Something inside me clenched at the thought that she’d have been dead if I hadn’t made it to her in time last night. I felt a moment of vertigo at the thought. What if it had been Cassie going into the ground, her bright hair, her laughing eyes and her quick smile extinguished forever?
No. I couldn’t think about that. I wouldn’t.
I slammed back out of the tent and sprinted down to the water. I needed another hard swim.
Chapter 44—Cassie
There was something different about Shane when he came over to me after working on his Harley. His face looked grim, his eyes worried.
“What’s the matter? Can’t you fix it?”
“No, I got it working. Engine sounds good now. We should be fine the rest of the way to Cabo. Assuming the main road, once we get back on it, hasn’t been too torn up by the quake.”
I knew him a lot better now. We had been together 24/7, and we’d been through a lot. I could tell he was edgy about something. “So we’re leaving? How is Metzli? Can he stay here alone?”
“He is better, and he insists he can manage. He says fate is whistling for us up the road and that we must heed its call.” He said this with that sarcastic smirk that I had grown to know well by now.
“I hope he’ll be okay.” I was worried about Metzli. He was so old. But this was the life he had chosen, and he loved it here.
“Me, too,” said Shane. “Cassie—” he hesitated.
“What are you not telling me?”
He nodded, as if he’d knew I’d call him out on this. “I’ll tell you. I just don’t want you to freak out, okay?”
I immediately started to freak out, but I kept it inside. “What? Is it my father? Did you find out something about my—our parents from your military contacts?”
“I asked one of my friends to check on your father’s boat. There’s a lot of craziness down here in Mexico right now, so it’s not easy to find out anything, but with military connections and all—“
“What did they find out? Where are our parents?”
“No one is sure. Hopefully they are fine. But there was a call after the earthquake. Your dad was having some trouble with his communications equipment. Not a shock because everyone was. We think that’s all he was reporting and that it wasn’t a distress call, but there were heavy seas, so the authorities are checking it out. They haven’t heard from him again, you see. They’re looking for the boat now.”
My belly had dropped out of me. For a moment I felt as if I was going to throw up. My dad had to be okay. He
had
to be.
“So no one has been able to contact my father’s boat since the earthquake?”
“Cassie, no one has been able to contact anyone since the earthquake. It took down the internet, the cell towers and most other forms of communications for the entire Baja peninsula.”
“He has a satellite phone.”
“So did we. They’ve made the damn things a lot smaller and they’re easier to break. And if they get wet—forget it—they can’t be fixed. Water destroys the inside, salt water especially.”
I could hear the stress in his voice. It wasn’t just my father we were talking about, but his mother as well. I reached for him, gripping his hand hard. He squeezed my fingers back, and then he pulled me into his arms. As I pressed against his chest, I could feel his heart beating faster than usual. He was always so calm, so cool, so good in an emergency. But he must be feeling just as frantic with worry as I was.
“We have to get on the road. Get to Cabo. Maybe they’re already there. Dad’s a really good sailor, and he knows that boat. He’s like you, Shane. He can handle things.”
It was true. The only thing he hadn’t been able to handle had been my mother’s death, but I’d been there for him then. I’d be there for him now. And for Shane.
“I hope so,” Shane muttered. He didn’t sound confident. He probably didn’t trust anybody except himself and the men he worked with. The badass SEALs who could do anything. Naturally he wouldn’t believe an ordinary non-military man like my father—a professor of all things!—could take care of his mother in a crisis.
I thought he could. I just hoped the sea, like the earth that had nearly done Shane and me in, hadn’t been too much for our parents.
We said goodbye to Metzli and were packed and ready to leave within an hour. We had plenty of water and fresh fruits, nuts and vegetables from Metzli’s gardens. The bike worked fine. We got on the road, and we flew toward Cabo.
Part Three
Chapter 45—Shane
I pulled up to the lobby in Cabo. There was definitely damage to the resort, broken columns, rubble in the street, but nothing as extensive as we saw deep in Baja.
Cassie’s hair was staticky and wild, dirt smeared on her face, scratches on her arms. But I still thought she looked hot.
We checked in, and asked if our parents had arrived. Cassie’s face fell when the concierge told us that our parents hadn’t arrived. But I assured Cassie that they were probably still safely at sea, even though I had my own doubts.
Though we had been booked separate rooms, there was nothing that could stop me from staying with Cassie, which wasn’t even a concern at this point since our parents hadn’t arrived. For appearances, I took what was left of my stuff up to my room, and then met Cassie in her room, which was on a separate floor under mine. We each took a quick shower, scrubbed the dirt off our bodies, and collapsed onto her bed. I’d never been more grateful to be in a cool air-conditioned room. I’d rather be stuck in Afghanistan again than in Baja.
Cassie crawled on top of me, kissed me deeply. “Do you think they’re okay?”
“I’m sure they will show up soon.” Though I had no official word about our parents’ safety, my soul told me that she was fine. My mom and I had always been strongly connected—she told me that she felt a sharp pang in her core when I’d blown my eardrums out during skydiving training.
Cassie seemed satisfied with my response. She traced my beard with her fingers, sending a shock to my core.
I stroked her hair; she smelled so sweet. This night felt different than the other nights we’d spent together, and it wasn’t just because I would be sleeping with her.
She leaned toward me and kissed me, her warm tongue lovingly caressing mine. I’d never felt anything like this kiss. There was a lack of urgency between us, like neither of us cared about immediately proceeding to the next base. We kissed for what seemed like hours, her hands lightly massaging my body. Did she love me? Did I love her? All I knew was that I needed her, I never wanted to be away from her again. But none of my feelings mattered—this road trip was over, we’d arrived safely at our destination.
* * *
The sun beamed through our hotel window. I stood out on the balcony, gazing at the ocean. I hadn’t been on a vacation in years. I was either training my ass off or deployed. The little leave I took, I’d either headed back to Montana to visit with my mom, or spent it hung over in San Diego.
The waiter had brought us fresh squeezed orange juice, tropical fruit, yogurt, and omelets. Cassie and I sat down at the little table on the balcony. I squeezed her tanned thigh.
“Babe, I called the Coast Guard again. No word on our parents but they are still looking. There’s nothing we can do but wait. What do you want to do today? The concierge said they are still running whale and dolphin boats.”
It seemed inappropriate to me to be acting like a goddam tourist with all the devastation around us. But I wanted to make Cassie happy. She’d been through enough bullshit on this road trip from hell with me—first with my attitude, then with the earthquake; she had been nearly raped, and now her dad was missing. If she needed some fun to take her mind off this mindfuck, I’d be happy to help.
She took a sip of her juice. “Thanks. I’d love to, but I think we should go help out in town. The waiter said that a local church had collapsed. I think it’s the church the wedding was going to be in. They’re organizing a cleanup. Let’s go.”
Most girls I had dated would be booking a massage now, feeling entitled and selfish. But no, not Cassie. She was hurting, physically and emotionally. I could still see the gash on her leg, the scar on her forehead. Her dad could be dead. But instead of dwelling on her pain, she wanted to help others.
I leaned in and gave her a kiss. “You’re fucking incredible. Let’s do this.”
Had I met my match? This girl didn’t mind getting dirty, in or out of the bedroom. She was passionate, humble, smart as fuck, and strong. I didn’t want this trip to end.
Chapter 46—Cassie
I wanted to help with the relief effort because I needed to work. Physical labor. I couldn’t just go lie on a beach somewhere, not while my dad was missing. And Shane’s mom. No matter how hard I tried to be cheerful and optimistic, not only for my sake, but for his, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it together if I didn’t have something constructive to do with my hands and with my mind.
Cabo had not been devastated by the earthquake. Because the epicenter had been so close to the barren land where we’d been traveling, no large population centers had taken a direct hit, but the whole southern half of the Baja peninsula had suffered from collapsed structures, downed power lines, road and bridge damage, many injuries and a few deaths. Hospitals were full, communications were slowly coming back, and there was a lot of damage to old historical buildings.
Including the small church where our parents had planned to be married. Its bell tower had collapsed and one of its walls had crumbled in places, but thankfully there had been no injuries. It was near our hotel, and the parishioners were eager to get the rubble cleared away so they could rebuild. Shane and I went to help with that effort.
I didn’t mind the hard work in the heat or even the stone dust that was kicked up every time we tried to move a chunk of rubble. I was soon sweating and aching all over, but I welcomed it. Anything to make me focus on the work instead of worrying about my dad and re-experiencing the grief of losing my mom.
Shane worked by my side, solid and strong and just as into the job as I was. Maybe it helped him, too, to pour his energy into physical labor. As a team, we operated really well together. We always had—from the moment he had showed up in the water to help me escape the wrath of the sea lion who had not understood that I had just saved her pup from a slow and horrible death. We had dived for lobsters together. Camped in the desert and survived the aftermath of an earthquake. Ridden a thousand miles on a Harley, our bodies pressed together as one. Made love with such mutual ease and delight.
Or fucked, as he preferred to call it. But to me, now, after everything, I would always remember it as making love. Even if I could never tell him how I felt about him. How I trusted him. How I had learned to depend upon him. How I craved his body and wanted to learn him, all of him, all about him. All the things he could not share.
How I would miss him.
But I couldn’t think about that. It wasn’t fair to him to think it. He had never been mine and never could be. You couldn’t lose what you had never had.
“Cassie,” he said to me after we had moved a particularly large stone together. “You’re exhausted. You need to sit down in the shade and take a rest for a while. Here,” he handed me a water bottle. Precious water—we didn’t have to hunt for it anymore. “Drink. I don’t want you getting dehydrated in the middle of a city.”
I laughed a little and accepted the water. True. It would be stupid to pass out from dehydration now.
“We’ve done enough here, I think,” he said. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”
On the way, a couple blocks from the church, I realized we were passing through one of the more devastated areas. There were collapsed buildings and lots of rubble in the streets. Rescue workers and firefighters everywhere, including a couple of military guys with dogs on leashes, obviously searching for bodies.
I hesitated, memories swamping me what had happened at Metzli’s camp. The assault and near rape. Shane’s miraculous appearance. The blood. Crouching in my tent the next morning, knowing he was burying the corpses. My dad, missing at sea. My mom, gone for nearly five years.
I didn’t think I could face seeing the earthquake relief squads pull corpses from the wreckage. I tried to steady myself. I didn’t want Shane to see my weakness. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself.
There was an excited shout from the building where some of the workers were now concentrated. One of the dogs barked and started wagging his tail. Then more shouts. In Spanish, of course.
“What are they saying?” I asked Shane.
“I think they’ve found someone alive under the rubble. Yeah. They’re hearing sounds, cries. Shit. I think it’s a baby.”
He went rushing forward and I tore after him. I hoped it wasn’t a false alarm. A baby was alive, after so many hours? The earthquake had been three days ago. Or was it four? Time had run together in my mind. Could a baby survive for that long?
People were moving wood and metal and passing pieces along a line that had spontaneously formed. The situation was too delicate for machinery. Shane plunged right into the action, speaking rapid Spanish with the workers and helping to move rubble. The dogs kept barking and the cries of everyone around grew more excited.
At last a joyful shout went up as a grimy rescue worker rose to his feet with a squirming toddler in his arms. Shane must have explained that he was a medic, because they handed the child to him to examine. He did it quickly but efficiently, then smiled and gave the crowd a thumbs-up signal. The kid was not only alive, but conscious. Covered with grime, he was screaming for his mother.
And the mother came. More screaming and crying and shouts of happiness and relief as a young woman limped forward with an older man and woman at her side. She was weeping, but when she saw the child, she smiled through her tears. When Shane placed him in her arms, the kid smiled, too, through all the grime that covered him.
And I burst into tears.
I didn’t even know why I was crying, there in the middle of a narrow Mexican street, but I couldn’t seem to stop. Shane came back to me, pulled me against his strong chest and stroked my hair.