The next couple of days just got plain weird.
In the following days, Maggie realized even more than she had that night that in opening up to Tru she’d put a wall up between them that she couldn’t quite figure out. She hadn’t ever opened up to anyone. Except in omitting Shane, the convenience store robbery, and that she’d changed her name, she’d told him everything. And now he was distant.
He was kind. He was patient in showing her what she needed to do with her horse but he was oh, so far away.
He was very careful not to touch her. This she noticed the most because she wanted him to so badly.
She tried not to let it bother her and spent the time in between lessons holed up in her cabin working on her columns. Despite his behavior and the way it worried her, she felt a keen excitement about the column.
It was a cool feeling.
The second day’s lessons felt hard physically and emotionally. She pushed herself to improve on her riding, while at the same time trying to not wear her heart on her sleeve. When they were done with the lesson, she headed to see Jenna. Thinking back on her past as she’d done had really put the girl on her mind. She needed to talk to her. And she needed the distraction.
Peg was the first person she saw as she walked around the corner of the house. She and one of the other girls, Anna, were pruning a rosebush. When Peg saw her, she came her way.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I was going to call you. Jenna hasn’t been doing well over the last few days. She’s going to give birth soon and she’s not ready mentally. Maybe you can talk to her as her friend. Maybe you can help her make the decision that’s right for her.”
Maggie had known in her heart this was coming. Jenna’s heart was so torn. She had confided that she was giving the baby up even if it hurt her because she knew that was the right thing to do. But Maggie worried that it was killing her more than she wanted to admit.
She found her sitting in her room. The tough kid looked as alone as Maggie had felt when she was that age. Maggie couldn’t stand it.
“Hey,” she said, after giving a light rap on the doorframe.
Jenna had her hands resting on her stomach protectively as she did most of the time. And on the table beside her the book was open to the smiling couple she’d chosen to be the parents of her baby.
The expression in Jenna’s eyes was as grieved as Maggie had ever seen.
Maggie closed the door of the room and went to kneel on the floor at Jenna’s feet. She placed a hand over Jenna’s and felt little Hope move. Bittersweet sadness filled Maggie. The horrible spot this girl was in . . . Maggie could hardly stand it. Jenna would make a wonderful, loving mother. Every child deserved to be loved desperately by their mother. Maggie knew what not being wanted or loved felt like, and it hurt beyond words.
Jenna’s eyes filled with tears that she blinked furiously to get rid of. “I’m never going to know my baby girl. It’s hard.”
“Then don’t do this.” Maggie had never said words she meant more. For weeks she’d said nothing, torn about whether to voice what her heart was thinking and what was best for Jenna and Hope. It wasn’t up to her to encourage this young woman to decide to raise her child when she wasn’t much more than one herself. But now, Maggie couldn’t hold back. Couldn’t look into the pain in Jenna’s eyes and not speak what was on her heart. “Jenna, you love your child more than life itself and your child deserves to know that.”
Jenna brushed the tears away. “That’s true. But I have nothing to offer her and keeping her would be selfish of me. No, I made myself promise to give her the best I can give her, and that’s a good family.” She closed her eyes and a tear slipped out. It rolled slowly down her cheek, breaking Maggie’s heart all the more.
Words that spoke of the maturity of this girl, but . . . “You have yourself, Jenna. Do not underestimate that. Your fierce love of your child means so much. I won’t lie. It would be hard. But you have grit. Look where you are. No one but you can make this decision. Do you know that I chose to run away when I was about a year older than you?” Jenna’s chin came up and her eyes brightened with interest.
“Really.”
Maggie settled on the floor, crossing her legs and cupping her hands together. She told her about the reasons she left, about not feeling like her mother would protect her. Jenna nodded knowingly.
“I’m sorry, Maggie. I mean your mother should have protected you.”
“Yes, but we both know sometimes that’s just not the way life works out. I know now that I shouldn’t have hit the streets alone, but I should have sought out help at a local child protective agency or a women’s shelter. Someone would have helped me. Running and living on the streets like I did only put me in further danger, and there are so many places where girls like us could have gotten help. But it worked out for me. And your choice worked out for you. No matter what, taking that step to find safety takes bravery and courage to carry through.”
Jenna’s brows dipped, and her expression hardened. “That’s why I’m going to do this. I am. No matter how hard it hurts. I’m giving my baby a better shot at the things she deserves.”
Maggie had heard it before from Jenna. And no matter how much she tried to convince her differently, Jenna wasn’t budging. “You love your child, though, Jenna.”
“And that’s why I’ll do this. Because it’s best.”
Maggie tried not to let her emotions take over. This was ultimately Jenna’s choice. She had no right to push. No right.
As she left a few minutes later, promising to be at the birth and support her, Maggie was torn beyond belief.
She went straight to the barn and saddled Stardust. She needed something to take her mind off of the emotions spilling through her.
She did not need to see Tru. Thankfully he hadn’t been around when she’d decided to come to the barn. But as luck would have it, he drove up before she got Stardust saddled.
At that morning’s lesson she’d forced herself to take his lead and pull back as he obviously had. Opening her heart to him had caused this and she really didn’t understand, and right now she had no patience for it.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, as she led Stardust from the stall.
She walked past him, toward the exit. “I’m riding.”
He fell into step beside her. “Okay. Are you okay?”
“No. But that’s not your concern, so don’t worry,” she lashed out at him and kept on walking. He’d run so fast from her his boots were still smoking. She realized she couldn’t do that to Jenna and that was one reason she’d gone to see the girl. Not that it had done any good.
He reached for her arm. “Hey, hold on. What is going on?”
She glared at him, uncontrollably angry. “Everything. Jenna is going to give up her child for adoption and she’s going to regret it for the rest of her life. And I don’t know how to stop her from doing it.”
“It’s not your call to make.”
She glared at him. “Don’t you think I get that? She loves that baby. She’ll be a great mother.”
“She’ll have a really hard time as a sixteen-year-old mother with no family. You know what that is like. What would you have done if you’d had a baby when you went out on your own? How would you have held a job?”
“I wouldn’t have given it up. I’d have found a way.”
He stared at her, compassion softening his expression. “It’s Jenna’s decision to live with, Maggie.”
“You are not helping me.” He was actually making the situation worse. Tension that she’d bottled up while talking to Jenna welled forth and the best scenario would have been for him not to have shown up.
“Maggie, you’re used to giving out advice through a newspaper. This kid is actually here in front of you. You can’t make a decision for her based on what you’re feeling. You’re too close to it. You’re making an emotional decision.”
Maggie glared at him. “I’m not. She’s making a mistake and I can feel it. She’s strong enough to do this, but she has a messed-up vision of what is best for her baby.”
Tru looked suddenly stricken, but he ran a hand over his face, then confronted her again. “Maggie, that’s not true. She came here to Over the Rainbow and she’s showing amazing care and strength. Sometimes pieces don’t always fall into place like we want them to. Life is not fair. You know that. Some decisions require you to detach from your emotions no matter how hard it is, in order to make the right choice. And it’s usually the choice that goes against what your heart wants to do.”
Maggie knew in her heart of hearts that what he said was true. Jenna had, at high risk sought out excellent care. Still, she didn’t like it. The baby needed to know how desperately its mother loved her. Tears threatened to overtake Maggie. She needed to ride. She needed to get rid of this pressure in her heart. Looking at Tru was only making it worse. And he wasn’t understanding at all.
“Look, I don’t have anything against those couples who want Jenna’s baby. They’re wonderful people, I’m sure. And they’ll make great parents for someone’s baby. But not Hope. Why am I the only one who sees this as a mistake?”
“Maggie, this kid knows she would have a hard time. She’s alone. She’s not even seventeen. She’d have to work, and provide day care. Plus deal with the stress of being a new mother. Not to mention healing from the birth. If she had a parent to help her, or a boyfriend or a husband, it might be a different story.”
Okay, so he was reading her mind. He had the uncanny ability to anticipate what she was thinking sometimes. “She doesn’t have to give up hope.”
“It’s heartbreaking, but it’s not hopeless. Jenna is going to give her baby a chance to be loved and nurtured by a couple she handpicked. And she’s going to give herself a shot at a new life. It’s only hopeless to you.”
Letting out a frustrated groan, she stalked from the stable, stuck her foot in the stirrup, and pulled herself into the saddle. She knew she was being unreasonable. She could feel it, but she couldn’t make herself listen to reason.
“This is a mistake,” was all she could say and then she rode Stardust toward open pasture.
This
was
a mistake
.
Peg had told her the legal papers were all being signed and arrangements were being made . . .
Maggie knew there was nothing more she could do. Except pray.
Tru grabbed the stall with both hands and bit back saying something he really didn’t want to say. He wanted to tell Maggie that he loved her and that he wanted to marry her and keep her safe for the rest of his life. He wanted to give her those babies she wanted and the life of happiness she dreamed of. But this conversation confirmed that telling her he loved her would be a mistake. Her view on adoption said everything—proved he’d never be the man she’d need.
If she hated the thought of Jenna letting her baby be adopted by a loving couple, then Maggie would hardly want to be the one forced to be in their shoes.
It wasn’t anything to hold against her or anyone who felt that way. It just left him with no options.
Maggie had no idea how much he and Jenna had in common right now.
“What if we assure her that here in Wishing Springs she’d have a support group?” Clara Lyn said that evening to Maggie, hunched in a booth at the Bull Barn. They happened to be in the booth where Maggie had done her interview with Tru. He stared down from his many pictures and she turned slightly so she didn’t have to look at him.
After her fight with him, Maggie had ridden for an hour and then decided to try and see if there was anyone else who could help her come up with a solution for Jenna. She’d immediately turned to Clara Lyn and Reba.
“The problem . . .” Reba toyed with her glass of soda, stirring the straw as she thought, “. . . lies in the fact that it would be hard for her.”
Maggie’s shoulders slumped along with her spirit. She thought of Amanda and how her friend had lent her moral support and even helped her financially by letting her live rent free in her apartment until Maggie could contribute.
“With all of us around here, she would have an unending stream of babysitters when she needed us,” Maggie said.
Both ladies met her with curious looks. “Are you moving here?”
“I’ve been toying with the idea. I love Wishing Springs.” She wasn’t sure how that would work with Tru, but she could manage. “If I could help Jenna, then, yes.” Maggie felt a little panic at what she was doing.
Clara Lyn studied her. “We would love to have you, Maggie. I can’t help but wonder if you’re getting in too deep with Jenna. There is only so much you can do. And didn’t you say the papers were being signed? Honey, why is this so important to you?”
Why was everyone so intent on telling her she was getting too personal? “I’m just trying to help. I am the one who found Jenna on the side of the road that day. I guess I feel responsible for her in some ways.” With a sigh she told them about her past. To the same extent that she’d told Jenna. It wasn’t as if she was going to go around telling everyone she met about her past. And certainly not about her father or Shane.
“I don’t think the papers were going to be signed ’til later. I just feel like I need to try one more time. I really needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy.” She turned her back a little more to Tru’s picture.
Men, what did they know anyway?
“I pledge to do what I can to help Jenna and Hope.” Reba clasped her hand over Maggie’s.
Clara Lyn laid hers on top of Reba’s. “Count me in, too, and I’m sure we can get several more to help. Including Pebble. But Maggie, I still have reservations. You are a young, single woman. This is something that will change your life forever.”
Maggie’s heart squeezed tight. “Thank you.”
“Now, don’t you have someplace to get to?” Reba asked. “That girl needs to know she has options.”
Maggie got up and was so thankful the restaurant was slow for three in the afternoon. She walked out into the bright sunlight and found her past waiting beside her car . . .
Even though it had been almost ten years since she’d seen him, she knew her father instantly. Tall, lanky, and with hollow cheeks, he looked ridden hard.
“Hello, Trixie, how’s tricks? Or should I call you Maggie?”