Beckoning Light (5 page)

“Wow, Charlotte. You really think I’m some dumb kid who’s going to be relieved because you’re doing most of the work?”

“No, it’s just—” I struggled to come up with an explanation.

James interrupted. “Then, what? The thought of working with me is so repulsive that you would rather double your workload?”

He had me there. There was no better way to get under my skin than making me feel mean; I absolutely abhorred hurting people’s feelings.  “No, of course not, I just figured it might be easier, but you’re right, we’re supposed to do this together. I guess it will be good to get this project done anyway.”

“Great. Glad you came up with such a good idea.” He smirked.

“But I need to ask my uncle first. He might not want me getting a ride with you.”

“Why not?”

“Well, he doesn’t know you, does he?” I assumed that he wouldn’t have crossed paths with Monty much, but I was beginning to realize that James was full of surprises.  

“Well, you don’t know until you ask.” He looked down, playing with the spiral on his notebook.

“Well, I guess I could ask.” I figured that refusing would be rude.

“Great, I know how much you want to get this project done.” He gave me another of his weird smiles.

I quickly looked down at my history homework to signal the conversation was over. James didn’t say anything else, just pulled out a book and started reading. I successfully ignored him during class, but after the bell rang, he said, “See you later, partner,” as he walked out the door.

The rest of the morning went quickly, and I was still nervous about the library plans when I walked into the cafeteria with Rachel. I took the same seat as the last few days.  Liam arrived a minute later and, to my surprise, sat down next to me.

“So how have you been since gym class?” He opened his brown bag and pulled out his lunch.

“Fine, how about you?”

“I’m pretty good.” He yawned, then added, “Just tired. I’m really sick of the morning practices.”

“I know what you mean. I have to get here early every time you have one,” I reminded him.

Of course, because this was my life, James sat down next to me on my other side. He always seemed to know exactly how to irk me. “As I mentioned earlier, Charlotte, I would be happy to drive you anytime.” 

“And I told you, I don’t need a ride,” I grumbled, hoping it would end the conversation. I really didn’t want to discuss it in front of Liam. Liam looked back and forth between us, then laughed a little.

“Maybe we can talk about it again this afternoon.” James must have sensed that the only way to make me feel weirder would be to mention our plans for later.

“This afternoon?” Liam asked, sounding surprised.

“Oh, I guess Charlotte didn’t get a chance to mention it yet.” James paused to give me his usual smirk. “Charlotte and I are going to the downtown library to work on our English project. As I was telling her, the Poe section here is lacking.”

“How are you getting there, Charlotte?” Liam gave me a questioning look.
              James didn’t let me answer. “I’m giving her a ride.”

“No offense, but do you really think Monty is going to let you get a ride from a guy in an Aston Martin?” Liam asked.

“An Aston Martin?” Oh, my God, what had I agreed to? What kind of sixteen-year-old drove a car like that?

“You don’t see me as the James Bond type?” James was clearly enjoying my response to his car.

“It’s not really about the car. I already told you I need to ask my uncle first.” I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking I cared about what kind of car he drove.

“You have orchestra last period, right?” James once again managed to ask a question while making it sound like a statement.

“Yeah.” I wasn’t really surprised that he knew since there was only one orchestra class. Also, if he knew where I lived, he likely knew I played the cello.

I didn’t give the library trip much thought during my afternoon classes. Thankfully, Liam had reminded me that I could always use Monty as an excuse. I walked into orchestra thinking about what I would study after school. I was startled to see James talking to Monty and pointing in my direction. Monty gestured for me to come over.

James started talking as soon as I reached them. “Hey, Charlotte. I was just telling Mr. Winthrop that you were really excited to work on our English project today and didn’t want to wait until he got out of practice. I asked if he would mind if I drove you, and he said he didn’t see a problem with it as long as you’re home in time for dinner.”

“That okay with you, Charlotte? I know how much you love English, and I know it must be frustrating to have to be here until five o’clock.” Monty looked at me like he was trying to gage my response.

“Uh, sure,” I said, although what I wanted to do was scream. Now I couldn’t get out of it without seeming rude. 

“Great news, huh?” James shot me one of his usual smiles before exiting the room as the bell rang.

“Yeah, great,” I mumbled.

Liam was already set up behind my seat when I brought over my cello. “Hey. What was that about?”

“Oh, it was just James getting my uncle’s permission to drive me to the library,” I said, still trying to control my anger.

“Geez, eager guy, huh?”

“I can’t believe Monty said yes.” 

“Me, either.” I turned my attention to adjusting my music and tuning my cello. I got caught up in the music, and class moved quickly.

I already knew James would be waiting outside the orchestra room before I even put away my cello. I tried to calm down. It was going to be a short ride, and then I could get Monty to pick me up when he was done with practice. I walked slowly and reluctantly out of the room and stopped in front of James, who beamed. 

“Are you as excited as I am to do some research on Poe?” James never seemed to get bored of using fake enthusiasm.

“Sure, let’s go.” I just wanted to get the trip over with.

We walked out to the parking lot silently, and I immediately noticed his car parked in the second row. He opened the passenger door of his black sports car for me as though it was an afterthought and started the engine before I was even buckled. 

“Ready, study buddy?” James looked at me expectantly.

When I didn’t answer, he shrugged and pulled out of the parking spot. I was surprised to see that he drove fairly normally, not what I expected of a guy with this kind of car. It seemed like every time I thought I had James figured out, he surprised me. 

“I’m sure you are so relieved that your uncle didn’t mind me giving you a ride, huh? He just didn’t want to let you down.” I could tell that he was trying to hold back laughter.

I was seriously ready to hit him. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. “So, what is this?”

“What do you mean?” He looked over at me as we sat at a stop light.

“You obviously get some pleasure out of making me uncomfortable and angry. Why?” I hoped he might actually tell me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am just excited to get the project started.” He accelerated as the light turned green. I stared out the window. I knew I had promised myself I would give James a chance, but he annoyed me each and every time we talked, which was way too often for me.

Some of my anger melted away when we pulled into the parking lot of the public library. I had so many warm memories of the library as a child, and I hadn’t been there since we got back to town. As we walked inside, James glanced over at me, seeming to have noticed my mood change, but for once he kept his mouth shut. He led me directly to the poetry section and immediately pulled a few volumes down from a shelf.

“For someone who just moved here, you sure know your way around the library,” I said, curious.

“Thanks,” he responded, pretending to ignore my tone.

I rolled my eyes. In the few days I had known James, he had made me do that more than I had ever done it in my life. We walked over to a table and sat down with the books. James pulled out a laptop and showed me that he had already started a document for our project. We outlined the sections of the paper and then tried to pick out some poems to work with. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed working with him. He was a lot more analytical than I expected, and it was kind of relaxing. He also left some of his sarcasm at the door, showing me a side I hadn’t known existed. We took turns picking out poems to read. One of the poems James chose caught my attention. It was Poe’s
To Helen (1848)
, and it was full of garden imagery, including a great stanza about someone stopping in front of a garden gate. Something about the poem gripped me. I was sure it was the garden descriptions that caught my attention at first, but it was the stanza about the garden gate that struck me the most.

James noticed me rereading the poem. “So you like gardens, huh?” he asked, pulling my attention from the poem. I left a finger to mark my favorite stanza.

“Well, my mom loved gardening. She spent practically all her free time out in our garden.” I offered more information than I meant to.

“Your mom had a green thumb, huh?” James gave me a knowing look that once again left me with the impression that we had met before.

“Yeah, she was really good with any kind of plants or animals. My mom was kind of like the Disney versions of Snow White and Cinderella. I mean, animals didn’t actually talk to her, but they loved her.” After the words were out, I couldn’t believe I had said them. He was going to think I was crazy.

“Are you that way, too?” James’s eyes practically bored holes into mine. This should have unnerved me, but I was just so comfortable talking to him. Now that it was just the two of us, and he wasn’t constantly smirking at me, I was actually enjoying his company.

“Not as much, but yeah, I guess you could call me a nature lover,” I answered honestly. I had always had a way with animals and enjoyed gardening.

“So why are you so fixated on this stanza?” He tapped the finger I had left on the page, then read a few of the lines out loud.

Was it not Fate, whose name is also Sorrow, That bade me pause before that garden-gate, To breathe the incense of those slumbering roses?

“Well, it really just reminds me of a gate in our yard. My brother and I used to call it the forbidden gate.” I thought of the vine- and moss-covered gate that stood behind the fountain in my yard. An image from my dream came back to me, and I could almost see the figure standing in front of the gate.  

“Forbidden gate?” James stifled a laugh.

“Yeah, I know how it sounds. We were always allowed to play anywhere in the yard, but we could never go through the gate. Of course, we couldn’t if we wanted to; it was locked, and there was no way to get over the wall. Besides, there can’t be too much beyond it; we have neighbors behind us.”

“Sounds kind of cool. What do you think is back there?” He looked at me intently.

“Who knows? Maybe some dangerous animals or something.” It sounded stupid, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

James laughed. “Dangerous animals?”

“Well, what else could it be?”

“Maybe nothing, maybe anything.”

I cringed. Great, back to the cryptic talk. “Real helpful.” 

He shrugged. “So you think we’re about done?”

“Yeah, but I think I might stay here for a little while. You can go ahead and leave; I’ll call my uncle at five o’clock.”

“Hey, I’m not leaving you here. I can wait. I’m patient.”

“You really can
go
; it’s not a big deal.” I put emphasis on the word go.

“I’ll stay here and study; just come get me when you’re ready.” He pretended he didn’t notice that I wanted him to leave.

I shrugged and walked over to the computers with the catalog access and looked up books on Charleston gardens. I remembered my grandfather telling me our garden was pictured in several books. I wrote down some call numbers and headed into the stacks. I picked out four books and checked them out, updating my old library card in the process.

I passed the children’s section on the way back to James. I knew how much it would hurt to face memories of reading with my mom every Saturday morning as a kid, but I had to walk in.  The tears flooded without warning. It was like I was never going to get over her death. I ran to the restroom and dried my eyes. I looked at my reflection in the mirror; my eyes were slightly puffy, but nothing too obvious. I glanced at my watch and realized that it had been nearly an hour since I left James; it was almost four thirty.

“What’s wrong?” James asked, looking up as I approached the table. Clearly, my eyes were puffier than I thought.

“Nothing.” I hoped he’d drop it.

“So, you’re crying for no reason,” he pressed.

“Yes.” I picked up my backpack to let him know I wanted to leave.

“Likely,” James said, not moving.

“I was thinking about my mom, who’s been dead a long time, okay?” I said in a huff.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I heard she died in a car accident.” I froze for a second. I wondered why anyone would have been discussing my mom’s accident with him. I decided to let it go, but it unsettled me. 

“I’m fine. You ready?”

“Sure.” He packed his bag, and we walked out together. The slightly chilly air cleared my head, making me feel better. James opened the car door for me again, and this time he waited until I was buckled in before starting the car. We drove home in relative silence. James looked over every once in a while, but luckily, he kept his mouth shut. He only commented about the books I checked out. “Interesting reading?” he asked a few blocks from my house.

“Yeah, I figure it might be fun to know more about my family’s house.”

“Definitely. You’ll have to let me know what you find out.”

“Sure.” I assumed he was just being nice because he felt bad that I had gotten so upset about my mom.

A minute later, James pulled up in front of my house. “So, you want a ride tomorrow?”

“No thanks. I’ll just go in with my brother, but thanks for asking.” My anger at James had dissipated; he didn’t seem like as big a jerk as I initially thought. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little unnerved that he knew how my mom had died.