Because of You (2 page)

Chapter Two

The week stretched out interminably for Jill.
Find a hobby
, Adam had told her over and over again. He thought that was the solution to all her problems. It wasn’t
their
problem, because he found nothing wrong with their marriage. She simply had too much time on her hands and too few time management skills to deal with it. To Adam, Jill was being ridiculous and unreasonable—or worse, needy.

Adam simply blamed her job. Her working in a bank skewed her understanding of the bigger picture. Being in the fishbowl atmosphere of a small bank didn’t allow her to appreciate the big, wide world outside of its confines. Sometimes she wondered if he even thought she had a functioning brain.

It wasn’t as if Jill hadn’t considered taking up a hobby. She had. Nothing seemed to interest her. She hated to sew or knit. And cooking was out. Adam, strictly a meat and potatoes kind of guy, would never appreciate any new dishes. She’d end up eating her own masterpieces and turn into a backup replacement for the Goodyear Blimp or, God forbid, on a weight-loss reality show.

“A hobby is not what I need,” Jill muttered aloud. “
What I
do
need is a more attentive
husband
,” she said pushing every word through a clenched jaw.

As she stepped out of the shower stall and began to towel herself off, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the full-length mirror. What she saw did not make her happy. She finished drying off her smooth, caramel colored skin, studying her entire body carefully. It looked as if she’d put on some weight, and it wasn’t in places that flattered her figure. That would explain why her clothes were beginning to feel snug.

Jill sighed. Maybe it was time to join a gym. Her job as a bank teller wasn’t helping. Seated behind a window keying numbers into a computer was not much exercise. Her sister, Lynne, who lived in Arizona, swore by her gym membership and loved her personal trainer, Joey, with whom she scheduled maintenance sessions every so often. And from the way her husband, Haywood, looked at Lynne, he definitely appreciated her toned, petite body.

Jill sat down in front of her make-up table and pulled the towel off her long, dark-brown hair. Brushing it as she used the blow dryer, she thought further about the gym idea and pooh-poohed it. She’d hated sports in school, and if she signed up for the gym, she’d probably go a few times and then let her membership lapse. Perhaps, if she watched what she ate and did more walking, she'd be able to shed those extra pounds.

***

Adam was late for dinner.
What a surprise
, Jill thought sarcastically as she curled up on the den sofa and booted up her Kindle to the story she’d been reading. She might even finish the book while she waited for “his highness” to come home.

A little voice inside her head chastised her for her attitude. It would only press the wrong buttons and start another argument like the doozy they’d had on Saturday. That was the last thing she needed. She wanted peace and harmony. But most of all, she desired to return to the days when they couldn’t keep their hands off one another. Just thinking about it made her horny.

***

As Adam sat on the train taking him home from Manhattan to Locust Valley, an upscale suburb on Long Island, he thought about the arguments he and Jill had been having frequently over the long hours he'd been putting in at work. He knew she was lonely, but there was little he could do to change that.

So many times he wanted to tell her about how stressful his job had become. When he had first joined Roberts, White and Gould Advertising Agency, the firm felt like a second home. The CEO, Joseph Roberts, had taken Adam under his wing, obviously having detected his potential. During that time Adam worked his butt off and was rewarded with handsome raises as he rose from the rank of account manager to account director and eventually a group account director. He was definitely on the fast track to becoming the director of client services.

Unfortunately, Joseph Roberts succumbed to a heart attack and died. The agency continued without Roberts for nearly a year before the economy took a downturn and revenues fell. White and Gould sold the agency to Hartford Advertising, a larger, more global agency.

Everything changed with the sale of the company. Things became very volatile. The director of client services was let go, along with several other account directors. Even though Adam was spared, more stress was added to an already tense situation. The new director of client services was a ball buster and constantly on Adam’s back to speed up the timelines of projects and bring more revenue into the agency. Fortunately, that guy had lasted only several months, but during those months, he’d expected one hundred and twenty percent from Adam and his team of account directors, which had been decimated.

It was as if Adam had to prove himself all over again. It was his responsibility to ensure that all the work for over a dozen accounts was completed on time and within budget. It was his head on the chopping block if the clients weren’t happy.

With the economy so sluggish, most companies had to cut their spending. Advertising was the first expense item to go, and the agency was feeling the pinch. People who had been there as long as he were being let go. For a long while, when he walked in each day, he felt his guts liquefy, wondering if it was his turn to receive a pink slip.

Adam was taught by his father it was a sign of weakness to tell anyone—especially women—of your flaws. “Never tell your problems to a woman, boy. They'll just use them to emasculate and eat you alive,” his daddy had said. And lately things with Jill hadn’t been so hot. So, he'd told her none of what was happening at work. There was no way he'd want to worry her or have her think of him as anything less than a success. He'd rather die than lose his job and fulfill her parents’ low expectations of him. Therefore, he kept all his apprehensions about work to himself.

It mattered little to Jill’s parents that he had provided their daughter with a beautiful home in an affluent area of Long Island, because they’d never forgiven him from taking her away from them and her culture. To them, Adam was white trailer trash and would remain so. They’d tarred him with the same brush as his father, an alcoholic, who couldn’t seem to hold a job for long. Adam was worthless in their eyes and they never turned down a chance to let him know it.

How could he even hint to Jill his job had been in jeopardy? There was no way. He loved Jill, but blamed her attitude on her parents, who he felt had filled her pretty head with unrealistic expectations about marriage. Adam was doing everything he could to make her happy. But, unfortunately, he was human and not a superman. And he doubted that those black guys her parents had hand-picked for Jill were, either.

Chapter Three

Jill had always loved to read as a child, so she merely continued to do just that as an adult. She devoured one romance book after another. It was a poor substitute for everything she felt was lacking in her own life, unless she was happy having sex once or twice a month— if she was lucky. Reading allowed her to escape reality for a brief time and vicariously live the life and loves of the heroines. It wasn't too different from when she was a child and craved her mother’s love. Too bad the woman had just enough for herself and her causes. Many times Jill and her sister, Lynne, had to raid the refrigerator for dinner.

However, Jill didn’t consider reading to be a hobby—at least not in the classic sense like sewing or scrapbooking. So despite her outward reluctance, she continually searched for something more that she could tailor to her needs. Something that would sustain her interest longer than a few days and get her creative juices flowing. Perhaps something that would make Adam stop and take interest.

She wasn’t certain when the idea first began to germinate in her mind, but after having read her zillionth romance, and disappointed with the ending, she found herself thinking of an alternate one. Realizing what she was doing, it occurred to her that she should try to write her own book.
Why not?
After all, she had nothing to lose. So Jill decided to write her own romance novel.

And from that moment on, she became a lady with a mission. She had given herself a goal and would stop at nothing to achieve it. With Adam away from home so much, she felt as if she had all the time in the world to pursue this dream—and pursue it, she would.

***

Knowing absolutely nothing about the technique of writing, Jill went to the library after work and picked up several books on the subject to get her feet wet. That night she read way into the wee hours. By the time she had to shower and dress for work, Jill was hooked. She truly wanted to write.

The next day after work, she marched into the Apple store and purchased a laptop. Adam had a computer at home, but she wanted her own. And honestly, she felt more comfortable keeping her writing plans a secret—especially from him. That way, if she failed and didn’t complete a book, there would be no embarrassment.

With her new computer safely stowed in the trunk of her Sonata, she drove home excited about her new venture. In fact, there was so much excitement bubbling inside her that it nearly made her giddy. The feeling reminded her of Christmases past when she was a child about to open her first present. She could hardly wait to set up her new laptop.

This idea of writing and creating a story that could transport people into the time and place of her choosing was quickly becoming a passion—a vehicle into which she could channel all her needs and desires. And it made her feel good—really good.

Chapter Four

Over the next several months, Jill read every how-to book she could get her hands on and soon discovered there was much more to writing than putting words to paper. It was quite a process that didn’t end even after she wrote a compelling story. She still needed to find a publisher willing to take a chance on a newcomer. Then she would work with an editor to polish the novel before it got published. After publication, the novel would begin the marketing part of the journey. And with all the self-publishing going on and so many people trying their hand at writing, promoting the book became extremely important. Promotion was done mainly by the author, but if the author was lucky, the publisher participated, as well.

Jill realized that it was one thing to have the desire to write a book, but it was another thing to come up with a sustainable plotline. Her mind was filled with dozens of ideas, but none seemed to resonate within her. Even so, she wrote all these ideas down on a yellow pad. She knew that a special plotline would move her and rock her world and hopefully engage her readers, as well.

The idea for her novel came to her early one morning as she stepped into the shower. She recalled an old story her mother used to love to recount about her great great grandparents. They had been in love, but since they were slaves they had been separated when each was sold. They never stopped searching for each other and for a way for them to be together. It was a romantic, powerful story. Maybe she could use it as a basis for a novel. Even the title that came to her was appropriate:
Never Leave Me
. She repeated it over and over again in her head. It was perfect.

***

Jill had become passionate about her writing. She tried to find the time to write whenever she could, by getting up early each morning before work and then writing as much as she could during her lunch hour. Not wanting Adam to find out about her writing, she was only able to write when he wasn’t at home. When she received her local library’s program brochure in the mail, it gave her an idea. She could tell Adam she’d joined the Great Books Discussion Group that met every Wednesday and have an excuse to leave his dinner in the fridge, freeing her up to write at the library. What could be more perfect than that? Okay, it was a lie, but only a little white one. She could live with that. And if she never finished her novel or couldn’t get it published, it would never matter.

There were two other young women working at the bank who were around Jill’s age. Renee MacKay was a strikingly tall, curvy redhead whose boobs got to her station a good five seconds before the rest of her. Doreen Bossey, a cherub-faced, sweet-talking, African American with a humdinger of a southern accent, seemed to be able to charm most of the men into opening special accounts. At twenty-eight, Jill was the oldest and the only married one.

And she seemed to be the only woman in that shift who didn’t have a wild and crazy life outside the bank. Renee and Doreen had no qualms about discussing the men they met and slept with. From the way they talked, it was obvious to Jill that the girls thought being married was a license to nonstop sexual debauchery.
If they only knew
.

At first Jill was a little jealous of their sexual antics, but listening to them became fodder for her novel. Of course, she could never tell them she was writing one. Therefore, if they saw her doing any writing on her lunch hour, she once again used the excuse of writing a critique on the book she was reading for the Great Books Discussion Group from the library. The girls teased her about being a bookworm, but left her alone to write.

The only person Jill confided in was her sister, Lynne. When Jill first mentioned she was writing a romance novel during a phone call, Lynne’s reaction was classic. “You’re finally writing a ‘tell all’ about our crazy, dysfunctional family?”

“Didn’t you catch the word
romance
in what I just said?”

“Now that you mention it, yeah, I did. That would definitely exclude our
loving
parents. But tell me, are you really serious about writing, Jill?”

“Cardiac-arrest serious.”

“Throwing around big words already— I guess you are. Seriously, Sis, I think it’s great.”

“Honest to God?” Jill asked.

“Cross my heart, honest. You know I love you and wish you only the best. So go for it! And I’ll be the first person ion line to buy the book.”

Jill knew her younger sister would be her most ardent fan. Born eleven months apart, they had been so close growing up. While their parents were marching to improve the welfare of African Americans in the United States, their two daughters were left in the care of their paternal grandmother, who had a fondness for alcohol. Unfortunately for Jill and Lynne, Granny was often found sprawled out cold in her rocker in front of the TV by four in the afternoon. If they wanted to eat, they had to fend for themselves.

While their parents were actively pouring their time, hearts, and souls into furthering African American causes, their own children, Jill and Lynne, had managed to disappoint them in the worst possible way by marrying white men. Mr. and Mrs. Daniels didn’t believe in the adage that love is blind. In fact, when Jill told them she was getting married to Adam, the scene that took place in the kitchen of their small apartment in Trenton could have been a pivotal scene right out of a movie.

Jill had had the foresight not to bring Adam around to meet her parents until she had paved the way first. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but damn, she didn’t think she’d need a backhoe. Her father exploded and nearly had a stroke, while her mother fell to her knees sobbing, “Where did I go wrong, sweet Jesus?”

There had been no way she could explain to them how much she loved Adam. It had truly been love at first sight. It had been love, not God, that had worked in mysterious ways. And love is definitely blind. It doesn’t see the color of one’s skin. When those pheromones hit you, you’re a goner.

When the tall, handsome, blond man wearing a blue pinstripe suit approached her window at the bank, it was as if the hero from her Viking story had just time traveled out of the romance novel she was currently reading and walked into her bank. She envisioned the broad-shouldered body under the blue suit with a muscle-toned torso tapering to his waist. Jill felt her mouth grow dry as her eyes focused on his sensual lips as he spoke. Though all he asked her to do was cash his check, those few words were music to her ears. He thanked her as she gave him the money and managed to say, “you’re welcome.” Then he was gone.

As her heartbeat began to slow, Jill realized how silly she’d been, since she’d never see that gorgeous guy named Adam Stone again. Her eyes had nearly devoured the name on the check. It was a wonder they’d left no scorch marks. Of course she had no idea that the love bug had stung Mr. Adam Stone just as hard.

He came back the following day to cash another check. Again, Jill felt her heart ping pong against the walls of her chest as he approached. “Hello, Ms. Daniels,” was all he said, and her insides began to liquefy. “I need to cash this check. I also have a favor to ask of you.”

Her heart was pumping so much blood; she could hardly hear the man’s voice over the noise. “Favor? We don’t give out samples in this bank.”

The Viking god gave out a throaty chuckle. “I’m in town for a few days on business and have no one to have lunch with. If I promise to be on my best behavior, would you meet me for lunch at the Italian restaurant across the street?”

Jill couldn’t say no, and that lunch had led to dinner. By the end of dinner, she knew she was crazy in love with Mr. Adam Stone from New York. Their flame of love burned so brightly that they decided to get married six months later. She gave notice to the bank and married Adam in front of the justice of the peace. The only person present was Lynne and a guy that Adam worked with named Scott Breyer. Of course her parents never showed. Why would they? They had never accepted Adam. To them he was an embarrassment.

After Jill married Adam and moved to New York, Lynne couldn’t bear to listen to her parents go on and on about their stupid daughter and how she had betrayed her people and her race. Her parents had turned love into a race crime. Lynne had had enough of their rancor and decided to move to Phoenix. It had been a bold step, but she had applied for a real estate job that would help her obtain a license. There she met Haywood Wish and fell in love. When Lynne married Haywood, also white, the Daniels were all but devastated. Of course, they blamed Lynne’s marriage on Jill, but still cut Lynne no slack. Both daughters were stricken from their wills.

Because Jill trusted Lynne’s advice, she used her as a sounding board. She’d often discuss her book with her, bouncing off ideas and asking advice whenever she got stuck. Lynne understood why she hadn’t told Adam about her secret project and promised to keep it to herself.

***

Now, nearly eight months later, Jill felt that her story,
Never Leave Me
, was finished, self-edited, and ready to be sent out into the world. She knew the hardest part would be to find a prominent publishing house willing to read her manuscript. Most of the large New York–based houses didn’t accept non-agented work, so she decided her best avenue to break into publishing would be to acquire an agent. She’d researched those agencies looking for new clients and picked out an agency that was seeking stories similar to hers.

After saying a silent prayer, Jill emailed a query letter containing the first three chapters of her completed novel and a synopsis, or detailed plotline, to a prominent New York agency, hoping they’d want to read the rest of her story. She immediately called Lynne who wished her luck and then it was off to bed.

Adam was sound asleep when Jill slipped under the blanket. She wished she could tell him that she had written a book and had sent it out to an agent. It would be nice to have him hold her hand in support as she waited to hear back from the agency, but Adam was so wrapped up in his career that she doubted he would care. Yet he’d have to know if her book was ever sold.
What a nice ring
those words had
, she thought. Lynne had said to her on the phone earlier, “I think it’s time to tell Adam, Jill.” Maybe she was right.

***

When Jill got home from work two weeks after sending her query, she immediately checked her email, as she did every day, hoping for a response from the agency. Slowly she scrolled down the list of e-mails and noticed that the agency had responded. She took a deep breath before opening the message.
Yes!
They had requested the entire manuscript. Excitedly, and now truly hopeful, she attached her novel in its entirety to her reply, saying a little prayer before she clicked send. Assuring herself that there were many more agents to try if this agency turned her down, she made dinner for Adam and hoped he would show up before it was overcooked and as tasty as shoe leather.

Adam surprised Jill by being on time that night. Over dinner Jill got up the courage and casually mentioned that she’d written a novel and that an agent was interested in it. Adam was filling his mouth with mashed potatoes and nearly choked. After gulping down water to clear his throat, he managed to squeak, “You wrote a novel?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“Well, this is the first I’m hearing of it. Why shouldn’t I be surprised?”

“Can’t you be happy for me? Not everybody finishes a book.”

“Writing a book is one thing, but selling it and getting it into print is another,” Adam said sipping some more water.

Thanks for the support
, Jill thought wondering why she bothered to tell him in the first place.

***

Three days later, while Jill was on her lunch break at work, she received the call from Joan Wilson of the Slattery Book Agency. She loved the book and her agency wanted to represent Jill! When Jill agreed, the woman faxed the paperwork to the bank where Jill worked. Much to Jill’s surprise, Ms. Wilson had wanted to get the process started ASAP.

Excitedly, Jill called Adam to tell him about the great news. In less than three minutes, he pricked her balloon of happiness, and again she wondered why she even bothered to call him in the first place.

“Sounds good, Jill, but getting someone to represent you is not actually selling the book. When the book is sold and in print, then it’ll be time to celebrate,” he said abstractedly.

Thanks for your feel-good speech
, she mused as her bubbly mood fizzled. Suddenly a knot of rage that had begun deep within her shot to the surface. It was as if Adam’s words had hit an exposed nerve. “Then be prepared to celebrate. My novel will be sold—I just know it!”

“Okay, okay. Good luck with that. I’ll see you tonight.”

It took a beat or two for Jill to realize he’d hung up. “Great,” she said aloud to herself. “Thanks for the support, Adam.”

To make herself feel better, she called Lynne to tell her the news.

***

Jill was still upset by Adam’s nonchalant attitude on the phone by the time she’d left work that day, but she was proud that she had been able to finish the book and decided she wasn’t going to allow him to rain on her parade.

When Adam came home she didn’t bring up the subject of her book. Obviously he’d forgotten all about it, as well, because he made no reference to it. She kept her bruised feelings inside and went to bed early. The last conscious thought she had was that completing the book and signing with an agent was truly an achievement—no matter what anybody thought.