Between Octobers Bk 1, Savor The Days Series (13 page)

“I disagree. Besides, I’m not asking for
perfection. Just a chance.” His neck stretched.

Grasping now, my excuses became halfhearted.
“You’re too young for me.” Six years was nothing to sneeze at.

“No, I’m not.” His voice was a seductive
whisper.

“I have kids.”

“I love your kids. I got Noah’s permission
yesterday, and Caleb likes me as well.” He was smiling, brimming
with confidence. “You’re running out of excuses.”

It took a second to recover before pressing
on. “I’m not ready.”

He moved closer. “I’ll wait.” His hips
brushed against me. The heated look in his eyes made my mouth go
dry.

“It’s only been a week and you’re already
impatient.” I answered without thinking and managed to stumble upon
the first decent reason.

“You’re no good at pretense.”

“Pretense? I don’t know what you’re talking
about.”

“So, you don’t ‘really like’ me? You don’t
want me around? Did you lie to Lily?” His questions told me he
heard everything we talked about, and his posture said he knew all
the answers.

“I do not lie.”

His handsome face broke into a full smile
that melted my heart. “Not even for Father Christmas?”

“There’s no Easter Bunny, either.”

I smelled the mint, felt the cool of it on
my cheek as he laughed. He must’ve found the toothbrushes in the
guest bathroom. Before I could offer further objections or think of
backing away, he moved through the last inch between us. I almost
maintained and pushed him away, but the feeling of his warm lips
bearing down overwhelmed me. The fire shot to my knees! His tongue
parted my lips, sending shivers of forgotten pleasure down my
spine.

The pressure reversed. Instead of pushing, I
was pulling, pressing into him. His arms wrapped around, cradling
me. My stomach fluttered, compelled by something deep inside.
Intense heat coursed through me. I was floating when he took my
hips and pushed firmly against me, fitting our shapes together,
deepening the kiss. My hands ran through his hair, gripping it
between my fingers. It was so much softer than I imagined.

When I needed to draw breath, his lips
gently caressed the line from my mouth to my jaw and down my neck.
The hairs on my arms stood at full attention as his breath grazed
my skin.

When I stepped back, the light feeling was
washed away by surging guilt.

“Gracie?” His index finger pulled my chin,
making me meet his eyes. His breath caught, “You’re crying? Aw,
shit! I thought you wanted—damn. I will never, ever do it
again.”

“How many times are you going to break that
promise, Evan?” I chuckled, wiping my eyes.

The biting wit of the moment left me
volleying between tears and laughter. I was consumed by conflicting
elements. Fiery desire and icy fear. My precious wound throbbed,
cracking the edges of my joy. I wanted to hold it against me—keep
the pain because it hurt so much to let go. It felt like letting go
of myself, my history. The hurt was engrained and as long as I felt
it, I knew where I was and what to expect—at the same time, I
longed to be freed from it. My hands trembled, coming to grips with
the sensations.

“You’re confusing the hell out of me.” His
hands released me.

“I don’t know how to explain.”

“Isn’t it better to rip the bandage off
quickly?” He sat back on the bed.

“It feels like I’m doing something wrong.” I
confessed sitting beside him. “It’s strange to be . . . intimate
with you.”

“It was just a kiss, Gracie.”

The words stung. It felt like more.

“Why are you moving away?” He gripped
my arm. “I meant it was
only
a
kiss—nothing to feel guilty about.”

“It wasn’t just a kiss.” I repeated the
minimization. “It was a milestone. I kissed someone else. I’ve
never done that before,” I marveled. “You made my head spin. I
think—I think I want to do it again.” My hands flew up as he lunged
forward. I wasn’t finished explaining things to myself. “I haven’t
even considered the prospect of anyone else. I didn’t know it was
possible.”

It was hard for me to open up, barely
knowing him for eight days. It was difficult enough just with Lily.
I’d always been sort of closed off; never telling people what I
really felt or thought about things since my mom was alive. She was
the one I opened up to. Evan’s way of making me talk was weird.

“I’m not sure how to define the boundaries,”
I confessed. My lack of skill was pitiable. Dating was a foreign
land. I met my soul mate at fourteen, had his child at sixteen, and
married him at eighteen. We never really dated, we were just
inseparable from the moment he noticed me. Limitations were never
established. Everything came naturally.

This was so much more complicated. Evan was
different, a tumultuous whirlwind tossing me around, making me lose
my fragile sense of direction. How was I supposed to get my
bearings? How could I fight against something that came at me from
all sides? In his unexpected storm, my potential for loss was
terrifying. But the gain of his friendship had become especially
valuable. He had been a help to me in many ways and I had so few
people in my life as it was. I couldn’t bear to lose him.

He gently caressed my hand. The warmth of
his touch smoldered. He kept his heated gaze fixed on me, leaning
in his unique way. The top of my head barely cleared his chin. I
straightened the slump from my spine as he pulled me into him.
Closing the distance, we kissed.

Unwilling to stop myself, I reveled in the
burn. Fighting required too much resistance against someone so
dependably irresistible. His hands caressed my back, moving slowly
up. I felt them tangle into my hair. The strands pulled gently as
Evan moved my head back. He planted three sweet kisses along the
length of my neck. Goose bumps sprang up everywhere. The passionate
flame blazed against my icy fear. One could hold out against the
other. I teetered on the brink of wanting all of him and being
unable to handle anything more.

He made me crazy.

“Thank you for clearing that up,” he
breathed into my skin. “Don’t be afraid to tell me anything. It
won’t hurt my feelings if you want to talk about him.” Lifting his
head, he wore a huge, satisfied smile.

“Can I ask you something?” I hesitated. His
grin reminded me of the night before.

“Of course.” He stood and pulled me to my
feet.

“Last night, you mentioned seeing me for the
first time in a bar.” It wasn’t exactly a question, but he looked
like he knew where I was going. I smiled as he stretched his hands
around my waist.

“Yeah, I lost the filter.”

“The what?”

“Sometimes when I drink, my brain stops the
filtering process and words fly out unedited. Thus, I remark on
matters I, normally, never would. So, now you get to learn
something I never intended to tell you. The lift was not the first
time I saw you. It was in a bar, down on Sunset the night before.
You were there with Lily and some Russian girl. Wearing an
outstanding black dress. You spilled your wine on my shoes.” He
dipped his head and his ears turned red.

I gasped. “That was you?”

“Sadly, that was my pathetic attempt at
persuasion. You were the most beautiful thing I laid eyes on and I
hadn’t even really seen you.”

I ignored the overdone compliment. “Why
didn’t you talk to me?”

“The closer I got, the harder it was.” When
I looked down, he pulled my chin back up, silently demanding that I
look in his face as he praised me. The move was becoming routine.
“Then, I saw your ass when you stood. I was hooked.” He smiled. “I
snuck up behind you and stole your seat, half hoping you’d sit on
my lap. But then, I thought about how that gesture might be
perceived and I didn’t want to offend you. I decided to get up a
little too late.”

“I ruined your shoes!” I playfully punched
his shoulder.

“And your duster,” he added with a laugh,
turning away from the blow.

“Seriously, you were never going to tell
me?”

He shook his head, confirming my suspicions.
I smiled. He really wanted me—for what exactly was yet to be
determined, but I didn’t care—it felt good to be wanted. Fear tried
to rear up, but I tamed it down. Over-thinking would not help. We
were only getting to know each other. I would move forward one
step, one moment, at a time.

“I made you breakfast.” I walked out of the
room, tugging Evan along.

Stealing a glimpse back, I saw he was
watching me walk. I should’ve been offended, but it was flattering.
I spent hours every week on the hill and the stupid treadmill. It
was nice to have someone appreciate the rewards. With my free hand,
I yanked my t-shirt down.

After he ate, we stepped out back. Evan
straddled the bench, facing me. It was quiet. The only sound came
from the drag of his cigarette. Gray billows wafted from the
burning embers and disappeared in a mild October breeze.

“My dad used to smoke.” The thought was out
of my mouth before I realized I was talking.

“Really?” He cleared his throat—a smoker’s
cough in the making. “When did he quit?”

“He didn’t. When I was thirteen, he and my
mother died. My dad fell asleep driving.”

His forehead creased. “So reticent, yet
peaceful.” He held the hand with the cigarette aloft and hugged me
to his chest with the other. Upon release, Evan set a sweet peck on
my cheek. “I’m going to quit. I’ve wanted to for some time. Maybe I
needed inspiration.” At that, he tossed the half-smoked cigarette
to the ground and smothered it underfoot.

The sentiment made me feel important. Even
if he had no intention of following through, and my gut told me
that was likely, but I didn’t care. It was the gesture.

“What else don’t I know about you? Tell me
everything, anything you want.”

His soft eyes focused on me while his hands
rubbed along the outside of each of my thighs. The sight of his
light skin was a stark contrast to Sol’s melanin-rich complexion. I
was shocked at how coolly I responded to the change. Never in a
million years did I think I’d be sitting like that with someone
else.

“
You’re cute when you’re nervous. I
confess I find it exciting that you’re so timid,” he mused, grazing
my jaw with his knuckles and sweeping down along my neck. The goose
bumps rose on my arms as he played with the thin hem at the top of
my shirt. Though he wasn’t touching my skin, the small
gesticulation felt very intimate.

I was caught off guard when he grabbed my
arms and lunged. The move reminded me of a lion tackling its prey
on a nature show. Instead of being maimed, I was accosted by a
rough, openmouthed kiss. The other times had a slow build-up. This
time was different. It came in forceful and demanding. An active
pursuit. I responded with enthusiasm to my favorite kiss so far;
wrapping my arms around his neck to hold his head His hands,
greedily kneaded at my waist, cradling me against him. It was a
powerful exchange. I took in all the heat and passion he created,
letting it course through me. And gave it back, with everything I
had. I was panting when he pulled away, staring with a wry
smile.

In the hazy morning light, Evans reflected
the neutral tone of his shirt, appearing light brown. “Would you
tell me about your boys’ father? I know it was an accident, but
what happened exactly?”

“Um, okay. He dropped the kids off at school
for me.” I cleared the sudden lump from my throat. “It was really
foggy that morning. Even if I wasn’t sick, I would have asked him
to take them. I hate driving in the fog. And he was a much better
driver.” My fingers dove into my belt loops. “He was a very
determined man. Very smart.”

I took a deep breath. “A few hours after he
was supposed to be at the office, the doorbell rang. There were two
policemen; one was holding his hat in his hand.” My face wanted to
crumple. “My first thought was the kids. Maybe Noah was ditching
school. I almost expected him to be sitting in the back of the
cruiser. But then I really looked. Their faces were so serious, you
know. Big eyes, too. Both of them looked like they were
disappointed I opened the door. They asked to come inside to talk.
I think I knew right then.”

I took one more deep breath and pushed it
out. “He was alone, passing through a four-way stop a few blocks
from the high school. Got hit on the driver’s side.”

Evan touched my cheek with his warm hand.
All I saw was compassion. I pressed my face into his palm. “You
were happy with him.”

“I wasn’t unhappy.”

Those last few years with Sol I was happy,
but I didn’t appreciate it. Neither of us did. We were too busy
trying to raise kids, trying to create the future we envisioned and
assumed that the other person would always be there.

It felt like forever since I had something
just for me and I wanted to keep it. I wanted to be with Evan more
than I could recall wanting anything in a very long time. His pull,
the undercurrent was so strong. I’d have to let it take me; face it
head-on with all my flaws, with nothing to offer. He thought, for
some strange reason, that I was special. He had no expectations, no
problem accepting me. There was something very natural about the
way we were together. I could see myself with him without even
trying.

I invited Evan, and
Marcus respectively, to go costume shopping. Evan was sure it
would be alright with Marcus because Lily was going.

The topic of costumes got me thinking. “Do
you want to take a ride? I just remembered I need to drop off some
boxes.” I’d completely blanked. It was something I should have done
weeks ago.

“Um, yeah, but let’s get crackin’. Lily will
be back soon.”

Evan looked out at
the forsaken neighborhood marked by iron fences and
reinforced windows. Most everything, including the sidewalks, was
covered in graffiti. There was a distinct clicking noise as he
locked the passenger door.