Beasthood (The Hidden Blood Series) (2 page)

                                                                                    *

Original Copy

             
My name is Jaz and I’m crazy.

             
Well if having therapy because you had a dream where you were having a miscarriage and then woke up in a pool of your own blood- even though you’re not pregnant- never even had sex- and no one believes you- constitutes as losing your sanity then that’s my name and don’t wear it out.

             
It happened last year. January 16
th
. It was a Saturday morning. Even after a year I still haven’t gotten over it.

In the nightmare I was lying down, propped up on a hard pillow and the room was bright. So bright it hurt my eyes. There were at least four people in the room with me.

I couldn’t see their faces but I’m positive I didn’t know them. I’m sure. At least I think I’m sure.

A scent of a woman’s perfume - a mature woman- drifted into my nostrils. The scent seemed familiar but I still can't place it.  That’s been bugging me a lot.

              A man was holding my hand. His hand was firm, big and slightly rough on the inside of the thumb. He was speaking but the words didn’t make sense to me. Because of the pain.

             
My god I have never experienced so much pain in my life.

             
It was so vivid I could think of it now and it’d be like a very recent memory.

             
The smell of blood. Even now I want to be sick just thinking of it. It reeked of death though I couldn't imagine what that smelt like.

             
After the ripping, twisting pains in my stomach seemed to ease, I was screaming over and over ‘My baby, my baby!’ though it wasn’t me saying it.  I couldn't NOT say it, like I was inside the mind of somebody else.

             
It wasn't even my voice. This voice was higher and sweeter even when it screamed.

Then the agony returned but it was a different kind of pain. I knew- she knew- it was all over for her. And then the pain climaxed to a point I felt like I was going to split apart and then suddenly faded like I’d been pumped full of morphine.

Then everything went black.

She -I, had died.

It was the most terrifying and yet relieving feeling I'd ever experienced in my life.

              When I woke up I still had tears in my eyes. My arms and hands felt wet and I thought it was from a lot of sweat. The sheets were wet. The faint light from the early hours of dawn allowed my eyes to see what was really there. The sheets were blood red. They were drenched in my own blood.

1:40 p.m. At home.

After that, I was taken to hospital.
T
he doctor examined me, discussed my symptoms and because I was still disorientated I said I thought I’d miscarried. Now they still won’t believe me when I say I wasn’t thinking straight then. But it doesn't matter.

After the examination, the doctor said he wanted to do some more tests. Thinking that the worst of it was over, the doctor then sat me down and told me that not only could he not prove I wasn't a virgin -I still have no idea what that means- but that I'm not able to have children.

I'm as barren as a wasteland.

             
He believed that I must have drank too much at a party, which I denied and he brought it down to distress, not pressing the issue further, adding that perhaps I got pregnant by accident, and this was the result.

And then I was sent home.

My parents didn't discuss it. In fact it was like they were avoiding the subject altogether.  And I've never told Ellie and Lisa. I don't know why but even though we're so close, this was something I wanted to keep to myself. My burden to bear. Or not to bear. Yeah lame joke, I know.

And now I'm feeling more accepting of it, and less ashamed, I still can't bring myself to tell them about it. I wouldn't know how to drop that into a conversation.

             
The truth is though, I haven’t been myself since. You can try to hide that from your friends, your family... your therapist (mentally rolling my eyes)- but you can't hide it from yourself.

             
My parents, especially my dad, began to notice my downward spiral when my grades went from pretty good to below average within months. I'd been falling asleep in class because ever since that night, I have trouble sleeping.

             
My Head Teacher got complaints from my teachers, called my mum at home and voila! Therapy I went. Well... sort of. Skipped a few sessions but my Aunt Ruth is pretty serious about her job, and is a snitch too so I HAD to go to every session from then on.

So now every Tuesday, I have to go and talk about my feelings to a woman who doesn't even believe I've ever told the truth, probably about ANYTHING, so it kind of makes the whole thing pointless.

But seriously, I've spent a lot of those sleepless hours self-analyzing -trying to figure out this whole thing- and all I can say is HOW could it have even happened? How?

              How can your body get tricked into believing you're pregnant and miscarry? All because of a dream? I mean is it even possible?

             
I couldn't have been pregnant. I’ve never gotten drunk and had sex with a random guy, AND forgotten about it. I rarely even drink for that matter. Last time I did was on November 13th at Ellie’s birthday party and I only had a glass of bubbly. I’m not THAT much of a light weight. And besides I'm practically glued to Lis and Ellie's ass whenever I do go out, which is very rare, so they would've known if I'd done any dirty deeds even if I somehow didn't. Believe me.

             
I just want this all to be over. I can’t even talk about this to Ellie or Lisa. They’re the best but they don’t know what it’s like. I can’t even grieve because it seems stupid to everyone else, and I can’t talk about it.

I guess I’ll just have to suffer this alone and in silence.

And hope it never happens again.

~
Chapter 2-
Spread~

Saturday February 6
th
, 20
10
: 10:45 p.m
.
-
Arik’s Study.

             
Three weeks after the death of Lora Kormak, rumours had spread like wild fire about her.

             
People suspected she hadn’t survived child birth because she wasn't one of them. And the elders believed it was true. 

“
She wasn’t the right one,” said the old man. His face was lined with many decades of leadership. Tough decisions stained his memory and the consequences of them -good or bad- would haunt him forever. But it was his duty and he accepted it wholeheartedly.

His light blue eyes were youthful but severe as he gazed at the old woman across the table. The light from the hanging ceiling lamp above formed harsh shadows down both their faces.

“We don’t know that for sure,” the woman replied soberly.

“
Oh come on, Maria! You've been thinking it for a while now. Don't treat me like a fool!” he growled.

             
She responded with a stern lip. He blinked, washing away the anger from his eyes and flashed her a delicate smile. Her face softened just a little, enough for him to notice, but she still did not return the favour. “It is possible,” she conceded, against her better judgment. “But her sister died at birth. They've already proven this.” He wafted a hand away as if that didn’t matter. “They would not lie to me. They are loyal to the Pack,” she said stiffly.

“
So why aren’t they here? Why don’t they live here, where they belong? I tell you why!” he shot out the words before Maria could respond. “They do not accept who they are, they never have. They’d prefer to live around ‘
normal
’ people. If that is the case, then they certainly wouldn’t have wanted their pure blood daughter to live like
us
. Who knows what they might have done to prevent it.” His words were riddled with suspicion and accusation.

“
Arik, what are you insinuating? Have you gone mad?” she whispered.

             
He eyed her warningly. “You deny that it is possible that they could have lied about her twin’s death, because in their mind they'd have been 'protecting' it?” Maria said nothing. Arik continued confidently. “They would never have wanted us to take their pureblood child in. They hid away from us the moment they left this place and when we finally found them and
eventually
got their acceptance to bring Lora here, they allowed it to happen a little too easily as if a weight were off their shoulders. It didn’t make sense to me. Garik agrees also.”

“
Garik has always been overly paranoid,” she argued revealing how much she disliked her eldest son’s inability to believe anything without scouring each detail until he was sure it was true. He had watched Lora like a hawk, Maria remembered. She frowned with regret at the memory.

“
Even so. Unfortunately, he was right to have his suspicions. He says he may have a lead,” Arik replied gravely.

“
He always thinks he knows more than everyone else,” Maria retorted holding up her pointed chin, concealing the rolling of her dark green eyes in the shadows. The old man’s eyes were sharper than she gave them credit for, but he let it slide.

It was clear he had a soft place in his heart for his old friend. He always had.

It had crushed him when the young Maria had been paired with her late husband, Vern, though he had never breathed –and would never breathe- a word of it to anyone.

He, Vern and Maria had always been close friends. Vern’s death had caused a lot of heartache in both of them. In a way, it had brought them closer together; as friends of course, nothing more. That ship had long since sailed. Thirty odd years if anyone’s counting. He was, of course.

He blinked out of his thoughts that had lasted a mere two seconds and said with a more considerate tone, “He tells me that he has footage of Thorpe's old BMW stopping at a petrol station in Sheffield the day Eliza gave birth. He said it looked like there was an occupied baby car seat in the back. Which would beg the question, what the hell was Thorpe doing in Sheffield, three hours from home,
and
with a newborn baby in his car?”

             
Maria blanched. She remembered Thorpe calling her that day. He'd said he was with Eliza and baby Lora. He'd been in tears about the loss of the twin, so had Maria when she'd heard her son sobbing down the phone. Not once had he mentioned this peculiar trip. What would be the reason for it? He was the kind of man to stay and comfort his wife after the loss of a child, not go on mysterious trips.

             
Arik shifted position and sighed,“I'm sorry Maria, but the facts seem to point to Lora not having been a pureblood.  She did not survive the childbirth of her son. He had been a stillbirth. That is unheard of.

“
To confirm my theory, I have heard, through the grapevine, that it is possible - though extremely rare- for both twins to survive birth. Even rarer for the human twin to live beyond childhood, but still possible.”

“
What are you babbling on about old man?” she remarked.

             
He smiled, sensing the affection beneath the rude response. “I am almost certain now, thanks to Garik and Kerk's research that Lora does in fact have a twin, alive and well and
she
is the pureblood sibling.”

“
She?”

“
Garik looked at birth certificates registered that same week in the Sheffield area, with the same birthday, and there were eight girls, no boys, born that day. So we're pretty certain we're looking for a female.

“
From what Garik found it's clear that Eliza gave birth at home and went to hospital afterwards. We suspect at some point between the births and the hospital, Thorpe must have hidden the twin. Which would explain his suspicious trip.”

“
Why are you saying this, Arik? Why would he do that?”

“
I don't know Maria. The same reason he couldn't stand living here any longer. What confuses me still is why he allowed Lora to come here but did all that he could to protect the other child?” Arik became lost in thought as memories flooded his mind.

“
Lora was one of us! Stop talking about her like she was an outsider!” Maria snapped. “We all sensed it. She even had the scent on her! We'd have known straight away if she wasn't.”

“
Do we have many 'human' twins alive to compare with?” Maria lowered her gaze at his words. He pursed his lips with displeasure at her unhappiness. He added in a lowered voice, “They don't smell the same as real humans, because they aren't the same. But they aren't like us either. She wasn't either. And now if we piece everything together that she did, or more importantly
didn't
do no matter what
others
say, we can see that for sure.

“
Because of her rich bloodline, even being what she was, she may have had a such a strong invisible connection to her pureblood sister, that we never suspected her before-”

“
And this is going on the even less likely assumption that a 'human' child could even survive birth in the first place?” Maria's rebuke was acidic.

             
Arik eyed her, continuing with his theory. “If she
was
the 'human' twin, which the
evidence
seems to point towards, then clearly she
did
survive. I cannot see any other alternative, as much as I would like to. We have to find her twin just to prove the theory.”

“
What does it matter? Lora was still family. This changes nothing.”

“
It changes everything, for many. Especially the twin. And if I'm right, and she exists and we can confirm she's the pureblood, then we have to accept Thorpe and Eliza lied to us. You know what that'll mean, don't you?”

“
Of course I do!” she snapped back. She wasn't a foolish woman, quite the opposite. The idea had occurred to her but she had always ignored it, pushing it into a small corner of her mind. She didn't want to believe her son could have lied to her all these years.

             
But now that it was being presented to her, there was no escaping it.

             
Arik fixed his sky-blue eyes on her.

“
It
is
possible,” he confirmed with complete certainty.

             
Maria would never forgive herself for suggesting it but if it would save her son from a worse fate, and even her daughter-in-law, -despite the fact Eliza would never forgive her for saying it- she had to speak out. “Suppose Eliza had been unfaithful to my son?”

             
The old man cocked his head up, straining the tendons in his neck. The wrinkled skin was now taut as he watched Maria searchingly. “You suspect?”

             
Maria shook her head. “But it could be another explanation,” she said slowly.

“
Explain.”

“
Eliza could have mated with another of our kind, meaning the chances of baring twins was lower. She had one child, confessed her betrayal to Thorpe, he forgave her and pretended they'd had twins, telling us the other had died, as is the norm. It may not have been Thorpe's car in Sheffield, or he just didn't tell us about going there for whatever minor, harmless reason.

“
Another reason perhaps is that they didn't even know Lora wasn't a pureblood? Something went wrong when she was a fetus in the womb and our gene didn't attach to her? Which, if you're so caught up on believing Lora was human, then that would make sense. And you can put all suspicions of a twin to rest.”

“
There must be a twin.”

“
Why
must
there be? Maybe Lora wasn't Thorpe's child! But, if I'm humouring your twin- sister- being-alive theory, they would have raised
both
of them, and sent the pureblood to us. They wouldn't have abandoned it.

“
All my theories are very unlikely and most unheard of but they are less far-fetched than yours. My bet is on Eliza having had an affair. She gave birth to one child, discovered it wasn't a pureblood, then confessed her infidelity to Thorpe and he forgave her, deciding to cover it up by saying they'd had twins and one had died.”

“
Why not just say they'd had one child? What difference does it make?”

“
Oh Arik. Why else? In our bloodline, with our high fertility, we are more likely to have twins. He wanted everyone to believe it was his without question. I know how careful and meticulous he can be. They hoped we would never find out she wasn't a pureblood or just simply didn't know themselves.

“
There's a whirlpool of explanations here. She could have even mated with a
human
for all we know and conceived. From what I've heard, it's not
that
far-fetched.”

             
The old man snapped his head up, piercing her with his sharp ice eyes. She froze for a moment, not liking the way he skewered her in place.

“
Where did you hear that?” His voice was low and cold.

             
She understood quickly what was going on in his head and it surprised her. She did not like nasty surprises. She thought fast. “Oh nowhere. Rumours, people joking around about it.”

“
Mating with a human is dangerous and frankly an abomination. If it was even possible for a woman to bear a human's child or the other way around, their child would no doubt be so sick and deformed it would die very young. And if it didn't, the only justified, compassionate thing to do would be to put it out of its misery. Do not speak of it again.”

             
Maria bit down on her tongue. She had never seen him react like this. Not over something so small. Or maybe she was severely underestimating the power of what she'd said. “So, um, what about my theory of an affair with another of our kind? My son would only be lying to save their reputation, not defy the Pack. It's a terrible act, but with a lesser punishment.”

The old man shook his head in disagreement. “You’re shooting in the dark Maria. You know very well my theory is more likely. And we cannot ignore the evidence.

“Though I don’t like the backlash this will cause for your son and his wife, if it is true, they have to face the consequences. And we must do our duty and follow this up. If this child is still out there, we need to find her. And soon. She’ll be twenty soon and you know the risks if we’re too late.”

             
Maria could only nod in response. “I’ll send my daughter out if she is found,” She said somberly.