Back Where We Belong (A Second Chances New Adult Romance) (12 page)

In my nightmares, the nightmares
I often had in the beginning, less often lately, hands are holding me down and
I can't get up. I try and I try and I can't get up. I flail my arms and legs
about but those hands are too fast for me. They grab me and hold me down again.
It's better if I wake up at that point. Or things get much, much worse.

I hear myself screaming. I wake
up in panic. I don't know where I am. It's dark. And there's someone beside me.
I scream again.

“Madison, it's okay. You're safe.
It's only me. Luke. You're safe.”

I'm hyperventilating.

“It's okay,” he says. “Breathe
slowly. You'll be okay if you breathe slowly.”

I calm down and my breath slows.

He holds me and rubs my back.

“Bad dream?” he says.

“Yes.”

He kisses the top of my head.

“You have those a lot?”

“Not lately.”

“But before? You had them a lot
before?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to tell me what
happened?”

“Yes, but not yet. When I'm
ready.”

“When you're ready? Don't you
think I should know what's making you have nightmares, why some guy I don't
know tried to kill me?”

“Yes, but I can't...go there yet.
I'm sorry.”

“You know I'll keep asking?”

“Yes, I know, but let's just try
and sleep a bit longer.”

“Your t-shirt is soaking. You
want to change it?” he asks.

I get another from my bag at the
bottom of the bed, and I tell Luke to turn around. It looks like he's about to
say something, but then he seems resigned and turns his head so I can get
changed.

I know he must be wondering what
is going on with me kissing him so hard, asking him to share my bed and then
treating him like we had never seen each other naked a million times in the
past.

But I can't explain what is going
on yet. I need a lot of courage for that. If he says the wrong thing, I know it
will hurt me a thousand times more than Brad and his friend ever did.

This is so fucked up. She's
treating me like I'm her brother or something. But I know there's something
making her like that. I know she thinks of me as more than that from the way
she kisses me and her response when I kiss her. I need to know everything, but
I'll have to wait. I hold her in my arms under the comforter. She’s quiet now.
Eventually, we sleep.

***

When I wake up, the sun is
streaming through the curtains and onto Madison lying by my side. If things
were normal, I'd be fucking the hell out of her as soon as she woke up, but
things aren't normal at all, and I know I have to tread carefully.

She opens her eyes and looks at
me and smiles.

“I'm pleased I didn't make you
scream this time,” I say.

“No, not this time. I've been
lying there waiting for you to wake, thinking how we used to be. You used to
make me scream in a completely different way.”

Oh, the old flirty Madison! She's
alive and well.

“I did, didn't I? I remember
that. Just say the word, and I'm all yours.” I’m trying to keep it light.
There's so much she's not telling me. It feels like one wrong move could
shatter her good mood.

She pauses a moment. “I might
like all of you right now,” and she looks at me shyly from under her lashes and
runs her hand over my stomach under my t-shirt. My cock responds, hard and
ready. It never knows when to hold back.

“Oh!” she looks at the bulge in
my boxers. “He didn't need telling twice.”

I laugh, and take her into my
arms and kiss her gently on the lips. She feels so soft against me, so fragile,
like a little bird. I want to protect her.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “After the
fright you had yesterday...”

“I couldn't be more certain,” but
she seems more hesitant than her words imply.

“We can wait if you like. No
rush.”

“Tell that to him.” She looks at
the bulge below and then at me. “No, I don’t want to wait.”

I kiss her gently on the lips,
and I’m still wary, not sure what is going on. But she looks at me and pulls
off her own t-shirt and undoes her bra. She's shaking a little, but she does
it, baring herself to me.

“I missed you. I really missed
you,” I say, smiling, because I have, though most of the time I didn’t know
what or who was missing from my life. I gather her up in my arms and kiss the
freckles on her nose. Her breasts are soft against me.

“What did you miss?”

“I missed everything about you,
and this...” I take one plump nipple in mouth and suck. “And this one as well.”
I suck on the other. Her breath hitches. Her cheeks are flushed. But she
laughs.

“And I've missed this too.” She
pulls off my t-shirt and runs her hands over me, kissing her way down my
stomach. “And this.” She pulls out my cock and strokes the hard length of me
from the base to the tip. She licks the head gently, soft tentative licks that
are nearly my undoing, and she kisses me with barely a touch of her lips there.

“Have you missed my fingers?” I
ask as I pull the leg of her panties gently to one side and tease her soft
folds, and she pants a little. “And my tongue licking you right here.” She
arches her hips to meet my mouth. She's wet and I can tell she's excited, but
sometimes she used to come just like that. Maybe I'm losing my touch.

I lick and lick and take her
little bud between my lips and suck, and she can't seem to help it, she comes
then with a little squeal of delight. At least I think it's delight, but when I
reach up to pull down her panties, she freezes and grabs hold of my hands, as
if I hadn't just had my mouth all over her and watched her orgasm.

“What's wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing.” She pulls off her own
panties and lies back as if to say carry on.

As if I could now. The mood is
spoiled. I'm frustrated but it feels like there's more to this.

“Madison, what's going on?”

“Just do it already,” she urges.

“No, not like this.”

“Please, Luke. I need you to.
Please.”

She pulls me to her, her soft body
against mine, and my cock doesn't need much persuasion, no matter what doubts
are running through my head.

I grab a condom from the wallet
in my jeans at the side of the bed, thinking at any moment, she's going to
change her mind.

“You sure?” I say.

“Yes, I'm sure. I want you.”

I enter her. Fuck! She's tight.

Her eyes are closed.

“Harder,” she says. “Fuck me
harder.”

She pushes her hips up to meet my
thrusts as I plunge in and out of her, her eyes still tightly closed, and
eventually I come, and it's just like it used to be.

Except who am I kidding? It's not
like it used to be. It's not like that at all.

I hold her. I don't know what to
think.

“Thank you,” she says.

Thank you?

I had to get that over with. That
first time. I knew I did. I didn't think I'd come at all but I did. Luke's
mouth and tongue made me forget everything but myself. But Luke must know I'm
not the same. I hope we can get that back. I really do. It wasn't the best, but
it was still good, and it's going to get better. I'm going to make things
better.

“Sorry there's no breakfast,” I
say, sitting up. “Not even coffee. Best I can do is a glass of water.”

“I know an Italian restaurant
that does a great breakfast.” He smiles.

“I'm not sure I'm ready to meet
your family.”

“They've been waiting for years.
I never took anyone home.”

“Let's visit them then. A little
bit later, if you can wait. I have other plans for you now.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“What kind of plans?”

“This kind.”

***

I straddle him, and he sits up to
hold me. I’ve got to focus on Luke and block everything else out. I know I can
do it if I try. I look into his eyes and kiss him slowly on the mouth. He
kisses me back, passionately, deeply, and I respond, losing myself in that
kiss, desire for him running through my body with surprising strength. I can do
this!

My nipples are hard against his
bare chest. I can feel his cock already rigid against me. I look into his
beautiful brown eyes and raise myself up and down, rubbing my core, now
slippery with desire against his hard length. He groans, and I go faster,
working my body against him, excitement building higher and higher until I
impale myself on him, and I feel him deep inside my body, filling and
stretching me. His hips rise to meet mine.

“No condom,” he warns. “I don't
have a condom on.”

I don't care. I don’t want to
stop. I ride him faster and faster, ramming my body against his, feeling every
inch of him against my inner walls as I rise and fall, his cock sliding in and
out, massaging me deep inside until I crash over the edge and come.

We roll over, and he puts on a
condom then. He has more sense than me. And he enters me, and it's good, so
good. He grabs my hands and holds them above my head, as he rams into me. Just
like he used to. I squirm under him and laugh. This is good. I trust him. We
can be so good together like this.

“You could drive a man wild with
your body, rubbing yourself up and down on me like that. My little cock tease,”
he says, smiling.

Cock tease? I freeze at his
words. I'm pinned down under him. I can't move. He has my hands. I panic. I
struggle out from under him, and he lets me go, shocked at my reaction. I grab
my clothes. I have to get out of there. Outside where the light is bright and
I'm...safe. I thought I was okay, but I'm not. It's useless. The slightest
thing brings it all back. It's never going to work. Not with Luke. Not with
anyone.

Luke has thrown on his clothes
and followed me out. It's okay out here on the beach. I'm okay. There are
people around even this early. But I can't look at him. I know he's going to
tell me it's over. A guy like him could have anyone. He doesn't need me. I'm so
messed up, so broken. Maybe I can never be fixed. My heart is still thudding. I
dread what he is going to say.

He looks at me. I see nothing but
concern in his face. “Hey, Madison. Are you going to tell me what that was all
about?”

I know I have to talk to him, but
I'm afraid.

“Come here,” he says and holds me
and smooths my hair and kisses me on the top of my head. “You can talk to me.
You know you can.”

I don't say anything.

“Something happened to you? Was
it that guy last night? You just don't want to tell me? Is that it?”

I nod. It's as much as I can do,
and then the tears come. In floods. I can't help them.

“Shit! I'm sorry Madison, I
didn't mean to make you cry.”

He holds me, and I cling onto
him, and he kisses my hair again. I know I have to tell him now before he
thinks I've gone crazy. Maybe I have, but at least there's a reason for it.

“That guy,” I manage to say, “from
last night, when I was at college…he and his friend...they...” I can't go any
further.

He freezes. I'm terrified he'll
reject me. He'll think it was my fault like Chelsea said people would think,
but I know I owe him the truth. We can’t go on like this.

“Did those men hurt you?”

“Yes, they hurt me, but I got
over that quickly.” I hear another sharp intake of breath from Luke, but he
rubs my back, trying to soothe me, I think.

“They hurt me but there were no
lasting effects of that. The damage they did to me was more mental than
physical. I couldn't stay at college. I didn't feel safe. I avoided those guys,
but they were still around. I was still frightened of them, frightened of
everyone, even my own shadow. I had nightmares. I still do sometimes, like the
one last night, but even more vivid back then. I couldn't stay there.”

“Oh Madison. I knew something
happened. I wasn't there for you when you needed me.” He kisses my hair again.
He's so gentle. I don't think I repulse him. Not yet. But he doesn't know
everything yet.

“And he came looking for you
again yesterday?”

“Yes, I was just starting to feel
better, that I could get over it at last. I was looking forward to going out to
dinner with you. But I saw him when I was on a buying trip with Michelle on Thursday.
He said....he said....he wanted to relive old times...he said he'd see me
around.”

“And then he showed up at your
house before I arrived?”

“Yes. And he must have followed
me here to the beach when I fled.”

“Shit, Madison. Why didn't you
tell me what happened at college?”

“I couldn't. I only just met you
again. I didn't know he was going to turn up again. I'd have told you
eventually. But I wanted a chance to get over it first, to forget it ever
happened.”

“And the police, the college, did
they never do anything back then?”

This is it. I have to tell him.
My heart is pounding. I don’t want to say anything but I owe him the truth.

“I was dating Brad. I thought he
was okay. I thought he liked me. The other guy was his friend. We were at a
party. I had a few drinks. I went to Brad’s room.”

Luke winces. I know I’m hurting
him telling him that, but I have to go on, though I can’t look at him. I can’t
bear to see his reaction.

“I don’t know why I went there
with him. The party was crowded. There was hardly room to breathe. It was
quieter in there. We were just kissing. His friend came in. He was drunk.” I
can hardly go on. My tears are falling, and Luke takes hold of my hand, and I
find the strength to continue.

“I tried to leave then but they
held me down, and they…they... It was their word against mine. My roommate said
there was no point reporting it. No one would believe me.” I can't stop the
tears. I want to be strong, to tell Luke to leave if he wants, but I can't. I
need him there.

“I believe you,” he says,
stroking my hair, wiping away my tears with his thumb. “I see what it did to
you. I believe you.”

It means a lot to me to hear him
say that, but I know he’s still going to run for the hills. Who wants a girl
who is so broken, so damaged, made useless by something like that?