Blame It on Your Heart (29 page)

There was an awkward few seconds as Ellie stood, arms folded across her chest as she stared expectantly at him.

Damon cleared his throat and dove right in. "The other night at the party, you overheard me talking to Deck, about what was going on between us. I know it bothered you..."

Her brow scrunched up in a frown for a second, then she let out a forced sounding laugh. "You mean about not marrying me?" She laughed again and waved her hand.

"Yeah, I just wanted to clear the air—"

"Totally unnecessary," she said, shaking her head. "Not a big deal at all. I mean, you were very clear from the start that this wasn't about anything but sex."

He opened his mouth to correct her but she bulldozed on.

"And believe me, I'm right there with you. My life is in such chaos right now, there's no way I could even begin to think of being in any kind of serious relationship, much less marriage."

What about a not so serious relationship that could become serious,
he thought, and tried to ignore the sinking sensation in his chest. She was just telling him what she needed to save face. He couldn't blame her. He'd been pretty much a dick from the beginning. He'd given her no reason to feel safe baring her true feelings.

"I mean, up until yesterday, I wasn't even sure where I'd be living in six months."

His focus snapped back in place as he realized she'd been talking that whole time. "Now you know?" he asked, his stomach sinking down to the level of his boots as his gaze locked on her bright, excited smile.

"We're moving to the British Virgin Islands!"

He was pretty sure his heart made an audible thudding sound as it joined his stomach at his feet.

She was saying something he could barely make out through the roaring in his ears. The gist of it was that Julie Driscoll had been so impressed with the way Ellie had handled the party, and she'd offered Ellie a job at Coral Cay their family-oriented resort in the Caribbean.

Ellie's voice came in and out, as though through a heavy layer of static. "It couldn't be more ideal. The location, the work, the fact that our room and board and insurance are all covered," she gushed.

He forced his expression into a bland smile. No way would he let her see that she'd delivered a devastating blow. "Yeah, it sounds perfect," he managed to choke out, even though inside his brain was screaming "NO!" in an endless roar. He glanced down, surprised to see the front of his shirt instead of a gaping, bloody hole. Somehow he pulled his lips into a smile, mumbled a congratulations.

Inside his head, barely audible against the roar of denial at the idea of her leaving, a quiet voice consoled him that at least he hadn't been stupid enough to blurt out that he loved her.

###

"...So let's all raise a glass to Ellie and her new adventure." As Adele finished up her toast and the air filled with the sound of clinking glasses, Ellie struggled to keep her smile glued to her face so no one could tell that her heart was ripping apart inside of her chest at the thought of leaving in just two short days.

Molly leaned over and gave her a hug. "You don't have to go, you know," she whispered, apparently not fooled by the frozen grin stretched across Ellie’s mouth. "If you stay here, I'm sure some other opportunity will present itself. I'm sure—"

"Hey, babe, let's load up on some of that barbecue," Josh interrupted before Molly could finish her thought.

But Ellie didn't miss the way Molly's gaze flicked across the patio, where Damon was helping Dylan and Brady handle the big slabs of meat roasting on the grill. Talking, laughing, sipping his beer like he didn't have a care in the world.

If Molly was going to suggest that maybe Damon would make her an offer of his own, she was sorely mistaken.

Ellie took a sip of her wine, forcing back tears as JT came up and congratulated her with a kiss on the cheek. "Just think, in two days you'll be at one of the fanciest resorts in the Caribbean! You couldn't get much different from here if you tried."

And for that, she was grateful, she thought, as JT gave her another quick hug and went to refresh both their drinks. Once again, she was fleeing Big Timber for a place and a life that bore almost no similarity to the life she'd lived here.

It might not be what she wanted, but for the second time in her life it was what she needed.

Because the only thing that tore at her heart more than the idea of leaving was the idea of staying. Of having to see Damon around all the time, remembering his response when she told him about the job and that she'd be leaving.

Why are you so disappointed? What did you expect? That he'd throw himself at your feet and beg you not to go because he loves you and wants to start over?

You were listening that night at the party, right? The part where he said he'd never be dumb enough to plan on a future with you?

Yet she'd expected some reaction. Some indication that he cared, that he might miss her, even a little. Something other than that slight look of surprise, a hearty congratulations.

And she sure as hell hadn't expected him to help her mother and sister throw a goodbye barbecue at the restaurant for her and Anthony.

She did her best to keep her gaze from straying over to the grill and focused on soaking up these moments with her mother, her sister, the staff at the restaurant and the old friends she'd reconnected with over this past month. It was hard to believe, when she and Anthony had come back to Big Timber, how anxious she'd been. How she'd felt like such a loser.

How she couldn't wait to get her life back on track and get the hell out of town.

Now, as she accepted congratulations and shared tearful hugs with old and new friends, part of her wondered if she was a fool to leave when after all these years, she was finally back in the one place that felt like home.

No,
she told herself harshly. Y
ou'd be an idiot to stay and pine for him. A fool to fritter away the rest of your life on a man who got over you thirteen years ago and doesn't seem to care either way that you're about to leave town for good.

###

The impromptu farewell barbecue they'd thrown together for Ellie started to break up shortly after sundown. Damon watched as Ellie exchanged long hugs and kisses on the cheeks with the guests, discreetly wiping away tears. She slipped on her sweater and reached her hand toward Anthony, and knew she was about to leave.

He set his beer down and forced himself to walk over to her, feeling like he was walking through wet concrete. Janelle had her in a full on bear hug. He waited until she let go of Ellie before he spoke.

"You all packed?" he asked, inwardly cringing at how lame he sounded.

Ellie's moist eyes locked on his, and for a split second he thought he saw something in her gaze that mirrored the turmoil roiling through him.

It was gone in an instant, replaced by a tight smile as she nodded. "Just about. Honestly, since I was never sure how long we'd be here, I never totally unpacked. Makes it easier."

More evidence she'd never intended this to be anything but a temporary layover. It shouldn't matter, but it was yet another knife, twisting in his chest.

"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help you get ready."

She merely nodded then glanced down at Anthony who had sidled up to her.

The kid looked up at Damon with solemn dark eyes, and he felt his heart kick in his chest. He knelt down and pulled the boy into his arms. "You be nice to your mama, OK?"

"'Kay," Anthony replied, sniffing against Damon's shoulders. "We never got to go fishing."

"Next time," Damon said, squeezing him tighter. He wondered fleetingly how long it would be before Ellie was back for a visit, back to torture him with her presence and visions of a future he would never have.

When he rose, he saw that Ellie's eyes were even brighter. His own throat went tight as he reached out and pulled her into his arms. She was stiff at first, then her arms circled around his waist, her hands fisted against his back like maybe she was thinking about punching him.

Or maybe to keep herself from clutching onto him for dear life.
He shoved the foolishly optimistic thought aside and bent to brush her cheek with his lips. "Bye, Ellie. Good luck with everything."

"Thanks," she said in a choked voice, stepped out of his embrace, and turned to walk away.

The feel of her skin still tingled on his lips. He struggled to breathe, feeling like a horse had taken a seat on his chest as he watched her walk across the parking lot with Adele and Anthony.

"You're really just going to let her leave like that?"

Damon didn't turn at the sound of Brady's voice beside him. "She's made her decision," he forced the words past the stranglehold of grief. "How I feel doesn't factor in."

"You sure about that?" Brady prodded. "Because from what I've seen, you've done a lot of dancing around each other, not being real clear on how you feel."

"This really isn't any of your business," Damon ground out as he wheeled on his friend.

Brady narrowed his eyes and took a sip of his beer. "All the years I've known you, you've never been one to run from a fight. When did you turn into such a pussy?"

Damon's hands clenched into fists as he straightened to his full height. He felt a lick of anticipation as Brady's body language mirrored his own.

Forget that his friend had nothing to do with how shitty he was feeling. All he could think was how good it would feel to punch something. Or someone.

His hands lashed out and gave Brady a shove to the chest. A perfect match to him size wise, Brady didn't budge. "Fuck you," Damon spat out.

"Fuck you back, coward. What are you so afraid of? What's the worst that can happen? She'll turn you down? Again?"

Blood roared in his head as Damon surged forward, driving his shoulder into Brady's chest. This time Brady went sprawling, his arms locked around Damon's back as he dragged him down to the patio as he fell.

They grappled, their grunts and swears echoing around them as they each struggled for the upper hand.

Through it all, Brady never shut up. "You're really going to let the woman you never stopped loving walk out of your life?"

"You don't know anything about it," Damon panted and landed a blow to Brady's stomach.

Brady grunted and countered with a knee that landed hard in the meat of Damon's quad. "I know it ended ugly."

He managed to get Brady in a headlock. "Yet you want me to go lay my ass on the line," he hissed. Just the memory of what happened last time was enough to make him momentarily light headed. His grip eased infinitesimally.

It was all the opening Brady needed. He slid his forearm up inside Damon's and broke his grip. In his next breath he had Damon on his stomach. Knee firmly planted in Damon's back, Brady jerked his wrist up in an iron grip and braced his other arm behind Damon's elbow.

Though he was pretty sure Brady wouldn't go so far as to break his arm, Damon tapped the ground to indicate he was done just in case. When his friend's weight lifted he turned and heaved himself to seated position, his breath sawing in and out of his chest. He heard Brady's footsteps against the flagstone as he headed over to the bar.

"I can't go through that again," he said, shaking his head. The memory of that night when she'd turned down his proposal ripped through him, combining with one from tonight, of her turning and walking away.

He felt like there was a black hole in the center of his chest, and any minute his entire being would collapse inside it.

Brady reappeared at his side, a shot of bourbon in each hand. He handed one to Damon and tossed the other back. "You'll never know whether knowing how you feel might change her mind. If she rejects you, sure, that'll fucking suck. But the never knowing, wondering if it could have been different... that's the kind of shit that will eat away at you for the rest of your life."

Damon drank his own shot. The burn did nothing to soothe the ache settling into his very bones. "What is this, fucking therapy hour? Since when is the guy who can't get past a one night stand the relationship expert?"

"I'm not claiming to be any kind of relationship expert, but it's pretty hard to miss what's right in front of my face. You love her. She loves you back. I don't see why you're making it so complicated."

Damon couldn't stifle the surge of hope that flowed through him at Brady's words. "Yeah? If that's true why is she leaving?" he said, wincing at how he sounded like a surly teenager.

"Because she's as wrapped up in her own bullshit as you are, and neither of you can actually see the truth until it's spelled out for you. So go do it. Spell it out for her." Brady shook his head and leaned back against the bar. "Seriously, it's all about communication and having a real fucking conversation."

Was it possible it was actually that simple? Damon wasn't sure he was sold. "So if you know so much about women and relationships, how come no one ever sticks around for more than a few days?"

"Knowing what to do and wanting to do it are two very different things," Brady said with wry smile. "Besides, you know me. I'm too much about keeping my options open to settle down with just one."