Big Girls Don't Cry (8 page)

“What?”

“This. I mean us… never in my wildest dreams.”

“I think it’s cool,” Billy responds, happily with his eyes closed. His lashes are dark, and long, and his face sweet and relaxed, as I trace my fingers over his skin. “Just think if I hadn’t come over.” I sigh deeply, not wanting to. “What else was bothering you?”

“Nothing.”
I don’
t want to
ruin the beautiful m
ood
telling him.

“No—I could tell something else was up. You just never really bought into the ‘It’s your gym’ thing. I could tell by the way you’re always looking around. You’re still worried about what other people think, even though I’ve told you not to. It kind of makes me feel like you really don’t trust me,” he says, opening his eyes and glancing up. He breathes deeply and closes them
again
.

I totally trust him. I’ve never trusted anyone like him in my whole life, and it kills me to think he thinks otherwise.

“I trust you, Billy. I really do. I just get scared.”

“Of what?
You’re with me.” He sits up confidently, smiling at me.

“It’s you I’m afraid of.”
The words trailing softly from my lips.

“Me! Why?” he asks
, wounded, breaking my heart.

“I’m sorry. Not you, but… Oh, shit. I’ll just tell you.
” I can’t keep it from him anymore, not of it’s going to hurt him
so bad
. “
It’s some of the guys you work with.
They did something to me,
”
I confess quietly.

“What,” he asks
, looking confused, and concerned
.

“They
yelled some stuff at me, when I was at the bus stop going to work.”

“What did they yell? Like sexy stuff?”
His face looking more like a smile now.

“No. Not sexy stuff… It was,” I hesitate.

“Tell me what they said.” I can feel the tension in his voice, and his demeanor quickly changes.

“Don’t get mad, okay. You have to promise me you won’t get real mad, and do something crazy,” I say climbing off of the bed. Billy follows closely, with his naked body standing looking like he’s ready to fight.

“What did they say, Gretchen?” he asks again, speaking calmly this time, patiently waiting for my reply

“Fat ass,” I whisper, the words
crackling
from my throat.

“They called you a fat ass?”

“Yes,”
I answer, thinking he’s being too calm.
I can see the wheels spinning. “
Then they threw a soda in my face.” The words come out barely audible.

“They did what?” Billy’s mouth slowly opens.

Too embarrassed to look him in the face, I stare at the floor as I sob, “They threw a soda at me. And it hit me in the face, Billy.” I cry. “And, nobody did anything to help me! They just stood there laughing
,
doing nothing, doing nothing!” I
scream, dropping towards the floor, crying.

Catching me halfway down, Billy pulls me in close holding me in his strong embrace as I weep. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Gretchen. I had no idea. I can’t
believe
it.” I can
feel his heart beating rapidly inside of his chest, as he caresses my head. “Don’t worry about anything, they’re done!” He promises, asking me not to cry. But, I can’t stop, and eventually he relents telling me to let it all out. And I do. Twenty four years of pent up, hidden pain
, suffered from years of abuse at the hands of people like them, come out, and Billy never lets me go. Not for one second.

~ ~ ~

When I wake, Billy is gone, and a note lies on the pillow next to my head.

‘Noooo,”
I think, grabbing the small piece of paper
. I
already
feel
empty and
lonely without him.
‘I wish he would have woken me up!’

Gretchen,

You looked so peaceful sleeping I didn’t want to wake you. I want you to know what an amazing woman I think you are
,
and I hope you know how special you are to me.

I don’t want you to worry about any of those guys
they’
ll all be gone in the morning.

Have a good night and, I’ll see you tomorrow night at the gym.

Billy

CHAPTER SEVEN

I hadn’t heard from Billy all day, and his phone went directly into voice mail every time I called. Making me a basket
case
by the time I got at the gym.

I knew something was wrong the minute I walked in the door, when the group of trainers standing at the front desk quickly dispersed, leaving me alone with Angela, Billy’s assistant manager, who looks like
s
he’s been waiting for me to arrive.

“Hi Angela, is Billy here?” I ask, looking around the gym.

“You haven’t heard
?”

“Heard what?”

“Come on, let’s go for a walk.” I follow Angela outside where she nervously begins to speak. “Billy’s gone.”

“Gone?
Where?”

“He’s been fired, and I’m pretty sure he’s in jail.”

“Oh my God!”
I scream, covering my mouth. “What happened?”

“He beat them up.
The guys who threw the soda at you.”

“Oh no!
Please tell me he didn’t.”

“He did.
And really bad too.”

“What happened?”

“He just came in and jumped on Kevin, punching and kicking him in the face, yelling about what they did to you. His buddies jumped in, and Billy beat them all up. It took four guys to pull him off of the last guy. There was blood everywhere. It was crazy.

The owner fired him as soon as he heard what was up. You’re still welcome to use your pass, but I won’t be able to
comp
you a trainer. Billy was doing that on his own time,” she states, apologizing for everything, including the assholes treating me like that.

“I’ll let you know,” I say, walking away in a daze.

“Gretchen,” Angela yells as I walk away.

“What?”

“He really likes
you
… he really does.”

“Thanks.”

~ ~ ~

Not being able to get ahold of someone you love, and having to wait for them to call, can be one of the most torturous things a human being can endure. Especially when you know they’re in jail.
I waited two days before my call came.

“Hello. This is a collect call from the Denver county jail. Will you accept the charges? If so, press one, or say yes at this time. If you don’t agree, hang up at this time.”

“Yes,” I speak into the receiver, answering the automated voice on the other end. And, after a series of clicks I hear Billy’s voice on the other end. He sounds sad.

“Gretchen. Hey, it’s, Billy.”

“Oh God, Billy.
What happened, baby?”

“I don’t know. I just lost it. He laughed when I confronted him, and that’s pretty much all I remember, until the cops got there.”

“What do you want me to do? Can I get you out? I’ll do whatever you tell me
to do
.”

“I’m in big trouble, Gretchen
. I heard because I’m a martial artist, they’ll probably try to aggravate my crime.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I’m fucked.
They’ll probably try and give me the maximum time.”

“How long is that?”

“Right now they have me charged with four counts of felony assault. I could get up to thirty two years.” Those were the last words I heard before waking up on my kitchen floor.

~ ~ ~

If it wasn’t for all of the extenuating circumstances, Billy probably wouldn’t have
fared
as well as he
did. But, having myself, testify
along
with others from the bus stop. A
nd after having several
clients
come forward with
complaints
on some
of
the guys
from within the gym—
the Judge granted
leniency
, only giving Billy eighteen months.

I professed my love for Billy and told him I would have waited for ever. And, even though he told me he loved me also, he wouldn’t allow it.

“You’re only twenty four years old, Gretchen
. You don’t need to be waiting for a thirty year old man who’s locked up. You need to be out there dating and doing your thing.”

I fought him for months, telling him I would never do it. But, eventually he just stopped calling. I received a few letters over the following months, checking on
the progress of my new career.

I told you, you could do it. I’m so proud of you, Miss Gretchen Lane
, He wrote in his last letter, after
I told him
I had been hired as a plus size model. I had been told many time
I should pursue
a
career in modeling
.
‘She would be
pretty if she lost some weight.’

But, it’s
funny—no matter how many people
,
tell you
something
. Until
you believe it yourself, it will never happen. Billy,
believed
in me, and I
believed
in him.
And, that led
me to Paris.

I hope you will join me for that story
in my next book.

Thank you
for reading,
and I hope you find the same inspiration as me. Anyway, I have to be going. I’m next out on the runway.

Preview

BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY 2

PARIS

“Gretchen! Oh, Gretchen dear!” T
he shrill campy voice of, Hector, the show coordinator pierc
es
the smoky room. “
Someone has a secret admirer,” h
e screams, holding a vase of roses.

“Who’s it from?
” I ask.

“Holy smokes
Gretch'
.
That’s like three dozen roses,”
another model,
exclaims.

“It’s from a
, Mister
Billy, Bad A
ss?” Hector
questions, with a raised brow, as he hands me the note.

Dear Gretchen,

I know it’s been a long time, but I wanted to drop you a line and say hello. That’s not true. I wanted to say, I love you, and I don’t think I can live without you.

Something special has happened in my life, and I wanted to share it
with
you…

Billy

~ ~ ~

“I won’t get any blood on me sitting this close, will I?” I ask nervously of the older gentleman to my right. The lights are shining down brightly, accenting the octagon shaped ring in the middle of the stadiu
m.

“Oh, it’s a definite possibility,” he replies, sensing my fear and
needling
me a little. “No, you’ll be fine, young lady,” he continues, laughing.

“That’s good. I’ve never been to a fight before.” I speak, looking around at the all of the flashing bulbs
, and crazy fans
.

“Great. You’re going to love
it
! Who are you rooting for?”

“Billy
Mack. He’s a friend
of mine
. This is his first fight in the UFC, and he invited me as his special guest,” I
say, smiling,
clutching
the
invitation and letter
against my chest…

Big Girls Don’t Cry 2
~ t
he Emancipation of Gretchen