BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance (28 page)

T
HE BELL RANG
AND JERKED me from my sleep. It had been months since I’d been in the brothel, but every bell, every whistle, and every wind chime spooked me.

This bell however was not for me to line up and greet johns. No, it was a meditation bell, at my so-called retreat, which was a fancy word for rehab. My parents had forced me to “get healthy” to deal with my trauma. I fucking hated every minute here. I missed my son, I missed Pat.

The grounds were beautiful. I was somewhere in Arizona, and my days consisted of yoga, massages, horseback riding, music therapy, group therapy, and individual therapy. Best that money could buy.

But of course I didn’t participate in the group therapy—I was under strict orders by my family not to reveal what had happened to me to other patients. It was for my protection, they said. For Gabriel’s. They didn’t want him growing up knowing he was born in a brothel, that his father had been the one who had kidnapped and forced me into sex slavery. Gabriel was young, they said. He would forget about it. I was to rewrite history.

My psychiatrist knew the truth, the truth about everything, what had happened to me, Gabriel, the rescue, and my feelings toward Pat. She had signed a confidentiality agreement, and as a physician was bound to keep my secrets.

I should be grateful. I had my life back. I was free.

I didn’t feel free. I felt trapped. Trapped in my mind.

Despite my counselor insisting to me over and over again that my feelings toward Pat were natural due to the fact he’d saved me, I knew in my heart she was wrong. I didn’t love Pat because he saved me, though that clearly didn’t hurt. I loved the way he looked at me as a woman, not as a victim. The way he played with my son. The way he held me at night. The way he kissed me, yet held back from going further. I felt his desire, I knew he wanted me.

And that kiss. What would it be like to kiss him every night, have him kiss every inch of my body, and have him bring me to the brink? Was I not allowed to have sexual thoughts because I was a recovering sex slave? I was so fucking sick of everyone telling me what I should feel: I should hate men and I should be so damaged that I should detest the touch of a man.

I wanted to be loved. I wanted to reclaim my sexuality. Enjoy sex, feel what it’s like to experience pleasure from a man who loved me and wasn’t using me. Didn’t I deserve to be happy?

Pat said he wanted nothing to do with me. Did he mean it? Or was he just trying to protect me, afraid he could never give me what I needed.

I was due to check out of this place in a week. And I couldn’t wait to be reunited with my son. Pat was deployed, I knew that. But I needed to see him again, and see if we had any chance of finding happiness together.

T
ODAY WAS HOMECOMING
. ALL THE other men would have their wives, girlfriends, and kids waiting for their arrival on the dock. Not me. I hadn’t even bothered telling my mom when I’d be returning. No need for her to fly down from Northern California. I’d take leave soon and go visit her. For now, I wanted peace and quiet. Time to finally put all that had happened behind me.

Vic stopped by my rack. “Hey, man. What you doing Saturday? My family is having a fiesta for us—carne asada on the grill, tequila. You want to come?”

“Thanks, man. I’ll text you. Tonight, I just want to get home to see my dog.” Trigger had been staying with a SEAL buddy stuck on instructor duty, training BUD/S Phase One, for the wannabe SEALs.

“Okay. See you Saturday.” He gave me a man-hug and headed out.

Despite my best intentions, I hadn’t been able to resist keeping up with Annie’s return. Luckily, my name hadn’t been in the press and she had evaded revealing the details of her escape. She’d refused all interviews and her family had asked for privacy and time to heal. Of course, the internet had been rife with gossip—conspiracy theories, government cover ups, witness relocation. Maybe her choice to lie had been the correct one, because at least her and Gabriel’s pictures weren’t plastered all over the news.

I gathered my pack and gun. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed tonight.

Kyle and I walked down the gangplank after most of the sailors and Marines had dispersed. I wasn’t in any rush. We were docked at the 32
^nd
Street Naval Base. The beautiful view of the Hotel Del Coronado was behind me, and I marveled at the San Diego waterfront. I was happy to be home.

A sailor in front of me ran toward his wife, then cradled his infant, whom he was surely meeting for the first time. I couldn’t imagine having to come home to this new life, new baby, and trying to make up for all the time I wasn’t around. Being a stranger to my own family wasn’t something that appealed to me.

Before I could scan the rest of the crowd, Kyle whispered to me. “Your wife and kid are here.”

My head turned. Annie stood before me, Gabriel at her side. She was holding a painted “Welcome Home Patrick!” sign. What the fuck were they doing here?

“Hey, Hero.” She was stunning, and looked completely different than when I’d left her near her parents’ house. Her black hair was blown dry and had lighter highlights framing her face. Her hazel eyes now seemed more golden, set off by her purple eye shadow. She’d gained some weight and her body looked soft and round—perfect. I couldn’t take my eyes off the way her form-fitting pink sweater hugged her newly found curves. Curves which made my mouth dry. Gabriel was dressed in a little polo shirt and khaki pants. He beamed when he saw me and I scooped him up in my arms.

“Hey buddy!”

“Pat! Ship?” He pointed to the carrier. I wanted to give him a tour—but I didn’t know where I stood with Annie.

Before I could greet Annie, Kyle was hugging her. I put Gabriel down and Kyle gave him a high five.

“You look gorgeous, Annie. I got to bounce but I’m sure I’ll see you at Vic’s barbeque Saturday?”

Dammit Kyle. Way to back me into a corner. I didn’t know what Annie wanted from me or if she was visiting me out of gratitude or lingering feelings.

“I’d love to!”

“Great, see you then. Pat, I’ll call you later.”

Kyle winked and walked away, leaving me alone with Annie and Gabriel.

“How did you find me?”

Her hair blew in the wind and she smiled. “You’re not the only one who can find people. My dad’s was a Navy Lieutenant. He went to Annapolis.”

Why hadn’t she told me that before? Her dad was a ring knocker? Figured.

I wasn’t ready to see her. I had planned on finding her before I deployed again, but on my terms. “What are you doing here? I told you we couldn’t see each other—”

She bit her lip, her smile now sad. “Relax. I get it. Really . . . I just came to see you because I wanted to tell you thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m sorry for the way I behaved detoxing and the last night on the ship. I clearly wasn’t myself. Don’t worry; I’m not going to stalk you.”

Maybe I wanted her to stalk me. Fuck, I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted. This new Annie wasn’t the same beaten down girl I’d left behind. She was now strong, sexy, and confident, which only made me want her more.

The wind from the Pacific Ocean blew up her skirt, and I glimpsed black lace panties. I wanted to take her right there on the pier, hike up her skirt and fuck her brains out.

“Need a ride?”

Did I ever. Mind out of gutter. I’d planned on taking the shuttle back to the Naval Amphibious Base Coronado where my truck was parked. “I’m good. There’s a shuttle.”

She paused for a second. “Can I take you to lunch? Just to thank you. Then I’ll leave you alone.”

“I could eat.” I followed her out to the parking lot. She pressed the button on her keys and a brand new deep purple Audi Q7 blinked its lights. “Nice ride.”

“Oh, thanks. My dad bought it for me. I didn’t want to drive anywhere by myself at first, but now I love it.”

She put Gabriel in his car seat and I opened the driver’s door for her. I came around to the passenger’s side and slid in. This luxury SUV had all the bells and whistles—navigation, MP3, seat sensors.

She drove off base. My body remembered I hadn’t been with anyone since her. But she wasn’t my girlfriend picking me up after a long deployment and Gabriel wasn’t my kid. We weren’t a couple—I barely even knew her. We were just deeply connected by this experience. This was closure, for her and for me. And really, I was curious to see how she’d adjusted back to her old life. I wanted the truth, not lies fed from a tabloid. I needed to know she was okay and why she had lied. So I could move on and put her in the past. Finally.

There was something about her now which I couldn’t figure out. A coolness. An air. She drove over the Coronado Bridge, down Coronado Avenue. Gabriel sang “Yo Gabba Gabba” songs. We pulled up to my favorite non-SEAL watering hole, Leroy’s, and sat down at one of the reclaimed wood tables. I ordered a burger and a craft beer; she had ahi tacos and a lemon drop, Gabriel had a cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milk.

“So, how you been? Any relapses?”

She rolled her eyes. “Good, I guess. No relapses. My parents sent me to a rehab-type emotional counseling place for a month. I hated it, to me it felt like being kidnapped all over again, and being away from Gabriel, but I guess it helped. I mean, nights are still no fun—I get scared and have nightmares. Plus, I find it hard to do anything without asking for permission.”

So she was still waking up screaming at night, not from the detox but from nightmares. I wanted to be there for her, rock her to sleep.

“At least I’m healthy. I repeated all the tests Vic gave me. Luckily, no STDs. Even in the brothel, I always insisted on using a condom. Thank God prostitution was legal down there and I at least got tested. If the men refused to use one, I’d take the beating from my pimp rather than risk it. I always hoped one day I’d be able to escape.”

I wanted to tell her she was lucky, but I couldn’t figure out a way to say it without sounding like I was vetting her for sex.

Gabriel was climbing around the seat, antsy. I took out my phone and let him play Angry Birds.

“Are you going back to school?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know. I want to get into some kind of sex trafficking activism.”

“That’s great.” Despite my desire to take her home with me, I kept my distance. She didn’t need me dropping in and out of her life. I’d be leaving San Diego to train again in a month or so. “I saw your press conference. Why’d you lie?”

She bit her nails. “My parents thought it would be best, you know? Like my dad kept saying these people didn’t need to know our business, we’d suffered enough. By you bringing me home, we had more options. I guess people see me as a selfish brat who left her family, but isn’t that better than being seen as a sex slave?”

“I guess, Annie. Your call. But what about Gabriel? You don’t think he’ll remember? Does anyone know the truth?”

“I hope not. He’s so young. My parents have told everyone I was married to a missionary, we had Gabriel, and then his father was killed.”

I shook my head. “The more lies you tell, the harder it gets. Trust me. Someone will find out the truth.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t really have a choice, Pat. I can’t really work right now, I’m jumpy. And I need to take care of Gabriel. My parents financially support me. I had to go along with what they wanted. Chris knows, he had a right to because he was blamed for my disappearance, but he’s the only one, and my therapist. Maybe one day I’ll tell my story.”

I sighed. This wasn’t how I’d wanted her life to go, not that I had a say. I’d pictured her becoming strong and independent, hailed as a survivor. Now she still seemed to have little control over her life.

She reached across the table and touched my hand. My body craved her caress. “I need another favor.”

Why the hell not? It’d been months. I grinned and squeezed her hand. “Let’s go. I’ll take you back to my place.”

She blushed. “No, no, not that. I’m sorry I begged you that night. When I’m finally ready to be with a man I want it to be special, to mean something. Know that he loves me.”

It would be special and mean something to me. I couldn’t put my feelings about her into words. “What do you want?”

“Um, so, you can say no. But my dad wants to meet you and personally thank you for saving me.”

Fuck no. I clenched my fist. “Not going to happen, Annie. I assume you already told him how we met? Hi, sir. Well, yes, I visited a whorehouse in Aruba and hired your daughter to give me a blowjob. No way.”

“It’s important to him to meet you.”

“Sorry, Annie. But the answer is no.”

“Please. Just this once then I’ll leave you alone. I promise. He just really wants to thank you.”

“You’re not going to leave me alone until I agree?”

“Pretty much.”

“No, Annie. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Fine. Forget I asked.” She bit her nails, and rummaged through her purse. “I’ll leave you alone. I can take you back to base now.”

I wasn’t about to meet her family, but I wasn’t ready to say good-bye. “Do you and Gabriel want to come to Vic’s party?”

Her eyes beamed. “We’d love to. I wasn’t sure you really wanted me to go. It’s tomorrow, right?”

“No, Saturday. I’ll pick you up at five. At the coffee house down the street from your house?” I wasn’t just being a dick, not picking them up from her house; I really didn’t want her family to see my face. I still didn’t trust, despite their cover up, that I’d somehow pulled off this rescue without getting caught.

“Sounds good. I can’t wait.”

We finished our meals and went to Bay Books next door. I bought Gabriel a counting book about the Navy. Then we grabbed ice cream. Had I been wrong about being incapable of taking care of anyone other than myself? I thought seeing her back in the United States, free, would squelch any feelings I had for her, protecting her, loving her. She didn’t seem happy to me, truly happy. And I had some crazy notion I could make her happy again. That, in some twisted way, our fucked up past could make each other whole.