Bear West: BBW Bear Shifter Mail Order Bride Romance (5 page)

“Forget it,” Diego said with a sigh. “Go on home before you make me really annoyed.”

Andy laughed and strolled away, lifting one hand in a carefree wave as he went. Left alone, Diego took a deep breath and looked around the barn. Enough worrying and second guessing. He had work to do.

Carla woke slowly. She was so comfortable and felt so content that she kept almost surfacing to consciousness, only to snuggle back down against her pillow and slip off again to sleep. She was just the perfect temperature, and her body had a sort of deep lassitude, a feeling like a sweet ache, that made sleep incredibly tempting.

When she finally yawned and opened her eyes, she sat up suddenly. The room she was in had blank wooden walls and an open window looking out over green and brown rolling hills; this was definitely not her apartment.

Then she remembered.
I’m in Nevada, clear on the other side of the country from that grimy little apartment – and I’ve just spent the night with Diego Ramirez, the man who’s going to be my husband.

Carla blushed; she couldn’t help it. Sleeping with Diego had been an experience like none she’d ever had before. She couldn’t wait for more.

Where was he, anyway? She was a little annoyed that he’d gotten out of bed without her; she would have liked to wake up next to him, to be able to snuggle into those broad arms, to rest her cheek on his solid chest. She didn’t even care if he had terrible morning breath; she wanted a good morning kiss! She shrugged off her doubts, telling herself that it didn’t matter. They’d have plenty of opportunities to wake up together in the future. He was probably just in the kitchen eating breakfast.

She got out of bed and found Diego’s shirt from yesterday still on the floor where he’d dropped it. After a moment’s hesitation, she picked it up and put it on. He was much taller than her, and the sleeves were way too long, covering her hands all the way past her fingertips. The shirt itself hung down to her thighs. Diego was wide too, meaning that his shirt draped loosely around her, almost like a nightgown.

She hugged herself, reveling in the feel of being tiny compared to this giant of a man. The shirt even smelled like him, masculine and delicious. She couldn’t wait to drag him back to bed.

She strode out to the kitchen; wearing his shirt made her feel confident, and she was ready to surprise him. Instead she found herself in an empty room.

Carla wandered throughout the house, slowly growing uncomfortable, but Diego was nowhere to be found. It was eerily quiet, entirely silent except for a few nature sounds from outside. This was nothing like her home back in New York City, where there was always noise coming from somewhere: neighbors shouting, cars honking, music playing on someone else’s radio.

The silence made her feel lonely. Last night she’d liked the isolation, the sense of being the only two people in the world, but now she wished she had someone, anyone, to talk to.

Finally she had to admit to herself that Diego was really gone. She went back to the kitchen and slumped dejectedly into a chair. There was a coffee cup sitting on the table, but when she tasted it, it was stone cold. It must have been sitting there for hours.

How long ago had Diego left? And what was she supposed to do, alone in a house she knew nothing about? And her most serious worry: what kind of man was Diego, if he would abandon her like this after their first night together? Carla had been ready to believe she was in love with him, but he must not feel the same way, not if he had left her so quickly and easily.

She had to face the reality of the situation. As nice as last night had been, it was only sex. And no matter what her body might say, sex wasn’t the only important part of a relationship. She didn’t know Diego, not who he really was. Apparently he thought nothing of hopping out of bed the next morning and leaving her to wake up on her own. Just like he had left her in the airport. What had that been about, anyway? Why had he made her search for him?

Carla shook her head. She was reading too much into this. She had to distract herself. Surely Diego would be back soon, and then he would reassure her. She made herself get up to investigate the refrigerator. There wasn’t much there; she remembered him saying that he needed groceries.

Another sign he wasn’t thinking about you
, whispered a treacherous part of her mind, but she refused to acknowledge it. The cabinets weren’t much better. There were left over eggs, but Carla couldn’t face the memories they would bring. At least there was box of cereal; she poured herself a bowl, turned the coffee maker back on, and sat down to eat her first meal in her new home all by herself. She tried not to think of it as an omen for the future.

She spent the entire morning by herself, as well as part of the afternoon. There wasn’t much to do in a house that had no television or computer, and so she spent most of it fighting the worries that grew stronger and stronger as time passed.

Diego finally showed up as she was trying to decide what to make for lunch. She didn’t hear the sound of a car arriving, but there were footsteps outside, and then the door opened without anyone knocking first. Carla spun around, startled and glad that she’d gotten dressed instead of spending the entire day in Diego’s shirt – but she didn’t have enough time to be really scared before Diego himself stepped inside.

He looked good.
Really
good. There was a bit of sweat on his neck and forehead, but it just emphasized the rich golden tones of his skin, making him look like he was glistening. She was struck with the desire to go over and lick him, to taste the salt on his skin...

No
, Carla told herself firmly.
No more getting distracted by how hot he is. You need to be a grown-up, not a lust-crazed teenager.

“Hey,” Diego said. He smiled, like even just the sight of her made him happy, and it sent a warm thrill through Carla’s belly. For a moment she wanted to give in and smile back, to pretend that nothing was wrong, but that wouldn’t be fair to either of them. She had the sense that he was hiding something from her, and she didn't like it. It was important to be honest and upfront, especially given the unusual circumstances of their relationship.

“We need to talk,” she told him.

Immediately the smile dropped off of Diego’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Where have you been all day?”

“Working.” He gestured vaguely. “There’s a lot to do on the ranch, and I figured you’d want time to get settled in.”

Carla fought to keep her voice steady. She didn’t want to sound too emotional. “You couldn’t even leave a note? Something, anything, to tell me what was happening? It’s not very pleasant, to wake up all alone in a strange place.”

Especially when the man you’ve just slept with left without a word
, she thought, but didn’t say that part out loud. Diego didn’t need to know how much last night had meant to her.

“I didn’t think of it.” Diego’s voice was quiet. “I’m not used to living with someone else, you know.”

Carla nodded. “I know. Me neither. Maybe we’re moving too fast with this whole marriage thing. I mean, what do we really know about each other? The only things we have in common are a few emails. That’s not enough to build a life on.”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Carla looked up at Diego’s wide eyes. She started to think again about how handsome he was, with his high cheekbones and firm jaw, his full lips and perpetually messy black hair. His eyes were like tiger’s eye stones, and they were more open and honest than the eyes of anyone else she knew. She could read in them how much that question hurt him.

For a moment, all she wanted was to comfort him, to make him forget his pain. It would be so easy to go back to bed with him, and she wanted it so much. But though he looked open, she knew he had secrets. Would she wake up alone again tomorrow, in this exact same place? Handsome men weren’t necessarily trustworthy. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I... I like you a lot.”

Diego reached out and set his hand over hers. “I like you too.” His thumb rubbed across the back of her hand, warm and strong, offering reassurance – but also pushing her for more, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet.

Carla forced herself to pull away. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I don’t know what I’m getting into here. My mom always told me to look before I leap, and I guess I should have remembered that advice before signing up to marry a stranger. She would never have let me do this.”

“What can I do?” Diego asked. “I don’t want to push you into anything that you don’t want, but I don’t want to give up on us either. I want you, Carla Jenkins. Not just because we signed a contract. I want you just because of who you are.”

“You don’t even know me. And I don't know you.”

“But I want to.” His gaze bored into her, like he could see past all of the unimportant things – her worries, the fact that she probably looked a mess and hadn’t taken a shower that morning – and straight to her heart. “I’ll do whatever you want to make this work. You just have to tell me what that is.”

Carla thought carefully about her options. She knew she shouldn’t give in to him this easily, but she didn’t want to run all the way back to New York City either. She’d been rash in signing up to be a mail-order bride and coming to Nevada on the spur of the moment. It was time to be sensible instead.

“I need some time. And space.” He looked so stricken that Carla had to hold up her hands in surrender. “I don’t want to break up! But I don’t think we should jump straight into marriage.”

Diego nodded. “That’s reasonable. So, what you want is... to date?”

“Yeah.” Carla stared down at her feet. “I know that probably sounds dumb when we’ve already slept together – ”

“Hey,” Diego interrupted. “Whatever you want isn’t dumb. I believe that you and I could really have something together. That means it’s important that we do this right.”

“Thank you.” Carla took a breath. It was going well so far, but the next part would be the hardest. “I think while we work things out, until we make a final decision... I probably shouldn’t live here.”

She glanced up. She’d been right; Diego looked like he’d been slapped. “I don’t mean I’m going to go all the way back to the East Coast. But there’s got to be a hotel somewhere nearby, right?”

Diego took a slow breath as he considered. “Yeah. The nearest town, Pioche, has a place you can stay. It’s probably not what you city folks are you used to – ”

Carla cut him off. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m not a spoiled princess, or whatever it is that you’re imagining.” She sighed. “I know this is kind of awkward, but do you think you could give me a ride there?”

Diego nodded, but his lips pressed together into a flat line, and she thought he was probably wishing he could say no. Carla couldn’t help but notice how considerate he was being, how he was such a gentleman even when they’d had their first fight. It made her want to forget the whole thing and stay here after all.

But she reminded herself that this was the same man who’d left her alone for hours; staying wouldn’t fix that. She had to be sure that she and Diego could trust one another, that they could count on one another. She’d been with too many men who took her for granted to be willing to get into that sort of relationship again.

With a sigh, Carla supposed it was a good thing she hadn’t even had time to unpack her luggage.

Diego rode along the western border of his ranch on his favorite horse, Cricket. It was a beautiful day: the sun was bright and warm on his shoulders, but there was just enough of a breeze spilling down from the heights to keep it from being too hot. The sky was blue and endless, with only a few fluffy white clouds and, far off in the distance, a single circling hawk. Diego should have been content. He wasn’t.

It had been three days since Carla had moved out of his house to the hotel in Pioche. How could he miss someone this much when he barely knew her? He should have been grateful to have his space back to himself, to be able to focus on his work without being distracted by minor human problems – but no matter how much he repeated such sturdy, logical reasons to himself, none of them reached his heart.

Carla was his mate. He’d suspected it before, but he was sure of it now. Despite the miles between them, he could almost feel her warmth and smell her sweet, lush scent.

Though maybe he was imagining that. His longing was so strong it was like a physical presence. After all, he and Carla hadn’t formed the true mate bond yet. That took more than just sex; Carla would have to know what he was, and willingly agree to entwine her soul with his. Now she probably never would. He’d lost his mate, his one chance at true happiness –

No!
Diego’s bear roared, the fierce bone-rattling bellow of a grizzly bear, apex predator of the West. Nothing dared to challenge that roar. His bear wouldn’t let Diego give up. A bear would fight for his mate, fight to win her and to keep her and to love her. But for once, it wasn’t Diego’s bear that would win this fight; it was his human side. He had to court Carla in the way she deserved. He didn’t think she would appreciate gifts of raw salmon or chunks of wild honeycomb.

He should have been working, but he couldn’t focus. Even Andy had noticed how distracted Diego had been these last few days, but despite Andy’s questions, Diego had refused to talk about it. He wasn’t willing to share his mate, not even with his best friend.

He preferred to go off by himself, where he could think about Carla, and picture what it would be like when she was truly his. Her scent, the lovely, desperate sounds she had made while she was in the throes of passion, how soft her skin had been beneath his fingers, and how hot and tight she had been around his cock. God, he wanted her. This separation was agony.

He lost himself in his imagination, picturing Carla’s face tilted up to his, her hazel eyes wide and full of love, her lips slightly parted as she gasped faster and faster. He remembered holding her in his arms, lowering his head to capture that sweet mouth in a fulfilling, soul-blazing kiss, when suddenly reality snapped him out of the daydream.