Behind Iron Lace (14 page)

“What happened today, Darcy?”

“You mean besides having sex on the floor in my living room with a man I just met?”

“It’s more than that, I could tell something was bothering you before I even got down from the car. I could see you from the street, pacing in front of the window.”

“How long were you down there?”

“A while. I was trying to work up the courage to come up.”

“Why would you need to work up the courage? Look at you, so full of confidence and charm, while I’m a bundle of insecurity and nerves.”

“That’s all on the outside,
cher
. Inside I’m terrified of how I feel about you. I’m afraid to let myself just feel like this. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you. I’m afraid to love you because I don’t want to be hurt either. I knew when I kissed you last night that this has the potential for disaster written all over it but I couldn’t make myself leave you alone.”

Darcy was quiet for a long time, the muscles in his arms flexed along with his jaw, as if he were fighting some inner demon and losing. When he finally spoke, it wasn’t something Caleb expected to hear.

“Bailey was here when I got home. She knew I’d spent the night with someone and she was livid.” Caleb could see there was more, he didn’t press when he paused. “She tried to seduce me, she wants to elope. She’s pregnant and doesn’t know whose baby it is.”

“Is it yours?” He didn’t know why he held his breath waiting for him to answer. Darcy shook his head but there was still pain in his eyes. Caleb fought to control the rush of relief swelling inside him. “Do you love her enough to marry her?”

Darcy wrapped his long arms around his body, his jaw locked, his eyes shining. And for the second time in as many minutes, Caleb was surprised by his words.

“I can’t stand the sight of her. Christ, I’ve spent the last ten years thinking I loved her, waiting for her to get everything out of her system.”

Caleb watched as his chest rose sharply, his face became a mask of sorrow and rage.

“She told me she miscarried my baby last summer. She said she’d doctored the condoms and gotten pregnant but she lost it before she could tell me.” Tears shimmered in his eyes, his face twisted in pain. Shocked, Caleb went to him and wrapped him in his arms. Darcy didn’t cry. He just stood there stiffly and rested his head on Caleb’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to feel about it. I’ve been through every emotion in the book today.”

“I’d be angry, and devastated. I imagine that’s pretty much what you’re feeling right now, isn’t it?” Anger and devastation were old friends of Caleb’s, he knew them well.

“Pretty much, but mostly I don’t believe her. I saw her today for what she is. An actress playing a part. Playing me. I used to believe her, but she’s lied to me so much. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I do know that I’m done at the magazine.”

Caleb felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. Just when he found him, he was going to lose him. “You’re going to take the teaching job in Oregon, aren’t you?”

Darcy just stood there for a long time before he wrapped his arms around Caleb and squeezed. “I don’t know anymore. If she’d told me yesterday, before—I don’t want to lose this, Caleb. I don’t know what I’m doing but I don’t want to stop.”

“You could stay with me, I have more money than I know what to do with, I can take care of you the rest of your life.” It was true and tempting but the pain in his chest told him it was a mistake.

“It won’t work, Caleb, we would probably grow to hate each other. I have to have work. I have to be my own person.” Darcy snagged a strand of his hair and tugged. “Though I wouldn’t mind a weekend with you. Stay with me, Caleb. Tonight, tomorrow, the next day.”

“As long as I can,
cher
, as long as I can.” He tilted Darcy’s head up for a soft kiss. That’s all he could promise him. A weekend or as much of one as he could. “Think we can find your bed this time or do you want me to bend you over the sofa?”

“Decisions, decisions, what if I want to think about it for a while?” Darcy smiled against his mouth.

“Don’t think on it too long,
bebe
, or we’ll be on the floor again. And I, for one, would rather have someplace soft under my knees when I slide inside you.”

“Shit, Caleb, you know exactly what to say to get me hard. I think I like that about you.” And before Caleb could think of anything to say, Darcy grabbed his hands and led him down a short hall to a small room that held a very large bed and not much else.

Caleb pushed him inside and kicked the door closed before he stripped him to his skin. “You won’t need those until Sunday,” he said and crawled into the bed on top of him.

Sunday morning came too soon. The incessant buzzing of the door woke Darcy from a deep sleep in which he was content to be pressed beneath a warm sweet-smelling body. Not thinking clearly he eased out from under Caleb’s arm and dragged on a pair of shorts before he stumbled to the door.

The person on the other side gave up on the buzzer and began to hammer the door. “Come on Darcy open the door.”

It was Bailey, shit. He leaned heavily against the wood and breathed in and out hoping she would go away. When she didn’t, he opened up enough to get a look at her. “Yeah, I’m up. What’s the emergency?”

He had to blink a couple of times to bring her into focus, when he did she looked incredibly pale and nervous. “Look, I just wanted to talk to you about Friday, can I come in?”

“No,” he was awake enough to remember the man lying in his bed. “Now isn’t a good time. We’ll talk tomorrow at the office.”

“Is there someone with you?” Jealousy raged through her eyes before she collected herself.

“Yeah. Look Bailey, I’m not interested in defending myself right now. I’m sort of seeing someone and I just think it’s best if we don’t do this now. Tomorrow in a neutral place…”

“Who is she? Come on, Darcy, please tell me you aren’t sleeping with Amber. That would kill me.”

“Fine, I’m not sleeping with Amber or any other woman from the office, I wouldn’t do that,” he said just as he saw Caleb step into the hall. He wasn’t wearing anything but a smile. “I’ll see you in the morning, Bailey, we’ll talk then.”

He didn’t wait for her to say anything before he shut the door and leaned against it, his heart thudding heavily in his chest for reasons he couldn’t even begin to sort out.

“Are you all right?” Caleb’s voice was sleepy, lazy. Darcy knew there would be lust in his eyes, he wasn’t so blind he couldn’t see his body react.

“I’m fine, not awake enough to think right now. Sorry I woke you.”

“I’m not, I’m starving. I either want breakfast or to go back to bed, can’t decide which I want more. Breakfast in bed?” He raised an eyebrow, his lips quirked in a satisfied smirk that sent shivers through Darcy when he remembered the last time they’d had breakfast in bed. Oh holy hell, he couldn’t think about that or he’d go crazy from want.

“You really are lethal, standing there looking all sleepy and sexy, you know?”

“I know. But you don’t, do you?”

“Don’t what?” He wasn’t following, he needed sleep, lots of sleep but damn if he wanted it right now.

“You have no idea how gorgeous you are. I think that is what I like most about you. Most really pretty men like you are so fucking conceited, like me. I can’t stand them. And you blush, shit, Darcy, I love making you blush. How is it you don’t know this?”

“I just see a geek in the mirror, a nearsighted word nerd. My nose is crooked, my chin has a dent in it, and one ear is bigger than the other. Stop laughing, it’s not funny.”

“Of course, it is. You are prettier than I am. You look like my idea of Clark Kent. Big blue eyes, the dark stubble on your face, the cleft in your chin. Jesus Christ, Darcy! Just looking at you makes me weak in the knees. What the hell do you think you do to the rest of the population when you look at them with those eyes?”

“Get bent.” He could feel the heat flooding his face. No one had ever told him he was pretty before. Ever. “I’m just average looking but I’m flattered you see me that way.”

“Not just me! Why do you think Bailey is banging on your door at…” Caleb looked at the clock on the mantle. “Shit, it’s nearly noon. No wonder I’m starving.”

“Bailey had time to reconnoiter. She’s most likely going to apologize and beg me to come back to her. We’ve done this dance before. She’ll forgive me for straying and everything will be fine.”

“She’s messed up, Darcy, you have to see that. She is obsessed with you, wants to control you, can’t commit to you but can’t let you go either. Believe me, I know what messed up looks like. It’s sort of like looking in the mirror.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He wanted to laugh off the comparison, but something in Caleb’s voice made him think better of it. “Are you talking about yourself now or after Iraq?”

“Then. I came home a mess. I came back here for the first time since I left for school and fell apart. She looks like I felt then, shell shocked and terrified. She’s wearing a mask to hide the fear and pain.”

“What exactly happened to him? The soldier who died.” Darcy knew he shouldn’t have asked but he couldn’t help himself.

“It’s in the photos. Come back to bed, baby, I’ve got to leave soon and I want to taste you again before I go sit and wait for death.”

Darcy heard the pain in his voice. His heart twisted at the sound and he went to him. Taking Caleb’s hands in his, this close he could see into his eyes, dark and light seemed to wage a war in the crystal green depths. “I’ll stay with you as long as you need me.”

“Oh,
cher
, don’t promise things you can’t control,” Caleb said before he kissed him.

After a hastily consumed breakfast of cold cereal and toast, Caleb dressed in the clothes he wore on Friday and kissed him goodbye.

“Are you coming back?” Darcy held his breath, not daring to hope.

“I think I should go home tonight, change clothes at the very least. I start this job tomorrow and I don’t want the boss to think I spend my weekends in decadent pursuit.
Merde
, Darcy, your kisses are so fucking… addictive, how am I going to see you tomorrow and not do this?” Raking his hands through Darcy’s hair, he pressed his lips to his neck with a soft moan. “Come to me tonight, stay with me,
beb
.”

“Don’t tempt me. I have some work to do.” But the lips nuzzling his ear had him reconsidering. “For a while.”

“All night. I’ll pick you up on my way home.”

Darcy groaned when Caleb slid his hand inside his jeans and squeezed him. “All night, oh God, that feels so fucking good.”

Caleb laughed softly against his neck before he drew away with a sly smile.

“You’re just going to leave me like this, aren’t you? All hot and bothered and addicted to your touch.”

“Yeah,
cher
, I am an evil, evil man.” The smile in his eyes was anything but evil, the tender love Darcy saw there made him want to sigh. “I’ll pick you up tonight, after eight. Bring your appetite and your toothbrush, you won’t need anything else.”

“What about work tomorrow?”

“I’ll drop you here on my way to my new job. Or we can just blow the day off and sleep in.”

“Don’t you have someplace to be?” The thought of waking up with Caleb again was too attractive. As Darcy watched, all the light crept out of Caleb’s eyes as grief took over. “I’ll stay with you as long as I can, but tomorrow I’ve got to clear things up with Bailey. Tuesday. I’ll stay with you on Tuesday.”

“Darcy, you don’t have to give up the magazine. You have a loyal following there. If you love it, baby, stay with it.” He reached out a finger and traced Darcy’s cheek.

“That’s the problem, isn’t it? I am ambivalent about the magazine. It’s just something I’m doing for now—building a resume. I have some money saved. I think it’s time to move on to something else.” Icy fingers of fear gripped Darcy’s heart. He was leaving soon, and Caleb knew it. “Please, Caleb, don’t look at me that way. I’m not leaving.”

“Yet.” Caleb dropped his hand and with a quick wave, he walked out the door. Darcy went to the window and watched as he crossed the street and folded himself into the silver sports car and drove away. Before he left the window, he just happened to glance down the street a few cars. He sucked in his breath when his gaze stopped on Chester. His heart revved into overdrive at the shock of seeing him there.

His brain shot through all of the excuses he could come up with to explain why Caleb Mitchell just left his apartment. Except Chester didn’t appear to have noticed, he laughed and waved and walked in the other direction. As Darcy watched Bailey drew close, Chester took her hand, kissed her cheek then tucked her into the small car he drove, and they were gone.

“Christ. That was close.” The fear of discovery slowly released its grasp but not before the threads of discontent began to knit themselves a home inside Darcy’s brain. He was falling in love with a man, but he refused for one second to think what that meant for him in the real world. “This is just fantasy. Just a taste of the forbidden. Jesus Christ I am not—” He closed his eyes, unable to even think the word. “Shit.”

Monday morning was a living nightmare although it started great. Waking up in Caleb’s arms led to incredible sex in his shower. Christ, the things one could do with a bar of soap. Breakfast was rushed since they were late. Late enough that Darcy only had time to run into his apartment and grab his messenger bag. Amber stood on the street when they drove up in Caleb’s car and parked in the small lot across the street from the building, she waved but nothing in her demeanor said she suspected anything.

“Why are you in town? Why aren’t you on assignment?” Darcy said when he met her at the door, fear thudding a beat in his ears.

“I have to confess, I sneaked a peek at the calendar Thursday, Darcy, and I was too excited to wait for Sunday so I left Friday morning to get a jumpstart on the story. I am so glad I did. I got to go to a music festival I didn’t know about and…” she paused looking at Caleb with a blush, her eyes becoming playful when he caught up with them. “Morning Caleb, get up to anything interesting this weekend? Oh and hey, take a look at these pics, will you, and tell me what you think.” She handed off the camera then remembered what she was saying before Caleb joined them. “I think I might have met someone, Darcy. This weekend was incredible.”