Beauty and the Beasts [Bride Train 6] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (26 page)

“I expect the man calling himself Mr. Isaac has beaten hundreds of women and killed a dozen or more.”

“But—”

Lily held up her hand. “I am doing this for me, Sarah. Not just you. Trace and Beth just gave me a granddaughter. I’ll not stand by and allow such a monster to exist, when he could one day hurt my baby girl.”

“Because you understand.”

“I not only understand, I know what it feels like to be beaten like a rabid dog and thrown aside like a piece of meat. Until the next man wants a piece of that meat and comes into your room. And the next. And the next.”

Though Lily looked across the room, Sarah knew she didn’t see the far wall. She saw something from her past which haunted her. She finally gave Sarah a wan smile.

“What I really wanted to say to you today was not to give up. Don’t blame yourself because you put your trust in the wrong people. Your father and uncle should have protected you from harm. You trusted them, and they betrayed you. And because of Tierson and the others, you feel disgraced and dishonored. But most of the men here in Tanner’s Ford aren’t like that.”

Sarah’s heart pounded. She knew being rejected by her father and uncle weren’t her fault, but believing it deep inside was something else.

“It’s hard, after what’s happened.”

“I know.” Even Lily’s snort was ladylike. “Believe, me, I know very well. But don’t wait twenty-five years like me, until your womb is dry and your pillow soaked from tears of what-might-have-beens. You had a terrible time, but it is past. Leave it there and look to the future. Ambrose and I are finally together again, but we lost twenty-five years. I have a good idea that each of those Circle C men could love you dearly. Perhaps one or two already do?”

Sarah’s cheeks burned. She dropped her eyes.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I believe you could love them, as well. Let the past go and grab this opportunity with both hands, feet, and whatever body parts work. And one more thing.”

Sarah looked up.

“Please, don’t rule out marriage. You weren’t betrayed by your own bad judgment, but by the men who created it. Make sure you can trust Luke, or his partners, but don’t deny your love because other men hurt you.”

“You ladies decent? I’ve a hankering to set a bit.”

Walt Chamberlain didn’t wait for an answer before entering the cabin. The older man wore an outfit Sarah knew he’d made himself, from shooting the elk, to tanning its hide, and sewing his coat and pants. On his head he wore his usual battered black hat, but it looked different with his hair cut and beard trimmed.

“You looked so handsome in your dark suit with shined shoes and crisp hat at the weddings,” said Sarah.

“Mrs. Johnston was very impressed.” Lily batted her eyelashes at Walt. “I hear the lady almost swooned.”

Walt turned, facing the light, and Sarah gasped. “Walt Chamberlain! Is that a blush I see on your cheeks?”

He scowled and kept looking around the room.

“When Mrs. Johnston saw Walt dressed fancy and using his city manners instead of talking like a mountain man, she couldn’t believe he was the same man.” Lily directed her attention right at Walt. “But she hasn’t lost interest in you, no matter that you try to act like a grumpy old billy goat.”

“Ain’t no whiskey in here.” Walt shuffled over to the door. “I jest got one thing to say, missy.” He gave Sarah a pointed look. “I said this to Beth afore she met Trace, and I’ll say it to you. If you need a paper husband, jest ask. I won’t touch you none, but you’d be married.”

“What about Mrs. Johnston?” asked Lily.

The color on Walt’s cheeks deepened. “A divorce costs ten dollars in Helena. And Judge Thatcher might do it for free.” He jerked his head in a nod and carefully took the two steps to the ground. “Oscar Cutler! Where’d you put that dang bottle of whiskey you promised me?”

“I could solve my marriage problem by becoming Mrs. Walt Chamberlain,” said Sarah. “Walt’s a kind man, and I’d have my bakery.”

“Yes, you would,” said Lily. “But then you’d have to live at least some of the time in an eight-by-ten-foot shack with Walt and his very handsome hired man, Zach McInnes. I understand two more brothers or cousins are on the way from Texas with Walt’s cattle.” Lily raised both manicured eyebrows. “I don’t think Gabe, Oz, or Luke would let that happen.”

“Thank you so much,” said Sarah when Lily prepared to go. “I’ll think on what you said.”

Sarah thought hard as she hung up the wash. She continued as she peeled potatoes and then prepared stuffing for the plump chicken Lily brought as a gift. When Oz headed off to do something in the barn, she brought his shirts into the sun to mend tears and attach buttons. Keeping her hands busy allowed her to think and still be useful.

Would the famous Pinkerton Detective Agency find the men that abused her? If they came to town, would she have to speak with them? Lily had far more life experience, and would push her to tell them everything. She set her mending down before she poked herself with the needle because of her trembling hands.

“You look like you need some loving.”

She jumped to her feet, knocking her mending to the dirt. “I’m fine,” she said to Oz. “You just startled me.”

“You’re not fine.”

Though she struggled, Oz swept her into his arms. He sat, holding her tight. He said nothing, though she felt his tension, equal to her own. She also felt his warmth, and his caring. She let the sun, and his strength, relax her.

“I bet I could make you relax pretty fast if you took off your clothes.”

He looked so eager that she slapped his chest and pulled herself to her feet.

“Hot sex doesn’t cure everything,” she said.

His eyes widened, and he gaped at her. “It doesn’t? Are you sure? We should try it just in case—”

“Walt said he’d marry me.”

Oz’s frisky smile faded. “And?”

“He’s a kind man.”

“Yes, he is. He’s also a lot smarter, richer, and has more schooling than he lets on. If you married him, you could be a very rich widow in a few years.”

“I don’t want to be a widow from that!”

“Gabe said you told the new sheriff you liked the idea of marrying and having your husband drop dead right after. Being a cook and all, you could slip something into a man’s food that would shorten the time you had to put up with him.”

“I would never hurt a kind man like Walt Chamberlain!”

“Not if it would give you your dream? Your own business, and freedom from us interfering men? All alone with your stove and your cat?”

“That’s not my dream.”

As soon as she said it, she realized it was true. She’d listened to everything Sophie and Lily told her, and some of it stuck. The last few days gave her a different kind of freedom. Instead of working inside all day over a hot stove, she was in and out of the house. She did all sorts of different things, and did them when she wanted.

Yes, meals were required at set times and there was lots to do. Since the three men hadn’t had a woman to do all those seemingly nonessential things, like mending shirts, there was a backlog of chores that would take months to complete.

But she had company to share the load.

Dishing up stew to strangers, no matter how much they appreciated it, wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wanted to see Gabe’s eyes light up when he came home. She wanted Oz to hug her when she needed it, even if she thought she could do without.

Her dream, the one which had kept her sane for months, had changed. The problem was, she wasn’t sure what it had changed to. She wanted the life she’d experienced since coming to the Circle C. But, like everything else, she knew it wouldn’t last. Something would happen to force a change.

Luke could insist she marry him or leave the ranch. Gabe and Oz could fight over her, or with Luke. One of them could be injured, or killed.

And if she kept loving Gabe and Oz as often, her belly would swell. She’d been lucky not to get with child in Bannack City, but if she was healthy, sooner or later she’d become a mother. She both yearned for, and dreaded, what would then happen.

“That’s not your dream? You coulda fooled me.” He looked up at the mountains. “What changed your mind? Getting away from town for a few days? Having time to think?” His blue-green eyes met hers. “Or was it being here, with us?”

“All of it, I expect.”

She saw pain in his eyes, and longing. She recognized both, being familiar with it herself. She slid her arms around his chest. His heart thudded against her ear, as loud as a mining engine, but he kept himself stiff, refusing her touch.

“I don’t know what I want, but it includes you. If you’ll have me.”

“Oh, God, Sarah!”

He grabbed her, holding her so tight she could barely breathe. But she was doing the same.

“I need you,” she whispered. “Not just as a talented lover, but as a loving friend.” She pulled back a bit, resting her forehead on his chest to give herself breathing room. “I never knew that I’d find someone who can make me laugh, who gives me a shoulder to cry on, and knows when I need a hug.”

“I can be a friend, as long as you want the lover part of me as well.”

She knew him well enough to sense the change when his touch went from loving friend to amorous lover. Instead of holding her snug, his hands caressed her gently. Her heart sped up as her body reacted.

“Mmm, I like the lover part of you,” she said. “A lot. You and Gabe make me feel wonderful.”

“Just two of us? What about Luke?”

Her amorous thoughts faded like mist on a hot morning. She pulled back. He allowed her a few inches but didn’t release her.

“It’s hard to care for someone who scowls at me, grunts a thank-you after meals, and avoids me the rest of the time.”

“If Luke smartens up, could your dream change enough to allow for a husband?”

“I won’t be like my mother, and Luke’s. They were conveniences to their husbands. They did what was expected of them, such as providing children. I expect their husbands rarely thought about them when they weren’t in the same room.”

“I think about you all the time, Sarah. You’re not a convenience, but almost a part of me.” Oz pulled her close. “I don’t know what I’d do if you went away.”

She let his words sink into her heart. It wasn’t a declaration of love, but she hadn’t offered him one, either. How could she, when she wasn’t sure what love was?

Luke was chopping kindling when Gabe approached. He slammed the hatchet into the wood block and wiped sweat off his forehead. From Gabe’s expressions, he meant business. Lately, that meant a certain woman.

“What now?”

“Sarah won’t marry you just to be a wife and mother. She wants more.” Gabe leaned against a tree and crossed his arms.

Luke sighed. So much for enjoying the silence. “More what?”

“Do you like her?”

“Of course I like her. I want to marry her.”

Gabe shook his head. “Think of your father and mother. Did they like each other?”

“They respected each other as husband and wife. That’s all that mattered.”

“So your answer is no, they didn’t really like each other very much, but they hid it behind respectability.”

Luke looked down the valley. “Maybe.” He pulled off his hat. “I’ve been thinking. Your parents fought, yelled, hugged, and even kissed. Mine were always utterly polite, like wax dolls. They did what was expected of them, never looking below the surface.”

“Sarah doesn’t want that kind of marriage. Do you?”

After a moment, Luke shook his head.

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

“What do you suggest? After all, you’re not going to leave me alone until you tell me.”

“Ask her what you can do to change her mind.”

“She’s not going to change her mind.” Gabe looked at him as if he was too dense to understand the question. “Is she?”

“You and Sarah both want to be in control so that nothing bad will happen to you,” said Gabe.

“What’s the matter with keeping control?”

“It’s impossible, Luke. You can’t control the wind, weather, disease, snakes, or all those other things. If we never went to war, your mother and sisters might not have been murdered.”

A familiar shot of pain stabbed Luke’s heart. He closed his eyes, remembering his little sisters’ sweet faces and bright laughter.

“I hate what happened to them,” said Gabe quietly. “Hate it with every part of my soul and body. But I can’t change the past, and neither can you. Even if they’d survived, and not killed themselves out of shame, they might already be dead from disease, fire, a runaway carriage or, if they lived long enough and could face marriage, childbirth. Yes, they’re dead. But we are not responsible for their deaths.”

Luke shook his head, refusing the words, but they still slipped into his mind.

“Face it, my friend. You cannot control what happens to you, to me, or anyone else you care about. You’re born, you live, and you die. If you’re lucky, really lucky, you might find someone with a smile that heals all the pain and fears that attack in the night. Someone who will hold you in that dark night and ease your heart as you ease hers. Someone like Sarah. But if you’re too afraid of losing her, you’ll never have her.”

Luke’s entire body trembled. He could barely see through the haze of rage in his eyes. Gabe, the youngest child of servants, looked at him with pity. Pity!

“Killing me won’t kill the demons in your soul, my friend,” said Gabe. “Bad things happen to people we love, but that’s no reason to stop loving.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know why,” continued Gabe, “but Sarah loves us. She loves me, and Oz, and if you give her a chance, she might even love your sorry hide.”

Luke’s brain buzzed so hard he couldn’t think.

“You’re not going to have your family back no matter how much you suffer, my friend. I will never forget my parents, or the bastards that killed them and your family. But I can love again. I hope Sarah can love you as well, but something about marriage scares her. Find out what it is, fix it, and then maybe you’ll have a chance of being a father.”