was a freak, both
emotionally and physically. Everyone was better off without me. I
ripped the bag from my back, throwing it down the hall in an
attempt to release steam. It landed on the ground with a thud and
slid into a nearby locker. The door smashed in with the force of my
throw, my bag bursting open as papers flew across the hall.
Great.

My chest was heaving, and sweat was now
coating my brow. I grit my teeth and strode in the other direction,
throwing open the doors to the cafeteria with such force, I heard
the window crack.

I stormed away from the building and to my
car. Getting in, I turned the key in the ignition until it nearly
broke off, not caring what it would cost to possibly fix if it had.
The car roared to life with the same anger that smoldered in my
chest. I slammed my foot down on the gas as it sat in park, revving
the engine as the whole chassis shook.

Anger boiled over inside me, and I could no
longer control it. I gave up running away from my instincts, and I
gave up running away in my car. I shut off the engine and opened
the door. The animal in me came to the surface, longing to explode
out like a bottle of champagne that had been shaken too hard.

I didn’t bother to check if there was anyone
in the lot. I tore out of my clothes, leaving the world
behind—leaving my humanity in the dust. All I wanted to do was run,
all I wanted to do was shred something limb from limb.

I became the wolf my heart desired, pawing
my way out of the lot as the pads of my feet gripped on the damp
asphalt. My claws tore into the cement, the hair on my back spiked
and furious. I leapt off the curb, jumping just in time to avoid a
car that swerved out of control and into pole, sending a spark of
wires to the ground.

I didn’t turn back. I didn’t care about
their fate. I scrambled into the nearby forest, not bothering to
hold back a hearty howl of despair.

Jane:

“
What?”
I gasped.

Max stood, his height suddenly looming.
“Please, Jane. Believe me. I am your guardian angel. I was there
the day your father died. That was me.”

He walked around and grabbed both my hands
with a touch that was soft and sincere. I searched his eyes, seeing
the truth, feeling the truth as the ring on my finger seared into
my hand. His features no longer lied to me, the planes of his face
like a dream I’d lost long ago. It was the face I’d seen as the
life in my father’s eyes had faded, and Greg’s face that of his
murderer.

Max lifted me from the table, pulling me
close to him. The wind blew over us, and I shivered. My body felt
weak and malleable, giving into his lead as he urged me to follow
him.

With a smirk on his face he added, “Trust
me, Jane.”

• ^{* *}
  

He sat in the small cabin in the woods. He
had been running from the Black Angels since he was eighteen,
hiding and feeding off the forest itself. Life as a human and life
as an animal had begun to stitch together, and it was hard to know
what he was anymore.

The world outside was silent, and the fire
his only light. He tried to make his fingers work as they once did,
but he was clumsy. There was a sudden knock at the door, and the
man stood with a start. He felt his chest compress with fear. He
knew who it was, but he was in no state to face him, not like
this.

The Black Angel outside knocked again, but
did not offer the man inside much chance to respond as his patience
grew thin. He kicked the door down, coming face to face with the
man, now a panther. The panther hissed, low to the ground and ready
to pounce. The Black Angel smiled at the panther, a malicious smile
that was certain of the man’s cruel fate, for he had never failed
to finish a kill.