“Forget it. She wouldn’t know your name either.”
“Didn’t want to be rude to my bro’s fuckbuddy.”
I finished the rest of my drink and coughed once in the lingering smoke. Fuckbuddy. That was probably the last nickname Gabi would ever want.
“It was just a one-time thing,” I said. “And she was good. That’s all I’ve got to say on the subject.”
Silvio shrugged and offered me his blunt. I shook my head. The stuff made me paranoid at the best of times, and I was already halfway there tonight on my own.
I imagined Gabi’s elegant form picking her way through the apartment. Her eyes would be bursting as she saw the paintings and such that Troy had helped me buy to class up the place.
I wouldn’t have guessed
, she’d say.
Guessed that a guy like me wasn’t living in a pigsty?
I’d ask.
She would start to protest, and I would grin and shush her and press her by the small of her back into my bedroom. She’d sink into my soft white sheets, tip her head out at my view of the Detroit River and sigh.
I’d roll her shirt up and start kissing her down her stomach and she would -
Do nothing. Cause she wasn’t fucking here.
I rubbed at the side of my head, wondering if I had slipped off into a dream or something. Silvio burst out into a choking laugh at some shit on-screen and I jolted to my feet. Maybe the smoke was getting to me.
“I’m calling it a night,” I told my friend. “Crash if you want, but keep it down.”
“Yes boss.” He tossed me a fake salute. “Hey, awesome fight tonight.”
I doubt he remembered any of it, but I tapped his shoulder with my fist as I got up.
The bedroom was down a small hallway. I passed the bathroom on the way and stopped to brush. The shower looked mighty good to my muscles. I’d taken one in the changing rooms after the fight, but a good soak now would knock me out like nothing else.
When I sniffed my shirt though, it came back with a whiff of perfume. My mind raced to the memory of kissing up Gabi’s stomach, my nose rich with this smell.
No shower.
I shut the door to my room and tumbled back onto my bed. The sheets sank in like clouds. These alone were richer than anything I could have imagined growing up. Tonight’s win ensured that this wasn’t even my last stop on the way up.
But as I looked out at the night sky and drifted off, it suddenly seemed that that even with my friends around, it’d be nice to share the ride up with someone close.
CHAPTER FIVE
Gabrielle
I lay in bed a while the next morning just blinking and wondering if it had all been a dream. My subconscious usually did run wild and free once the rest of my brain shut off. I’d often have dreams about flying or sailing some ocean somewhere.
Still, I’d never had a dream where I’d been screwed by a fighter in the back seat of his car.
The shades on the window glowed with the summer morning. I could hear my family stir downstairs. That soured my stomach real quick. The shame was as certain a sign as any that this was all real.
As I came awake, my brain felt like it was buzzing with energy. I popped out of bed and yanked the heavy curtains aside. The whole world seemed to burn white. It was still early, but my mind was in some sort of overdrive mode.
I brushed and almost bounced down the flights of stairs and towards the noise bustling in the kitchen. The hallway filled with more and more light, until I stepped out into the sun-drenched kitchen.
Gina gave me a look from the island stove where she was scrambling something meaty and peppery and oniony. She was still in her grey t-shirt and pink PJs. Her night looked way worse than mine, what with her bleary eyes and her curly hair scattered like a slinky explosion.
She gave me a raised eyebrow, as she kept shuffling the contents of her pan.
“What’s up with you?” she asked.
“I don’t know. What’s up with me?” I swept around and wrapped her in a tight waist hug. She wriggled until I set her free.
“Stop being so weird!”
“Can’t give my meimei a hug?”
Gina spat a string of Chinese at me which I couldn’t understand. She sighed and translated. “You can be as loopy as you want, big sister. Just don’t attack me when I’m by a burning stove.”
“Yeah, you’re really slaving over it,” I said, unable to keep from ruffling her hair one last time.
I took a gander at the delicious scramble she was cooking. The sausage and onions in her pan glistened at the peak of caramelization. I could barely keep from drowning in my own spit.
“Oh god, that’s the best thing I’ve ever smelled,” I said.
“This is for me and Daddy. I didn’t know you were going to be up so early.”
“It’s fine Regina,” my dad’s voice boomed. We both looked up to see him coming out from the dining room, still reading his tablet. “Don’t let my stomach come between some quality sisterly bonding.”
“It’s alright, Dad,” I went over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll have her make me some more. We can’t have you going hungry before work.”
“I’m not making anyone anything,” Gina yelled from behind us.
My dad peered down the nose with a similar look as Gina’s, though on his tall, regal form, it looked less childish and more inquiring. He had that same slight narrowed brow as when he was puzzling over some engineering design he’d brought home from work.
“What’s up with you?” he asked.
“Nothing!” I forced an incredulous laugh and went back to the kitchen before he read the truth off my face.
I was heading into my junior year at U Mich. I wasn’t late coming home or anything, and my folks knew I had boyfriends but before. I certainly didn’t need permission to have sex. But that didn’t mean I wanted my dad knowing I’d been banged in a car at work.
Oh boy, just with that thought, my cheeks felt ready to melt off. This nervous energy would only make me more suspicious. I couldn’t last here for much longer.
“You know what?” I said to them, backing towards the hall. “It’s fine. I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m gonna head out and get something with Jada.”
“You know I’, just messing,” Gina said. “We can split three-ways. I’m not that hungry.”
“Eat,” I said. “Those college apps look like they’re killing you. You know the point of starting early is to not get stressed right?”
“Yeah, well, being tightly-wound runs in the family.”
“Hey!” Dad said, finally looking up from his tablet.
“Unless someone sets us loose, of course.”
Gina said this directly at me, eyes narrowed like a hawk.
Fortunately, Dad had already step backed into the dining room. I might have inherited his scientific mind, but my sister had emotional insight way beyond her age. In five minutes, she had me pegged.
“I don’t know
what
you’re talking about,” I said. “I’ll see you later.”
I fled back to my room. She’d hold my secret, though she’d press for details eventually. I’d just have to delay that moment until I could come up with an alternative history.
I switched out into jeans and a tight yellow top that suited my mood and rang up Jada. I bribed her into breakfast by offering to pay on account of the tip I’d gotten last night.
I wondered if she heard the smile of my lips as I said those words.
I got to the door just as Dad did and gave him a shoulder hug before sweeping out in front of him. Even as I reversed my little car out the driveway, he stood there giving me a strange look.
I drove back to the financial district the same way I’d come last night . Maybe it was just a sunny day, but everything seemed to have a halo around it. I looked out at the Detroit River and it almost looked to me like the Seine in France. The radio blasted out hits and I couldn’t help but roll down the windows and sing my own cover of each song.
Vaguely, I could see how nuts I was acting. When I got off the highway people around me at stop lights gave my vocals the same odd look I’d seen on my dad. I couldn’t contain it though. It was like that white boy had punctured something in me that had been building up for years. Now the pressure was pouring out any way it could.
Jada found me giggling at a patio table as I waited for her at the Ham Shop Cafe. It’d been one of our regular spots for years, but it had just now struck me how ridiculous the name was.
“You high?” she asked. Her hoop earrings jangled as she checked me from every angle. “You look high.”
“No,” I said, squeezing her into me with a hug. “Just excited for the day.”
“Alright… Well, let’s get some food in you before you float off.” She sat and started looking for the waitress.
“Ordered already. I got you Huevos. Is that ok?”
“Sure.” She sighed and leaned in on folded arms. “Alright, tell me what’s going on.”
I fidgeted on the table a bit, wondering just how to tell my best friend what happened. Finally the precise words made their way to my lips. “I got fucked in a car last night!”
“Holy crap. Really? When?”
“In the employee parking lot, right after work. Remember that guy who tipped me big? He stayed, and…”
“Jesus, Gabi. Jesus!”
“And Hallelujah!”
It felt so good to let the truth out. She started pressing for details and I gave every juicy bit. Watching her face deepen from curiosity to attraction at my description of his body made me feel a little less crazy. He
had
looked that good. I wasn’t nuts to want him so quick.
“So you’ve been like this since?” she asked.
“No, it felt wrong last night. I think he wanted to talk, but I just kinda ran away.”
“That sounds more like the Gabi I know. You used a condom right?”
The coffee came and I pushed it towards her. “God, Mom, yes, ok?”
No need to mention that I hadn’t been the one pushing for protection.
“Well, ok, good then. I’m glad to see you having fun. I told you to live a little right?”
“This is at least a medium amount.”
“Yeah, good.” She beamed at me. “Alright Ms. Rocketeer, what do you want to do today?”
“Anything, everything. Just consider me a puppy dog.”
“Jamal and I were going to jam a bit and do a small show at Wayne State. You can tag along.”
I remembered myself singing on the highway. Watching their band live sounded even better. What else was I gonna do? Study for next semester’s classes?
“Sounds great.”
“And then Jamal’s been dying to go see some underground fight thing. His friend’s in it or something. I told him I might go, but I’d love to have company of the female sort.”
My giddiness popped like a balloon. “What sort of fight?”
“Some martial arts mix, I don’t know. It’s not like I follow these things. It’s for guys, really.”
“Yeah…I don’t know. It seems kinda brutal.”
I didn’t have any desire to see two men draw blood, but I’d have been lying if the more troubling thought was seeing Sean in that ring. Or worse, him seeing me. I couldn’t land a finger on why. It just felt like another hit of this might do some permanent damage when I was already floating on the last one.
Or maybe I was afraid I might get addicted.
“That’s fine,” Jada said. “Maybe we two can convince him to do something else.”
The food came and we chowed through it. Jada gabbed about family and her music and classes. Even with my new energy, I tried to listen, but my mind drifted off into pleasant memory. I wondered whether Sean felt like this every morning. I knew this couldn’t be his first time doing that, not by a long shot. But I wished he could feel what I felt. For a flash, I reconsidered attending the fight, but the thought fled quickly.
We went shopping after for a bit then headed to Jamal’s garage for the jam session. He was a tall, reedy guy with dreads and a green Rasta cap. I always knew him to be chill in the year he’d been dating Jada, but he was apparently pretty sharp to. He took one look at me and gave me a thumbs up.
The two of them jammed out like the White Stripes. Even though I was the only audience in the garage, it wasn’t long before I was up on my feet. They grinned, thinking it was their music, and partly it was. The dance floor was one place where I’d always allowed myself to be free.
In my mind, I wasn’t here on the floor though. I was laying on my back, twining with Sean, watching his emerald eyes bore into me. It was a strange feeling - clinging deep to the memory of a person, but being afraid of getting close to them again.
Well, I wasn’t going to seek him out. Time would take him out of my system, and that would be for the best.
Wouldn’t it?
CHAPTER SIX
Sean
I lounged on the couch with a fight on the TV, not really watching. I usually slept like a drugged baby after fight days, but I’d had messed up dreams last night. Some were bad ones about the last look Gabi had thrown at me. The worst one was about finding her sleeping in bed next to me and then finding it was all in my head. I’d woken up spooning my other pillow. It was fucking pathetic.