Beyond My Control: Forbidden Fantasies in an Uncensored Age (35 page)

What we’re looking for is another girl that would like to be taken by 2 hot guys with big equipment. Yes, we are both rather well endowed so please like it that way. Both of us are Caucasian.

Guy #1 is a 30 year old, very f it, with blue eyes and a powerful build, rugged good looks

and specialties include: banging your g-spot,

and slow licking you wherever you like it most. Guy #2 is a 27 year old, fit body dark hair and blue eyes, who loves taking you from behind

while you suck on a nice size dick.

Both men are gracious, always respectful of your limits and d/d free.

Please be attractive!

For some of us, a third person “takes the edge off.” I’m re- minded of the old “buddy” movies where the one guy, a young Frank Sinatra, is shy and only feels safe approaching women when his more worldly pal, a smooth Gene Kelly, is along. If something goes wrong, if it doesn’t work out, if the woman re- jects him/them, well, it’s not because he’s a loser. If she doesn’t want to join in, tough luck. Who needs her? I’ve got my buddy. There’s always another dame just around the corner. I can have just as much fun with my pal.

Th nice thing about a three-way is that you can enjoy liv- ing out the fantasy without making any extreme decision as to your “true” sexual identity. But then, why does it have to be either/or, straight or gay? Women haven’t been hard-pressed to label themselves “lesbian” because they’ve had sex with a woman. Shall we let men off the hook, drop the label, and just let them “be”?

If people let go of their fear of comparison, the anxiety at be- ing rejected, they can enjoy a fantasy that gets them close to the erotic self they feel is inside them; this is what fantasy can/ should do. The obstacle, of course, is that too many of us think the thought is the deed.

Isn’t “not ever knowing” worse than giving yourself over to erotic fantasy and asking yourself, “Is this, was this, something I’d really like to try?” Fantasies aren’t road maps we are directed to follow; they simply tell us that these images and plots are what bring us to orgasm. It’s a rocky road sometimes because there are ancient obstacles along the way, laid there largely by parental control when we were young and malleable.

Imagine your fantasies as x-rays of your libido. Once upon a time, it was strong, healthy, full of potential. Along the way, vari- ous people messed with it. Not everyone’s libido is the same, but they all want to be sexually thriving. That’s what your vivid im- agery is telling you, not always that you really want to do these things but that you want to feel erotically alive. The beauty of fantasy is that you can be with anyone. Mother will never know.

LiViNG OuT FaNTaSiES

l i V i N g o u T F a N T a s i e s

Sometimes, the urge to live out a fantasy is so intense, it’s un- bearable. Nothing can take us from this Earth, lift us to another realm, like that sexual longing we crave. It comes from the deep- est recesses of our being. Perhaps this is why, along with the computer advertising swift speed to realizing our erotic dreams, we’re led to situations in contrast to the person we are, a person of sense and reason.

There is something foreboding about approaching someone or calling on the phone and either getting voice mail, being put on hold, or simply being rejected flat out. With the Internet, you can approach dozens of prospects in no time. If they don’t respond, send a rejection, block you, it’s not you. It’s a profile/ picture, hardly the beautiful soul you emanate in person. And for all you know, they’ve rejected you because they aren’t the hot blonde chick they’ve advertised, they’re Reese, our sixty-five- year-old slender gay man, who is sexually seducing handsome men online around the world.

The lowering of limits on what is sexually doable and living with less prudery and Puritanism have helped us become an age of instant gratification. Even if you can’t afford what you desire, the message is out there that others are into it, having it, loving it, adding envy to our consumer sex-crazed world. Little good can be said of envy other than the force it has to drive us.

As I’ve said, be careful when conjuring a fantasy into real- ity. It’s delicate magic that can leave wondrous to devastating

results. But in no way am I discouraging you, only advising to check carefully before diving in head first. Make sure it’s hot enough for you to be comfortable when totally immersed. For some, it is everything they’ve dreamed and more.

T h e d r e a m c o m e s T r u e

Every now and then, I hear from someone who touches my own erotic nerve. Such was the case with Vanessa. Years ago, she’d met a man she was particularly attracted to. He said he’d call. Time passed, and he didn’t. The fantasies began, erotic trips of what might have been. Haven’t we all been there?

Vanessa

I am a fifty-seven-year-old, twice-divorced single mother of two children and grandmother of six. I have enjoyed a very wonderful sex life and the fulfillment of many fantasies in the past thirty-plus years. I have been living alone now for the past two years, and I had decided that my sex life, as I had known it in the past, was probably over. About a month ago, I bumped into an old male friend. I used to fantasize about him when I was with my lover at the time. I knew I would never be able to really have that sexual experience with him, but he was in many of my fantasies over the years. When I met him again, he asked me if I was still in a relationship, and I said no.

Then, one day, I went into my office, and there was a voice message on the phone from him. We started emailing back and forth, and he wrote that he thought these emails were going to get sexual. We started fantasizing, and I started telling him things about parts of my life that I knew would turn him on. A few days later, he left me an erotic voice

mail. He told me exactly how he was going to lick me and suck me. It was then that he asked me if I trimmed down there or, better yet, did I shave? I played that voice mail over and over when I was alone with my vibrator just to cum to his voice.

We continued to email, and I finally asked him, “Do you think we will ever really get together?” His answer was, “Of course. Why do you think we’re doing all this?” Then, on Monday morning, I went into work, and there was an email from him: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?”

When he called me on the phone just before he got to my house, he asked me one question: “Are you ready for me?” Oh, I was ready for him. He came into my house and gave mea sweet kiss hello. We shared a joint that he had brought over, and he leaned over to me and asked me if I was nervous. I said yes and then he said the most extraordinary thing: “I am too.”

I think that was all we needed. He was a wonderful lover. Oh, reality does beat fantasy at times. He had a beautiful cock, and I loved sucking on it. When it became flaccid, I took it in my mouth and sucked on it until it grew hard and so delicious. Then, he put it in my cunt and fucked me until I was soaking wet with need and want. Then, he turned me over and entered me from behind. That was enough to just make me burst wide open. He was so deep inside of me and thrusting forward even more deeply that it was the most delicious feeling. Afterward, I couldn’t believe that I had actually had this wonderful intimate sexual experience with the man I had always enjoyed in my fantasies. Not only is he a great lover, but he’s also an interesting, exciting man to talk to. My children and grandchildren probably think the most stimulating thing we do is watch
Wheel of Fortune
. But maybe being forbidden makes it all the more exciting. I’ve had a wonderful time with him, and the only question I’m left with, and I wonder if it’s a female thing, is

will he continue to see me? Boy, I hope so.

Sydney

I’m a twenty-five-year-old, well-educated professional working with and for the positive behavior in schools initiative. I came out to the world and my family two years ago, and I’m extremely happily married to my wonderful partner, Sylvia.

When I was about seven years old, my cousin showed me how to masturbate my clitoris and how to use candles inside to feel good. We “played” every time we were together. We knew that if our parents found out they might make us stop, so we were careful
not to let them in on our secret
. We didn’t see that there was anything dirty or bad with what we were doing because neither of us had been taught any type of hate or bad feelings about sex at that age. I might add at this point that my mother is and was an out-lesbian. It made no difference to my upbringing, which was fairly average considering my mother.

One day, when I was about eleven, I was alone in the house. I was reading the titles of books on the shelf by my mother’s bed, and I saw your book.
My Secret Garden
. I recognized the title as a children’s book, so I picked it up and read the back cover. I was hooked. I remember that day very well indeed. I lay on my momma’s bed, reading your book, touching myself, and without realizing, I came extremely close to orgasm. I put the book down by my side and “finished myself off” for the first time. I realized that people out there
did
and
thought
much more extreme things than this eleven-year-old girl. I also got the sense that I could explore—and it wasn’t wrong.

My mother later said that she had known exactly what I had been doing but that she respected my right to explore by myself.

I didn’t have penetrative sex until later in life—at about eighteen— because I didn’t need to. I managed very well on my own, thank you very much. When I did have sex with a man for the first time, it did nothing for me. To be honest, it was a bit boring. I started to fantasize more and more about women and in comes another of your books,
Women on Top
. This time, it was brought as a present by my boyfriend of the time. I read it, and my fantasies about women were abated.

After some years exploring myself and three or four men, I had a relationship with a woman. It was everything I had dreamed of and more (which is saying something). I continued relationships with women in private for quite some time. I tried out the BDSM scene and found that interesting for a while. Then I met Sylvia. I am now very happy living with her in a stable relationship. I know I have tried everything I ever wanted to where sex is concerned. I still fantasize and masturbate.

I now have a healthy alternative lifestyle over which I have no remorse or guilt. I am content that I have explored myself and all possibilities and now I am more than ready to commit myself to sex with just one woman. I doubt I will ever wonder if the grass is greener elsewhere because I know the difference between reality and fantasy. I also understand that it is possible to go where I want in my head without fear of it being wrong or abnormal. And that I can act out some of my fantasies within my relationship just for the fun of it.

I love the fact that although I am the more feminine one in our relationship, I can still pick Sylvia up and carry her to our bedroom. If I want, I am free to “play” the more dominant role, act the innocent little girl, or be the sex kitten wearing sexy clothes. I can play the slave girl and wash, dry, and dress Sylvia. I am also very comfortable “playing” whatever role Sylvia wants. I can breast-watch and still be faithful to her—we often do it together. The point is that I am free, and

if I was so inclined, I wouldn’t feel any shame in thinking about men, animals, household objects, my brother, or aliens.