Chapter Ten
Idalis
I sat on the couch, tapping my phone on my leg.
Lincoln wasn't home, and truth be told, I was kind of glad.
After we left the dress shop, the three of us headed to Atlantic Station and during our late lunch they both managed to convince me to call Trip and talk to him about my situation. I fought hard against the idea, mainly because I didn't need the drama, and there was no telling how many different cans of worms I would be opening if I made that phone call. But one point that they did make was that Trip was the only person, other than India, who knew me better than I knew myself.
I remembered when we were in the fifth grade and this fat chick named Althea was bullying me. Trip pulled me to the side in the lunchroom and convinced me that I had the power to kick her ass and get her to leave me alone for good. Well, it didn't take long to find out, I didn't. India ended up having to jump in and save my behind; as a result we all got suspended for a week. But there was something about knowing that he believed in me that made that ass whooping worth it.
I tapped the screen on my phone and flipped through my contacts until I found his number.
I smiled when his voice came across the line. “Hey, you.”
He laughed. “I was wondering when you were gonna call.”
“Sorry, I been running around,” I lied.
“I understand, I even went by the gym hoping to run into you again.”
I let that comment hang out there, deciding not to touch it.
“So what's up?” he asked.
“You were on my mind, so I just wanted to call.”
I heard him let out a slight laugh. “Is that right?”
I moved my phone to my other ear. “Yes. Is that so hard to believe?”
“I just figured with you running around, jumping brooms, you wasn't worried about me.”
I let out a small sigh. “Whatever.”
“What's up, baby girl? You sound like something's wrong.”
I shifted around on the couch; then I stood up and paced across my living-room floor. “It's just Grammie's really sick and this wedding, it's a lot you know?”
“Come on Idalis,” he said, sounding disappointed. “Why didn't you tell me about her when we were together?”
“I don't know. I was just happy to see you, I just didn't ...” I said, my voice trailing off.
I knew that was a lame ass reason but that's all I could come up with.
Silence fell across the line. I didn't know if I had made a mistake calling him or not. A lot of time had passed maybe our friendship was never gonna be what it used to be.
Finally he spoke. “Idalis?”
I answered, “Yes.”
“Can you get out?”
“Yeah. Cameron is with India.”
“Meet me at my mom's.”
An hour later, I stepped into the house and it felt like I'd been sucked back in time. One of the last times I was in his mom's house was the night of the high school prom. My date canceled on me because he wanted to go with Rainey Johnson, the one chick in school that was guaranteed to put out. Trip hadn't planned on going at all so it wasn't a big deal to him, but my mother got so sick of my crying that she and his mom put him up to taking me. So my mother tossed me and my taffeta laden body in the car and we ended up over here where I found Trip in a tuxedo and his mom waiting with camera in hand. An hour later we were dancing to SWV's
Weak
and wondering when they were gonna feed us. Even in our prom picture he had a look of agitation and my eyes were still puffy from crying.
Trip was seated across from me in the middle of his mother's living-room. I couldn't help but feel like we were teenagers cutting class again. My eyes kept going to the front door. It was as if we were expecting at any moment for one of our parents to come in and ask why we weren't in school.
Trinity wasn't home and his mother was asleep, so we were sitting half in the dark, trying to keep our voices down so we didn't disturb her.
I took a drink out of the bottle of water, which I had in my hand. “I never expected things to be this hard, you know?”
“Your Gram's is a strong woman. She'll pull through.”
“I pray you're right.”
“Trinity told me to tell you she's praying for her.”
“Tell her I said thank you.”
I smiled at the memories of hanging out with her. She was always good for a laugh, whether she meant to be or not.
“I hate I missed her.”
“Be careful.” He chuckled. “She may try to turn you into one of her social work cases. She got me twice already.”
“I'm not surprised. She was always such a tree hugger.”
We laughed.
“Remember when she cried when your mom called animal control on that stray cat that was always in your backyard.”
He laughed a little harder. “Oh! Damn. Yeah. She called my motherâ”
“A coldhearted human being who wasn't capable of loving God's creatures!” I finished his sentence with a chuckle.
“Yup, and Mama showed Trinity that she was capable of getting her ass whooped for getting smart with her.”
Our laughs subsided and we both got quiet. The silence hovered like a huge, wet wool blanket. It felt very heavy and very cumbersome.
I finally broke the silence before my head exploded. “With Grammie being sick, and Mom and Lincoln not getting along, everything is just a mess.”
He gave me a crooked smile. “Well, I can't blame your mother.”
I tossed a pillow at him. “I'm serious. And you never liked Linc, anyway.”
He threw the pillow back. “'Cause he's an asshole.”
I chuckled to myself because he had no idea how true that statement was.
“And now India's talking about taking a job in California.”
He looked up at me wide-eyed. “Are you serious?”
Heart heavy, I nodded. “I don't want her to go, but I know that's being selfish.”
“Have you told her you want her to stay?”
“No.”
“Why?”
He kept his eyes on me, giving me his full attention.
“Because I know India. She'd end up staying, just because I asked her to, and enrolling in some clown college just to get another degree.”
He laughed.
His laughter filled in every hole that filled my spirit at that point. It was what I needed and didn't even realize it.
“And this job may be just what she needs,” I reasoned.
He stretched and I couldn't help but watch as the muscles in his arms flexed against his black DEA tee.
“Man, I'm tired. I can't wait to get back home. Atlanta is taking it out of me,” he said.
I smiled a little. “Wow, you hate it that much?”
“This place is heavy. Nothing here for me.”
“Don't say that. Your family is here.”
He looked at me. “Yeah, that's true. But I like what I got going on over there.”
“I can't believe it's been almost six years since you left,” I said.
“Yeah, time is flying.” He smiled. “You gettin' old.”
We sat there for a second, stillness settling between us. In the back of my mind I always wondered if Linc proposing had anything to do with him leaving the way he did. His move was so suddenâalmost out of nowhereâbut I never brought it up and I knew he wasn't going to do it either. Even when he had come home for his father's funeral he was different, he was a shell of the person he used to be. He kept telling everyone how much he loved New Orleans but there was something in his eyes that only I could see that let me know that was the farthest thing from the truth.
“I heard about what happened with you and your ex,” I finally said, dropping my eyes and picking at the tag on the pillow I was holding.
He leaned back. “And what would that be?”
I looked up into his eyes. “Camille's miscarriage.”
He sat forward and dropped his head. “Wow. Hundreds of miles away and I still can't have my life to myself.”
“Yeah, Trinity called me after it happened.”
“Trinity called and told you?” his tone was heavy with disbelief.
“Don't be like that, Trip. She was just worried about you.”
“Considering the example I had for a father, fatherhood definitely ain't something that I'm rushing toward anyway, you feel me?” He looked toward the mantel, which held pictures of him and Trinity at various stages. Some included his mother, but I noticed there were no pictures of his father.
Anywhere.
I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. “Yeah, I remember you always saying that you didn't want kids, so that call actually surprised me.”
“It wasn't something we planned, trust me,” he said. He stood up and took a deep breath. “They say that you learn how to be a father from your father.”
I stood up and walked toward him. “You know you're not him, right?”
“I know.”
We stood there for a second, not saying anything. In that moment we were little kids again. But this wasn't something that a pack of Now and Laters and an episode of
Transformers
could fix.
He stepped closer, so close that I could see the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes. His locs hung loose, falling down around his back and shoulders. I wanted to reach up and touch them, be there for him, like I'd always been before, be his best friend again.
He finally spoke. “You know I wanted to call you.”
“You should have.”
He reached up and let his hand brush against my cheek. The same cheek Linc had hit days before. “You're the only thing I miss about this place. You know that, right?”
I touched his hand, never taking my eyes from his. The tenderness of his touch against my cheek caused the blood to warm in my veins. “I miss you too.”
“I will always love you for being there for me when my pops died.”
When his dad died, Trip wouldn't talk to or see anyone but me. His father sent messages to him from the hospital but he wouldn't take his calls or go see him. And once he died he refused to go to the funeral or the gravesite.
“That's what friends are for, right?” I asked.
He nodded. “I guess so.”
He looked around the living-room.
I pretended to check my phone. There were no messages, but I played with the screen, anyway.
Anything to keep from looking at him.
Just when I was about to come up with a reason to have to go, his phone rang.
“Spencer,” he answered.
His eyes locked on mine. I don't think I could've broken our stare, even if I wanted.
“A'ight, man, just relax. I'm on my way.”
He disconnected the call and slid his BlackBerry into its holder. “I gotta go.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, that was Phil. I was supposed to be at J.R. Crickets an hour ago.”
“Why didn't you say something?” I tapped his arm. “You didn't have to entertain my pity party.”
He started walking toward the front door; I took his cue and followed.
Once on the porch he turned to face me. “You know I'd do anything for you.”
I smiled. “I know.”
We both headed down the walkway to our cars, and I called out his name. When he turned around, I didn't know what to say, so I just said, “Thank you.”
“Anytime, baby girl.”
Before I knew it, I was headed back home, with the feeling my life was never going to be the same again.
Chapter Eleven
Trip
“What the fuck you mean he's in the wind?”
Phil slumped back, seated on the conference-room chair. “Man, I can't find him. I have been trying to track him down since yesterday.”
I paced the floor in the small room. There was no way this was happening. The informant had vanished, and three months worth of work was about to fly out the window.
“Word is, someone from his crew was found tied to a chair with a bullet in his knee, and ain't nobody seen Darius.”
I looked at him. “Please tell me you're joking.”
“Wish I was.”
There was a tap on the door and Lenny walked in, followed by Commander Harris, of the APD.
“Good morning, gentlemen. You both look like shit,” he said.
I stood there and waited for whatever it was he was about to say that was gonna fuck up the rest of my day.
“Found an expended round at that scene from the other night,” he said.
“What type?” I asked.
“Nine millimeter.”
“Hopefully, they can pull a print or something from it.”
“That's what you called us in here for?” Phil asked.
“No, but I'm glad you asked, my large friend.” Lenny held up an evidence bag. “This is why I called you in here.”
I tilted my head a little to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.
Phil shook his head. “I
know
that's not what I think it is.”
I said, “That's weight from the Four Horseman bust. Wasn't that supply destroyed?”
The silver wrapping mixed in with the white powdery substance was unmistakable. Any agent worth his weight knew what the bricks from that bust looked like. It was over 500 kilos and $23 million in cash. That was a huge bust for the agency and for the state of Georgia. We messed up a lot of dealers' payrolls and took a huge chunk out of the drugs on the streets.
I turned my back to all of them and directed my anger out the window.
Phil let out a disgusted laugh. “Wow, y'all are a bunch of clowns.”
The commander spoke. “We're checking chain of command and trying to find out what happened.”
I turned around and directed my anger at its source. “I can tell you what happened. Your whole setup is a joke.”
“Look, Agent Spencer, we are already accommodating you and Agent Porter running around my city playing cops and robbers. I'm not gonna let you piss on all the hard work my officers have put in up to this point.”
Lenny barked back at Harris. “Obviously, someone has slipped one of your desk clerk's a couple hundred dollars and has breached our security, putting agents at risk. I don't know how many agents, here or nationwide, have been compromised, Commander. I think my agents have a right to be upset.”
Commander Harris scratched the top of his balding head. “I have officers out there too.”
Lenny looked at me. “Until we can figure out how to move forward, this piece of information doesn't leave this room.”
With that, he led the clearly frazzled commander out of the room. They were gone, along with any progress that had been made on this case so far.
I scratched my temple. “This shit is falling apart from the inside out.”
Phil shook his head. “Nah, man. I refuse to let this shit go just like that.”
I turned and slammed my fist into the wall behind me, causing Sheetrock to fly out and land on the floor around my feet.
Phil stood up. “Yo! What the fuck is up with you?”
A few seconds later an officer stuck his head into the conference room. “Everything okay?”
I glared at him. “Go find someone to fix this wall,
desk cop!”
“Man, you need to calm down.” Phil looked at the officer who was standing in the doorway. “We cool, man. Just find someone to fix the wall before Lenny finds out, okay?”
The agitated dude standing in the door eyed me. He probably wanted to knock me out, but, instead, he just nodded and closed the door.
“Man, what's going on with you? You trying to get tossed off this case?”
I slid onto a chair at the conference table and put my head in my hands. “This case is just getting to me.”
Phil let out a frustrated sigh. “You sure that's all it is?”
I looked up. “Yeah. That's all it is.”
Phil leaned against the wall. “So old girl ain't got nothing to do with this?”
I frowned up at him for a second. Part of me wanted to drop his ass too, but I knew he was just looking out for me. So I let his little fucked-up comment go. “You know what? Let's just figure out a way to fix this case so I can get the hell out of town.” I stood up.
Phil blew out some air. “Come on, man, this is some bullshit.”
“What?” I snapped.
“You just gon' let this chick throw you off your game over some juvenile shit. She's been fucking with your head for years. Let that shit
go,
man.” Phil stepped in my path. “Look, I know that's your girl and all, but I need your head in this game right now. Focus on
this
, not on the extra shit you seem hell-bent on getting involved with.”
“I already told you it ain't like that.”
“Then why don't you tell me what it is so we can squash this shit and move on? Cause if you supposed to be the eyes in the back of my head I need you focused. You feel me?” he argued.
I took a deep breath and brushed past Phil, heading out of the office. “Look, man, I said I'm fine.”
I left the station and rode the span of I-285, sunroof open and windows cracked, with no direction or destination in sight. Any Atlanta native knew that it took an hour to ride the concrete circle the encapsulated the city and so far I was half way into my second lap. I kept hearing Phil in my head telling me what I knew what the truth; I was losing focus.
There were so many times I had been in the city and hadn't even let her know and I made Trinity swear she wouldn't tell her. At first my argument was that I was doing it for her, to keep the peace between her and Linc, but now I didn't know if it was more for Idalis or for my sake. One thing I did know was that each trip across the state line was becoming harder and harder.
If I was honest with myself, the miscarriage gave me the perfect excuse to end a relationship that my heart was never in to begin with. She probably knew that and that's why she started acting foolish when I told her that we needed some time apart. I never meant to hurt her, or any of the other women I'd ran through, but none of them understood me the way Idalis did and I would rather be alone than make myself or anyone else unhappy.
My phone vibrated on my hip. I hit the button on my steering wheel and answered.
“Spencer.”
“Where you at partner?” It was Phil.
“Spaghetti Junction, headed downtown.”
“You straight?” he asked.
“Yeah. I just needed some air. I'm good.”
“I'm just worried about you man, that's all. You're like my brother, man,” he said.
I blew out some air. “I know.”
“You wasn't this fucked up in the head when Camille lost that baby, man. And that was your seed.”
“I wish I could explain it, man, I really do.”
“I understand, but I ain't trying to have to make that trip to your mom's crib and apologize for some dumb shit and hand her some folded up flag, you feel me?”
“I feel you.”
“I don't think you do bruh, you all over the place right now and this shit is real. Your head not being in this game right
here
is the equivalent of you swallowing your gun and I ain't letting that shit happen.”
“I hear you. I'm good. I just needed to get my head right,” I reassured.
“If there's anything I need to know, you need to tell me now,” he said.
“Nah, we straight.”
“A'ight, man. Now take your ass to the hotel and get some sleep so we can do some cop work tomorrow.”
I let out a short laugh. “A'ight partner. Later.”