Blind the Stars (Rose of the Dawn Series Book 3) (5 page)

“But,
Dory, Dr. Suresh’s test wouldn’t have been repeatable if no one knew I was
regenerative in the first place. If no one else knew I was regenerative and my
organs grew inside your body, then people would be replacing organs with
natural ones based on invalid results.” The implications of all of this are
heavy and weigh on my own shoulders. Dory takes my hands. My bionic fingers
curl around hers.

“You
don’t know what it was like, Rose. I wouldn’t have been spared. You were lucky
that you didn’t have to see that side of him.” Dory puts her head down and I
release her hands, running one of my own over her hair. Tears run down my
cheeks and land on her head. I wipe them away with the hand that can’t feel the
pain and sorrow all around my sister.

“He
was an opportunist,” Pike breaks the silence. Both Dory and I look up.

“So
that’s why I was taken to Aegis. It wasn’t because there was some cause. It was
so that JJ could come up with a way to harvest my organs and make you all rich,
too.” I glare from Ezekiel to Pike, my eyes fixing on Pike. My heart sinks into
the pit of my stomach and I can’t tell if I’m feeling hurt or anger.
How
could he?

“We
came to get you because it had gotten out that you were regenerative. Dr. Rush
was paid to stall the process while we got you to a safe place. Safe from Dr.
Flint or whomever wanted you for harvesting. We hoped we would have the chance
to test your cells and regrow them, but-” Ezekiel trails off.

“But
your parents ran away, leaving your sister here to fend for herself,” Pike
states. I can’t look at him. My hands are back inside my sisters’. She squeezes
them tight. “But yes, it would’ve given us the time to figure out how to use
your cells without killing you. Aegis is a peaceful community. We weren’t going
to keep you.” Pike turns away from me and my heart flips up and then drops back
into the pit of my stomach, where it stays.

“Things
probably should’ve been done differently,” Pike says after a moment pause.

“We
should’ve taken you, too,” Ezekiel says, turning to my sister. “I know that
now.”

“Then
why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me you were going to take her when you did?
Why didn’t you take me, too? I would’ve gone with you. I would’ve stayed in the
hospital and waited for you. We could’ve all gone together.” Dory is crying.

“I’m
sorry.” Ezekiel reaches out for her shoulder, but she turns it away. From the
side it is skinny and frail, but the motion is a strong one. She has a right to
be angry. No one else does.

“We
didn’t take you because Rose was a healer.” The sympathy Pike shows washes away
the betrayal that he took me to use me. His brow is furrowed and he isn’t
looking at Dory. He looks at me. “We knew how valuable a self-healer was. And
to have one at Aegis would only help our cause. We never wanted you to get
hurt. Either of you. And the ball was already in motion once we got to the
hospital. We needed to see Tithonus before getting you back to Aegis. We didn’t
exactly know what we would do with you. What we could do with you. But we never
wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

I’m
not the one that was hurt. It was Dory. Dory risked her life in more ways than
one. She’s the one that should’ve been protected more. Not me.

“You
were always safe, Rose. Always watched. Always safe.” Dory gets up and walks
over to me, finding comfort in comforting me. She’s the healer. Not me. She
reaches up and pushes hair away from my face. Her touch is still soft like her
voice. My stomach flutters. She’s so unselfish. Always has been. I don’t move a
muscle for fear I might fall to the ground. How could she look at me and still
love me?

She
turns to Ezekiel and takes his hand. “Didn’t you love me enough to take me with
you?”

She
loves him. That’s why she’s so hurt.

“It
had nothing to do with love and you know that, Dory.” Ezekiel touches her face.
“It all happened too fast. But you weren’t operated on. You were saved.”

“Until
I was left again.” She takes a step back as if to reveal the remains of our
house, of her. “You all left me. You all betrayed
me
.”

“I’m
sorry, Dory. For everything. If I had any idea-” I begin.

“Would
it have changed anything for you, Rose?” Dory spits. Saliva drips onto her chin
and she doesn’t bother to wipe it away. Ezekiel reaches over and does it for
her. While I don’t know how, I know that something would’ve changed.
Wouldn’t
it?

“I’m
sorry, too.” Ezekiel takes her hands and steadies their shaking. “I love you,
Dory.” He says it with such ease and she looks up and smiles. He presses his
forehead to hers and I hear her whisper it back. All must be forgiven. For now.

“JJ
had enough foresight to know that you would be inevitably ruined with any sort
of surgery. It was his insight that pushed us to get you as soon as we could. Your
sister, in fact, saved you from that fate by communicating with Zeke,” Pike
says to me. Dory and Ezekiel aren’t paying any attention.

“But
once JJ had me in Aegis, he was willing to test me to see how I could be used.
His motives weren’t beneficent,” I say. My mind sees JJ’s room in Aegis and one
of our first encounters. Sitting on his bed. Him touching my leg like he wanted
something more than my genetic code. “It seems as though everyone has these
great ideas about how everything is going to work – how everything should work,
but they are just plans. Untested, plans made by a bunch of kids who have no
idea about anything. This is all so messed up!”

“He
had ulterior motives,” Pike growls. “I agree. But we did what we all thought
was right. And we are just a bunch of kids, Rose. Remember that. We’re
navigating this just like you. We’re all just like you.”

“Oh,
I wish you were all like me. And I wish I were still a kid. I wish I could
forget. I wish I didn’t have the experience of being tested not once or twice,
but three times. I wish I knew what to do or to say to take care of myself
without people having to take care of me, look after me, or protect me. I wish
I had my arm, back instead of this-”

My
head gets light and the room spins. I slam my bionic arm down on the table and
a pain like nothing I’ve ever felt before travels from my palm, up past my
elbow to my shoulder. I grab it and wince, tears spilling from my eyes when I
no longer see only black and blue stars. I scream in pain.

“Rose,
what’s wrong?” Pike rushes to my side and grabs my arm below where I’m clawing
at it. I pull at the plastic skin, the sheath that adheres to what was left of
my arm.

“Wait!
Stop!” Ezekiel pushes Pike aside and pulls my hand away from tearing at my arm.
“It’s regrowing. Rose, stop!”

“Oh.
My. God.” Dory covers her mouth, a smile spreading across it. I stare at Ezekiel
wide-eyed, frozen in place.

“Your
arm is regenerating. You never felt that much pain before, did you?” Ezekiel
asks. I shake my head. I want to see it. I want to see what’s there. “You have
to leave it alone, though. Let it regrow as it needs to. When it’s done, we’ll
take this off.” He rubs the upper part of my bionic arm. I can feel it loud and
clear.

“How
will I know?” I open and close my fist, anxious for a real hand. Real fingers. The
need to see inside the machine is strong enough for me to want to take it off.
Instead, I rub the cool, non-living material.

“You
should feel it. Something more than this.” Ezekiel taps my arm lightly enough
that I don’t feel anything. I understand what he’s saying. I need more time.

“I’m
sorry, Dory, that Dad gave you up instead of me. And I’m sorry that I was a
terrible, needy, clueless sister. I should’ve known what was going on and I
should’ve done something to make everything right. I understand now and I hope
you forgive me.” I stop rubbing my arm and hold out both hands for my sister to
take. She reaches out for me and then in one swift movement, she wraps her
scrawny arms around mine and hugs. Tight.

“And
I’m sorry that I didn’t inform you. You should’ve had some control over your
fate.” Dory looks at me and smiles. She then becomes serious, her smile turning
straight again. “Dad was angry when you were taken. The trial was still set to
take place, this time with Evie. She was supposed to be regenerative, too. Dr.
Rush was going to take one of her organs and give it to me, but during the
operation something went wrong. Mom and Dad moved me down to the quarantine
room where I stayed for, I don’t know. I don’t know how long. They took off. I
don’t know to where. They’ve been gone ever since.”

“And
Evie. She was never here,” I state.

“No.
Dr. Rush ended up replacing her organs with artificial ones. Her lungs,
stomach, heart. Mom and Dad were gone and I got to the hospital to see her. The
thing is, she doesn’t heal like you do, Rose. She isn’t regenerative. She’s
been in the hospital ever since.”

“Ever
since I disappeared,” I reiterate just to be clear.

“But
she’s fine. She’s being taken care of. She’ll get better.” Dory’s voice starts
to sound the way it did when I first saw her. For a moment she sounded normal. She
shakes her head from side to side.

“How
long ago was that, Dory?” I ask. I wonder if she really knows.

“About
a month. Since you left.” Her math is wrong. Confusion has returned. She walks
over to Ezekiel. His outstretched arms welcome her. “It was last month, wasn’t
it?”

“No,
Dory.” I walk over to her. Pike stares at the monitors. I ignore whatever it is
he’s looking at.

“It’s
been over a year. You left her in the hospital over a year ago.” Ezekiel pulls
Dory in as her face changes from a blank stare to the realization that much
more time has passed. Her body goes from a slight tremble to a full on shake.
He wraps his arms around her and sways. It seems to work. He continues, “After
her operation, Hara was checking in on her. When we went back for her, your
sister wasn’t there. We assumed you came to take her home. I hadn’t heard from
you otherwise.”

Dory
shakes her head. “No no no no no.”

Ezekiel
walks her over to the couch and sits her down. She keeps shaking her head.
“Here, lie down.” He puts a pillow on the arm of the couch and guides Dory to
it. She is exhausted. She stops shaking her head, but tremors still travel
throughout her body.

“We
need to find my sister,” I state. Pike is still in the kitchen with me.

“We
should start by regrouping at the safe house. It’s not safe here and we’ve got
to be on someone’s watch list by now. The Hollow has to know you’re back here.
We can’t stay here much longer.”

“If
Evie escaped by herself, where could she go? How far could she get from the
Imperial Hospital on her own?” My mind races, but I’ve got no real concept of
how far a child could get on her own.

“If
your sister got out of the hospital alone, she could probably go anywhere. It
wouldn’t be possible for anyone to get out unless they had a little help. Or-”

I
can’t look at him. She’s not dead. That’s not what he meant.

Pike
continues, “Once she was out of the hospital, she would be in the heart of the
microcity. As long as someone took her in, she would be hidden. Until someone
started to look for her and then they would just have to turn on the mandatory
cameras in each of the rooms in every building. It would take some time, but
the Beadledom would find her.” I can’t tell if he thinks that’s what’s happened
or not. “When we have a plan together, once we’re in the safe house, we’ll
worry about where she could’ve gone.”

I
watch as his eyes shift to the screens projecting outside. It’s dusk and there
is less light. The lawn is littered with those crows again. I see another
shadow and then it’s gone.

“We
should leave in the morning. We’ll have a better chance. We’ll have to be extra
careful to keep you and Dory out of site, but we’ll have a better chance of
knowing if we’re being followed in the daylight.” Pike walks to the edge of the
kitchen.

In
my head I can hear the madness that has terrorized my sister. I can’t think
straight. I’m melting down, but no one seems to notice.

“They’re
always watching, Rose.” Dory is sitting up on the couch. Everything other than
her is blurry in my vision. She is clear. I can see her clearly and her grin is
thin. Her eyes are wide.

“The
Imperial Bead,” I state. I’m hyperventilating.

“Or
worse,” Ezekiel mutters.

Pike
and I don’t say much. I’ve pulled anything and everything out of the kitchen for
him to eat and have placed it on the counter. Marinated vegetables, preserved
fruit and vacuum sealed crackers litter the table. I should call people in to
eat, but Dory lies on the couch beside Ezekiel. He reads to her from a book. It
is almost eleven in the evening and I’m tired.

“I
think I might get some rest,” I say, yawning. Dory looks at me over the pages.

“The
bedrooms are back there,” Pike says.
I know
. I smile gratitude. He’s
tired, too. His eyes are bloodshot and red. “I know you don’t want to think the
worst,” he says moving closer to me. He puts his hand on mine and then helps me
move the food back into the fridge.

“But?”
I ask, not knowing what’s next.

“But,
just be prepared.”

“Prepared,”
I state. “You don’t think we’re going to find her? Or you don’t think we’re
going to find her alive? Which is it?”

I’ve
made Pike uncomfortable. He closes the fridge and runs his hands over his head.

“Both,”
he says. “Neither. Let’s just stay positive, and –”

“Hope
for the best, expect the worst. I know.” What could be worse? I should’ve known
Evie. She’s my sister.

I
look over at Pike. His face is twisted and he’s in pain. He winces.

“Listen
Rose, I wanted to –” he takes the last jar from my hands and puts it on the
counter. He rubs his hands on his pants and then takes mine.

“What?”
I ask.

“About
what happened out in the woods,” again he pauses.

“You
mean the –”

“The
kiss,” he finishes.

“That
was a week ago.”

“Yes,”
he pauses and I think back to the most blissful, exciting moment I’ve ever
experienced. He kissed me like that was the only thing he was put on this earth
to do. He let me kiss him back and I loved every minute of it. “I don’t want
you to think I was using you, Rose.”

“Using
me for what?” I laugh. I never thought he was using me. Not like JJ or The
Hollow tried to. Though he could if he wanted.

“I
wanted to tell you that I liked our kiss. In the woods. I hope that isn’t too
weird to say.” Pike looks away. I can’t figure him out from one minute to the
next so I’m trying to track his emotions and follow them as best I can.

“I
liked it, too.” I smile. I don’t just like him. I love him. I move closer.

“And
there’s something between us. Something you can feel.” He searches for the
right words.

“Something
electric,” I say.

“Yes.
That’s it.” He waits before continuing, “I wanted to tell you, well, about me
and Hara.” His hand runs back over his head. My heart starts pounding. I take a
step back in panic for what he’s about to tell me. “There’s nothing going on
between us. We’re just good friends.”

“Oh,”
I exhale. I can’t help but grin. I’m beaming inside.

“And-”

And
I think he might ask me to be his girlfriend or something - whatever people
that like each other do. I hope he asks me to be his girlfriend. I want him to
kiss me again. If I were his girlfriend, I could kiss him whenever I wanted.

“And
when all is said and done and we get everything back to normal, if that’s
possible, I hope we can –”

“We
can what?” I interrupt, still anxious. Emotional ups and downs are so new to
me. I step closer to be ready if he tries to kiss me. It would be our second,
no third. I take in a deep breath.

“We
can stay friends.”

“Friends?”
It comes up like vomit and I choke it down. The butterflies in my stomach make
me sick. I feel a spurt of acid, thick in my throat.

“I
think we’re pretty good together and I wouldn’t want to ruin any of that with
some complicated relationship. I like you too much. When things get figured out
with your family, it will all be complicated enough.” Pike walks over to a
chair.

I
like you too much. I don’t want to ruin that.
I don’t want to
be friends. I want to be more. If he’s not with Hara, then why can’t he be with
me? I wonder if I kiss him. Would that make him love me instead of like me?

“Are
you okay, Rose?” he asks.

“I’m
fine.”
I’m not.
The muscles of my chest are tight and I can’t swallow.
The taste of throw-up is thick in my mouth.

I
glance over at Dory and Ezekiel. Dory’s face moves down to the book Ezekiel
reads. She’s heard every word Pike and I have said. She frowns.

My
crazy sister pities me.

“So
friends it is.” Pike looks over at me. He smiles and then moves out of the
kitchen to a chair. He slouches down and his legs are outstretched, crossed at
the ankles. His arms are also crossed, over his chest. He closes his eyes.

“Yeah,
friends,” I state louder than expected and storm out of the kitchen. Pike
doesn’t look up. I go into one of the bedrooms and slam the door. I don’t know
what to do.
Why am I angry? Who am I angry with?

I’m
angry with my parents who kept me home from school and at Jenny for not telling
me what I was missing. I’m angry with Dory for having Ezekiel the way I want
Pike. Even in her state, she is infinitely happier than I may ever be. And I’m
angry with Pike. For liking me, but not wanting to take the chance on liking me
more.
Is this how that works?

I
flop down on the twin-sized mattress. It’s like Aegis and The Hollow in my own
home. Disgusting. I stare up at the ceiling before sitting up to look around
the room. An identical bed beside this one is separated only by a nightstand. This
would be where Dory and I sleep if we had to stay down here. The space is
small, but with most of the amenities of a regular bedroom, minus the attached
bathroom. There are two beds, a chair and a footstool, a desk with a wooden
chair, and two dressers – one short and long, the other tall and narrow.

I
get up and walk over to them. I open one of the drawers and see clothes that
would fit either Dory or me. All black and white. All clean. I peel off the
black utility wear of Aegis. I turn to my right. There is a full-length mirror
mounted on the wall. Hesitant, I step over to it. Naked, all I can see is my
arm.

The
light grey of the plastic is a compliment to the pale-whiteness of my skin. The
wires that course in and out of the bionic arm at the wrist and elbow are all
of the colors of the rainbow. I run my real hand up the plastic from my wrist to
my shoulder. Smooth. Almost warm, but much cooler where silver bolts hold the
plastic in place. The skin around my shoulder is dimpled and folds over the top
of the prosthetic. It isn’t fat, but just excess skin. Is the arm too small? I
gently tug at the arm. It doesn’t budge. My skin begins to sweat. Clammy and
cold.
Why am I so nervous?
Then I twist it. A bit to the right and then
to the left. It wiggles a bit more each time until I’m able to slide my arm
right off my shoulder.

All
sensation is lost and in a moment of panic, I jam the arm back onto my
shoulder. I hold it there, squeezing it in case it wants to fall off.
What
have I done? I should’ve left it alone.
Please don’t fall off.
I
uncurl the fingers of my real arm from around my bionic upper arm. I stop
squeezing and let go. I exhale a deep sigh of relief. It doesn’t go anywhere. And
I can move it again. I wiggle my fake fingers and flap my arm at the elbow.

I
look at the clothes on the dresser. Folded in perfect squares, stacked in a
perfect pile.

I’m
going to try again. I want to see what’s left. I need to see what’s left.

Again,
gently, but with greater purpose, I pull the bionic arm off of my shoulder. I
don’t need to wiggle it back and forth. I stand in front of the mirror in
shock. In awe. I take another deep breath. This time it isn’t relief I feel,
but amazement. It’s amazing.

From
my neck down to my shoulders, I am symmetrical. The slight curve of my shoulder
on one side leads to an arm where if it flexes and relaxes, I can see a bicep
and triceps. Muscles in my forearm contract when I squeeze my hands into a
fist. My nails are lighter, but the same color as my skin. Lines on the palm of
my hand are mine. Fingerprints are no others’.

On
the other side, my shoulder leads to my upper arm. There is no bicep that I can
see. The end of my arm has been rounded off to a dull point that seems to have
been folded in on itself. It is the same color as my skin, but a shade lighter.
I touch the top of what’s left of my arm with a shaky hand and run my fingers
over dimples in the skin. Soft. Brighter pink closer to the stump. This is the
part of my arm that would be hidden by the bionic one. The part of my arm that
is in the process of regrowing. I stare at my arm in the mirror. There are
target points and wires all over the stump where they connect to sensors within
the prosthetic. I run my fingers over the wires. They don’t penetrate my skin,
which surprises me. I can feel every flutter of my fingers, every pause over
the wiring on my arm. Every gentle tug. This is how they are able to pick up
motor signals from my shoulder. This is how I am able to think something and
have my arm do it. This is how I can feel.

“I
can do this,” I tell my mirrored self, turning to the left and then the right.
Lifting my arms above my head, then bringing them back down and twisting them
around my body. “I can live with this,” I smile at myself. This is me now.

I
don’t know how long I spend in front of the mirror, but a knock at the door
shakes me from my exploration. Pike. My heart sinks again.

“It’s
me, Rose,” Dory says through the door.

“Be
out in a minute,” I call. More embarrassed at the thought of someone seeing my
naked body, than my missing arm, I get stuck in the white tank top I pull over
my head. I pick the prosthetic up from a dresser and place it back onto my
shoulder. Within a moment, it is reattached, the nerve signals reconnected to
my body. I pull on a pair of black leggings and another black shirt.

The
door opens and Dory steps into the room. She smiles and walks over to stand
beside me. Her reflection in the mirror is harsh. The lines on her face are
deep and cracked. Discolored spots appear on her neck and chest.

I
look from the mirror to Dory.

The
skin on her face is grey. I remember at one time her eyes had the sparkle of
stars. Like the ones outside Aegis. Now, they look like dull stones in a gaunt,
empty face. I stare at the lines beside her eyes, around her mouth. The creases
on her brow. There are slight discolored spots on her cheeks and across her
nose.

“I
wish I could say it was an illusion, Rose.”

“What
do you mean?” I exhale. The air must be filtered because it’s making me
lightheaded. I rub my forehead. I don’t have any lines like Dory.

“When
we were growing up, Mom always lamented the aging process. She said she would
never get old.” Dory doesn’t answer my question.

“She
never really had to worry about looking old. I always remember her as
beautiful.” I think of my mother’s beauty fondly.

“Mom
was stunning, but she didn’t think so,” she says. “I don’t know how she’ll
survive.”

“She’s
been surviving for over a year,” I counter.

“Her
ARd parts won’t hold up without rejuvenation. Some of her parts may
disintegrate without the general maintenance and upkeep.”

“Why
did she do it?” I ask as if I don’t know. I didn’t know my mother. I admit it.

“Because
it made her happy,” Dory answers.

I
stare at our reflections. I don’t look as tired as my sister.

“What
will happen to her?” I ask.

“I
don’t know. She’ll probably lose more and more of herself until she’s all
chipped away. Until there’s nothing left.”

“But
there’s nothing left anyway. She’s completely ARd,” I state. What more is there
to chip away?

“Her
soul, I guess,” Dory says and I have nothing to say. She picks at a blemish on
the side of her cheek. She touches it with her index finger, rubs with all
four, and then her thumb. She picks again. It starts to bleed. She wipes her
hand over it.

“It
doesn’t matter about Mom,” I begin. I touch Dory’s hand and she lets it fall
from her face. I walk back to the bed and she follows me.

“What
does matter then?” she asks, lying on the bed beside me.

“What
matters right now is finding Evie.”