Between Darkness and Light (54 page)

“In a way,” Kaid admitted. “It was after we came back from the Fire Margins, when I had difficultly coping with the fact I'd been born in Vartra's time. Noni suggested Kusac ask to be my sword-brother. She felt that having a relationship with him, as well as with Carrie, would help me come to terms with my past. Vartra knows, I didn't want a sword-brother, and was afraid to have Kusac as one because of what I felt for him, but he was persistent. No matter what I did to try and put him off the idea, he refused to give in.”

“Sounds like you have a lot in common,” said Ghyan, dryly.

“We did,” said Kaid, and the priest could hear the pain in his voice and see his hands clenching against the arms of the chair.

“Upsetting as all this was, surely it wasn't enough to make you part so bitterly, was it?”

“No,” said Kaid so quietly Ghyan had to strain his ears forward to hear him. “No, it wasn't.” He got up, walking toward the veranda doors and looking out into the snow-covered garden.

“We were sword-brothers, Ghyan. That means being there for each other, whatever the need. Remember when he had that brain fever, when we were at the Warrior Guild, training the M'zullians?”

“Who could forget that?” Ghyan murmured. “We thought he was going to die.”

“He nearly did. In his fever dreams, he relived his torture by J'koshuk. Only if Carrie or I shared his bed could he rest quietly. It happened after Carrie had left, the night his fever broke.” He fell silent again, his tail swaying gently from side to side.

“It was his need, Ghyan, not mine. He turned to me and when I refused, thinking him still feverish, he asked me,” he said, his voice barely audible. “It was what we both wanted.”

“And in the row, he accused you of . . .”

“Forcing him, yes,” said Kaid, turning round to look at him bleakly.

“Your anger's understandable,” said Ghyan, getting up to join him and clasp his shoulder comfortingly. “But why should he make such an allegation? In most of the other Triads, all three partners are lovers. Surely you all knew this?”

Kaid nodded. “After that, so were we. When you're pairing in a three-way mental Link, it's impossible to hide your feelings from each other. He was more than happy with what we all shared. Most of Kusac's accusations were old arguments that we'd had before Kzizysus treated him. Except for that one.”

“What were you picking up from him while he was saying all this? What was his mental state?” asked Ghyan thoughtfully, going back to his chair.

“Troubled. He felt troubled, but apart from that, he was blocking. Even with his Talent sleeping, he was capable of erecting strong natural barriers round his mind.”

Ghyan frowned. “You say his Talent was sleeping? Carrie told me he'd been cured.”

“Yes, Kzizysus' treatment restored his Talent, but there was a glitch. Something to do with a memory loop. Until Kusac came to terms with the past by reliving and accepting his memories of what happened to him on the
Kz'adul
, he wouldn't be able to use his Talent again.”

“That explains why you all believe he's headed for the Prime world—he found he couldn't handle the memories. I can understand why what Kusac said hurt you, but you knew that he didn't really believe his own accusations, so why did you react the way you did?”

“He did believe what he was saying, Ghyan,” said Kaid, his tail beginning to switch angrily from side to side again. “It's not just that he called my honor into question, but that he came all the way out to my house, just days before Carrie's cubs were due, to do it! He endangered her health and that of the cubs. That is unforgivable. I told him that until he'd apologized, I'd have nothing to do with him.”

“I think we both agree he was mentally ill, Kaid. You can't hold him wholly accountable for what he said or did that day. And as it turned out, Carrie was fine and so were the cubs.”

“No thanks to him,” he said. “And there's still the distress he caused her.”

“I'd say you're causing her as much by refusing to talk to her about it,” said Ghyan gently.

Kaid shot him an implacable look. “She doesn't want to talk about it, she wants me to agree to the fact he must have had some other reason for stealing the ship and leaving Shola. She's convinced there's a coded message in the crystal he left her. I watched it, and there isn't. I won't feed her false hopes, Ghyan. He turned his back on us. I don't wish him any ill. Vartra knows, I do want him back here safe—and well.”

“Carrie asked me to look at the message for her, and I did. There are small inconsistencies in it, but I think you're right, she's looking for something that doesn't exist. However, would it cost you that much to look at the message once more, and to talk to her about it?”

“Yes, it would. I can't do it, Ghyan,” he said harshly. “What he said and did still hurts too much.”

“You know you're pushing her away because of this.”

“And she's pushing me away from her. Did you tell her to stop pressuring me? I thought not,” he said when Ghyan didn't reply.

“Are you so sure Kusac will have headed for the Prime world? Have you had any dreams or visions about this?”

“Why should I?” Kaid asked tiredly. “Where else would he have gone?”

“Where else, indeed?” said Ghyan quietly as he stood up, too. “I can't help feeling that this all fits together just a little too conveniently. There's something—off—about it all, but I can't close my teeth on it.”

“You're getting to be as bad as Carrie,” he said. “There's no mystery, Ghyan.”

“Maybe not, but none of this is like the Kusac I knew, Kaid.”

“The
Kz'adul
changed him. It changed us all.”

“Hmm,” said Ghyan. “At least try to be a little more patient with Carrie. Don't let this destroy what you two share. For the sake of your cubs if nothing else, Kaid.”

“I do try,” said Kaid as he walked the priest back to the den door.

Kusac had found the file he was trying to unscramble fascinating, and by staying in the library out of Zayshul's way had almost replaced his obsession with her by working on it. With the pool now open, for the first few days, the rec lounge had been quieter. He'd taken advantage of his crew's absence to pursue his “friendship” with Zhalmo.

Their reactions after their first visit had amused him. Mindful of Banner's warnings about not isolating himself from them, he'd been sitting waiting for them in their own lounge when they returned.

“They swim naked,” said Jayza, flopping down onto a sofa. “Can you believe that, Captain?”

“So do we,” he'd replied.

“Yes, but we're furred, you can't see our sex, even when we're wet. With them, everything shows. And the females' markings! You have to see them for yourself. Rainbow colors, each one slightly different, but they match the ones round their eyes.”

He'd glanced up at Banner as if for confirmation.

His Second nodded, going over to the dispenser to help himself to a drink. “Quite striking,” he said. “And you were right, it is a mineral pool—very warm and humid, almost too much for me.”

“Is that what the Humans look like? All that bare flesh?” continued Jayza.

“I can't speak from experience of the Primes, but certainly Human females do have some body hair,” he replied.

“What about the males, Banner?” Jayza asked. “Are they like the Humans? You and your sword-brother, Jurrel, have a male Human lover.”

“I wasn't busy staring at the bathers making comparisons, Jayza,” said Banner, ruffling the youth's hair as he passed him. “I think you've been celibate for too long.”

Amid the laughter, Jayza's ears flattened and he hung his head in embarrassment. “I wasn't staring at them,” he said defensively. “It was impossible not to notice.”

Banner took pity on him as he sat beside Kusac. “Essentially, yes, their sex organs are external, unlike ours. Though, as Kusac says, Humans still have some body hair. You should have come with us, Kusac. I'd have thought that as a member of AlRel it would have interested you.”

“I'll go another time. I wanted to get on with that file.” He nodded toward where his portable comp lay on the low table nearby.

“How's it going?”

“Patchy. I get whole chunks, then the data is scrambled again. It is a story, though, and very old. There are females in it, free ones.”

“So Kezule's memories of a long ago past when females were free is accurate.”

“Seems to be. When I've finished it, I'll give you a copy.” He looked over to Jayza again. “Apart from the nudity, what was the pool like?”

“Huge, and landscaped to look like an island with a smaller one, reached by wooden bridges, in the center. There were cushions and mats all over the place. And trees, flowering plants everywhere. It was really beautiful.”

“You forgot to mention the temple we went through to get there,” said Khadui. “One to their fertility Goddess. We had to go through a foot bath to reach the showers and changing rooms, then a second one before we entered the pool itself.”

That was news. There had been nothing like that when he'd met Zayshul there. It made sense, though. She'd obviously taken him in by another door.

“It was too well established for the length of time the Primes and Kezule have been here,” said Dzaou, going over for a drink. “Trees like those take a good few years to grow.”

“No mystery there. It's like they've all been saying from the start, the TeLaxaudin has obviously been here for a lot longer,” said Jayza.

“But why?” said Banner in a low voice that only Kusac could hear. “That's the question to ask. What is the nature of the Prime and TeLaxaudin partnership? Were they using this place first until Kezule decided to come here, or were they preparing it for him?”

That had made him think, and he'd been gently putting innocent questions along those lines to Zhalmo.

 

“You've gone very quiet,” said Zhalmo, her fingertips grazing his in a brief but intimate way.

“Just tired,” he said, looking up at her and forcing his mouth into a smile. “I've been concentrating on my work too much.”

“I was going to turn in myself. Want to walk with me? I pass your quarters on the way to mine.”

“Sure,” he said, finishing his ale and getting up. “I'll see you to your room, if you like.”

He was watching Dzaou, the only other Sholan present, standing over at the bar, talking to some of the Prime males, and almost missed her mental flare of pleasure at his offer. He'd noticed that when his crew weren't around and he was sitting with Zhalmo, though the other Primes would stop by them for a moment or two, none would join them. It was as if they were being purposely given time alone together.

“Thanks,” she said.

As she stood up, her scent wafted toward him, like, yet unlike Zayshul's. He found it attractive, but thankfully, nothing more. Zayshul had never been to the rec room, for which he was very grateful.

His eyes met Dzaou's as they left, and he knew the other was yet again feigning a friendliness with the Primes that masked his need to spy on him. He inclined his head at him before turning away.

“You haven't come up to the pool yet, Kusac. Why's that?”

“As I said, I've been busy,” he said as they stepped out into the corridor. “I'll try and make time soon.”

“I think you'd enjoy it, the rest of your crew certainly do,” she said, resting her hand lightly on his arm as he slipped his hands into the opposite sleeves of his robe. “You'll find it relaxing, and the minerals will do you as much good as they do us.”

“Soon,” he said, glancing at her. She was nearly his height, he noticed, taller than Zayshul by a fraction. “My work is important to your father, you know that.”

“Oh, I wouldn't think of asking you to compromise that,” she assured him, pupils widening slightly then returning to normal.

He felt himself responding to her instantly and quashed his reaction. He needed to keep his guard up with her—Zayshul's scent marker was making him vulnerable to all the females.

“But your leisure time is your own, the same as our off-duty time is ours,” she continued.

“I don't have as much leisure time as you,” he said. “I'm with Shaidan for two hours each evening, then I have to train with my crew.”

“You make a good father.”

It took him a moment or two before he could bring himself to answer her. Had it been a lucky guess, or did she know about Shaidan?