Billy and Old Smoko (14 page)

E
veryone gasped. “She couldn't do that!” said Johnny Bryce. “Not to her own daughter! They wouldn't let her.”

“They wouldn't let her,” Phil Ellery echoed Johnny. “She was the princess's own mother! Course she couldn't do that!”

“To her own little girl?” said Maggie Rawiri. “Nobody's mother could do that!”

“Some mothers could,” said Peggy Turia, and everybody remembered that she loved her real stepmother. They all knew there was some story or other about her real mother being cruel to Peggy when she was a baby, then running away and leaving her behind. Everyone looked at each other and shut up.

“What about the royal huntsman?” asked Johnny Bryce. “Did he hool the pigs around with his dogs?”

“You're forgetting the beautiful little baby princess!” said Maggie.

“Come off it!” Johnny told her. “She's not a baby; she's seven. Harrietta said!”

Harrietta waited till all the voices died down and everyone looked at her. “The huntsman let off his best pig dogs,” she said, and Johnny Bryce looked at Phil Ellery and grinned.

“The dogs bounced around barking, then followed as the huntsman took the princess by the hand and led her well into the bush, right back into the wop-wops. They climbed to a saddle in a ridge, stood on the watershed, and looked down a hookgrass gully at some pongas below.

“‘Run that way,' the huntsman pointed down the gully, ‘till you come to the pongas, and you'll find a trickle of water. Follow it and you'll come to a creek. Follow it and you'll come to a stream. Whatever you do, keep following the stream down, and never come back to the castle again, or your wicked mother will kill you – and me.' And he sooled his dogs on to Snow White, just to hurry her along, so she ran through the hookgrass, down the gully, under the pongas, and down the creek.

“The huntsman whistled his dogs off. On the way back through the bush to the castle, his finders bailed a pig, and he sent in his holders and stuck it – a good-sized Captain Cooker.

“The huntsman cut out its lungs and liver and took them back to the queen who boiled and ate them with salt and pepper and lots of rauriki, and smiled at her reflection in the mirror.”

“Eugh!” said June Williams. “Why'd she want to eat Snow White's lungs and liver?”

“To make sure.”

“But it wasn't really Snow White's lungs and liver?” asked the little boy from out Soldiers Settlement.

Harrietta shook her head. “Just the pig's.

“Through the bush, Snow White followed the creek till it became a stream, and followed the stream till it became a river, and followed the river till she came to a clearing with a ponga log hut. Inside, she found a table with seven plates, cups, and knives and forks. She ate a little from the food on each plate, and drank a little from each cup. Then she felt tired and saw seven bunks around the walls. She tried them all.

“‘This one's just right!' she said, climbed into the smallest one and fell asleep.

“Like Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” said the little boy.

“A bit,” Harrietta nodded.

“Maybe the hut was owned by seven enormous dog-scoffing boar pigs,” said Johnny Bryce, hopefully.

Old Smoko looked at Billy, but he was sitting thinking and saying nothing.

Harrietta nodded and went on with her story. “The owners came home. Seven of them – dwarfs. ‘Who's been eating my tucker?' asked the first dwarf, the second dwarf, and so on all the way down to the seventh.”

“Just the same,” said the little boy. “Only seven.”

“Snow White woke, told them her story, and the dwarfs said she could stay, but she must be careful: the wicked queen might come looking for her.

“For another seven years, Snow White looked after the
hut and did their cooking, while they worked their gold mine under the Kaimais,” said Harrietta.

“You made up that bit,” said Phil Ellery.

“Yeah, I reckon your imagination is running away with you,” said Johnny Bryce.

“Do you want to hear this story or not?” said Harrietta, and the little boy from out Soldiers Settlement got up, walked across, and sat on her lap. He stuck his finger in his mouth and looked up at Harrietta. Peggy and Maggie smiled at each other, and Harrietta went on.

“One morning, the wicked queen looked in the mirror, kissed her reflection, and said,

   ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall

   Who is most beautiful of all?'

“And the mirror said back to her,

   ‘The princess is the most beautiful of all.'

“‘She can't be!' screamed the queen. ‘I ate her lungs and liver.…'

“But the mirror smiled and showed Snow White waving goodbye to the seven dwarfs as they left with their lunches for the gold mine under the Kaimais.”

“What did they have on their sandwiches?” asked the little boy.

“Roast pork and crackling,” Harrietta told him, and everyone nodded.

“What about apple sauce?”

“All this happened a long time ago before the Maoris brought the first apple trees to New Zealand,” Harrietta told the little boy.

“Enraged at seeing Snow White alive, the queen spat into the mirror which spat back and said:

   ‘White, red, and black, slim and tall,

   Snow White is most beautiful of all!'

“‘Faugh!' screeched the queen. ‘I'll torture that huntsman and chop off his head!' but the huntsman had run away and got a job on the chain at Horotiu.”

“The freezing works,” said Johnny Bryce.

Harrietta nodded. “The queen remembered her daughter liked to wear pretty things, so she disguised herself as an old pedlar man, filled a pack with ribbons, bright clothes, and bits and pieces, and whistled the huntsman's pig dogs.

“At first, they thought the huntsman was back and they were going pig hunting. They bounced around barking, then smelt the queen, and crawled inside their kennels.

“‘Show me where you took the princess,' the queen told them, ‘or I'll hang you in your own collars!'

“They knew she meant it, so gave in and showed her where they had killed the Captain Cooker. She looked at the carcass and realised where the lungs and liver had come from. Then they showed her the saddle and the hookgrass gully the other side of the watershed. Under the pongas down the hookgrass gully, the wicked queen picked up Snow White's sign and followed her tracks down the creek, down the stream, down the river.

“She came to a belt of lacebarks starry with white flowers like a sprinkle of snow. ‘Bah!' said the queen and shoved them apart. She was standing on the edge of the clearing.

“It was a sunny March morning,” said Harrietta, “Snow
White was sweeping out the ponga hut with a tea-tree broom and singing in a loud flat voice. She had pretty bad taste in music, which was a shame for somebody so lovely.

“The wicked queen, of course, had a true voice and good taste, so when she heard
The Sound of Music
sung flat, she knew she had found her hated daughter. She ground her teeth, stuck her fingers in her ears, and bared her teeth in a terrible smile.

“As Snow White shook the mat out the door, she saw an old pedlar carrying a packful of ribbons and bright clothes, and with his fingers stuck in his ears. Much as she enjoyed singing, she stopped at once, for she knew it gave others great pain. The dwarfs had left her some gold to do the shopping with, so she bought them each a pocket-knife for a present, and a bodice for herself.

“‘Put it on over the top of your blouse,' said the disguised queen, ‘and I'll lace it up for you.' She did – so tight that Snow White fell on the ground, unable to breathe, while the wicked queen ran screeching with laughter: ‘Craw! Craw! Craw!' all the way up the river, up the stream, up the creek, past the pongas, up the hookgrass gully, up and over the watershed, through the saddle, and down through the bush to her castle and said:

   ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall

   Who is most beautiful of all?'

“She was panting a bit, but she heard the mirror say back to her,

   ‘The queen is the most beautiful of all.'

“The dwarfs came home singing in their tuneful voices,
and found Snow White unconscious. They cut the tight lacing with their new pocket knives, and she got her breath back. ‘You must never buy anything from pedlars,' they told her.

“A few days later, the wicked queen asked the mirror the same question, and again it said Snow White was the most beautiful of all. ‘Faugh!' said the queen, and disguised herself as the Rawleighs Man.”

“D
isguised as the Rawleighs Man, the wicked queen filled a suitcase with brushes and combs and scissors and hand cream and cold cream and face cream and lipsticks and rouge and hand-mirrors and hair-pins and nail polish and beads and rings and gewgaws and knick-knacks, and strode through the bush, through the saddle, over the watershed, down the creek, the stream, and the river, down to the little ponga hut.

“Snow White hadn’t been able to brush or comb her hair since she’d run away so, when she saw the Rawleighs Man’s suitcase, her head felt itchy. ‘Am I pleased to see you!’ she said. ‘Have you got any kootie combs?’ She forgot she wasn’t supposed to talk to pedlars, and she bought hair brushes for each of the seven dwarfs.

“‘What about a little something for yourself? This brush and comb set suits you. Try it!’ Made of paua shell, the comb shone blue and green and silver as the Rawleighs Man held it out. Snow White took it, put it in her hair, and fell to the floor. The teeth of the comb were poisoned.”

“She better not be dead!” said Johnny Bryce, and the little boy from out Soldiers Settlement began to cry. Harrietta whispered something in his ear, he stopped crying, and she went on with her story.

“‘Hreech! Hreech! Hreech!’ Shrieking her terrible laugh, the wicked queen ran up the river, up the stream, up the creek, through the pongas, up the hookgrass gully, up and over the watershed, through the saddle, and down through the bush to the castle where the mirror told her she was the most beautiful of all.

“Luckily, the seven dwarfs had a squabble at work and came home early to ask Snow White which of them was right. They found her lying unconscious, pulled the paua shell comb out of her hair, and she opened her eyes at once.

“‘You must not buy anything from anyone selling gewgaws and knick-knacks again,’ the dwarfs told her. ‘Not even if it is the Rawleighs Man.’

“But the mirror soon told the wicked queen that Snow
White was the most beautiful. ‘Craw! Craw! Craw!’ she squawked. ‘This time, I’ll have to be more cunning.…’ She dressed herself in a sack, rolled in the mud, and pretended she was a poor old fruit picker, carrying a basket of apples to market.

“Fortunately, Snow White wouldn’t let her in. ‘I promised not to buy any gewgaws or knick-knacks from anyone, not even the Rawleighs Man,’ she said through a crack in the split totara door.

“‘Do I look like the Rawleighs Man?’ asked the old fruit picker. ‘And I’m not selling gewgaws and knick-knacks.’ She held up a beautiful apple, red on one side, and white on the other, and said, ‘I’m a poor old fruit picker, and I haven’t a penny in the world, but because you are so beautiful, I will give you this beautiful apple.’ She knew Snow White couldn’t help looking through the crack in the door. And she knew that Snow White was a bit greedy when it came to lovely, ripe, red apples.”

Johnny Bryce lay with his head down, pretending to be looking at something crawling between the grass stems, but Harrietta knew he was listening. She went on.

“Snow White’s curiosity got the better of her. She put her eye closer to the crack in the door and licked her lips. As the old crone turned it by its black stalk, one side of the apple shone red as blood, the other white as snow.

“‘I’ll eat the white side, and give you the lovely ripe red side,’ said the poor old fruit picker. She bit the white side and juice dribbled down her chin. ‘Mmm!’ she said and licked it up. ‘Delicious!’

“Snow White heard the crunch of the apple, and her mouth watered. She opened the door and took a greedy bite at the red side of the apple. It stuck in her throat, too big to go down, and she fell to the ground.

“‘Hreech! Hreech! Hreech!’ the wicked queen ran shrieking up the river, up the stream, up the creek, under the pongas, up the hookgrass gully, up and over the watershed, through the saddle, and down through the bush to her castle where the mirror told her she was the most beautiful of all.

“The dwarfs came home from work and found Snow White lying on the ground. Unable to waken her, they hollowed out a great crystal, as clear as gin, laid her inside, and set it in the shade under a rimu which hung down its dark weeping branches. And for seven years, Snow White lay as if asleep inside the clear crystal coffin, skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony.

“One day, a prince came by pig hunting, saw Snow White and fell in love with her. He begged the dwarfs, offered them gold for the princess in the crystal coffin, but they shook their heads and said gruffly, ‘We have lots of gold.’ When they saw him weep, though, they knew his love was true.”

“Eugh!” said Johnny Bryce. And Phil Ellery said, “Eugh!” too.

“Grrr!” Old Smoko said and looked at Billy again. His eyes were fixed on Harrietta.

“The dwarfs felt pity for the prince,” she went on, “and said he could take Snow White to his palace.

“But the prince was a bit clumsy and, dropped the crystal
coffin, while lifting it on to his horse. It hit the ground so hard, Snow White coughed, the bit of apple stuck in her throat popped out, and she woke.

“‘Will you be my queen?’ asked the prince.”

“Anyone could see that coming, a mile off,” said Johnny Bryce. “Next thing they’ll be smooching.…”

“Snow White agreed to marry the prince, and they kissed.”

“What’d I say?” said Johnny Bryce.

“The royal dressmaker sewed a beautiful wedding dress; the royal huntsman stuck fifty dog-scoffing savage boar pigs; and the royal cook baked a huge wedding cake and roasted the fifty boar pigs with red apples in their mouths.

“All the kings and queens around were asked to the royal wedding, including Snow White’s evil mother. Upstairs in the prince’s palace, her maids dressed her in a gown she’d had made specially to wear at the wedding – panels of silk brocade with dancing peacocks sewn in silver thread and diamonds. One maid brushed her long black hair like a dark waterfall; another put on her gold crown; and the wicked queen stood tall and still before the mirror she’d brought all the way from her own castle.

   ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall

   Who is most beautiful of all?’

“The mirror gulped and said,

   ‘The most beautiful of all

   Is the princess downstairs in the hall.’

“‘Faugh! Faugh! Faugh!’ The wicked queen dashed downstairs to the hall, shrieking curses: ‘Skraw! Skraw! Skraw!’
and, ‘Hyark! Hyark! Hyark!’

“But the prince knew what was happening, and he had ordered the royal blacksmith to forge a pair of iron shoes and heat them red-hot. He picked them out of the fire with long-handled tongs and made the wicked queen shove her feet into them. She capered, danced like a mad Catherine wheel, blew away in a puff of smoke, and her curses died with her.”

“Serves her right!” Peggy Turia said very fiercely.

“Snow White and the prince were married. He was very happy, except when Snow White sang loudly in her flat voice excerpts from
The Sound of Music
as she swept out the palace. Apart from that, they lived happy ever after.”

Harrietta looked around. “The End!” she said.

“Oh, that was a lovely story!” sobbed the Williams girls.

“What flowers did Snow White carry at her wedding?” asked June.

“Lily-of-the-valley, violets, and cream freesias,” said Harrietta.

“Lovely! And her –?”

“Real heavy shantung silk; her veil was old Brussels lace the prince’s mother lent her; and her train was thirty yards long and was carried by twenty little pages wearing gold coronets.”

“Something old, something new,” said June Williams.

“Something borrowed, something blue – the violets!”
Lynda Bryce finished it for her.

“Who gave her away?”

“The Seven Dwarfs.”

“How touching!” said June Williams, and all the girls had a good cry.

They were at their loudest, when Johnny Bryce stuck out his lips, flipped them with his finger, and blew to make a rude noise.

The Warawara girls brushed away a tear; “I do like a royal wedding!” exclaimed the youngest Williams girl; and Harrietta sat looking down at the little boy from out Soldiers Settlement, who had gone to sleep as the story ended.

Old Smoko sighed. “A deeply moving story, Harrietta,” he said. “One which may contain the answer to our problem.”

Billy said nothing, but smiled till Harrietta blushed.